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Madison

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[ Kill me now...xXxJuly 10th at 7:56pm]
ok. SO maybe it didnt work out the way I had hoped it would but.... I am glad that it didnt. I am very glad that it didnt.




*looks at the floor*


Maybe the gremlins will make me their hostage and demand a ransom...Just a thought.


1 ... Blow

[ Kill me now...xXxJuly 10th at 11:32am]
*glances to the side* AHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I don't know what I am laughing at....


I love Wordsicannotsay!!
1 ... Blow

[ Kill me now...xXxJuly 9th at 1:45pm]
[ mood | blank ]

And as I sat there and thought to myself, i suddenly realized my life is spinning. Somehow, somewhere,there is happiness. Maybe I can keep spinning till i puke to find it.

1 ... Blow

[ Kill me now...xXxJuly 9th at 2:16am]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

And of all the things you said, and all the things you did, the wrong things, and the bad things, i pick out the good. Kind of like a spam filter. Get rid of all the junk to get to the actual point. The good stuff. The things that you really want to see. I am the one who makes it appear like it is all okay even when its not. I am the on that everyone goes to for their problems, but when I have a problem, I am expected to fix it on my own because i am the anwser....But I'm not. I love to listen, and god help me I LOVE to help people. sometimes I think that I am taken for granted. I am used just like a spam filter. No thank you for getting me through it all, no god this woman is great i should compliment her, or anything. I am the filter to get to the good stuff.

2 ... Blow

ha...NOT [ Kill me now...xXxJuly 6th at 11:56pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

I got my hopes up and I got crushed..So I need to forget about it. I think he lied to me. He lied so many fucking lies. Why would someone make you fell so good about yourself and then pretend like you don't exist... I don't understand. I am not that bad of a person... And if i'm ugly then...fuck...I have no future because that's all that matters in this world to people is fucking looks and your dress size. I wonder if that's why he doesn't want to talk to me..GREAT....

Blow

Her again [ Kill me now...xXxJuly 5th at 3:16am]
[ mood | indescribable ]

And I love her more than ever. I can't get her out of my head. Its almost like she's stuck permanently. Not that I don't want to think about her or anything... The past is the past but I can't let it go. I want to be there again. I want to be with heer again. I wish I was. Sitting next to her. Looking at her looking at me and smiling. But All I have are memories. I dont want memories to just be memories. I wish I could relive them. If I could I would tell her all of the things that I wish that I had. I would tell her one more time that I loved her and I would hold her hand to let her know it. I would look into her beautiful eyes and I would say it over and over again. If only she knew, If only. She said one time that it is not love it was lust. But it is not that way at all. Not the way I see it. I loved her and I still do. And that is the way it will always be. But if she only knew now. I wonder what she would say. Maybe she would accept that. I know she would. She would have to. It's not lust, its love, I promise. I make this promise to her and to her only: I promise to love you forever, even if you never know. No matter if I am engaged or married. I promise to love you. I promise to remember. I promise to remember all of the times we had together, good and bad. I promise not to forget. I promise not to forget the sparkle in you eyes, the warmth in your smile or the tenderness in your touch. I promise to remember it all. For as long as I live I promise.

3 ... Blow

Sometimes... [ Kill me now...xXxJuly 5th at 3:14am]
[ mood | crushed ]

Sometimes you never forget. You can't seem to forget the times she made you laugh or the sweet smell of her body. Not that you wanted to forget but you can't. You don't want to. All the times you thought of her and she made you feel better. All of the smiles she gave you secretly. Loving her in secret. Being there for her because she was there for you. Smiling and not being able to stop because you remember something about her that only you knew and you loved it. Or being away from her for a long time and then just seeing her with no notice, no warning and then having your heart explode because you just want to be around her like you used to.Sometimes you never forget. I never did. I never even wanted to. I love her even now, even after all of everything is over I still love her. I tried to tell her a long time ago. I did. I told her I loved her. Perhaps she still knows. Maybe thats why it was so aquard seeing her. I love her. I still do and I always will. No matter how long I go without seeing her. No matter how long it takes to get in touch with her. I will always love her.

Blow

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