Come on Sweet Catastrophe

(sugar in my tea)

Subject:	He's gone....????
Time:	8:59 pm.
Mood:	confused.

But it all boils down to one quotable phrase
If you love something, give it away

A good woman will pick you apart
A box full of suggestions for your possible heart
But you may be offended and you may be afraid
But don’t walk away, don’t walk away

We made love on the living room floor
With the noise in background of a televised war
And in the deafening pleasure I thought I heard someone say
"If we walk away, they’ll walk away"

I’ve grown tired of holding this post
I feel more like a stranger each time I come home
So I’m up at dawn
Putting on my shoes
I just want to make a clean escape
I’m leaving but I don’t know where to
I know I’m leaving but I don’t know where to

(sugar in my tea)

Time:	8:44 pm.
Mood:	artistic.

I am wearing three rings...and it's kinda weird that I can relate that to my life. The diamond on my ring finger is like my Mom; small delicate...the band fits perfectly...I can take it off whenever I want..but I won't lose it. The pearl on my middle finger is like my Dad; It's kinda flashy and big, but I love it. But the band on that ring is too tight. There is a mark in my finger where it is...I'm afraid that is is cutting off my circulation and itr hurts a little...I can't take it off...I can either wait for my fingers to get smaller and try everyday...or break the band. If I fight with it too long to get it off I always fail and my finger hurts...it's like a big fuck you to myself. The ring on my thumb Dave gave to me...it was his, now it's mine. It's big and awkward compared to the other two. It is misshapen from abuse (like hitting it on the table too many times), kinda broken because the spinny part doesn't move as smoothly as it should. It is fake silver and the other two are 14 carrot gold. But that ring is my favorite. It is the perfect fit sometimes...other times its too big and I'm afraid I'll lose it. Sometimes I keep it on a chain around my neck to keep it safe. But just knowing it is there makes me happy. But at times it can feel like nothing but a tangible reminder of his absence...

(sugar in my tea)

Subject:	I love Alex!!!.....................................................and i guess Dave too
Time:	10:52 pm.
Mood:	amused.
Music:	Chasing Enid - Just Pretend.

Would You?
- Go out with me? -
- Give me your number? -
- Have sex with me? -
- Let me kiss you? -
- Watch a movie with me...even a really sappy one? -
- let me take you out to dinner? -
- Drive me for once cause I always drive -
- take a shower with me? -
- Be my bf/gf? -

- Have a fling with me? -
- Listen to me if I called you crying even if you were out with all of your friends? -
- Buy me a drink like a sobe or soda? -
- Take me home for the night? -
- Would you let me sleep in your bed? -
- Sing car karaoke w/ me? -
- Sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone? -
- Give me oral? -
- Re-post this for me to answer your questions? -
- Let me give you a piggyback ride? -
- Come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere -

Do You?...
- Do you think im cute? -
- Do you want to kiss me? -
- Do you want to cuddle wit me? -
- do you want to hook up with me? -

Are We...?
- Are we aquintences? -
- Are we hook ups? -
- Are we in a relationship? -
- Are we gonna have kids? -

Am I?...
- Am I smart? -
- am I cute? -
- am I funny? -
- am I cool? -
- Am I the most brilliant person ever? -

Have You Ever?...
- Have you ever thought about me? -
- Have you ever thought there might be an "us"? -
- Have you ever thought about hooking up with me? -
- Have you ever found yourself wanting a kiss from me? -
- Have you ever wished i were there? -

Are You?....
- Are you done with this survey? -
- Are you happy you know me? -
- Are you mad at me? -
- Are you thinking bout me? -
- Are you going to repost this so that i will return the favor? -

(2 wants | sugar in my tea)

Subject:	My God David...I am in love with you
Time:	11:37 pm.
Mood:	worried.
Music:	SoCo.

My Konstantine came walking down the stairs
And all that i could do is touch her long blonde hair
And i've been thinking
It hurts me thinking that these nights
When we were drinking no they never got us anywhere
No No
It's to dying in another's arms and why I had to try it
I always catch the clock
It's 11:11
And now you want to talk
It's not hard to dream
You'll always be my konstantine

Did you know i missed you?
Oh god i miss you

And then you'll bring me home
And we'll go to sleep, but this time, not alone, no no
And you'll kiss me in your living room
I know
You'll miss me in your living room
Cause these nights i think maybe that i'll miss you in my living room

(1 want | sugar in my tea)

Subject:	Ahh Christ!
Time:	2:54 pm.
Mood:	drunk.
Music:	Pinkerton.

last night was so much fun. Well, it was fun when we were at Dayna's. I was too tired at the dance to have much fun...and it was too hot...and too nosie...and there were to many people. haha But I guess if we ever have a dance again I'll go just for having much afterwords. I have a hickey on my nape...and somewhere else. My mom got pulled over at a DUI check point...thank God Dave was home and I was asleep...yeah nothing like two wasted underaged kids to get you out of trouble!

Last night was too much fun. I know I shouldn't, but we have to do that again!

I have come up with an evil plot for next weekend, though I don't know if it will work.

(sugar in my tea)

Subject:	figures...
Time:	9:18 pm.
Mood:	curious.
Music:	AFI.

Your Suicide.. by Konstantine
Your Name/Username
Favorite Number?
Favorite Color?
Gender?
How will you commit suicide?	You will stab a knife through your heart
How many tries will it take?	43
When will you commit suicide?	November 3, 2044
What will your suicide note say?	Unrequited love can kill

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Your sins into me
Oh, my beautiful one, now
Your sins into me
As a rapturous voice escapes, I will tremble a prayer
And I'll beg for forgiveness
Your sins into me
Your sins into...
Your sins into me
Your sins into me
Oh, my beautiful one

(1 want | sugar in my tea)

Subject:	eh,
Time:	8:59 pm.
Mood:	numb.
Music:	SoCo - The Runaway.

School.

Andrew has driving into Father Redkay that he should be the only person alllowed in the TV room untill he gives notice. Also, Mrs. Ward is the modorator...that is going to blow ...I hope it is a long cold winter...she won't commute in snow or ice and she gets sick easily. Yeah, the guy from remember the Tians was there to speak. They made a whole big pomp and circumstance about it...it sucked. Second Latin quiz tomorrow...today was the first. It's just to memorize some little thing he taught today, because if he makes us study now it won't be as bad later. Mr. Beachy give shitty notes and pathically tries to win over the class by exploding powers. Steven was looking at my stuff today and was like "What the hell happened to you!? You weren't like this before you were all all..Satan!" ...yeah, he is just realizing how i've changed. Mr. Lynn's class was the best part of the day. Alica came to visit and sat in back and he didn't even notice at first. Not untill CJ came in I guess. It was nice seeing them again, though I suppose I'll see CJ alot once Dave is down at Drexle. I talked to Dayna for a while...yeah, I think I'm gonna be talking to her alot too..at least she is really sweet. Yearbook...haha! If every single person that was in there today stays the whole time I will be shocked. I guess I have to really get ready for school tomorrow seeing how it is picture day.

Where is my David Chirstopher?...I miss him...the tiny voice of worry is getting louder.

if you ran to the end of the earth
i would catch you and you would be safe
if you fell down the well
i would bring you a rope and take all the pain

all the pain, all the pain
that you hide from me everyday
if you're missing i will run away
i will build a path to you
if you're missing i will run away
because I find myself in you

if i woke up alone i won't stop till i'll find you and you are with me
cause by now, i know you better than you know yourself
and i know what you really need
what you need, or i need
but either way this is where you should be
here with me, or i'll bleed so much that you wont believe

if you're missing i will run away
i will build a path to you
if you're missing i will run away
because I find myself in you
you better not, you better not run

(1 want | sugar in my tea)

Subject:	I'm sick....
Time:	8:21 am.
Mood:	nauseated.
Music:	SoCo- I Want To Save You.

*gasps*

..oh yeah, love is like oxygen.............................*can breathe*

So..I've been up since about 5:30..which was about four or five hours of sleep. I didn't have to get up untill eight but I woke up and can't fall back to sleep because i feel like crap. I felt like crap last night too...and I feel bad that I was so out of it, meeting Abbey and Greg for the first time and all. I don't want to go t this Christening. I don't want to go to work...espically not untill 7. I want to lay on the sofa all day and watch TV with my Davey. I miss him. I want to curl into a ball and be held. I want a giant Dave pillow...that can get up and get me stuff too! I can't even think straight right now. I want to take my medicine, but I think I'll throw it up anyway. I'm really tired, dizzy, nauseous, congested, thirsty...sick. I wish I'd just throw up and feel better already. I wish Dave was sitting in bed with me. I wish I was on the phone with Renee. I wish I had time to call Carolyn today. I wish my family even cared that I don't feel well; maybe Mom will when she gets up. I hope I get to see Nicole today...and have her take me to work. Or at least see her next Sunday. I hope (see below). I'm a fucking mess. And on top of it all my joints hurt, like they do every morning. I'm listing to all of Leaving Thru The Window because that is what is in my alarm clock...I'm covered in a blanket, I wish I had a Sunday porch, I want to spend weekends partying in the city this year. Yeah, I know I'm lame. There aren't any straw dogs in the street and no clouds for there to be chemicals in. The sun is raising. Is that the right word? I can't even tell at this point. Thinking of you is like waking up to the sunrise...now that isn't even SoCo. Hey, I wanna read good news too! I know I'm a dork. If it bothers you don't read. And you haven't figured it out yet, then you are pretty stupid. I'm lonely. There should be someone online to talk to....I guess I'll talk to Smarter Child. If anyone is online before 1 hit my cell phone or even better call it and save me money.

She works till three it's uniform
She dreams that he'll come by the store
She prays for days when boys mean
She's protected
And she wants someone to see her
She needs to hear she's beautiful
She's beautiful
I want to save you
I want to save you
I need you
Save me too
I want to save you
And she won't sleep
She won't sleep at all
Let me save you

(sugar in my tea)

Time:	11:21 pm.
Mood:	blank.
Music:	Alanis Morrissette- So Unsexy.

Oh these little rejections how they add up quickly
One small sideways look and I feel so ungood
Somewhere along the way I think I gave you the power to make
Me feel the way I thought only my father could

Oh these little rejections how they seem so real to me
How these little abandonments seem to sting so easily

I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind

Oh these little protections how they fail to serve me
One forgotten phone call and I'm deflated
Oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
Your hand pulling away and I'm devastated
I jump my ship as I take it personally