| Love is pain |
[15 Feb 2004|12:31pm] |
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So yesturday wasnt very fun... Valentines day started off with my parents arguing because my mom didnt want to drive back and forth from lynnwood to seattle (which we ended up doing by her request) we went to a statuary place so my mom could get some statues for Valentines day from my step dad Steve. She picked out an Angel for my grandmas garden in our backyard and a cute gargoyle sticking his tongue out which is odd because I didnt think she was into gargoyles and im in love with them. When I got out of the truck I saw cute lion statues and ever since we moved here I wanted a lion statue really really bad. I found a little one thats about a foot and a half tall and it was only $10 so Steve was like "well do you want it?" and I was like "Yeah" and so he said "well i'll buy it for you for valentines day" so that was cool then we went out to lunch. Brought the statues back home and were about to go to the homeshow when we had to go to the hospital because of me. SO I ruined everyones valentines by being stupid and fucked up. I shouldve just kept my mouth shut. We did go to the homeshow afterwards for a bit but it wasnt as fun as it could've been. Then I stayed up to talk to the cutest most sexiest most sweetest and kind person I know hehehe.
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[24 Jan 2004|12:33pm] |
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Bye.
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| Why cant anyone love me and not use me? |
[24 Jan 2004|12:33pm] |
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I think maybe its time to go.
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| Just give me a gun and I will be happy. |
[23 Jan 2004|07:02pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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My week has consisted of sitting in my room, watching tv, and doing nothing online until about 4 when someone actually comes online. I dont know what triggered it but now im fucking depressed and sick of breathing, its like nothing I do is good enough for anyone. I do the dishes without being asked, I feed the dog without being asked, and nothing. I get a fucked up phone call from the asshole eli saying I have till tomorrow to pay him money that I dont owe him because he's full of fucking shit. I tell my mom and she takes it all out on me, starts yellin at me like im him starts pointin her finger so I go off on her for it. AND IM THE BAD PERSON. SO fuck what am I supposed to do. Im just gonna kill myself so everyone will be happy.
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| I have something to say.... |
[22 Jan 2004|10:59am] |
Here is what I have to say:
If indeed God does exsist I wont believe it till I have proof. REAL proof, not the bible you assholes actual proof. I think the bible was just a book some guy wrote because he was bored one day, and he came up with all this crap and died and some fool found it and believed everything it said. I also think that church is something that people go to when they're bored. God is something for these weak people to believe in because they dont believe in themselves.
Fuck you psycho dickheads!
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| SWEET |
[08 Jan 2004|05:14pm] |
You are...Dani Filth!
You are in the band Cradle of Filth. You love
finger armor, have full eyebrows, and reside in
a country other than the U.S.(Britain). You
also have a baby that you secretly want to
devour..
Who are you most like: Dani Filth, Joey Jordison, or Davey Havok? (with pics!!)
brought to you by Quizilla
Funny thing about this is my nickname is Danielle Filth because i once looked like a female Dani Filth
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| All this freedom and nowhere to go but crazy with bordom! |
[06 Jan 2004|10:56pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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music |
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Pantera - Domination |
] |
Soooooooooooo, I have been hanging out a lot lately with a friend and havent been home much which is a good thing because I need to get out of the house. I tested my freedom today. See, when I moved back in I thought that even though im 18 and can go wherever I want whenever I fell the fuck like it that my parents would say fuck that and tell me I have a curfew n shit right. WELLLLLLL.... My friend Eric came over at about 12:30 am to hang out because he had just gotten off of work and works in Seattle and he lives in Everett and I live in Lynnwood and Lynnwood is on the way to Everett and he might as well come hang out. So he got here and my kitten clung to me because it was so cold when i opened the door. We watched Pulp Fiction, he screwed with my computer and made it go faster and actually defragmint and whatever and just hung out I guess. Well now here comes the part where I tested my freedom. Eric and I decided I was going to go home with him and stay with him so at this point when him and I decide this it's about 2:30 AM and so since my parents were both asleep the only other way to tell them im leaving is to leave a note. So I write on a tiny piece of paper "Im staying at Eric's be back around 2" and we leave.
All is well in the neighborhood.
About 9 something am my mom calls and leaves a message saying "uh okay then talk to ya later" and thats about it. Im sitting on Erics bed shocked at this point thinking to myself "what the hell just happened, she didnt yell, she didnt sound mad, what the fuck?" She didnt seem to care really. So im thinking alrighty then RIGHT THE FUCK ON!
.......THEN.......
Then I go to my sisters etc etc etc It's about 8:00 PM my mom picks me up at my sisters house and she asks me if Eric is my new boyfriend. I come back with "no mom, Eric is a guy I have been seeing" and she seems to not understand so I resume saying "I am seeing him, he isnt my boyfriend im not having sex with him I just hang out with him and what not" and then she asks how old he is. Up until this point the entire time she was asking and i was telling about Eric I had been hoping in my mind she wouldnt ask the question "how old is he" to me. SO instead of lying I say "he is 26" and all she says is "oh, okay." AND THEN IM REALLY SHOCKED. LIKE WHAT THE BLOODY FUCKING HELL MOM ISNT GETTING MAD AT ME FOR LEAVING EARLY IN THE FUCKING MORNING AND STAYING AT A GUYS HOUSE AND THEN SHE FINDS OUT HES LIKE 8 YEARS OLDER THAN I AM. DAMN WHAT IS MY MOM SMOKING, THATS RIGHT SHES SMOKING POT.
.......THEN........
She tells me my Uncle called to see if I called him this morning (which i did not call him this morning) and she tells me he knows where i was last night etc etc. SO I call him and leave a message saying "hi its me i didnt call you this morning" and about 20 minutes later he calls me back and is like "So what did you do last night" and I know why he's asking me that, it's because he knows where I was all night so I just say "well I watched tv and I talked online" and he says "AND" and I say "And I hung out with Eric" and he says "whos Eric" I explain to him who Eric is and then he's like "how old is Eric" and I say "he's 26" and my Uncle is like "ok." WHAT THE FUCK IS IT ABOUT MY FAMILY, ARE THEY ACTUALLY BEGINING TO REALIZE I WILL AND CAN DO WHAT I WANT FOR ONCE??????? Then he says "what else did you do" and I said "I stayed at his house and watched tv" and he says "AND" and then I say "please elaborate on that last 'AND" and he says "I believe I just did" and anyways, I ended up explaining to him how im seeing Eric, and Eric isnt my boyfriend and in my exact words I said "I am not fucking him." It's been a weird ass fucking day for me I tell you.
ONE WEIRD ASS FUCKING DAY
Now im sitting at home with all this freedom and nothing to do but go crazy.
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| quizes kick ass for passing time yo |
[02 Jan 2004|09:58pm] |
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You represent... anger.
Mad at the world, eh? You have a tendency to...
freak out easily. Overly emotional about
everything, you're most prone to bouts of
cruelty and moodiness. Other people may be
afraid of the fact that you explode so easily,
but at least you're honest... even if you're
honest about not liking anything.
What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.
What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla
You're GOTHIC sexy! You have a dark sexy style,
which is a classic seductive kind of sexy. Your
style is more unique than the average person!
What kind of sexy are you? [For girls only! With Pics! Finally Finished!]
brought to you by Quizilla
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| Hmph |
[27 Dec 2003|11:18pm] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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Tonite I hung out with someone I havent hung out with in about 2 years, it was pretty cool even tho it wasnt for that long. We went to the park down the street and sat and talked for little while, smoked a cigarette and what not then he had to go.
Being shy sucks, it really does. Especially when the other person is just as shy or more shy than you. I hate being alone all the time.
And I hate not having someone to love BUT it's nice. I go through a nice pattern I figured out tonite.
This is how it goes:
Russell I went out with him for a couple months then I broke up with him and was single for a few months after that. Then I met Clay and dated him for I think it was 4 months something like that then I broke up with him and didnt date anyone for a couple more months then all the boyfriends after that till Blane I didnt care about so I wont even mention them. Blane I went out with for over 8 months then I listened to my friends thinking my best friend was right and Blane was wrong and I was wrong fucked things up and well, here I am.
I've tried the whole having a relationship without actually saying its a relationship thing, where you have sex with someone, love them, get loved back but dont actually have the title of "boyfriend girlfriend" type of thing.
I think my problem is I fall for guys too easily and because I noticed that when I moved out I now chose not to have a boyfriend and not to have sex and not to do whatever it is a couple does. It's nice not having a relationship but in the same sense I want one just to feel loved.
Is it just me or am I totally fucked up? Is my whole way of thinking fucked up? Who am I to judge? Am I even judging? And if I am, what am I judging? Ok now im just being stupid.
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| Blah |
[24 Dec 2003|06:49am] |
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Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah can't sleep, so bored..
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| Secrative Change |
[20 Dec 2003|11:19pm] |
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mood |
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hopeful |
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Wanted a journal that certain people dont know about.
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