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The life of a gothic faerie

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Violins in the water.. [19 Nov 2002|07:22pm]
i can't tell you every word my mind creates...and i won't take your blame...i am..beautiful..i feel beautiful..and i feel darkness nearby..swallowing peices of me a little bit at a time..my trust is almost non-existent in humanity that is left..especially one's i thought i could hold dear to me..she pulls me into her web..spins spins me round..sometimes i feel safe here..until she starts to devour me..but im still okay with this..for it's how she is..and i know i can always trust that to stay the same..and i don't want to hear that voice..i don't want to hear the pain.. i don't want to read the words..im flying..

im flying..and somewhere i'm safe..i'm floating in cotton candy..sticky sweet..and tangled arround my fingers..i feel they're so drawn to me.. i reach out to touch them.. and they shatter.. a million tiny little snowflakes.. i pull in my hand.. away from the world.. i must not belong to a place like this..it gets so cold inside my head.. and im not sure i'll make it through another winter.. but i always do.. im not worried if they hurt me.. should i plan for the worst anyway.. i don't know what anyones intentions may be.. something says .. this isn't right .. but still im drawn in.. hypnotized.. i'll figure this out.. soon im sure.. tommorow is approaching quicker than i thought it would..

this melody glistening in my ears..and it feels like beautiful sadness..and what sleep would be..if i could do it..i would have to be dead for some to love me..but im okay being alive..and this weather makes me happy..i lost myself before this.. but i lost the rest of me then.. i don't remember that girl.. i don't remember her at all.. there are fragments of a memory.. that i'm not even sure are my own..

then there is me... and here i am.. but here i won't remember unless they bring me back... my heart..stopped..i need them to bring me back.. i need me to bring me back..

faith.hope.dream.love.peace.beauty. and then there is ..

me..
6 asphyxiated souls| keep me breathing

[17 Nov 2002|08:11am]
im missing my voice..and my mind.. how i could write for hours and talk about everything.. and all in several seconds.. i become vacant.. and am away.. im just away.. some might notice.. others will just pass by.. but the girl that lives inside me somewhere will miss the fact that she's alive.. because i feel so dead.. and someone told me that the way to breathe is to let parts of you die and just keep going.. am i afraid to let those parts go? i think i am death...
2 asphyxiated souls| keep me breathing

tommorow has to be better than today [16 Nov 2002|04:36pm]
[ mood | sad ]

the girl prepares for her pain a year in advance... to make sure her bones won't be broken.. and that her scars never show.. but they always show.. and someone cries... she hurts others more than she hurts herself when she does little lines...

it's time to go to 2 graveyards soon.. one for a friend.. one because im being called.. just when she thinks she's strong.. she falls down again.. and a person she really wants to care.. seems vacant to her.. that person cares.. but doesn't know a thing about her.. and they all come falling down.. tear's on my skin.. tear's.. that i can't cry.. i do cry.. on days like this..

black hole please stop swallowing me... im a good girl.. i want to be a good girl.. a pretty girl.. more than just a peice of ass.. (not saying people in my life treat me like that.. but.. i've been treated like that so many times before).. it makes one feel like a whore.. i get used in many different ways.. i feel it's my duty to make other people happy no matter what.. why do i do this to myself? i must stand up for me..

i want something more than..i don'tknow.. and maybe that's me being a woman.. but i want to be important.. i want to be special.. i want to be someone that people love and remember as a good person.. and im afraid to die being a girl like this.. i hate myself on days like today... i don't want to hate myself.. i try very hard not to.. sometimes i feel less than existence itself..

would i find freedom from a bridge? ... (only for a moment...then it'd be hell.. i'd be.. in a darker state of being).. so i keep fighting..

be with me because you care... about me.. get to know me.. be interested.. let me in to see your light.. the comfort comes after the fight.. im going to sing loudly.. and clean the hell out of my room.. maybe if that's clean.. then i will be too..

could you ever love a girl like me?

keep me breathing

.findingthewayfromhome. [16 Nov 2002|11:43am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

and comming to conclusions...drifting from the rest of what i thought i'd always be able to know inside...Me ME ME i say..and i just dissapate.. dissapear.. somewhere inside a mirror of illusion... every drop i question now.. i question you.. and her.. and him.. and life..

apparently i don't have the role in this drama i thought i held... i am the one who is oblivious.. the tripping up hung by a phone wire..chased by a butcher knife..got stuck in the mud with my pumps on..girl

in the end...are there any happy endings... for me..for you..for us..for them..for her..for him..for stars..for love..for life..for anything-anymore?

play the players..who played the player..and i'm out of this sick game.. just a breath away from being someone wonderful..and i'll still be this without them..her..him..you..those..and everyone..

and everyone...

keep me breathing

[16 Nov 2002|10:31am]
[ mood | amused ]

All about me )

That was fun. Thank you dark_love for the survey.

keep me breathing

[16 Nov 2002|07:58am]
Welcome to my life.
11 asphyxiated souls| keep me breathing

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