Pay me a visit shall you?

My new journal

Date:	2005-05-30 11:13
Subject:	New stuff
Security:	Public
Mood:	silly
Music:	the rumble in the jungle (ali vs foreman replay)

Here's a picture I painted for an art contest (I also entered their writing contest hehe). Hopefully it gets me into the studio!



Yesterday was such a fun day! First off, Rose and I were late to 12:45 PM Mass so we decided to go to Target. I bought Chapelle Show Season 2 (the Wayne Brady Show episode is the funniest thing I have ever seen) and boxes of Goobers (man I'm addicted to those tiny delectable chocolate covered peanuts!) and Rose bought her brother a lightsaber (the coolest one other than Obi Wan's) and some shirt to work out in. Then we bought pan de sal at Valerio's, or Tropical V's, or whatever it's called. Headed back to her place, had some spaghetti. Shortfly thereafter the LF Core peeps came in. They graciously allowed me to sit in. Good stuff! It was cool but kinda weird: very familiar and at the same time slightly foreign. After that some chillage with Rose and her bros. We watched the Chapelle Show. Laughs and fun. Then 6 PM Mass. I can't wait to go to Confession. During Mass I came up with the lyrics to the Eucharistic Adoration song that I'm going to make out of "Verona: Not Ever." It'll sound cool, trust me! Here's what I got thus far:

i am on my knees / Your love and mercy rain down on me / You are my heart / You are my heart / i don't want to leave You / no not now / not ever / if i could then i would yes i would die right now at your feet / if the world only knew / what i knew everytime i looked at You / You are my God / You are my God / i don't want to leave You / no not now / not ever / if i could then i wouuld yes i would die right now at your feet / and see Your beauty face to Face / with the angels and saints singing Your praise / take me Lord right now / i'm where i need to be / i'm with You

Not that big a difference. I think it works. What say you?

Right now I'm inviting two of my friends to Ave Star. I'm scared but excited. I feel physically well right now. Working out is fun.

If you have the time I highly suggest that you read the novelization of Star Wars Episode III. It is SO much better than the movie (although I thoroughly enjoyed the movie). Everything is fleshed out more.

Oh yea, back to yesterday. After Mass Rose, Mary Lou, Leila and I stayed awhile in the parking lot and chatted up a bit. Rose was on the look out for Fr. Dem who seemed to be hiding from us. When we saw him finally he was funny! Straight came out with jokes. That was cool. After that, the three of us were trying to convince Mary Lou to eat dinner with us. Sadly she denied us the pleasure of her company. So it was Leila, Rose and I off to IHOP for pancakes. Pancakes are good. Yummy yummy yummy. After dinner, we parted with Leila and went back to Rose's house to watch more Chapelle. Funny funny funny. Rose's Tito Donald was there with his family. Dean and Donna joined us in watching. Good stuff. Oh yea! Donald asked me if Rose and I could do the music of Saturday evening's Vigil Mass. Crazy! Sadly I had to decline: Ave Star rehearsal. Darn! Woulda been fun.

Anyhoo, that is all I have to say. Andora out.

At my darling Rose's behest, I present to the world the real Anthony buried underneath three years of accumulated fat. For those who knew me back then, I don't think you remember me looking like this =)

I apologize for the quality of the pictures. We took digipics of pictures =)

Spee and Me at her joint bday party with Charisse



Charisse and Me (Rose's FAVE pic)



My 18th Birthday



The TRIFECTA (aka, the 3 oldest and finest guys at LF a long long long...loooonng time ago)



If you know someone who doesn't believe in a good God, in miracles, or the virtue of hardwork...show them this entry. Enjoy!

(Man.......)

Man, the difference a little time can make--I really let myself go! In chronological order:

My feet stink. Word. I got paid $100 for writing reviews of businesses like Albertsons, Target and such. Anyone want to know the secret =)? I've been using the Baquir family treadmill and bicycle lately. Woohoo, watch out: sexy Anthony by the end of the year. I promise. I'll be on two or three a days (that means work outs) until Ave Star. Hope I can keep it up. Right now I'm waiting on my artists. Lincy has shown me 5 finished pages and let me tell you: homegirl is a PRO. Bong is finishing up his other project. Haven't heard from Will lately but he has a viable excuse. Tommy says he's finishing up page 7! Can't wait to see some stuff! And as of two days ago, I'm trying to convince a girl named Noel to do another book with me. My short story for Aegis is due June 15th. I've got lots and lots of stuff to do! Life is good. Went to Mass at Nativity on Monday and Wednesday with Rose. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. Word. I'm supposed to meet up with Katrina sometime today; hopefully something pans out. Happy Bdays to all the May babies, like Lulu and Richer buddy. ::nose wrinkles up:: My feet REALLY stink. I need to get to the bank and deposit some money. Best thing I've learned since last summer: never give up.

Praise God: I made Ave Star 2005. Hopefully Jessica and Cheska make it too--so I can bum a ride LOL I'm a loser. My only shot: I'm going to convert Verona (Not Ever) into a worship song. No? Yes? As of late I've been working ouot consistently so I feel good about that. However, I haven't been doing much writing. I'm such a slacker! My short story is due June 15th. Anime Expo is July 1st-4th. San Diego Comic Con is later on in July--anyone wanna go with me so I can pimp some comic books? My mom is leaving for Florida tomorrow--a family wedding. Chris is heading to the Dominican Republic with Jen and her family in July. Lots of stuff happening.

Date:	2005-05-23 08:45
Subject:	tek no lah jik
Security:	Public
Mood:	thoughtful
Music:	espn on tv

Saw Star Wars Episode III on Saturday and Sunday. Am I a geek or what? Rose likes the story! Can you say geek in the making?

QUESTION OF THE DAY
blue83212: is there salvation outside the catholic church?
blue83212: well more importantly..
blue83212: where does the church stand on this?
fusionboy3: ecumenism
fusionboy3: umm lemme tell u
fusionboy3: brb
fusionboy3: haha
fusionboy3: one sec bro
blue83212: hahahha
blue83212: dominus iesus?
blue83212: hehehehe
blue83212: i just wanted to hear other people's opinion's on the matter
8:30 AM
fusionboy3: back bro, my bad, i just got attacked by the meanest dump ever
fusionboy3: as i understand it, you don'e need to be a baptized catholic to enter the kingdom of heaven
fusionboy3: moses, abraham, the patriarchs, Mary, the Apostles weren't technically baptized Catholics, we have no doubt they're in heaven
blue83212: right
blue83212: so does that mean there's salvation outside the church then?
fusionboy3: what about all the people who never heard the gospel preached?
blue83212: well those people i remember my dad saying
fusionboy3: it depends on how you interpret those words "outside the church"
blue83212: there's salvation for them
fusionboy3: there is NO salvation outside of the Catholic Church
fusionboy3: now what does it mean to be outside the Church?
fusionboy3: baptism does not equal salvation
fusionboy3: what does it mean to be Catholic?
blue83212: so waht about a protestant who heard about what the church says
fusionboy3: as i understand ecumenism, there are many Catholics out there who don't even know they are Catholic
blue83212: and doesn't want to bvelieve it?
blue83212: is that denying?
fusionboy3: for example, Muslims, Hindis, Jews who are good, decent, sinless people
fusionboy3: wouldn't they be deserving of Heaven? they follow Jesus' teachings--without ever having heard of Jesus
fusionboy3: now, about people who hear the gospel proclaimed by Holy Mother Church and refuse to convert...i dunno
fusionboy3: that's an iffy topic
blue83212: ok so muslims and jews CAN go to heaven
fusionboy3: nowadays the Church doesn't exactly bear the stamp of credibilitiy
blue83212: by God's grace
fusionboy3: yup
8:35 AM
blue83212: ok got that
fusionboy3: making them technically "Catholic"
fusionboy3: because, Catholic means "universal"
blue83212: good point
fusionboy3: even though they were never baptized
blue83212: but for those other christiants
fusionboy3: the way one lives his life
blue83212: who know about Jesus
blue83212: and live life accoridng to his laws
blue83212: but deny the chruch
blue83212: or have heard about it and said
fusionboy3: remember, the Church has 100% of Jesus teachings
blue83212: ok that's for you, not for me
fusionboy3: and the fullness of the Christian faith
fusionboy3: lets say the Baptists have...20%
blue83212: uhuh
fusionboy3: we can't judge the Baptists and say none of them are holy
blue83212: right
blue83212: so it goes back to taht analogy..
blue83212: catholics in a rollsroyce to heaven
fusionboy3: in my opinion, just because someone goes up to a Baptist and says "the Catholic church is the one true church"
blue83212: protestants in a hyundai
fusionboy3: does'nt mean that baptist heard the fullness of the truth
blue83212: they can get there but it's a lot harder?
fusionboy3: exactly
fusionboy3: only God can get us to heaven
blue83212: more years in purgatory i guess
fusionboy3: for Catholics to say God only works for us is ridiculous
fusionboy3: it goes against everything we know God to be...merciful, loving
fusionboy3: He desires for everyone to be saved
blue83212: ok that totally makes sense to me now
blue83212: thanks for shedin the light
fusionboy3: np
fusionboy3: the danger in running around saying "there's only salvation in the Catholic Church"
fusionboy3: is that people don't really understand what that statement means
fusionboy3: Catholics included
blue83212: right
blue83212: i brought it up in my blog
blue83212: just for discussion sake
blue83212: for some reason
blue83212: i was real perplexed last nite on what it meant
blue83212: and no one was givin me a concrete answer
blue83212: yours is the most concrete thus far
8:40 AM
fusionboy3: check out www.catholic.com
blue83212: esp when you brought up the past saints
blue83212: agh no
fusionboy3: lol
blue83212: haha jp
fusionboy3: and remember: Jesus was a Jew
blue83212: but thanks bro, you're awesome!
fusionboy3: not a Catholic
blue83212: God worked on you
fusionboy3: the truth of that statement shocks people
blue83212: to help me out today
blue83212: agh no he was catholic!
blue83212: hahahaa
fusionboy3: glad i could be of service
fusionboy3: lol
fusionboy3: "but I thought Jesus was a Christian"
blue83212: agh forget it u lost all credibility now
blue83212: hahahahaa jp
fusionboy3: lol
blue83212: so can i ask one more thing
blue83212: what about people who dont believe that there is a God
blue83212: or Jesus..
blue83212: for example..
blue83212: my friend i've been evangelizing to
blue83212: he has no God at all
blue83212: and if he was to die today
blue83212: would he go to heaven?
fusionboy3: we can only listen to what they say, but we can't ever know what is in another person's heart
fusionboy3: upon death we receive immediate judgment
fusionboy3: i read somewhere that at that moment, we are finally confronted with the reality of God
fusionboy3: and we are to decide whether to be with Him or not
fusionboy3: those in mortal sin are PREDISPOSED, or used to rejecting God
fusionboy3: so of course, they'd reject Him at death
fusionboy3: so the question would be, would a person who doesn't believe in God finally believe when faced with Him
blue83212: i'm sure it would be yes
blue83212: since he would be in front of Him
fusionboy3: or denial might be so set in
fusionboy3: denial due to sinfulness
fusionboy3: that the person could not accept God
fusionboy3: trapped in oneself--that's hell
blue83212: ok i'll leave that to God
fusionboy3: yup
fusionboy3: best way to do it
fusionboy3: only God knows
fusionboy3: we do our best...let Him take care of the rest
blue83212: but He's my best friend, so i'm sure he'll tell me
blue83212: then i'll tell you what's up hehe
blue83212: anyways
blue83212: ok good info to know
...
blue83212: i think it's stupid questions
blue83212: because all these catholics are like
blue83212: it's second nature to them
blue83212: but to me it's not
fusionboy3: nah
fusionboy3: questions are good
blue83212: i just didn't want to belive that catholics only had salvation
fusionboy3: doubting Thomas
fusionboy3: was the first one to proclaim Christ's divinity
blue83212: right

[thanks for a cool conversation Robby!]

"Preach the Gospel--use words if you have to."

Rainforest Cafe is the coolest restaurant I've ever been to! It's like a mini-themepark in there... Looks like I'm officially going to sing a song for Entropy Records... Bong e-mailed me an 80% completed cover for Son of God--it looks good.



Ah! He just MSN messaged me this one:

I'm very excited...

William Blankenship is my artist for Breakfast With Demons. Here's the first completed page for that one:



Love Sac never called me back =(. Oh well... Rose and I bought paint supplies and I painted this:



She painted a picture of me too! But I can't show anyone unless she says so... I had a case of food poisoning during the weekend that let to a whole bunch of other stomach troubles. Kids, listen to your Uncle Bernie Mac: "There's two things you don't mess with. That's your stomach and your booty hole." My foot is falling asleep.

Date:	2005-05-18 14:49
Subject:	Mature readers only:
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative
Music:	randomness

I grew up learning to hate myself. I remember regular visits from the leather belt for as far back as my memories take me. I remember red-faced verbal explosions in my ears because I left the television on in the living room or because I didn't finish my food or because I couldn't throw a baseball. What evil acts did I commit to warrant such punishment? I know I wasn't perfect. But in retrospect, did I deserve to get yelled at for spilling that cup of water? Did those five extra minutes in the bathtub justify stripes? Did I really do that bad a job on washing the dishes? And why in the world did I get shamed, beaten, demoralized--for crying? Pain erupts on my bare ass and I cry. Oh, what's that you say? I'm not allowed to cry even though I'm in pain? Oh, I'm sorry I did not enjoy that beating; I'm only crying more so I can learn to enjoy it. I remember being in Santa Maria and Uncle Carlos disciplining me. I was so used to the belt by then I conjured up tears so I could put my pants back on and start playing with all my cousins again. I was a professional whipping boy. Thinking back on this, I feel terribly bad for my brother. Mom told me that he got physically disciplined for crying as a baby. An infant in the crib cries--oh no! Let's hit it 'til it shuts up. Maybe the same thing happened to me, I don't know. And mom told me about that one time where all of us were taking a family portrait. For some reason I was crying. Did you try to calm me down? No, you walked out of the only family portrait we took together. "Dad, can I have this?" "No! Don't insist yourself." "But I want it." "I told you not to insist yourself!" ::WHACK:: Well fuck you! People "insist" themselves, people express desires and views that might be different from your own! I might be your flesh and blood but that does not make me your robot monkey. Your way or the highway--that's why you could never be happy, never could make anyone happy. Three marriages? That's right. Everyone makes mistakes except for you. And if you did make a mistake, aw hell, forget apologizing for it--get mad at the other person for being right! I never learned to love myself. How could I when the fact that I wasn't good enough was reinforced at home with everything I did. Yea, I pulled in those straight A's. Yea, all your friends marveled at how intelligent and respectful and talented I was. But I was a meaningless sack of shit at home--at least that's how you made me feel about myself. "Don't do what I do." Shut up. You took me with you to your job when you fixed other people's homes. Here I am, an eight year-old kid forced to sit in a pick-up truck for hours. What's that? Okay dad, you want me to fetch the Philip's head screwdriver? Hmm...maybe it's this thing here...here ya go, is this it? Oh it's not. Of course I'm stupid. I should've known exactly what it was you were asking for, considering the fact that you never taught me any of this shit at all. Please, yell at me and tell me how stupid I am for making the most elementary of mistakes. I don't deserve to live. And thanks for leaving the porn around for me to stumble into. Great instructional material for a developing child's brain. Now I'm addicted and going to counseling for this shit. The only thing in the world that made me feel good was masturbation years before puberty. That stuff sticks in your head you know. Luckily you got older and time mellowed you out. Nowadays I pull the same thing from fifteen years ago. I drop some rice onto the floor off of my plate. Oh no problem you tell me. Fuck you! Why was it a problem when I was five years old? Expect me to know how to do everything but you never taught me. Except for teaching me how to clean the floor--by picking up everything while on my hands and knees even though we just bought a vacuum. I got older and never had a day feeling decent about my life. And what happened to you mom? Weren't you supposed to protect us and defend us? But you couldn't even protect yourself. I remember when he hit you and you were crying on the living room floor. How old was I, six? Six when I charged in wielding a metal baseball bat ready to take on my father. And when life was falling apart and you two should have just had that divorce, what was I forced to do? Your youngest boy has to stop being a child and act as peacemaker between both of you. You never defended me. I can't help but defend everyone I see. But that still leaves me defenseless. I don't know how to protect or take care of myself. Thanks for scarring me too. You see the craziest things getting ready for school. Like watching you naked holding a knife and yelling at dad to kill you then and there. None of that for me. Don't think I ever made a suicide attempt. I went the other route. I over-achieved. I was the wizkid of the family. How much bragging rights did I earn for you? I made as many friends as possible wherever I went. But how come I still don't feel good about myself? I establish a relationship with God. I'm on top of the world, singing and dancing and sweating like a fool in the midst of aching souls just like mine. But when the music stops, what happened? Why do I still feel the same way? I make close friends. I tell her "I love you" when I can. Why? Maybe I do, maybe I don't. It just feels nice to say it and it's a hundred times better to hear or read it directed towards me. And when the response isn't there? Most likely because it had to be a quick goodbye or a hundred million other normal reasons? I'm devastated and sit there in my computer chair staring at the screen and fighting the urge to destroy something. I'm not trying to be a downer, I'm not trying to be depressed, I'm not trying to be a drama queen like every damn person keeps telling me that's just exactly what the hell I'm doing. So no one is there to properly guide me or shepherd me so I am forced to grow again in my own way--this time I become a father-figure / big brother-figure to others. I need to be perfect because they expect me to be perfect. I need to be an inspiration because no one inspires me. I need to fix my family because my family won't fix itself. Don't whine, don't be a baby. Buy into the system, shoulder that weight, lead on, lead on. Cantor for the Midnight Mass and go home still feeling like shit. Merry Christmas, no matter how many times you hear "urlvd" you don't feel it 'cause you never did. Now go somewhere and get lost in porn and masturbate and feel good for fifteen seconds then go ahead and cry yourself to sleep. Don't forget to smile the next morning and nod respectfully when people come up to you and drown you with praise and compliments. No priest from your parish? Well, of course that's supposed to be you! Even though you feel like the onus is on you because no one else is taking that step. Alright, off to the abbey I go. Surprise surprise! You feel like you're betraying God because you are not there yet. Why? Why the hell did I feel this way? Then the real shit storm hit after I came back. I didn't even know there was something wrong with me until I got into a fight with Rose. I cried all the way back driving her home from Nativity because she only asked me twice if I was okay. So I pulled over and told her to fix things this time or it would be over. She sits there and doesn't know what to say--who would?--and decides to leave. So I tell her, that's it, it's over, just run and never fix anything. Something prompts me to stop my car and catch her before she's gone. And we talk. A lot. So I go home thinking what the hell is going on with me. Was it the next day when I kicked and punched the bathroom door? Then I started screaming like a madman? I asked you to tell Christy that I couldn't make it to the meeting. Please Lord, some compassion, let me just have this little break to get my bearings together. "What did she say?" "She said, 'Is he just being a baby again?'" Hah. That's right, a big baby. Thanks for single-handedly settling the issue for me. Goodbye. Days at home wandering like a zombie. Feel unworthy. Everything's your fault anyway. Why did my life have to take a 180 like it did? Oh crap God, what's going on? Let me rip my shirt apart and scare my family. Counselor time! We need to get to the bottom of this. Why don't you feel good? I feel pressure from Church. Okay, but there's something else, something deeper...why don't you feel good? I was a spoiled brat of a kid and the worst son ever. Are you mad at your parents in any way? No no no! It's nothing like that. I'm actually sad that I'm burdening them with my presence after graduating college. We've got to find out why there's this hole in you Anthony, this black void that you have been desperately trying to fill all your life. You didn't get it as a child. The pornography and masturbation served as a temporary fix--but you got addicted. Sweet, I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder too? Then you turned to God...and all the ministry you were a part of did provide some fulfillment, some satisfaction--but never enough. You were never satisfied. That's right. No matter how much, or what or who I helped, I still felt like it didn't matter. Thanks for programming me to feel slighted every which way dad. That's why I got mad at Rose on the way to her family party. She drops me off at home and since she didn't talk to me or play ambassador the way I had to, I feel as if she doesn't love me so I slam the door to her car and kick in the side gate. I punch the garage door a couple times--you can still find the dents if you look for it. God, what else did I do? How many weeks did it take for my knuckles to heal? Don't try punching in car windows kids 'cause that shit hurts. I put away my drum set but still had drum sticks laying around. Hear it whistle through the air as I batter my left arm purple. It ends up growing fairly big and looking really grotesque. One day Rose was on the phone and it went from us arguing to me crying because right there it fucking hits me in the face: I hate my parents and I never wanted to feel it so instead I hated myself, covered it up with "I was a lousy son" and paraded them around as the best parents ever: a passionate father and an understanding mother. My. Ass. So there's the breakthrough in counseling. First step is honesty. Honesty with yourself. Be honest with yourself then everything else will follow. Oh boy, this is a doozy. My ministry work, all the stuff I did, was to compensate, to make up for the void in my heart that kept telling me that I wasn't good enough. Ministry is an overflow from your personal relationship with God. Learn to not be scrupulous. Learn to not put on the mask of holiness because otherwise you're going to disappoint, scandalize, discourage people. Shit it's hard. What do you say when you run into them and they ask with genuine concern, why did you leave us? How come you won't come back? She asks me if I'll ever come back in the future. No I say, ideological differences with the powers that be. Stuff like: thanks for inviting me to dinner and asking me what's going on but did you ever personally try to stop anyone else from leaving the community? And no, don't give me some bullshit excuse like telling me their personal life. And I see everyone so mature and wise and it's a wonderful feeling and I still feel bad though--I held them back. Be the one to depend on because that's what I needed in my life.

Dude, my hands hurt.

“Curtain Call” (c) 2005 Anthony C. Andora.

PAGE ONE (four panels)

Panel 1. The sun has set. We see the outline of a building (playhouse) against the backdrop of a densely packed city. We’re really in hell--but we want to fool the reader into thinking its LA still.

1 CAP: SOMEWHERE--

Panel 2. We see a huge amount of people entering the building from the front. The streets are wide. The doors are huge. Tons of people rushing in. They are all silhouettes. Torches attached to the front of the building provide the lighting.

2 CAP: --SOUTH OF LOS ANGELES.

Panel 3. The “shadowed people” are in the main hall fighting to get into the main room first. This is a playhouse.

3 CAP: SOMEWHERE HOT AND CROWDED.

Panel 4. Close-up of a sign painted on a wooden stand next to the entrance to the main room. There’s a “sold out” sign pasted on it as well.

4 CAP: A PLAYHOUSE.

5 MAIN SIGN: LONGEST RUNNING SHOW IN HISTORY! “ONE MAN’S TRIUMPH”

6 SMALL RED PAPER PASTED ON TOP: SOLD OUT!

PAGE TWO (three panels)

Panel 1. We see the crowd coming in through the doors and getting into the seats of the playhouse. It’s real fancy: there are box seats. The atmosphere is old-school, opulent, decadent.

Panel 2. A shot of the stage. Red curtains are drawn across.

Panel 3. POV: from the stage. We see every seat in the house is filled. Packed. Everyone is still in silhouettes. But we can see their smiles and eyes.

1 CAP: PACKED TO THE BRIM.

PAGE THREE (five panels)

Panel 1. Shot of the entire stage. The lights are down low. The curtains are drawn. We see the silhouette of a man hanging from a tree (noose). It’s Judas.

Panel 2. A bright flash. The crowd is cheering

1 SFX: CLAP CLAP CLAP

2 SFX: WHOOOOOO!!

Panel 3. The man who was hanging is now standing on center stage looking down. His face is in shadow. The tree and noose are still there. The man is dressed in the outfit that Bible characters always wear--toga-like with a colored sash all the way around. His colors are brownish-black toga and scarlet red sash.

3 AUDIENCE MEMBER (OP): I LOVE THIS SHOW. IT’S SO INTENSE!

4 SFX: SHHHHH!!!

Panel 4. Close up of the man’s face. His eyes are open.

5 JUDAS: IT’S NOT FAIR.

Panel 5. Torso shot of man. His head is up. We see his face now. He is smiling.

6 JUDAS: I...I SHOULD BE THANKED--

PAGE FOUR (three panels)

Panel 1. 1/2 of page. POV: right next to Judas. He turns his head to the side. We see the tree and noose.

1 JUDAS: --NOT PUNISHED!

Panel 2. 1/2 of page. POV: from the tree that Judas just looked at. Now he’s looking at the audience. We see them too--eyes and smiles, the rest of them are shadows.

2 JUDAS: IF IT WASN’T FOR ME--IF IT WASN’T FOR ME--

Panel 3. 1/2 splash. POV: the audience on the floor. He’s elevated on the stage so he looks menacing. Judas squats and yells, fists balled, teeth clenched. Spit flies. Hair in the air.

3 JUDAS: --THERE WOULD BE NO SALVATION!

PAGE FIVE (five panels)

Panel 1. Same POV from the audience. Judas points up forward, looks like he’s pointing at the reader.

1 JUDAS: YOU SHOULD BE THANKING AND PRAISING ME!

Panel 2. Same as previous. Judas puts his finger at his templer. Smug smile. Eyes closed now.

2 JUDAS: I DID WHAT HUMANITY NEEDED. THINK ABOUT IT--

Panel 3. Flashback from Judas’ perspective. It’s the Garden of Gethsemane. Judas leads a mob with torches and points to a man (Jesus) kneeling on the ground in prayer.

3 JUDAS (OP): --IF I NEVER ‘BETRAYED’ HIM, HE WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN CRUCIFIED. NO BLOODY SACRIFICE--

Panel 4. Flashback. Crucifixion scene. Most of the scene is in silhouette. We see the nails and the outline of the body.

4 JUDAS (OP): --NO REDEMPTION FOR ANY OF US!

Panel 5. Flashback. Overhead shot. Judas hanging from a tree.

5 JUDAS (OP): BUT WHAT DO I GET?

PAGE SIX (seven panels)

Panel 1. Back to present. Same overhead shot of tree and noose. Empty.

1 JUDAS (OP): NOTHING.

Panel 2. Judas from behind. He shrugs his shoulders and holds his hands at his sides in a sign of “oh well, I can’t do anything.”

2 JUDAS: HEH. FOR A GOD WHO’S SO GOOD...WHY ME?

Panel 3. Judas from front. Same pose as previous panel. He’s smiling really wide.

3 JUDAS: I WAS DESTINED...

Panel 4. Close-up of his open hand at his side.

4 JUDAS: ...HANDPICKED...

Panel 5. Hand turns into a fist.

5 JUDAS: CHOSEN TO BE THE BETRAYER! WHERE’S THE FAIRNESS IN THAT?

Panel 6. Torso and above shot from the front. He points his thumb at his chest.

6 JUDAS: SCAPEGOAT. THAT’S ALL I AM.

Panel 7. Shot of audience from the side. They are captivated. Not a one is moving. Eyes all facing forward. Some mouths hang open. Still, no details of the audience--draped in shadow.

7 JUDAS (OP): YOU THINK I WANTED THIS?!

PAGE SEVEN (four panels)

Panel 1. Overhead shot. POV from one of the box seats. There’s a single spotlight that shines on Judas onstage. We can see the audience too. This shot emphasizes how “small” he is.

1 JUDAS: THE VIRGIN? OH, SHE’S SPECIAL.

Panel 2. Overhead shot. Shifts towards the audience. We see them entranced once again.

2 JUDAS (OP): ME? I’M DEMONIZED, SCORNED, DAMNED!

Panel 3. Another shot of Judas pissed off and getting worked up.

3 JUDAS: AND WHAT ABOUT THE BASTARD WHO DENIED HIM--DENIED HIM!--THREE TIMES!? STOOD UP IN FRONT OF ALL OF US AND PROMISED HIS LOYALTY! WHAT HAPPENS? GETS HANDED THE KEYS TO THE WHOLE DAMN KINGDOM!

Panel 4. POV: the floor at Judas’ feet. He sulks and hangs his head low.

4 JUDAS: I TRIED TO TAKE IT BACK--TRIED TO TAKE BACK MY MISTAKE--BUT NO...

PAGE EIGHT (five panels)

Panel 1. Close up front-row audience members. They are nodding in agreement.

1 JUDAS (OP): ...THIS IS HIS WILL, HIS WISH.

Panel 2. Judas’ face. He looks sad, hopeless. The defiance is dissapating fast.

Panel 3. Judas walks back towards the tree and noose.

2 JUDAS: I DID NOT CHOOSE TO BE JUDAS! I AM--

Panel 4. Overhead shot. Judas is hanging from the tree.

3 JUDAS: --WHO I WAS MADE TO BE!

Panel 5. Biggest panel of the page. Shot at an angle so we can see the audience and the stage. Curtains begin to close. Lights on stage are turned off. The crowd is up on its feet.

4 SFX: CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP

5 SFX: BRILLIANT!

6 SFX: ENCORE!

PAGE NINE (two panels)

Panel 1. Smaller panel inset in panel two. Close up of the face of the actor who played Judas. We can only discern a tear rolling down his face.

1 SFX: CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP

2 SFX: WHOOOOOO!!

Panel 2. The lights come on in the playhouse. We see the people in their seats standing up. They are all demons. Human figures, tiny horns, wicked smiles, red skin. There’s no mistaking anymore--we’re in hell. One demon is resplendent and radiant, white, glowing--that’s Satan in the front row. He’s laughing.

3 SFX: AHAHAHAHAHA

4 CAP: SOMEWHERE IN HELL...DEVILS GET THEIR DUE.

God is the bestest ever! I've officially got an artist working on a book called Son of God. The man himself, Bong Abadwill cover the art chores. He did a 10 minute sketch of Alannis, the female main character. Here's a concept sketch of Apollo, the main character. Lincy, my manga-ka, will take care of the letters. I'm excited ya'll!

To top it off, another artist expressed interest in another project of mine called Kamikaze. Here's his art. He's really good, ya?

Also, I might pay a visit to Entropy Studios thanks to Robby Moya. Man, things are moving and shaking...

Plus...I've got a job interview tomorrow at 5:15 pm. Pray for me!

Wooboy, God just rains those blessings down, don't He?

Yesterday: I hung out at Rose's house all afternoon with her and her brothers. It was really cool. I relearned how to jump rope. We played Texas Hold 'em. Rose punched me in the fats--multiple times.

Today: I've hooked up with two new artists! Score. I'm happy.

In response to Verona (Not Ever):

X cHi E sU kA X:P oh my gosh...it's YOU!! OMG...that's weird
me: lol
X cHi E sU kA X:P i haven't heard you sing for so long...
X cHi E sU kA X:P hahahaha...
me: naw its not me
X cHi E sU kA X:P OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
me: hahahaha what?
X cHi E sU kA X:P IT'S YOUUUUUUUUUU
X cHi E sU kA X:P and even you harmonizing...hahaha...that is soo awesome
me: glad u like it
me: i'm actually doing crap with the equipment i bought from a while ago
X cHi E sU kA X:Phahaha...well that's some good crap....hahahaha
me:hahaha
me:man
me:u don't know how often i come out of the bathroom saying that
me:lol
X cHi E sU kA X:Phahahahahahahahahahahahah

x G e e P s x: its nice how ur harmonizing with ur self
me: hahaha be careful how you word that one buddy
me: lol
x G e e P s x: ha ha

Thanks to Armando Batista for the art.

For mature audiences only.

me: after i graduated i decided to take a break from everything and just kinda figure out where my life is headed
me: i still see the old gang every sunday at mass though
x doorkey x: that's cute =)
me: hahaha how is it cute?
x doorkey x: hahaha
x doorkey x: yah
x doorkey x: because of the words you used

anddmeggiesays: its nice to talk to old friends again ya know

me: i need a high profile backer with money
me: DUH the Guarin family
me: LOL
kaiguywannabe: hahaha

Date:	2005-05-06 01:27
Subject:	i don't want to leave you
Security:	Public
Mood:	relaxed
Music:	take the backseat [verona (not ever)]

Tonight has been reunion night! Talking to everyone and their mamas on AIM.

Anne So misses everyone and she has this to say:

msannelynn:if you guys ever hang out come visit me at norms
me:oh cool
me:which one?
msannelynn:im a waitress on the one on hawthorne and 186
msannelynn:hopefully u guys come visit
msannelynn:it would be great to see old faces
me:hehe awesome
me:we're gonna be really noisy though hahaha
msannelynn:that's ok!
1:20 AM
msannelynn:i better see u guys
me:hehe
msannelynn:i usually work nights
me:imma blurty this convo
msannelynn:afternoonish
me:so peeps can stalk you

I finally put up a song on Myspace. I've been IMing it to people all night.

I miss everyone.

As they are (things, that is):

I am no longer tied to any comic book artists. The first one that I was really excited about (he draws like Frank Miller) flaked out on me BIG TIME: I have not got an e-mail from him in over a month. I hope nothing crazy happened. The second one--ARGH! Ask Rose. He told me he was a good artist. I believed him. I saw the art the other day. And BLECH. I liken his art to this. I know that's harsh but c'mon: he said he was pro level! Sheesh. Anyways...

I think that one of my short stories is going to get published! Click here and read the first story posted. A fellow who wants to publish an anthology likes it and said it will get included. Hopefully I can finally see print!

Things with my manga artist Lincy are going really well. We talk like every other day (constant communication between artistic collaborators is a must!) and have already got a contest entry and are currently working on our submission to Tokyopop. Since she made top 20 in the last Rising Stars of Manga Contest we're hoping that together we can crack the top 8 and get published. If you'd like to read the script for fun or to offer criticism just let me know. I really hope that they announce the contest soon! We're planning on going to the Anime Expo this July at the Anaheim Convention Center. We could finally meet up in person and try to get editors to notice our stuff. And I might do the whole cosplay thing and dress up as Rock Lee from Naruto. My brother says I already have the hair for it lol. Now just the teeny problems of fuzzy eyebrows and dramatic weight loss...

Please please pray for me, that this foray into a writing career leads somewhere.

In other news:

My brother's girlfriend Jen found the cutest little puppy and is going to bring him here today! Yay! I get to play with a doggy.

Rose is done with school! I knew USC was good for something: earlier vacations =).

I picked up my guitar again recently and hope to FINALLY post up some songs on MySpace (ala Ronneza).

I applied for a mall job yesterday and have an interview next Thursday. Just a side job to supplement all the time I waste on the computer writing stuff.

I'm addicted to Urban Vinyl. Check out the Mao Dunny! Now is that cool or what?

I miss everyone.

Trace your fingers in the sand and wait to see what patterns may come. The hungry wind will erase it all in time.

Please pray for Jason Fish:

1) for acceptance to Dominquez Hills this Fall.
2) for employment with the Garden Grove School District

Thanks!