Hello People Who Don't Read This   
06:54pm 10/12/2003
mood: amused
music: Torn
I don't really think anyone is reading this but I really don't care. This is my place for screaming and crying and laughing and bitching and whining and I think that this whole thing is healthy for me to get out my extra emotions. Alright, I'm going to go and write some more of my Wei? stories! I'm really obsessed with Wei? Kreuz and Side B right now... I really don't know much about Gluhen, though I wish I did... Oh well! I gotta go for now! Here's something fun!

<(^-^)> <(^-^<) <(^-^)> (>^-^)> <(^-^)> It's the dancing Kirby! ^-^
Why Are My Stupid Kitties SO Cute?!?!   
04:41pm 08/12/2003
mood: ditzy
music: Sakura Saku!
It's not fair! They do it on purpose! My stupid fat cat just looks so retardedly cute asleep on the back of the couch! BASTARD!!! But he's SOOOOO cute... I know, big change from my last entry but whatever! It's all my kitty's fault! DAMMIT!!! He's all laying his face on his arm now! POOPSICLES!!! He's all purring too! Make it stop! He's all wiggling like a sack of jello and damn it's so giggly cute! It's my one weakness! Shite... Gotta go now. See you later!
It's Been A While...   
04:32pm 08/12/2003
mood: crappy
music: Torikabuto
Yep... My day was decently crappy. It involved melying more times that I would have liked and me staying late in one of my classes to take a make up exam... That was a biatch... Anyway, not much to say now... Bye for today I guess.
I'm tired again...   
03:55pm 12/11/2003
mood: crappy
music: eX-Dream
I just want to go to sleep but I just can't because I'm too awake. I hate bright lights like I hate things I really, really hate. But that's why I'm much more alive at night. I like the dark much more. I'll post more of my story another time. I had planned on posting today but I don't feel like it now... Okay, I'm going to go & write more. Bye...
Hello Again...   
02:51pm 02/11/2003
mood: blah
music: Shout At The Devil
Hello. I'm so very horny... But my boy friend is in another country but at least he's out of his four day coma. I thought I was gonna explode I was so happy when he called me! But now I'm sad because he can't come & see me or vise versa for over two months... But I'll live, I think...
11:38pm 23/10/2003
mood: tired
music: Rocket Collecting
I'm sleepy but I just wanted to say that I like my new journal. It's all neat & I've personalized it a lot, even though I've only had it for a day... Oh well! Hopefully I won't forget about this one... I've tried these before but I kep forgetting about them or I never update when I do remember & blah blah blah... Like I said, I hope to continue this one because it's a neat place to launch my latest fanfics. I think this will also be fun for venting! Hopefully... Perhaps I will get that F*CKING phone call soon otherwise I may fly completely off the handle...

<~*~ XilliX ~*~>

P.S. - I am really not a sad person, usually. I just started this whole thing on an off day.
Chapter One of the Beginning of the End   
10:44pm 23/10/2003
mood: artistic
music: This Is The New Shit
Okay, I already posted the prologue. It's in the post before this one. I think I focused too much on Xellis. Yeah, just a lot. But here's more. This part's funny. This is my usual writing style.

~ The Beginning of the End ~ Chapter One-

Two years later...

A black haired young woman, about 27 years old, or at least she looked it, walked into Midgar ZERO, the new Midgar, without slums. She was wearing a pair of loose black shorts that reached about three inches below her knees, a black tank top, a white button up over shirt, & a pair of black combat boots. She had her hair pulled up in a ponytail, except for her jagged bangs. "Excuse me, do you know where 7th Heaven is? It's a bar. It's supposed to be in sector 7, I think." She asked a passing man who looked friendly enough.

"Um, no. There aren't any sectors in Midgar Zero; the different districts are all named now. You'll have to go to the Shinra building & ask someone there." The man said with a smile & pointed at a tall tower down the street. "That's it, down there." The man walked away.

Someone bumped into her & just walked away. She turned in time to see a silvered haired man walking down an alley. "Hey! Be more careful, you JERK!" She turned & went towards the tower. (He seemed familiar somehow, that silver haired guy...) She thought to herself.

"Hey, Seph! Doing anything later? We're gonna go to a rave." Cloud said, motioning to himself & Vincent. Sephiroth replied by waving at him with a new rope. "What's that for? SEPHIROTH?!?! What're you doing?!?!" Cloud asked.

Sephiroth walked up the stairs & didn't bother to even acknowledge the blond. Cloud ran up the stairs watched as Sephiroth set up a stool & began to tie a noose. He rushed to stairs. "He's making another noose!" He said. "Don't be too hard!! He's been through a lot!" Vincent cried up the steps, more for Sephiroth to hear, than Cloud.

"You're not going to do it." Cloud said calmly, standing at the doorway. "You can't."

"Watch me." Sephiroth said as a dare. Cloud thought about it.

"Okay." He said, folding his arms & leaning against the doorframe. Sephiroth just continued to tie his knots. Finally he tied the other end of the rope to a hook he had put in the ceiling. Cloud just watched as Sephiroth, standing on the stool, placed the noose lightly around his neck. "Bye, just in case it works." Cloud said, smiling.

Sephiroth nodded once. Then he jumped off the stool............ & his feet touched ground. "I need a shorter rope." He said plainly.

Cloud smirked. "No, you need shorter legs! HAHAHAHAHA!!" Cloud couldn't help himself.

Sephiroth glared at him. "FINE!! Take my suicide as a joke! YOU JERK!!!"

Vincent burst out laughing as he came into the room. Tifa, Yuffie, & Red XIII came in after that & couldn't help but laugh so hard they fell over. Then Cid & Barret rushed in to see if there was a problem, shortly after Reno, Rude, Reeve, Rufus, & Elena joined the crowd. Sephiroth began to turn red from embarrassment & then anger. Hunter entered the room along with Scarlet (apparently they had gotten in another fight) & Heidegger. "What the hell happened here?!" She asked.

"Sephiroth tried to kill himself again. He can't take the fact that because he & all the rest of us were in some way directly exposed to the Lifestream we can't age & we seem to be pretty immortal. I mean, Rufus's hair is hard from the many layers of dried gel but it's not hard enough to stop the blast it took alone. Diamond was extremely powerful so it only makes sense that Rufus is partially un-harmable." Vincent was just dying to prove he was a genius. Of course with the company he keeps no one was very likely to give him any pats on the back, unless it was Yuffie who still had a school-girl's crush on him.

Cloud & Sephiroth both looked sadly at the floor. "Then why did Xellis die?" They both asked simultaneously but softly.

Tifa hated being late. It made her feel stupid. She was the owner of the bar & if she couldn't be on time then why should she demand it of her workers? She thought.

"Hello, it's been a long time Tifa." Xellis said quietly. Tifa's eyes shot open as wide as they could go.

The brown haired girl smiled. "Xellis! You're back! Cloud & Sephiroth are going to be so happy! My god! You're alive! This is the best thing that's happened in a long time!" Tifa hugged her old friend. Xellis hugged her back. "I have so much to tell you! Vincent & Crisis are engaged! So am I, to Rude." Tifa paused & blushed. "Reeve & Rufus are in love with each other. Red XIII is now using the Morph Materia to become a person & he's a sexy guy!" Xellis smiled. "Elena & Scarlet found out they're lesbians, Heidegger is content to just make porno starring them, & Palmer died choking on his own folds of fat. Let's see... Sephiroth & Cloud are courting each other. They are so oblivious to the other's affections that it makes me angry to look at them. Barret & Cid are still single but I never expected Barret to get over his old wife & I could NEVER see Cid with Shera. She's too sweet for him. Oh yeah! Reno's still the same but he doesn't date anymore. He spends a lot of his time just masturbating in his room, crying about someone, or just staring at the ceiling. We thought about giving him to a mental institution but Cloud said that you would have taken care of him. So Cloud & Sephiroth pretty much force him to go shopping with them, go to the movies, bars, & restaurants but they aren't really getting through. I personally know why. He misses you..." Tifa playful punched Xel in the shoulder & smiled.

Xellis smiled lamely. "Yeah, I missed you all & him a lot while I was away. Aeris kept me company & she wanted me to tell you that she's sorry about making you jealous. She never meant to. Anyway, I was floating in the Lifestream, listening to the planet. It was like I was half awake but half asleep all of the time. It's so relaxing there but I couldn't stand not being part of life so I jumped at the chance to come back. This is the best feeling in the world, to know you're alive!" She jumped up on a bar stool & swung her arms around as if to embrace the atmosphere of the bar.

"The only reason it took me so long to come back is because I gave up all of my energy to Holy. I had to re-gather a monstrous amount of power. But as soon as I could I summoned my body back & jumped in. I'm still not quite at my normal energy level, that's why I didn't use my Demon's Eye Materia & just appear in Midgar. I had to travel by Silver Chocobo all the way here. But it was nice to see the world again." She grinned.

Tifa nodded & although she didn't fully understand what Xellis mean she got the big picture. "Well, I suppose you want to see everyone, right?" She asked. Xellis held up a finger to tell Tifa to wait a moment.

"Eh, get in here!" She yelled out the doors & a black haired man that looked familiar walked in. His glowing blue Mako eyes, his mid back length spiky black hair, his SOLDIER's uniform, & his large buster sword gave him away immediately. "Zack, this is Tifa Lockheart, the owner of this bar & the girl from Nibelheim that Sephiroth nearly killed. You know... The guide?" She said, jogging his memory. The two women could see the gears turning in his head as the politely confused look on his face gave way to a look of recognition.

"Yeah, I remember! I'm sorry. I was in the Lifestream for so long & after a while your mind goes dormant. I'm glad to see you safe & unharmed!" He said, hugging her loosely.

Xellis rolled her eyes. "He's just sucking up to you because he wants some liquor." She said, nudging her "brother". He gave her a hurt look but then it faded to a devilish grin. Xellis smiled with her eyes closed. "I say this occasion deserves a drink!" She slapped 2000 gil down on the table & smirked. "I'll buy a round of SAKE for everyone here!!" She said & the other customers broke out into cheers.

Sephiroth was at it again. This time he was going to shoot himself in the head & it was going to work or he would kill Vincent. He was sitting in the bath tub, not wanting to make a mess for anyone else. & he stuck the cold barrel of the gun into his mouth. He gagged on impulse but soon forced himself to not react. He sighed & tensed his finger, beginning to pull it back. CLICK! Then there was silence. "Whah?! He questioned around the barrel of the gun.

"WINSEN!!!! IHM GUNHA KWILL UUH!!!!" He shouted then removed the steel weapon from his mouth. Upon having his name said, even if it was warped by the gun, Vincent appeared.

"What's the problem?" The calm & collected vampire-wannabe asked his silver haired son.

Sephiroth looked livid. "The gun is broken!" He seethed.

"No, it's not. You didn't take the safety off of it. It won't fire if the safety is on. I thought everyone knew that." He shrugged indifferently. He dramatically swept his cape along with his thoughts, covering the bottom half of his face as he thought the last sentence. Sephiroth pistol whipped the vampy & stood with glowing red eyes over the prone form of the ex-Turk.

"IF I EVER SEE YOU DO THAT CRAPPY CAPE SHIT AGAIN, I'LL RIP OFF YOUR NADS & COVER THEM IN GOLD BEFORE REATTACHING THEM SO THEY'LL MATCH YOUR ARM!!!!" The ex-SOLDIER & ex-deranged-&-delusional-God-wannabe shouted at the very top of his voice. "Thanks for the information though." Sephiroth settled back into the tub & stuck the gun back in his mouth, after checking that the safety was off. He pulled the trigger & felt the bullet bounce down his throat & into his tummy.

His eyes shot wide open & he gagged on his own tongue. He threw the gun to the other end of the tub & yelled. "FRICKEN-A!!!! I ATE THE BULLET!!!! DADDY!!!! MAKE THE BULLET GO AWAY!!!!" The bawling former general hurled himself into his daddy's arms. Vincent abruptly ended the retarded moment by depositing the silver haired man on the ground.

"You make the bullet go away, you psychopathic loser..." The black haired man muttered. Sephiroth had stopped his crying in surprise the moment he hit the ground but now he erupted into wall shaking sobs.
Posting My Fanfiction   
10:33pm 23/10/2003
mood: restless
music: Zion
I think I'll start posting my fanfics here. It seems like as good a place as any. Why not? I'll start with my SW M X O fic... or maybe with my GW H X D fic... or maybe... I know! I'll post an FF7 S X C fic I've been screwing around with...

~ The Beginning of the End ~ Prologue-

Xellis laughed at her bitter death. "It's but a scratch, but a scratch!" She claimed as she held a hand over the frighteningly deep slash in her stomach.

Sephiroth gasped as he caught a faint glimpse of the gash. "Then it couldn't hurt much, could it." He said, trying to get her to admit to its severity. She shook her head, still smiling. She let out yet another bitter laugh.

"Come for me tomorrow & you shall find me a grave woman!" She said & then her smile completely vanished, replaced by a look of pain that rivaled any other ever seen before. "I... I feel something, in my heart. It's tight & it hurts more that the wound... It hurts so much!" She cried out, falling onto her knees & one hand that wasn't holding her stomach together.

Little droplets of blood fell from her & onto the ground. "I... I can't hold on much longer... It hurts SO much... I- I have to summon the white Materia." She grunted & then saw the black Materia lying not to far from her hand. She reached for it & grasped the thing in her hand.

She didn't have much physical strength left, but luckily, it didn't need that strength, it took her will to turn it to the White Materia. She focused on it in her hand & then it began glowing with a blinding white power. She had succeeded. Now all she needed to do was activate it & Aeris could do the rest. She cried knowing there was no going back & she WOULD die after this, but somehow that was a comfort to her beaten & nearly broken body, not to mention her tortured soul. "Power that comes from the Gods... through the gate of this pure crystal... to bathe the world in its wholesome light... awaken HOLY!!!!" She said, the words coming from somewhere that was unknown, most likely Aeris.

Everything went so still, the air, the Lifestream below, the Meteor even stopped for a second. The White Materia then blinded them all once more with its brilliant power & was gone by the time that anyone could see. Instead, Xellis stood there, glowing with a white aura, her body healed. Her eyes were also pure white. The White Materia had chosen her body as its vessel.

Xellis was the strongest person there & the only one on the planet who was powerful enough to withstand the power going through her long enough for it to stop Meteor. The planet took back all the lives of the monsters & the evil people on it, to feed to the power needed to stop Meteor. But it still wasn't enough; she knew it & offered her own soul energy to the Lifestream, by falling into it. The others watched helplessly, as their friend fell head long into the glowing stream of energy. Even as she was falling the power began to gather in her.

The power flowed through her & out of the crater, flying towards Meteor. Even though Meteor did crash into Midgar, the holy energy stopped it from doing any more damage to the planet.

The group, standing in the crater, was so shocked, shaken, & stunned at the prior "traitor's" act of valor. She had been noble enough to try what no one else would have & she gave her life to it. She sacrificed it all... her happiness, her life, her heart, her soul... to save a planet of undeserving scum who hated her. She had been out cast by all, even before she went to Sephiroth, simply because she had been associated with him at one point & because she would not speak badly of him. Yet she stood proud & unyielding, bearing all her suffering, pain, anger, regret, sadness, & despair, taking it to her grave as well.

No one thought the uncaring, inconsiderate, self-indulgent Xellis Angelos capable of sacrifice, especially of this magnitude. But they witnessed the feat themselves. Then all of the powerfully energy which was released flowed it's way back into the Lifestream, the crater was filled with a deafening roar. After the energy had returned, all was silent.

Sephiroth fell to his knees & began sobbing. "NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" He screamed in anguish. He had lost it all. He had lost Zack & Cloud's friendships in Nibelheim, when he went insane, he lost his humanity then too, somewhere along the line he had lost every other thing he held dear as well, except for his best friend, his first friend ever, Xellis. It was too much to take. He knew that Jenova had made him do all the things before then & back to Nibelheim, but this was different. Xellis had done that herself, to save his soul, to save Cloud's, & to save the entire planet, from him.

Somehow, Sephiroth thought, that if Xellis hadn't been injured by Cloud's sword, which was meant for him, she would have been able to survive. He tortured himself with his thoughts.

Sephiroth stood on wobbly legs that would barely support him. He trudged to the edge were Xellis had dove off & just as he was about to let himself fall into that accursed Lifestream, Cloud stopped him. Cloud pulled him back, grabbing hold of one of Sephiroth's arms. "No!!! Don't do it!! Xellis gave you another chance & I'll be damned if I watch you throw that away after she sacrificed herself for you." There was anger there, in his words, anger that Xellis had given herself to help a scumbag like him, anger that Sephiroth was just about to throw away that precious gift.

The silver-haired warrior looked down into the Lifestream, tears running down his cheeks; he was desperately looking for something, anything, which would give him a hint as to where Xellis was. Nothing. He thought, with resolve. He firmly, but somewhat gently, shoved Cloud away.

"Aeris... I know you can here me! I know that you're here! Please, help me- No! Don't do it for me, I know you won't... Do it for Xellis. Without her, Holy would not have saved the world that you sacrificed yourself for... Without her, we're all lost! I know you have the power to do this! I know that you can. Please, Aeris, Bring her back." Sephiroth prayed, falling on his knees & clasping his hands. "Please!" He pleaded once more, a tear falling from his eyes.

The singular tear rolled off cheek & down his chin. Then it fell, like a glittering piece of diamond dust. It was caught in the light breeze now flowing through the crater, before falling down into the Lifestream.
How It All Begins...   
10:10pm 23/10/2003
mood: crappy
music: Papercut by Linkin Park
I am depressed & I wanna die... I think. I want to be alone yet I don't. My head hurts as I try to figure out what I should do. But I know even if I know I want to die I don't have the conviction needed to kill myself or ask anyone else to kill myself. Not really anyway. I think that's a ood thing though, otherwise I would have been dead years ago. Enough with this depressing shit though. I've been writing non-stop on my Star Wars yaoi fanfic. Yep, YAOI. It's Obi-Wan Kenobi X Darth Maul. It's a kind of like the Sith Academy series in spirit but it's different. I only began reading the Sith Academy series after I began writing my own SW O X M story but... Anyway... I'm waiting desperately for a phone call that is long over due... Oh well, I gotta go for now & find comfort food...