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[16 Nov 2002|07:58am] |
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Welcome to my life.
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| .findingthewayfromhome. |
[16 Nov 2002|11:43am] |
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and comming to conclusions...drifting from the rest of what i thought i'd always be able to know inside...Me ME ME i say..and i just dissapate.. dissapear.. somewhere inside a mirror of illusion... every drop i question now.. i question you.. and her.. and him.. and life..
apparently i don't have the role in this drama i thought i held... i am the one who is oblivious.. the tripping up hung by a phone wire..chased by a butcher knife..got stuck in the mud with my pumps on..girl
in the end...are there any happy endings... for me..for you..for us..for them..for her..for him..for stars..for love..for life..for anything-anymore?
play the players..who played the player..and i'm out of this sick game.. just a breath away from being someone wonderful..and i'll still be this without them..her..him..you..those..and everyone..
and everyone...
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| tommorow has to be better than today |
[16 Nov 2002|04:36pm] |
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the girl prepares for her pain a year in advance... to make sure her bones won't be broken.. and that her scars never show.. but they always show.. and someone cries... she hurts others more than she hurts herself when she does little lines...
it's time to go to 2 graveyards soon.. one for a friend.. one because im being called.. just when she thinks she's strong.. she falls down again.. and a person she really wants to care.. seems vacant to her.. that person cares.. but doesn't know a thing about her.. and they all come falling down.. tear's on my skin.. tear's.. that i can't cry.. i do cry.. on days like this..
black hole please stop swallowing me... im a good girl.. i want to be a good girl.. a pretty girl.. more than just a peice of ass.. (not saying people in my life treat me like that.. but.. i've been treated like that so many times before).. it makes one feel like a whore.. i get used in many different ways.. i feel it's my duty to make other people happy no matter what.. why do i do this to myself? i must stand up for me..
i want something more than..i don'tknow.. and maybe that's me being a woman.. but i want to be important.. i want to be special.. i want to be someone that people love and remember as a good person.. and im afraid to die being a girl like this.. i hate myself on days like today... i don't want to hate myself.. i try very hard not to.. sometimes i feel less than existence itself..
would i find freedom from a bridge? ... (only for a moment...then it'd be hell.. i'd be.. in a darker state of being).. so i keep fighting..
be with me because you care... about me.. get to know me.. be interested.. let me in to see your light.. the comfort comes after the fight.. im going to sing loudly.. and clean the hell out of my room.. maybe if that's clean.. then i will be too..
could you ever love a girl like me?
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