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Monique

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[31 Oct 2004|05:41pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

On Friday Jason came and visited me at school, and we walked to the McDonald's and sat outside for two hours. We managed to make each other pretty damn horny, and we were both pretty disappointed when I had to leave.

He went to a Halloween party with me last night, and that was pretty cool. We cuddled with each other the whole time. He also felt the need to bounce me up and down on his lap a lot, and that only served to make me really horny. I probably could've gotten off if he had kept going. He's such a sweetie.

Tonight I'm going trick-or-treating with Erin, Nicole, and their younger siblings. It should be alright, I guess. I just wish we didn't have to bring Nicole's brother and Erin's sister. Oh, well. Free candy is always good.

I just need to figure out how my tail is supposed to work. Hmm.

I have to pee. Yay!

Fart.

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[29 Oct 2004|11:17pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | Right Said Fred - I'm Too Sexy ]

Hi, hi. My day was awesome, and then I had to deal with shit involving some fucker.

Jason met me at school, saw me in a dinky little fashion show, and then went for a walk with me to the friendly neighbourhood McDonald's. I wanted to fuck him so bad.

Anyways, I don't feel much like going to sleep.

Have a survey! )

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[28 Oct 2004|09:05pm]
[ mood | excited ]
[ music | Pearl Jam - Jeremy ]

Me )

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[24 Oct 2004|10:35pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | Goo Goo Dolls and Elmo - Pride ]

Wow, Ender's Game is a really shitty book. I hate it. I wish we could do something else in my English class.

My dreams have been different lately... I'm too tired to explain.

I'm jittery about tomorrow. I'm scared about my history test, and I'm scared of making a fool of myself in front of Jason. But that's okay.

I'm excited for third period, though. I have a math test, and so that means pretty much a free period to catch up on some reading. I always finish my math exams abnormally fast, so yeah. I decided to do math 20 through cyberschool next semester, though, because then it will move at my pace. Math at school moves far too slowly.

Alexa is fitting me into a dress of hers tomorrow. It's a medieval type dress, and she said I can wear it for Halloween. I am excited. It's a beautiful dress.

I'm hungry. Silly me.

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[23 Oct 2004|11:11pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | Eve 6 - Anytime ]

So lately it's been like, "Wow, everybody's gotten dumber lately." Fucking annoying.

Tysene went over a week acting like a complete shithead around me. But I think we're okay again now.

I'm nervous about Monday.

I'm probably gonna cancel all birthday festivities for this year. I'll elaborate later.

I'm pretty stressed out right now. Yep.

I miss Steve. As always. Little shit.

I've been reading Heavier Than Heaven without stop. I can't put it down. Kurt Cobain was so fascinating...

I really hate my life. I hate my school, and my friends, and everyone else. There's very few people I can handle being around, and that list seems to shorten itself with every passing day. I think I'm destined to become a hermit, but then again, I don't handle isolation very well, either. I'm a fuck up.

I'm pretty lost right now. I don't really know what to say, even though I should have tons. There's been a lot going on lately, but the bottom line is this: I'm sick of all the pressure. I really need a vacation.

I'm going to go read some more.

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[23 Oct 2004|12:22am]
[ mood | blank ]

So Erin came over after school, and Denelle joined us after dinner. We just hung out and talked. Somehow Tysene's name came up more than a few times... I'm gonna miss him after he graduates... I think he might be coming back to upgrade later, but I won't be seeing him as much as I do now. I don't know.

I really miss Steve. He's been the only thing on my mind lately... I love him. Silly me.

Jason came into town today, and I'm going for lunch with him on Monday. It's gonna be fun to see him.

Alexa's still really pissed at me.

Trish is making me crazy.

School just sucks. I ditched fourth today to go hang out with Steve (guy from school), Jeff, and Kevin. We went to the McDonald's, but left when we realized they didn't take credit cards. So we decided to go to the Co-Op. Jeff bought everybody something to drink. I had a cappucino, and it was so beyond good. *Drool* Also, I had an anxiety attack at lunch, partly triggered by the smoky haze that took over the school after a mild kitchen fire. The whole school smelt like grease. It was disgusting. Me staying at school during fourth period would've made me beyond miserable, considering I had gym in fourth period. I hate that class.

Monday is gonna be so much fun. Denelle and I plan on calling the water treatment plant and asking them if it's okay to piss in the shower, and I'm gonna get to see Jason. The only thing that's gonna suck about it is the fact that I have a huge history exam in period one. *Bangs head on desk* I hate history.

That's about it for this entry, though... I have to e-mail Trish and Alexa back. *Whimper* I don't know what I'm going to say. Blah.

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[17 Oct 2004|10:39pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | Roch Voisine - Kissing Rain ]

Friday was okay. I had a brief newspaper meeting after school, so I went to that and Denelle, Erin, and Tysene waited for me in the library. We hung out for a few minutes before leaving the school. Erin and Denelle came home with me. We collapsed in my living room and acted like idiots. Denelle had to leave around 5. Erin stayed for dinner and stuff. We called Nicole and asked her to come over because we felt bad because nobody was ever inviting her anywhere anymore, and she's a really nice person. We hung out at my house for a while, went to The Hasty for a sugar fix, came back to my house, and watched T.V. till they had to go home.

I did shit all yesterday.

I went to the mall with my dad today. He bought me kitty ears. We ran into Dani and Jeff there. It was neat.

I have a twelve minute run in my gym class tomorrow. I hate fitness testing. Nicole is the only person that gets me through that class. Everyone else just sucks ass. I miss the knitting circle.

I also have a long ass newspaper meeting after school. We're publishing. I'm looking forward to cuddling with Richard again. He makes me feel warm and gooey on the inside.

The other night my dream got really bad. I couldn't walk for most of the next day. Last night wasn't bad at all.
I'm scared shitless of what tonight is gonna be like. I just keep telling myself that I shouldn't be afraid, but I somehow always am...

I miss Stevie. I think I might try calling him tomorrow if I get the chance.

I should get some sleep. Farewell.

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[14 Oct 2004|10:59pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | Rod Stewart - Do Ya Think I'm Sexy ]

I like cuddling with Richard, because he understands that sometimes you need physical affection from people to make yourself feel less isolated.

During the newspaper meeting, I was sitting on Richard's lap, and Mr. Z. yelled at us. He was saying something about how he doesn't allow that to happen in his classroom... It was weird. But the second he left, Richard and I were all over each other again. He was nuzzling my cheek and my neck, his arms were around me, and he was holding my hand. It was so nice...

After newspaper, we dropped Jeff off at home, and then we drove around for a little while. I told him how I feel about him, and he was being really nice about it, just like I knew he would. I wanted to kiss him so bad, but I didn't.

I think I'm aiming for the whole 'friends with benefits' thing as far as he goes.

I also think I need some sleep, even though I'm scared to death of it, but I have to face this.

Wish me luck.

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[14 Oct 2004|10:59pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | Rod Stewart - Do Ya Think I'm Sexy ]

I like cuddling with Richard, because he understands that sometimes you need physical affection from people to make yourself feel less isolated.

During the newspaper meeting, I was sitting on Richard's lap, and Mr. Z. yelled at us. He was saying something about how he doesn't allow that to happen in his classroom... It was weird. But the second he left, Richard and I were all over each other again. He was nuzzling my cheek and my neck, his arms were around me, and he was holding my hand. It was so nice...

After newspaper, we dropped Jeff off at home, and then we drove around for a little while. I told him how I feel about him, and he was being really nice about it, just like I knew he would. I wanted to kiss him so bad, but I didn't.

I think I'm aiming for the whole 'friends with benefits' thing as far as he goes.

I also think I need some sleep, even though I'm scared to death of it, but I have to face this.

Wish me luck.

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[13 Oct 2004|09:58pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | Brian McKnight - Still ]

I don't deserve this.

Please throw me off the Broadway Bridge.

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[11 Oct 2004|03:16pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | The Postal Service - Such Great Heights ]

I'm lost, and I can't help but wonder why the world spins the way it does.

Maybe it's like one of those stupid amusement park rides that always make you feel sick. If it stopped fucking turning, maybe I wouldn't be so sick of everything all the time.

I just want to fall asleep and know he's right there, and that he won't ever let anything happen to me. I've fought so hard for so long, and I can't help but feel that it's all in vain... Does he really love me the way he says he does? I just don't understand why he's not here when he's supposed to be. Doesn't he know how badly this is tearing me apart? I just want to curl up on his chest and never, ever let him go...

Why the hell does this consume me the way it does? Christ, I'm stupid.

And I feel really fucking silly for always asking this, but why me? What did I ever do to deserve all this?

I'm so sick of walking through the hallways at school and seeing all these happy people, and they don't deserve it, any of it. Everybody's always telling everybody else that they love them so much, that they'd die without them... So what is it that I'm doing now? I deserve it. He deserves it. All these stupid plastic fucking people... They just don't. I'm sick of all this "everybody deserves to be happy" bullshit. It's just such a pile.

...I just miss you, is all.

I wonder if he remembered my birthday.

I remember before whenever he'd be gone for a while, I'd always think it was because he was on his way up here, just because it would hurt a lot less to think that way. But that was never how it was... Blah.

I need a nap. And sedatives. Mmm... Sedatives! *licks lips*

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[10 Oct 2004|10:37pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | Nickelback - Feelin' Way Too Damn Good (in my head) ]

Today was a long and boring day. I sat around and did nothing all day, and then I went out to Boston Pizza for Thanksgiving dinner. I'm horribly full now. Blah.

I can't get Steve out of my damn head. No mas! Damn him.

I'm kind of sleepy. I think I'll go to sleep after this episode of Frasier.

I want marshmallows.

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[09 Oct 2004|05:18pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]
[ music | Black-Eyed Peas - Let's Get it Started (in my head) ]

I keep imagining what it'll be like when I open the door to find you standing on my front step.

I wonder what all my friends will think when I show up at school with your arm around me...
How would my exboyfriends feel?
How would I feel?
And above all...

How would you feel?

Every God damn day of the week, I sit and I wonder...
I wonder if you feel the same way for me as I do for you...

My mind is lost. I'm so damn confused.
I'm sick of trying to will the phone to ring.

Damn you.

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[09 Oct 2004|01:54pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | Tears for Fears - Mad World (in my head) ]

Haha. Yay. I'm using my dad's new laptop. It's pretty. *Pets*

Yesterday was an overall good day, I think. School didn't suck as much as usual. We got dismissed early (2:25 as opposed to 3:05), and so Alexa came to pick me up from school. She, Tysene, Erin, and I came to my house for a little while because Tysene wanted to see the laptop. At about 3:15 we went to the park at the elementary school across the street from my house, because Erin's brother and his friend were there. We dropped her off there, and then Tysene, Alexa, and I walked to Extra Foods. We bought Doritos, marshmallows, and Crunch 'n' Munch. We ate Doritos on the way to Tysene's house. We sat in front of his house for a little while, waiting for his ride (he was going out with someone else after).

After that, Alexa and I walked to her house. We got there at about 5. We just hung out and watched Donnie Darko. We even roasted marshmallows on toothpicks over tealights. It was funny.

Tysene said that as far as physical attractiveness goes, on a scale of 1-10, I'm a 7. I just thought I'd share.

I feel really sick. I think it's because I haven't washed my hair since Thursday. Oh, well.

I really miss Steve. I haven't talked to him in two weeks. Everything seems so far away...
Blah. I guess it'll be fine again soon enough. I just need to keep hanging on.

I'm going to go watch That '70s Show now.

///i find it kind of funny. i find it kind of sad. the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had.///

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[04 Oct 2004|08:45pm]
[ mood | woozy ]
[ music | Sarah McLachlan - Blackbird ]

This update has been long overdue. I'm trying to procrastinate so I don't have to do my English project that's due on Wednesday. I haven't even started. Silly me.

Here's a poem I wrote today. You should read it: x )

I have a crush on Richard again! Hahaha!

Erin found a phone card at her house that might still have minutes on it, so I'm gonna try giving Steviekins a shout tomorrow if I have time.

My bum crack kind of burns.

Halls Fruit Breezers are the fucking shiznazz. The shiznazz!

I have the flu. Ain't that a bitch?

Bye bye.

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[01 Oct 2004|11:21pm]
[ mood | chipper ]
[ music | Janet Jackson - All For You ]

I had a particularly good day at school today.

Lunch was pretty neat. I mooched $1.75 off Jody and Marla so I could buy a cheese bun and a Nanaimo bar. Nanaimo bars own all.

I think I've developed a personal liking for Richard. Again. Eh...
Yesterday he said that it's girls like me who make it hard for guys to go into the priesthood.
He was flirting with me all through the newspaper meeting yesterday... He had his arms around me for most of it.

I really, really dislike Kristi. I wish she would just cease to exist for a little while.

Erin came over after school, and she stayed until about half an hour ago. We had a pretty neat time. I cut her hair really short.

I'm hungry. Wahh!

I spent a good chunk of today thinking about Steve. I don't know why, but it was more today than it usually is. Everytime I closed my eyes, I just saw him kissing me deeply with his hands in my hair.
I want him so bad.

I'm gonna go fall asleep in front of the TV. Farewell.

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[28 Sep 2004|11:10am]
[ mood | depressed ]

I fear for my sanity.

I have so much on my mind, and I just need to vent, but I have nobody to care, or listen...

Everything sucks. Especially these damn school computers. Roar.

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[26 Sep 2004|10:32pm]
[ mood | broken ]
[ music | Pretty Girls Make Graves - The Getaway ]

I miss you, James... More than I should...

Everything sucks without you.
Come back to me...

It hurts to inhale... God, it's not fair.

I feel so left behind. Take me with you.

I just want to drink myself away, until I wind up where you are.
I need to be with you. I don't care about what that entails.
Just to be with you...

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[26 Sep 2004|09:33pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | Nickelback - Feelin' Way Too Damn Good ]

Somehow everything reminds me of you.
Get out of my head. Just fucking go.
You're driving me crazy.

I went to the mall today with Erin
And I just kept going on about the boy
Whose name starts with an S
And ends in tephen.
I think she got annoyed with me.
I don't know why I suddenly turn into a boy crazy little girl
At the thought
Of his voice.

I bought my brother a white October teddy bear.
It has a fake opal for its nose.
It cost me eight dollars.
I got it from Write Occasions.

The thought occured to me today
That Steve will probably be here
On my Easter break.
I'm excited.
He can come to Catherine's birthday party with me
And meet all my loser friends.
The thought of all this
Makes it seem
Not quite so far away,
Even though it still is,
And that just sucks.

I have a history exam tomorrow morning that I am not prepared for.
At least I remembered to print off my current events article.
I hate my teacher.

I accidentally lit my garbage can on fire.
The room smells of burning plastic.

I don't want to go to school tomorrow. Or on Tuesday.
Everything sucks.

I want my Steviekins to come and make it all better.
*Whimper*

I should go do something productive. Like sleep.

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[25 Sep 2004|12:09pm]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | Amanda Marshall - I Believe In You ]

I left school at noon yesterday because I had a wicked bad tooth ache and my dad made a dentist appointment for me at 2. I missed periods four and five (gym and English).

I was under the impression I was having a filling redone.
When I was about to pay for it, I was told I had a root canal. I owed $530.
The work the dentist did took less than an hour.
Root canals take upwards of two.
I have to go back next Thursday with my father to discuss this price with the dentist.

I got back to school around quarter to four for the dance. I walked in crying because I was so aggravated with everything. I told Miranda what happened.

The dance really sucked. They didn't really play anything I was a big fan of.

I had three slices of pizza and a can of Mountain Dew for dinner. Good shit. Domino's owns.

After the dance ended, Tysene, Erin, and I went to Alexa's house.
We watched The Exorcist.
Tysene really got on my nerves.
Erin and Alexa not so much.

I borrowed Wayne's World and Wayne's World 2 from Alexa.
They will be my companions this evening. My friends didn't feel the need to invite me out with them.

My brother picked me up around 11:30.
I came home, talked to my grandmother for a little while, and ten I went to bed forty-five minutes later.

I woke up early to go to a massage therapy appointment this morning.
It was alright.

I might be going to the mall with Erin and perhaps Denelle tomorrow.
I'm unsure as of yet.
I just want to buy some more incense from Silver Sense.

I had a dream last night that dealt with Steve, two of his friends, Miranda, cigarettes, and my purse. Long story.

I'm hungry, but it hurts to eat.
I think I might just have chili.

I miss my Steviekins.

I'm sore.

I'm going to go lay down.

(Not sure if any of this is related)

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