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Blah [24 Dec 2003|01:16am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Hi Ho Hi Ho its off to work we go ] Its like a lil past 12 I just got home from work. This was the first and last day I will ever work 14 hours!!! I have to be back in at 9 tomorrow then Im out at 4. Have xmas off then workin Friday 3-7 for someone and Saturday 1-6:45 for someone the extra 6 hours was for someone today too. Im too nice! lol. Oh well Tis the Season. Imma be a zombi by the end of the week. Im happy on payday but the other 6 days blow lol. It was cool workin from 9-4 this smorning I was in Pharmacy for a lil bit, bakery I found out what department that hot kid was in lol yay! bakery rules lol, and then register the rest of the day! I smoke a pack of butts a day and today only being able to have 4 I almost died lol. The morning people are the sickest people u will ever work wit in ur life. The night people and one inparticular suck and are fuckin rude as hell to co workers and customers! It's 1:00 I wanna go to sleep but Im waiting to check my mail its down for 10 more minutes ugh. On my hour break in between shifts my mom took me shoppin and I got a sick shirt another cool sweater and a jacket. What a good mommy. I got in a fight wit her on the way beat the fuck out of her dash and have a huge fuckin bruise like u have never seen on side of my hand! and made her cry and flipped out and she still did that then forgave me after. Then she bought me dinner. The shit I put her through. Imma be good lol from now on. So I say but Ill try! Im listening to scanner bad accident on baldwin 3 girls 2 got arrested one is on way to hospital she lost her teeth they hit a poll. I swear to god that pisses me off the first 10 people who died u think that would be an example but no people still go drive around drinking ya no. Wtf! grow up go to someones house jesus! Well I will be back tomorrow so for now peaceeeeeeeeeeee post comment

Word to The Wise! [21 Dec 2003|03:32pm] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | Stupify ] I am done doing what everyone thinks I should do, or wants me too do! For once Im gonna do everything I wanna and need to do for me! I had a lot of time to think lately, and made a set of goals for me I WILL OBTAIN! Also this last note of the day is to anyone who doesnt approve of my fiance, the drugs I do or how I live. I don't need you. If you are a real friend you will respect me enough to shut the fuck up. Im really disgusted by the immaturity and assholeness of everyone lately not just towards me. Get over yourself. I dont need or want the drama in my life. If your gonna chill wit me I dont wanna hear town gossip, lectures, whos doing what. If they want me to no they will tell me!! So cut the n grow up Peace post comment

Guess whos back, Back again LeeLees back tell a friend [21 Dec 2003|11:57am] [ mood | determined ] [ music | Guess whos back back again shadys back tell a friend ] Wow its been so long since I could use my puter. My piece of shit finally crashed. Thanks to Trav and Joe it is up and running well aim and this website only till they come back today lol. I was having withdrawles. Puter is a piece! Well anyway I dont even no where to begin!? For those of you who don't no I started at Shaws. Im making more then I expected, and i have fun everyone is mad chill! and they are all american lol. I got my acceptance letter to Micontosh but Im not gonna be going. At least I no I ogt accepted, and have my letter. Im gonna continue working my ass off, and get a studio apt. I was all set on going to N.H but gonna stick around here by popular request. Whatever Im not going to college up there anyway anymore. Middlesex here I come again. Im still doing c.j thought once I start something I dont quit! Im done doing what everyone wants me to do for once im gonna do everything I wanna and need to do for me! I had a lot of time to think lately, and made a set of goals for me I will Obtain! I am getting my car in like 10 days yea!! Im getting Mikes 93 saturn and will be on the road Jan 2nd. Its black gold pinstripe, moon roof, c.d player, new brakes, tires, shocks, and new custom exhaust (loud) :) hehe. So much good shit started happening. I went to my 1st xmass party of the year at Ricks. There was a yankee swap. Jess piced my grab not even knowing it was mine, I got 10 $2 scratch tickets. She won $40 and bought me a pack of butts, I got lotion/body stuff, date book, candle/star holder. When me and Jess were cashing in her scratch ticket at Lil Peach in Tweksbury walking out she found me the save the last dance c.d face up with like no scratches on it. Now I dont have to borrow it anymore lol. It has my jam on it hehe. You can do it put ur back into it lol. I have a sick dance to it too! hmm what else blue turned 3 Dec 8th! Ronnie delievered an 8th to my house before he went to work. He stayed and smoked a bowl wit me too! :) I love my daddy! anyway was doing good wit. Me n Jess matched a bowl in the plaza then went into mb. My weed blew away somewhere lol was never to be seen again we looked everywhere but the wind was blowing like a mutha lol. I was mad but then she smoked me up wit sick shit so it was all good its funny now but wasnt then. Blue came for the ride 2 hes so cute. He used to just bark at spics, and niggazs now he barks at everyone. Whoever owned him previous that abused him should be shot! I work again tomorrow 9-4 fun fun. Once I get my car Im gonna take the 2nd job at build a bear! Well I will be back lata gonna go update the rest of the shit I have on here lol. So this is Leelee saying peace for now! ciao xmuahx post comment

Its beginning to look at look like xmass [06 Dec 2003|09:41pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | Its beginning to look a lot like xmass ] Snow snow snow.... are u sick of it yet!? lol I just got in from shoveling which was a project in a half cause it was up to my knees. Roo watched me from the window you think she would be a good sister but no she had to be on the phone and computer lil miss popularity might miss something. I could have called someone to plow but that is for lazy people. Besides its good exercise. It wouldnt have sucked so bad if I didnt redo my room yesterday and moved big huge ass bearous and stuff in and out and up stairs. The only thing I dont like about snow is cuz half the town stays in. Im gonna learn how to snowboard soon. I said I wanted too now like everyone is pushing it I didnt realize everyone and their mother knows house lol. It's supposed to last till Monday. I just watched the weirdest movie but it was okay. Passed the time. Gypsy Rose Lee it was about some girl trying to be a star and then being a star by being a stripper. Hey whatever pays the bills lol. Oh god I need to smoke lol. It's been days can you tell lol. Stress is killing me. I have been realtivley good today though. I dont either bother flipping out anymore I realize that people can be wicked gay and immature and I will just be the better person be less stressed cause Im better then half the people that piss me off! It's amazing how people can be so dense and immature especially ones over the age of 18. And when your 40 and still like that oh well ya you really have some huge issues! I wont mention any names but im sure half the people reading this alread no who I am talking about. I have to register for classes at Middlesex like real soon before there isnt any left. Me and Tracy have to take classes at the same times this time so we dont skip more classes then we go to to blaze lol. Even though we had a blast lol. whos car we takin lol. I dont wanna give up my spot alright then lets blaze in parkin lot lol. Those shuttles suck lol. I am going back for Criminal Justice I already have 3 semesters done. I need a fuckin job stat! I have to call shaws tomorrow. before xmass comes and I have no money. Well Im gonna go check my mail........ peace post comment

TGIF [05 Dec 2003|11:14am] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | Ridin that Train high on Cocaine ;) ] woohoo finally its here FRIDAY! lol. Im so excited lol about tonight!!!!! We are supposed to get 6 inches of snow tonight so after I chill wit everyone n pick up. Imma probably watch Mikayla, Madison, and Matthew. I havent watched my lil angel in awhile! and besides I can really use the money. My sister doesn't like babysitting for them anymore cause Mikayla my munchkin bit roo and said she wanted me to babysit lol my sister yelled n goes yea she lets u do whatever u want. she is my angel tho how can I say no shes too cute lol. Anyway its so cold I hate this im not ready for it yet. I wish I didn't totall my truck lol then I could at least plow. Im sellin the plow for 1200 or b/o if ur interested tell me!!!!!! lol. I also have an 8ft cap for a chevy orignially. o god brb. Ok dad was screamin at me for leaving steam roller on chair in here lol hes like i dont want my only daughter to see it I go ur right ur only daughter cause you are dead to me and my brother who wants nothing to fuckin do wit u he knows how it is so now he is bitchin n mumbling shit in the other room so I cranked the radio so I dont have to hear his bullshit! My moms in the shower thank god or she would have put her 2 cents in too. God they make me sick! She is going to work soon woohoo!!!! ITs only 11:08 she walked thro my room to do laundry soooooo early this smorning n the dumb bitch woke me up and once she saw me open my eyes she told me to clean my room and started barkin 1000 other things at me. I can't wait to get outta here. I should never have moved out of Amys house. I would have payed 200 a month and been her built in babysitter for my angel n the rest of them. Well mom out of shower they are both bitchin so gonna go get dressed. have a good friday peeps i no i will ;) Ill update tonight! post comment

:) [04 Dec 2003|08:44pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | Stunt 101 ] Hi, Today was a pretty boring day lol. Although I did get a lot accomplished. I cleaned my house n now it looks like a house out of a magazine picture. Yes I need brownie points lol. Been kinda bad lately lol. I just picked my classes im gonna take this january at Middlesex. I also have to make a few calls tomorrow afternoon about a few cars that I can get!! :) Im so excited I can't wait till tomorrow me n Jess are gonna meet friends at the mall and blaze n shit! Today was her bday. She got a cool tattoo well the outline anyway. Its a tribal piece, Mum got one lol. She didnt have enough time in the day to see everyone n do everything she was gonna do so we are chillin tomorrow. Hold on oven beeping my lil smiley face mashed potatoe things are done lol. mmmm they are good lol. I babysit too much lol I find the weirdest things :) I figured I didnt eat today and tomorrow before I go n party I wont be eating so figured I would get something in my system so I dont get sick. That is never fun!! and people get mad when I throw up all ova there bathroom. lol btw sorry again mum lol. Im so pumped 18 hours lol woohoo. I found the tattoo im gonna get a lil Italian Teddy I might hold off on the whole Tony name thing under it for now lol. The wind might blow another way u neva no lol. yay neighbor just called goin to get windows c.d to reinstall it on my puter ill ttyl :) peace post comment

:) [03 Dec 2003|12:24pm] [ mood | high ] [ music | Whos your daddy lol ] Hello, I woke up at like 6 and then fell back to sleep woke up at 8 when my phone ever rang at 10 something I was like ahhhhhhhh wtf who is callin me. So I look at caller id cause unless it was for me I wasnt gonna answer it, but....... I saw it was Ronnies number lol I stared at it let it ring again n answered it in a fog hes like hi im like hey!! :) lol hes like wanna smoke a bowl real fast im like YEA (sayin to self) is sky blue lol. So he goes ok go outside he had skipped a class lol. Then when we were done I bought 2 packs of butts from him cause I saw a carton in the backseat lol. Joe was there too I didnt no it was him for the first 10 minutes he looked really decent lol then he spoke I was like omg are u my son lol hes like yea lol. When I was leavin ronnies car n half up my driveway he calls me back n is like u wanna go to nh wit me to get my subs for my car today im like yea!!! lol hes like ok Ill call u as soon as I leave school!!!! :) so we are gonna blaze on the way up to nh then get his speakers!!!!!! yayayya Im so glad he is back in my life it was so boring witout him. But he is proud of me n happy Im goin to bartending school and dropped a few losers and am back on track!! I just called prostaff she has only had wearhouse jobs and goes I wont eva put u in a warehouse again lol but will call u when something comesup. I just took a shower have to go straigten my hair will write lata luv ya post comment

[01 Dec 2003|09:59pm] [ mood | curious ] [ music | Hampster Dance ;) ] Hey, I just got home from blazin wit Jess, Steve, and trav! Im baked! lol Didn't take any pics lol sry. hehe (inside joke) I have to go to arbour at 11:30 tomorrow fun fun. If I go my mom will buy me butts tho so it has its bright side too. My belly button is wicked infected!! I think I am gonna take it out!! I want my tounge pierced again or my eye brow but my mom said if I get my eye down she is throwin me back out so imma have to wait I guess ugh... I saw Ronnie tonight!! He turned 18!! He loved his Mini Buddah insence burner lol. I found out Christos is getting him the new toby keith c.d so Im gonna get him his movie lol "Mailbus Most Wanted" That movie is so him lol. I want to go see 2 pacs new movie I no I no Im like the only one who didnt see it!! Grrr. Me n Jesse will go lol. I am bringing my ap to Shaws tomorrow. Micontosh college called me again what part of I dont want to go there anymore dont they get?? Shouldnt people who work in admissions be smart!? Need a drink brb dry mouth like a mutha fucka lol It is soooooooo fuckin cold out!! It is supposed to snow tomorrow! ugh Then again it is December it just doesnt feel like it yet.. Christmas is right around the corner! I think im getting sick. Don't exactlly dress like its the winter tho lol. Its 10:10 make a wish, Made mine but doubt it will come true. Im getting tired of playing games and dealin wit stupid immature fucks how just wont grow up ill write lata peace post comment

Shell song by Jesse n LeeLee :) [01 Dec 2003|10:07am] [ mood | amused ] [ music | My dads gone crazy lol ] LeeLee: Mommy what are you doing? LeeLee and Jesse: Okay then! Everybody listen up! Jesse: I'm goin' to Shell! Who's comin' with me???!? LeeLee: Somebody please help him! I think my mommys gone crazy... Verse 1 There's no street I can't drive, there's no parking garage too high, no gas that I can't learn how to pump/what do I gotta do to get through to you, to show you there ain't nothin' I want from 2 spics like u?/Fuckin' Spics, greecy and toyotas, I cut'em off, and got'em pickled and bronzed in a glass jar inside of a hall/ with my framed autographed sunglasses with Elton John's name on my GLAAD wall, I'm out the closet, I've been lyin' my ass off/All this time me and Teddy been fuckin' with hats off (Suck it, Derek). So tell Mike and his son to back off/ before I push this muthafuckin' button and blast off and launch one at these Russians and that's all/blow every fuckin' thing except Lowell on the map off. When will it stop? When will I knock the crap off?/Jesse, tell 'em mommy,( My Daughters Lost It!!) Chorus There's really nothin' else to say, I... I can't explain it/I think weve gone crazy / A little help from LeeLee , won't you tell 'em baby/I think my weve gone crazy / There's nothin' you could do or say that could ever change me/I think weve gone crazy/There's no one on earth that can save me, not even mommy/I think my weve gone crazy Verse 2 It's like my mother always told me, rana rana rana rana rana rana rana rana rana rana and codeine and/ goddammit you little muthafucker if you ain't got nuthin' nice to say then don't say nuthin'/…..uh, fuck that shit bitch eat a muthafuckin' dick, chew on a prick and lick/a million muthafuckin' cocks per second, I'd rather pump my own muthafuckin' gas /I'd rather be a pussy whipped bitch, eat pussy, and have pussy lips glued to my face with a clit ring in my nose then quit bringin' my flows/ quit givin' me my ammo. Can't you see why I'm so mean? If y'all leave me alone this wouldn't be my M.O./I wouldn't have to go, eenee, meenee, meini, mo, catch a spic by his toe, mom I don't know no more/am I the only fuckin' one who's normal any more?/mom.. Chorus Verse 3 My songs can make you cry, take you by surprise at the same time, can make you dry your eyes with the same rhyme/see what you're seein' is a genius at work, which to me isn't work, so it's easy to misinterpret it at first/cus when I speak, it's tongue-in-cheek, I'd yank my fuckin' teeth before I'd ever bite my tongue/I'd slice my gums, get struck by fuckin' lightning twice at once and die and come back as Ronnie Doans daughter /and walk around the rest of my life spit on, and kicked and hit with shit everytime I sung/like Tim Buckland as soon as "Bump and Grind" comes on. More pain inside of my brain than the eyes of a little girl/ inside of a plane aimed at the World Trade, standin' on Ronnie's grave, screamin' at the sky, till clouds gather, it's Clyde Mathers and Bonnie Jade/and that's pretty much the gist of it, the parents are pissed but the kids love it. 9 millimeter heater stashed in 2 seaters with meat cleavers/I don't blame you, I wouldn't let LeeLeelisten to me neither... Chorus LeeLee Crazy Ha Ha Ha You're Funny Mommy! post comment

[01 Dec 2003|03:39am] [ mood | awake ] [ music | stunt 101 ] It is 3:39 a.m. I have a dentist apt in 6 hours. I am not really tired. I took a tips course in Northboro yesterday. I passed the test. I get my certificate in 3 weeks. Now since I passed that my dad is paying for me to go to bartending school. Im gonna hold off on Middlesex. Today is Ronnies Birthday. I got him a mini buddah incense burner. If you dont no about the Buddah joke, It's a long story! Jess's bday is in 4 days. I have to get her a present too. It is supposed to snow today. Grrr I hate the cold! I need to call Shaws about a job in customer service today. Imma have to fill out the ap qhen I wake up before the dentist. Im gettin a cavity filled. Grr I hate the dentist but @10 am Lee has an apt wit Dr. Lee lol. Im tryin to convince the rents to buy me a 2 pound toy poodle his name is killa. He was chasin blue around my house earlier. Ken brought him back from pe but his family doesnt like him. I need 40 bucks by wed to get blow, and I need weed! Goddamn it I need a job! lol. Brr its so damn cold! I also need money to get a tattoo with jess next week. Im wired at 3:57 a.m lol. The whole world is sleepin of course. Jess got me addicted to www.go-gaia.com I have so much gold lol. Its fun talkin to people on it. We have fun ;) and make gold while we are at it lol. Tomorrow I also have to call teddy, and see whats really up. Steph is a liar, and 2 faced its about time for her to grow up!!! The drama is redonkulous. lol ronnies word. I cant wait to chill wit him today. I miss my daddy! Im so glad he isnt mad at me anymore! I couldnt take it lol. Im gonna go smoke outta the steam roller trav made. I will return shortly :) Ok Im back did u miss me!? Wow its 4:32 I am baked thought I would get tired. no luck.. Guess im pullin an allnighter lol. I just burnt thee sickest c.d. I have to buy some more. Me n Jess a.k.a mommy have to go to kmart ;) Well imma go for now will update lata tonight. Love Lee 1 comment|post comment

[26 Nov 2003|07:03pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | Marijuanaville ] Hello Im bored so figured I would write for a lil bit. I just finished helping my mom put up all the xmass decorationis its def beginning to look a lot like christmas! Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and my baby T.J is coming over!! Im so excited he is 8 months old. He is the kid I neva had lol. My grandmother is coming over too. I need to smoke so bad I haven't smoked in 2 days ahhh lol. I feel so sober I don't no what to do. I want to get a bag from Alex tonight I will probably give him a call but im just waiting for my call from Teddy!! I think we are going out tonight. My lil Mikayla came ova today. she lost her front tooth!! all she wants for christmas is her front tooth lol jk im like in a wicked good weird mood lol. She bought the same jacket as me and same pants shese a 6 year old version of me lol. I love that kid I like practically raised her she is my little angel. She came to deliver the 20 dollar gingerbread man candle I bought from her. Whatever she sells I will never say no it could be like an ant farm I would buy one lol and I HATE ANTS! Don't no where the hell I just came up wit that example lol. I just watched like the best movie A MAN APART wit Vin Diesel oh man I love him hes so hot lol I mean I respect his actor talent lol tony hehehe ur the only man for me or teddy bear or hampster lol. I love u xmuahx hehehe. It is so damn cold out! Im freezin my tits off. Omg I just took a wicked cute quiz which is in my profile im a stoner bear so is mum and tracy, heather, jenn, and roo are gangsta bears,ronnie n dad are arylan bears lol!! daddy 1 and daddy 2 lol. Mike called me last night and sent some threatning email he still considers me his girl even tho we never were really together he is literally stalking me again and scaring the shit out of me I think he gets a kick out of that. I want nothing to do with him how do I make a physcopath go away it just doesnt work if cops get involved he will kill someone or do something ahhh I hate guys from lowell I hate all guys I just love my Teddy!! I have to get minutes for my phone that is what I should be doing with my money but no I am going to get a bag. I think I should set my priorties a lil better but I have a controll problem but so does my teddy and we are working on that together. well Ill talk to ya lata peace nigggggggga post comment

[26 Nov 2003|06:52pm] Hello Im bored so figured I would write for a lil bit. I just finished helping my mom put up all the xmass decorationis its def beginning to look a lot like christmas! Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and my baby T.J is coming over!! Im so excited he is 8 months old. He is the kid I neva had lol. My grandmother is coming over too. I need to smoke so bad I haven't smoked in 2 days ahhh lol. I feel so sober I don't no what to do. I want to get a bag from Alex tonight I will probably give him a call but im just waiting for my call from Teddy!! I think we are going out tonight. My lil Mikayla came ova today. she lost her front tooth!! all she wants for christmas is her front tooth lol jk im like in a wicked good weird mood lol. She bought the same jacket as me and same pants shese a 6 year old version of me lol. I love that kid I like practically raised her she is my little angel. She came to deliver the 20 dollar gingerbread man candle I bought from her. Whatever she sells I will never say no it could be like an ant farm I would buy one lol and I HATE ANTS! Don't no where the hell I just came up wit that example lol. I just watched like the best movie A MAN APART post comment

[26 Nov 2003|06:52pm] Hello Im bored so figured I would write for a lil bit. I just finished helping my mom put up all the xmass decorationis its def beginning to look a lot like christmas! Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and my baby T.J is coming over!! Im so excited he is 8 months old. He is the kid I neva had lol. My grandmother is coming over too. I need to smoke so bad I haven't smoked in 2 days ahhh lol. I feel so sober I don't no what to do. I want to get a bag from Alex tonight I will probably give him a call but im just waiting for my call from Teddy!! I think we are going out tonight. My lil Mikayla came ova today. she lost her front tooth!! all she wants for christmas is her front tooth lol jk im like in a wicked good weird mood lol. She bought the same jacket as me and same pants shese a 6 year old version of me lol. I love that kid I like practically raised her she is my little angel. She came to deliver the 20 dollar gingerbread man candle I bought from her. Whatever she sells I will never say no it could be like an ant farm I would buy one lol and I HATE ANTS! Don't no where the hell I just came up wit that example lol. I just watched like the best movie A MAN APART wit Vin Diesel oh man I love him hes so hot lol I mean I respect his actor talent lol tony hehehe ur the only man for me or teddy bear or hampster lol. I love u xmuahx hehehe. It is so damn cold out! Im freezin my tits off. Omg I just took a wicked cute quiz which is in my profile im a stoner bear so is mum and tracy, heather, jenn, and roo are gangsta bears,ronnie n dad are arylan bears lol!! daddy 1 and daddy 2 lol. Mike called me last night and sent some threatning email he still considers me his girl even tho we never were really together he is literally stalking me again and scaring the shit out of me I think he gets a kick out of that. I want nothing to do with him how do I make a physcopath go away it just doesnt work if cops get involved he will kill someone or do something ahhh I hate guys from lowell I hate all guys I just love my Teddy!! I have to get minutes for my phone that is what I should be doing with my money but no I am going to get a bag. I think I should set my priorties a lil better but I have a controll problem but so does my teddy and we are working on that together. well Ill talk to ya lata peace nigggggggga post comment

:) :) :) [25 Nov 2003|03:54am] [ mood | awake ] [ music | Drivin that train high on cocaine ;) ] I am sooooo happy. Me and Teddy are back together full time now. There is no more penguin ruining shit. He is sick and tired of the bullshit, and realized how much he loved and needed me. I love him soooooo much. He is so perfect, sweet, nice, funny, he makes me feel so good. I can't wait to see him again tonight! My rents went away today they are coming home tomorrow night which sucks but oh well. I went to sleep at 12 tonight now its quarter of 4 and im up lol 12 was too early to go too sleep apparently Im not used to it. I have been in such a good mood lately. Im getting a car soon, a job at build a bear, things just can't be any better. At 12 I have a phone interview with Micontosh college too! I dont really wanna go anymore and leave my teddy but just the fact that I can get in is enough. Im so delirous I can barely type lol. A lot of people are against me being with Teddy some are mad at me and 4 wont talk to me :( It's not fair if you guys cared that much about me you would care that im happy again for once!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grrr it makes me so mad its my goddamn life nobody knows exactlly how I feel. grrr im mad lol my rhymes are bad imma gangsta lol jess. well im gonna try to go back to sleep so tomorrow will come faster!!!! lol imma dork I no but I love Teddy sooooooooooooo fuckin much lol. Night everyone going to count teddabears!!!!! post comment

Start of a new day [22 Nov 2003|11:53pm] [ mood | determined ] [ music | you can do it put ur back into it lol ] Ok its 11:50 10 minutes will offically be a new day! I can't go on living the way I am cause right now Im going nowhere. I guess Im lazy I dont no I never used to be like that but then I went through so much shit and just went downhill. I realized sitting on my ass all day will get me nowhere! I need a job like everyone else in the world to save money for a car, apt, and anything else I may want. It has been 3 days since I have smoked and im dealing a lot better then I thought. So now I wont spend hundreds of dollars a month on it because I learned its just not nessacery. I also realized that I don't want to die. I have tried a ton of times but my friends did something to me tonight. I realize how much they care and like me for me not what I have not what I do they want to be my friend because of me. I realized how much I have to live for tonight and how much potential I have. As soon as I wake up tomorrow and get dressed I am going to fill out my middlesex courses and go back to school this January for criminal Justice. I am also going to fill out some job applications. When I get the job I will go everyday regardless of what my friends are doing. That is my big problem keep a job cause I dont wanna miss anything. I want to prove to everyone that I can do it and I do have potential and am going somewhere in my life. I have said this a lot and not acted on it but Im gonna get nothing done sitting on my ass all day or driving around smokin wit my friends. I have to set my priorties work then play. I just want to thank my friends again who helped me through this big rough patch in my life the friends who stuck with all the bullshit and didnt run away. Travis, Gess, Jess, Mum. Tonight you guys dont realize the affect you had on me. I no realize why Big T, Ronnie, and Christos have been so upset with me. I need to show them I can do all they say I can do and then get them back. I miss Ronnie to death he means the world to me. I dont no why I was mad at him cause all along he was right and he just cared about me. I will also be looking for a car tomorrow. I had nice ones but took them for granted killed them or let people kill them not mentioning any names cough cough Ronnie lol. It wont happen again!! Anyway lol today was an okay day I got new clothes went down another size again yay! I will be back tomorrow to update about what I accomplished. Love Lee post comment

blah [21 Nov 2003|11:35pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | Still Mesmerize ] Well today didnt go as great as I expected it too. Hopefully the plans I had for today will happen tomorrow. I really should write a book on my life I bet I would make mad loot! I have to figure out what I wanna do with my life. Everyday I change my mind one day its daycare the next c.j then its jobcore. I just cleaned my room and re did it it looks cool. The rents are going away in 3 days woohoo. they are only gone for 2 days but still Im pumped. I haven't smoked in 2 days I don't no how Im surviving. It's pretty sad when thats all I think about. I just tried my 3 bowls but of course no more resin. I actually got Tonys bowl to work lol I made a tinfoil screen its ghetto but oh well it works. Ronnie I finally found the bowl you made me I was so happy its amazing what you find when you clean lol. So ya anyway I went to look at the car today and well it was a standard so im still on the lookout. I killed my truck then my alitma well Ronnie played a big part too lol, then Tony killed my topaz lol. It's so cute we having matching cars only difference is color and his is actually running (this week). lol. Im so tired I can't sleep at night but I can sleep during the day I feel like a bat lol. I have to bring my ap to shaws tomorrow. It's close so rides won't be a problem for now. I got hired at kb but just never went in. He never called either oh well. I want a job so bad then I get one and im like rah. I decided when I go with Jess, Steph, and Mum on Jess's birthday when they get tattoos I wont have enough money so Im going to get my eyebrow pierced instead. My mom bought me neosporin for my belly button today hopefully it will heal cause it looks kinda gross! I don't want to take it out though I like it and have wanted it done for ever. Now I lost a shit load of weight and I can! :) Well dont no what else to say so for now Im out peace :) post comment

blah [21 Nov 2003|11:35pm] Well today didnt go as great as I expected it too. Hopefully the plans I had for today will happen tomorrow. I really should write a book on my life I bet I would make mad loot! I have to figure out what I wanna do with my life. Everyday I change my mind one day its daycare the next c.j then its jobcore. I just cleaned my room and re did it it looks cool. The rents are going away in 3 days woohoo. they are only gone for 2 days but still Im pumped. I haven't smoked in 2 days I don't no how Im surviving. It's pretty sad when thats all I think about. I just tried my 3 bowls but of course no more resin. I actually got Tonys bowl to work lol I made a tinfoil screen its ghetto but oh well it works. Ronnie I finally found the bowl you made me I was so happy its amazing what you find when you clean lol. So ya anyway I went to look at the car today and well it was a standard so im still on the lookout. I killed my truck then my alitma well Ronnie played a big part too lol, then Tony killed my topaz lol. It's so cute we having matching cars only difference is color and his is actually running (this week). lol. Im so tired I can't sleep at night but I can sleep during the day I feel like a bat lol. I have to bring my ap to shaws tomorrow. It's close so rides won't be a problem for now. I got hired at kb but just never went in. He never called either oh well. I want a job so bad then I get one and im like rah. I decided when I go with Jess, Steph, and Mum on Jess's birthday when they get tattoos I wont have enough money so Im going to get my eyebrow pierced instead. My mom bought me neosporin for my belly button today hopefully it will heal cause it looks kinda gross! I don't want to take it out though I like it and have wanted it done for ever. Now I lost a shit load of weight and I can! :) Well dont no what else to say so for now Im out peace :) post comment

Great Day! [20 Nov 2003|10:48pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | mesmerize ;) ] Today most def didn't start out good but by nightfall it was great! Things are looking up so much it was just a matter of time hey mum u were right lol. I will explain at a later date! Tomorrow morning I am gonna call Shaws and set up an interview for customer service. I have so much motivation now. I also get to go look at the bronco tomorrow woohoo thing is huge like me driving my truck all ova again but its sick to cruise in and good in the snow! I have to be at arbour at 11 am tomorrow yuck but thats ok it will go by fast I will thing of the car and plans for the night lol. I want to go to spencers tomorrow too they have a sick belly button ring I want it is a weed sign wit green diamonds in it its cool looking. My belly is still infected :( I heard the spray bactine I am using sucks and isnt good so I moved on too neosporin hopefully it will heal soon so I can change it it has only been a month tho. I need to get butts im smokin my dads marb milds yuck no offense tracy hehe. I miss my tracy she needs a car stat!!!!!! Im so happy right now im just babbling stuffthat doesnt matter what so ever lol. I will write tomorrow if something actually happens lol. Night everyone luv ya xmuahx post comment

Ronnie [20 Nov 2003|09:47am] [ mood | determined ] [ music | Whos your daddy lol ] Ronnie, I no your mad at me right now well dissapointed and you have every right to be I guess being my daddy and all lol. Since your not talking to me again which will only last 3 days this entry is for you. I actually applied for college instead of just talking about how much I wanted to go. I have a phone interview at 12 on Tuesday with the admissions conseuler if everything goes well he will write me a recomendation and I already have another one too. He seemed really interested in getting me in and giving me a fresh start. I also have 2 jobs one I got hired for. I am looking at a car today which I may get on the road by the end of next week if all goes well. I haven't been smoking as much at all. I got a bag to last me 3 days and that may not seem long but its a record for me and u no this daddy lol. I dont like fighting with you. You mean the world too me and I no your looking out for me but Im getting on the right track now. People like you gave me the motivation I needed. I kinda got mad when you started caring so much but then I realized that is what I always wanted and was lucky to have such a great friend like you. I would be lost with out you I really would. I got part of your birthday present yesterday at the mall I can't wait to give it to you lol. I also have your christmas present you are the only one I have a present for so far lol. Thanks for everything you have done for me we have had so many good times and so many more to come!!! Going off roading, getting stuck on ledges, you and my neighbor lol, driving back from manchester in that blizzard, my birthday ;), the long talks we have that make everything all better, partying, chillin on the side of my house, I can't list all the things we have done together there is too much it all started the day I met you at kids place lol you were fucked up on atterol jumped in the back of my truck and stuck around since thro good and bad. You mean the world to me. I love you Daddy! post comment

Decided to start another journal I usually dont keep up on them but I think I will this time [19 Nov 2003|12:27pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | Hey Ya Outkast alright alright alright lol ] Hey everyone welcome to my life. Enter at your own risk lol. I got a job finally again!! I start tomorrow at KB. I am gonna keep this job that is my problem with jobs keeping them but the pay is good and he has a lot of hours. I will also be getting a car real soon too! I have an interview on the phone Tuesday at 12 with Micontosh college and if all goes well he writes me a recomendation so I will have two and probably get in! I wanna go back to school for criminal justice and make something out of my life! The partying everynight needs to slow down but I will still be chilling wit my friends and smokin just not as much. I ruled out jobcore I wanna stay around. I have some really good friends who have helped me get back on my feet I love you guys so much! Ronnie!, Big T, Christos, Jesse, Mum, Steph, Tony, and Travis you guys are awesome!! Mike called me again last night. He still considers me his babygurl and even tho we aren't together he thinks we are. He seems real sweet again like he changed but I doubt one person could reform themself that much over a short period of time!! I don't wanna be involved with that again! I have to much to live for, and dont wanna loose my friends because of him because with out my friends I dont no where I would be! My other Hingham Mike stopped calling after my mom told him how I dont like him and dont want him calling I kinda miss him though but he was too obsessive and called me like 10 times a day. Besides he lives too far away!! Im chillin wit Jesse today when she gets outta school then we are gonna go chill wit some of our friends Jess is my natural high lol we get high but dont even need too we think everything at the same time and have so much fun together. I don't no where I would be without her!! Great news for all penguin leaves in 11 days!! woohoo. That little physco lieing bitch is out of all of our hair!! We are partying hardcore the night she leaves lol. Already got the bag ready lol. And Teff (Mom #3) Gets her liscence back soon too just in time so we can celebrate!! Jesse's birthday is coming up on Dec 4th and we are going to get a tatto at agony in nh with Mum, Me, Jess, Steph, and one other person but we can't remember right now. I am getting a teddy bear on my ankle don't no what else is gonna go with the teddy bear. I was supposed to get one a long time ago but couldn't find my liscence. Which reminds me how I have to get mine out of Deeda's car today before I go to kb tomorrow cause I need 2 forms of id. I missed working in the mall I see a lot of friends everyday its cool. and soon I will be on the road again and won't need to rely on friends and mom to drive me around. Im so tired I just like don't sleep anymore! One of my fisheys died yesterday baby died but teddy is still living lol he outlived me! lol. Today has been a year since me and Tony started going out. He is doing good still working in Medford looking for a second job. Imma go beautify myself and get ready to go out but not to worry I will be back when something new comes up :) wit an x and an o this lil angel has got to go post comment

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