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[June the 3rd
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It's the first time Ive ever felt this lonely
I wish someone could cure this pain
It's funny when you think its gonna work out
'til you chose weed over me; you're so lame!
I thought you were cool until the point
Up until the point
You didn't call me
When you said you would
I finally figured out you're all the same
Always coming up with some kind of story
Every time I try to make you smile
You're always feeling sorry for yourself
Every time I try to make you laugh,
You can't
You're too tough
You think you're loveless
Is that too much that I'm asking for?
I thought you'd come around when I ignored you
Sorta thought you'd have the decency to change
But babe, I guess you didn't take that warning
'cause I'm not about, to look at your face again
Can't you see that you lied to yourself?
You can't see the world through a mirror....
It won't be too late when the smoke clears
'cause I, I am still here
But every time I try to make you smile
You always go on feeling sorry for yourself
Every time I try to make you laugh
You'd stand like a stone
Alone in your zone
Is that too much that I'm asking for?
Can't find where I am
Lying here
Alone in fear
Afraid of the dark
No one to claim
Alone again
Can't you see that you lied to yourself?
You can't see the world through a mirror...
It won't be too late when the smoke clears
'cause I, I am still here
But every time I try to make you smile
You always go on feeling sorry for yourself
Every time I try to make you laugh
You can't
You're too tough
You think you're loveless
It was too much that I asked him for.
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[June the 3rd
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It hurts now when I think about all of this shit. There's only a few moments that really stand out, but they make me want to cry every time that I think about them.
You know where I want to be right now?
I want to be standing in that huge field with John crying on his shoulder and looking at the huge sky above us.
I want to be in that parking lot on New Years Eve where I first kissed Mike as a dare.
I want to be at a dead end with Tony drinking beer that we just stole from the St. Rose fair.
I want to be in Chris's house, seeing dinosaurs and wanting pizza, oreos, and friends.
I want to be in the city with Brennan sharing a lollipop and always arriving 2 minutes late for my train.
I want to be with Matt in his car while he tells me how much I'm worth.
I want to be there, any of those. There's more of those moments, I want to switch roles with John in a parking lot, I want to spit water on Mike and make-out with him on Ventrelli's couch, I want to sit outside of my house for hours with Tony and get piggy back rides, I want to get drunk with Chris and go to dinner at his grandma's house. Those are the best. Can I go back? Please? Please...I miss it, and I feel pathetic for it.
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[January the 1st
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Truth or Dare might be childish, but it's still my favorite thing in the world.
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[November the 15th
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Sick of it.
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[June the 22nd
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him: i got back into the whore thing.... even though before i wasnt too much of a whore
me: did we switch personalities lol
Him:lol
him:noo
him:im not that annoying
me:yeah im not that obnoxious and chilidish and insulting and derogatory and doltish
11:10 PM
him:yes you are
me:nope.
him:yes
him:its why i broke up with you
him:one of the reasons
me:can you tell me one of the reasons why i dont give a shit.
him:....ok?
him:i like your front
him:its nice
me:my front?
him:yup
me:i dont have a front babe.
him:thats nice
Him:im glad you believe that
me:what about yours
him:what about what?
me:your front
him:i have no front
him:yours is the " i dont care front"
him:mine is... me
him:"is it weird i dont give a shit"
him:" wow you broke up with me for that reason why do i not give a shit"
him:do you wanna extrenuate how much you dont give a shit?
him:can you say it anymore?
him:i mean please
him:i mean "honestly"
me:yours is the im so hot i can hookup with everyone front. to tell you the truth. i really dont care though. seriously. why do you keep trying to hurt me when its not working?
11:15 PM
him:lol
him:im just talking to you
him:you ask what i did
him:and i tell you
him:idiot
him:learn to differentiate
him:where did you go!?
him:i went and got drunk and hooked up with people
him:didnt you just ask where i went and did?
him:oh thats right
him:idiot
me:yeah. you could just be like OH I WENT TO A PARTY. not oh i got raped by 10 girls and im so hot and blah
him:dont ask if you dont wanna know
him:shut up jess
him:you fucking asked so i told
him: dont ask if you dont wanna know
me:yeah i asked but i didnt want you sex life
him:thats nice
him:then shut up
him:dont ask about my night if you dont wanna know
me:look. i dont know what makes you think its ok to be a fucking prick and then act like everything is fine. i want to be your friend but you keep insulting me like im some kind of twat when i know exactly what im talking about.
him:you know nothing
him:your an idiot
him:and your so fucking annoying
him:i try to im you and be nice
him:then you are like " i dont give a shit" " dont tell me your sex life even though i keep asking what you did last night"
him:go re read the conversations you pathetically saved
me:how come you think you do? you think you know that im putting up a front? you arent me so dont tell me that shit. dont tell me what i think or what i know.
me:my computer automatically saves them jerkoff.
him:thats nice, bitch
him:its obviously a front if you have to keep fucking saying
him:OH WELL I DONT CARE
me:I SAID IT TWICE TO YOU. because i didnt really want you to know because the one thing that amused me in life was hearing you try to talk yourself into believing youre hot shit
him:twice just now until i pointed it out
him:oh please jess you fucking bitch
him:Im so pretty
him:your not that good looking
him:dont fucking say it
him:IDIOT
him:"good thing im so pretty"
him:GOOD THING YOU SHOULD SHUT THE FUCK UP!
11:20 PM
me:WOW. :"THATS NICE" IM A FUCKING ANNOYING ASSHOLE SO I HAVE TO SAY IT OVER AND OVER WHEN I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO SAY BECAUSE NOTHING REMOTELY INTELLIGENT COMES OUT OF THE HOLE THAT I CALL A MOUTH
him:good job
him:you understand the human anatomy by finding out where the mouth is
him:your fucking great
him:your not fucking intellegent
him:put your fucking thesaurus away
me:nice spelling moron!
him:im in a rush
him:my bad
him:dont fucking correct my grammar
him:asshole
me:i dont use a thesaurus idiot.
him:go cry about your grades
him:and bitch about how you are failing ss and math
him:like a moron
him:oh im in ap but i cant do the work
him:because im obsessed with anthony and fucking latch onto his leg like a psycho
me:i'm not failing either. and i CAN do the work im just a lazy shit taht doesnt want to and ill be the first to admit it.
him:i dont care what you have to say
him:NICE SPELLING
him:taht!?
him:thats not a word
me:ha yeah typo get over it
him:fuck you
him:your the fuck face that bitched about grammar
him:you fucking hypocrite
then he blocked me. LMFAO
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[June the 18th
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You,
I'm puzzled and enchanted at this very moment. Yet I'm surprised that I can feel that at all... how could you leave me here shouting. Don't you understand? Something's made me numb, please tell me that something isn't you.
You couldn't be worth my dissolution of pain. My joy, my anger, my sorrow---I know this is what I should feel but I can't. And I can't quit asking you to LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stop talking about new girls, because it doesn't hurt..
Refrain from describing your glorious life because I am not jealous...
Cease your creation of new drama to keep in contact with me somehow...
Please, take this opportunity to pretend I'm not here. I pretend that you're not, is that so hard? Baby, you think you broke my heart, but you didn't come close. It scares me to feel nothing for you, but it's the truth. And if fear is my only solution now, let me be drowned in it, because I doubt I'll be able to feel myself swallow anyway.
I want my emotions back, I want my life back, I want you to forget about all of this and just be my friend with a huge crush on me once again.
Please....I beg...I plead....
JUST STOP...
Love,
Jessica
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[June the 10th
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him:: hey
im on ocean parkway and you r the only one on. so whats good?
[[ translation: so im checking up on you because i care too much about what youre up to]]
Me::uhm. not much. im just chilling..why are you there
[[translation: i don't really give a shit.]]
him::
my friend and i are bored and we are just driving aroumd blasting techno and waiting for my new lady to come home to hang
like with her and her friends. what are you doing tonight?
[[translation: this is a desperate attempt to let you know that there is a new lady in my life and i actually have friends]]
Me::
new girlfriend?
[[translation: that'd be a dirtbag thing to do, but i still can't see myself caring]]
him::
no just a really pretty girl i like. why do you ask?
[[translation: i hope this means that she cares about it, lets try and get something out of her]]
me::
cause you said your new lady lol i just assumed. yeah im not doing much tonight maybe hanging with sami or chris
[[translation: wow. heres a little dose of your own medicine]]
him::
i saw chris before
[[translation: i didn't want to see him]]
me::
really where
[[translation: this conversation is going nowhere]]
him::
dunkindonuts
[[translation: i saw him at dunkin donuts cause i went there to get something to eat cause im a fat shit]]
me::
sweet deal. so going anywhere intesting or just hanigng out with the lady tonight
[[translation: so lets talk about how much of an idiot you are]]
him::
that was like 20 minutes ago
[[translation: I THINK SHE CARES ABOUT IT, LETS SEE]]
me::
that you said that? i know, but you never said if you were going anywhere or just chilling at someones hosue
[[translation: i'm just trying to keep up the conversation]]
him::
well hopefully we will hook up again and probablly get drunk on the beach
[[translation: i've already hooked up with someone! in your face! i win nya nya!!! oh...but we were probably drunk]]
Me::
o wow mr. speedy. good luck with that one
[[translation: obvious sarcasm. she sounds like a GREEEEEAT catch]]
him::
well im single and ur probablly gonna hook up with chris tonight anyway =p
[[translation: i'm trying to justify the fact that i'm a prick]]
me::
hahaha naaaah. im not that quick to do things like that. see i would be called a whore if i did that.
[[translation: i'm referring to you being a whore. OWNED]]
him::
hahahah. you did get fingered 5 times in one day by 3 different guys. so who cares
[[translation: feeble attempt to try and understand my past with hook ups]]
me::
lmao no it was one guy.
[[translation: it was one guy, you idiot.]]
him::
but i mean your over me so who cares right?
[[translation: i know you're not over me cause i'm so awesome. so go ahead tell me youre not]]
me::
yeah youre right. i would just feel bad though.
[[translation: yes. i am. but i would feel like a complete dirtbag if I hooked up with someone right after getting out of a relationship, unlike you. BY THE WAY---SHOT DOWN]]
---end of conversation---
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[February the 26th
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i hatehatehate sundaaaays.
im not doing schoolwork
turns out i look at the essay paper
and it says, due friday after break. =/
so i have all week. damnit.
annywaaaaaays. i never post on this journal
so i don't know why im posting now
my livejournal needs some postage too
but nothing interesting is going on.
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| Yeah. thats right. |
[December the 28th
] |
| You Passed 8th Grade Math | 
Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct! |
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