| big fight |
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| 05:11pm 13/07/2004 |
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mood:  pissed off
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i had like the worst fight ever with paula we almost broke and she almost left me for good....we were crying for like half the day....i dont know what i would do with out she is my best friend in the whole wide world....grrrr...why does my granma have to talk shit all the time....just keep ur big mouth shut about things u just dont understand this is y me and paula are always fighting grrr.....i need to leave with paula if anyone has room for rent or apt. in the bay area please let me know....god this sux |
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| i hate looking for jobs |
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| 04:10pm 12/07/2004 |
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i never realised how much it sucks to go looking for jobs but i my gf and i got quite a few applications...there is this new store coming out called dds discounts but yea they will be hiring soon so me and paula went over there. but yea that is it for now i hope we get hired at some of these places b/c we need to move out like pronto i cant stand not being able to touch her....i just need to find a room for ret or something |
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| i want her back home with me |
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| 12:24am 02/07/2004 |
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mood:  sad music: am i missing- dashboard confessional
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ok i miss her sooo much, i want her home...i really hope that this doesn't sound selfish...she is at her moms house taking care of her lil' sister b/c her other sister has a job and no car and her mom is sick, but i just want to be with. i cant b/c i have a job and cant take any more time off of work...but i am just use to having her with me all the time and waking up to her beautiful face and kissing her goodnight and good morning....i cried taking her back to san jose and i cried almost all the way home....i dont know what to do with out her...she is my life...the next time i get to see her is on sunday....but how do u get use to not seeing someone everyday when for almost the past 6mths u were with them almost everyday....*crying*...on the way home everything i looked at remined me of her....i know she isn't gonna be gone forever and she will be back...but this is just sooo hard....i cant talk to her when i want to now...she wont be here when i come home to work...i dont have anyone to eat with....i just miss her sooo much....*crying*....i just want my baby...when i was leaving her drive way she started to cry and i just wanted to get out of the car and run to her and just hold her...i just want to be in my paula bear's arms b/c that is where i feel the safest...*crying*...i just hope that this doesnt make me sound selfish i really do hope that her mom is doing better and they cure whatever is wrong with her...her mom is a great lady and i hope that she gets better |
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| wtf?? |
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| 10:17pm 13/06/2004 |
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mood:  confused
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she wants to be friends again after hella drama IiQuOrBaBy: hi nina Me N eMo 03: hi Me N eMo 03: whats going on? IiQuOrBaBy: nothing much.. i miss u Me N eMo 03: ok Me N eMo 03: y do u miss me? Me N eMo 03: not to sound rude or anything IiQuOrBaBy: nina i reallie wanna talk to u bout this.. i dnt wanna lose u over sumthing like this Me N eMo 03: ok, but u have to understand where paula and i are coming from Me N eMo 03: we waited all day for u guys and then at 11 for u guys to say that u werent coming it was like we were let down again IiQuOrBaBy: i tottalie understand where u guys r comin frm i think me n u should work out our deal n mona n paula should work out theres Me N eMo 03: i know but yesterday mona was talking to paula online and she was like well u could have met us half way and i said to her that paula license is suspended she cant drive very far at all IiQuOrBaBy: nina im as sorry as i can be but.... IiQuOrBaBy: ya i understand the driving thing totally Me N eMo 03: but what? IiQuOrBaBy: u have to understand that my bro just got out n i had to stay n visit n shit IiQuOrBaBy: n he had a talk with me Me N eMo 03: i understand but u should have called me and said that u werent gonna come Me N eMo 03: and then that would have been cool Me N eMo 03: i tryed calling mona hecka times |
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| long time no write |
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| 05:10pm 31/05/2004 |
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mood:  mellow music: "good to know"- brand new
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y wont she talk to me?? all i want to know is what is wrong?? is it me...i will stop what ever i am doing...just let me in... i want her to open up to me, but she feels like i am gonna leave her if she lets me in....she doesnt trust feelings...or maybe me?? i dunno i just want to know... talk to me, let me know what is wrong...please, u know that i am not gonna leave u i love u way to much i couldnt even dream of hurting u it is gonna be 6mths and i love the girl to death i would die for her but u need to talk to me, well not need to but i would like to know what u are feeling please just let me know what is going on inside that cute lil head of urs |
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| to my angel baby girl- paula |
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| 02:40pm 29/04/2004 |
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music: talking on the phone with paula
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ur are my angel sent to me from heaven and i love u sooo much....i never meant to hurt u i did really want to come home but i have to go to therapy....i am sooo sorry....u mean the world to me and if u dont forgive me that is fine but if u do please i hope u still care about me and u care about us....it just really hurt when u told me fuck u....i know u didnt mean it but if u did....oh well i cant change the way u feel...i just want u to know that i am truly sorry about everything but please dont hate me... |
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| were getting married |
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| 12:27pm 01/03/2004 |
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so we are gonna get married in san francisco...i still want a bigger wedding tho....that would be nice....i love that girl with all my heart....i cant afford real rings right now so we will go to icing in southland and get rings from there make a trip to sf and get married...i still dont know how to tell my mom that i am gonna marry paula....she will be ok with it i just dont know how to tell her...i dont think my mom ever thought i would marry someone of the same sex as me....but she has been really understanding and she totally loves paula. actually a lot of my family members like her more than my ex....kinda funny huh! so yea i am just soo excited that we are gonna get married and we are gonna have kids too...i just have to figure out how we are gonna do that....i think i need money for that one too because there is no way i am gonna have sex with another boi again.....bleh!!!! so yea goodbye.... oh yea one more thing i have officially moved to her place with her family....its nice i needed to get out of the bay area and out of the manor its soooo much better there..... she hasn't told her family either.....eh |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| paula |
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| 04:23pm 18/02/2004 |
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mood:  ecstatic music: "i will play the game beneath the spinlight" brand new
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she proposed to me in the shower!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| 02:03pm 06/02/2004 |
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music: "trainspotting"- trainspotting soundtrack
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| the darkness |
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| 12:22pm 29/01/2004 |
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mood:  sore music: "the hunger"- the distillers
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cant explain all the feelings that you're making me feel my heart's in over drive and you're behind the sterial wheel touching you, touching me, touching you cause you touched your blues i believe in a thing called love just listen to the rythm of my heart theres a chance we can make it now we'll be rockin till the sun goes down i believe in a thing called love ooooooh (huh!)
i wanna kiss you every minute every hour everyday you got me in a spin but everything is a ok
touching you, touching me touching you cause you touchd your blues i believe in a thing called love, jut listen to the rythm of my heart theres a chance we can make it now we'll be rockin till the sun goes down i believe in a thing called love ooooooh guitar
guitaring
touching you, touching me, touching you coz you touched me arghhhh
i believe in a thing called love just listen to the rythm of ma heart, is there a chance we can make it now, we'll be rocking till the sun comes down, i believe in a thing called love arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
guitar
i wanna kiss you every minute every hour everyday you got me in a spin but everything is a ok
touching you, touching me touching you cause you touced your blues i believe in a thing called love, just listen to the rythm of my heart theres a chance we can make it now we'll be rockin till the sun goes down i believe in a thing called love ooooooh guitar
guitaring
touching you, touching me, touching you coz you touching me arghhhh
i believe in a thing called love just listen to the rythm of ma heart, is there a chance we can make it now, we'll be rocking till the sun comes down, i believe in a thing called love arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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| to my darling paula |
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| 09:51am 15/01/2004 |
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jan. 13,2004 there aren't enough words to explain how i feel for you
it's more than extasy
it's something deeper than that.
i can't explain it
you are soo beautiful
your personality is soo special and unique
i love you more than words can say
as i sit her and to talk to you i can just imagine our lives together
i love talking to you and just being with you
you are so precious
you're my baby, sweetheart,and love
you are my best friend and i will love you for always
you have my heart
you are my joy
i get butterflies in my stomach every time i go and see you
for me it's like the first time every when i am with you
you are my life and my love |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| sick |
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| 10:52am 14/01/2004 |
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mood:  sick
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bleh....i am dying......i hate being sick.....i woke up and bam! i was sick....this sucks sooo much....and i have to go to work today at 5:30....i can't be sick i have a bbq for paula's brother on sat....i am going to shoot whoever got me sick right in the eye....well not really but i really want to....lol j/k....i can feel how swollen my tonsils are... |
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| jan.13,2004 2:19am |
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| 01:15pm 13/01/2004 |
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mood: in love music: brand new- sic transit gloria/glory fades
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i am going to marry that girl one day she will be my wife. i love her sooo much. i was on the phone with her and she told me that i am her soulmate and she is mine. we fucking belong together. i would fucking do anything for that girl. i have fallen sooo hard and sooo fast for her. i wasnt even like this with chris. oh man she is the best. i never thought that i would fall in love with a girl...oh well....she is the best girl....i guess my granparents and the rest of my family are really gonna have to get over the fact that i am gay....yes i am gay. i finally realised what i am. i love girls...physically and sexually...i am madly in love with my gir. she is my fucking world.i love paula and i am not afraid to say it. she is my princess and i will treat her as one. 2:26 am |
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| my mom sez that is totally me |
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| 01:40pm 07/01/2004 |
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 You are Marijuana!Laid back, dreamy, and maybe a little stinky from skipping a shower. You rather hang out on the couch watching That 70s Show than go clubbing. All you need is a big joint, TV, and some Twinkies covered in chocolate syrup! What Drug Are You?More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva |
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| bleh!!! |
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| 07:59pm 01/01/2004 |
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mood:  tired music: "the gallow is god"- the distillers
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so yea i will be moving in a mth or so...i wont be online all the time anymore. i am gonna be living with my gf...she lives in san jose....oh man i am gonna miss my house soo much..but i have to, i need to get away from here. so yea i am happy that i am gonna live with paula that girl is soooo awesome.....but yea ok i just wanted to let everyone know that i am leaving....bye ya'll i will write more before i leave.... |
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| 02:16pm 24/12/2003 |
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mood:  scared music: "the anthem"-good charlotte
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i cant believe that they want us to leave. my aunts wants my mom and siblings and i to leave our house. my mom will take marilynn and trisha to phils house billy probably with my aunt and i dont know where i am gonna go. paula is gonna ask her parents if i can live with them. but what if they dont want me there? katie says that i can stay with her for a little while, but i cant afford to live with them. and if i go and live with paula i have to go and find a job out in san jose. i hate this sooo much. i dont want to live away from my mommy...i am gonna miss my sisters and brother soooo much...what am i gonna do with out my mom??? god i am sooo scared..last night my mom said "so can u ask paula if u can live with her??" so i asked her and she has to ask her parents b/c its not her house. and then today i was on the phone with paula and my mom asked me if i asked paula and again she has to ask her parents..i dont even know when they want us out...i have to go through all my stuff and give soo much stuff away....what am i gonna do???? my job doesn't pay me enough for rent for anywhere..i never thought that i would have to do this. and either tomorrow or sometime during the weekend my aunts and uncle want to have a meeting with my mom, siblings and i on how nothing has changed around the house, and how we disrespect my granparents and how we never do anything...i have been trying...but for a couple of days i was at paulas and no one new i am sorry that i did that and now i am paying for it...i do what they say and all that...i have never disrespected my granparents....god i hate this sooo much i dont want to talk with my family at all i dont even want to be here for x-mas.....i dont want paula feeling like that she has to take me in b/c i am her g/f....i kinda dont want people feeling bad for me b.c i feel like they have to....in a way i dont want pity but then i do...but paula says that she just wants to help and i told her that i dont want to be a burden on her and she said that i am not but in a way i feel like i am...i dunno that is just me....oh well |
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| lol |
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| 01:06am 19/12/2003 |
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 Your Bedroom Personality Is Subtle!You get what you want... somtimes.What this means:You're all for getting what you want in bed. But you rather suggest than tell. You're all sexual undertones - not overtones. What your lovers love about you:You tend to work your lover into a frenzy with teasing and flirting. You are sweet and complementary, never too demanding. Sex with you is a low pressure affair. What your lovers can't stand about you:You seem sexually moody at times... And damn hard to please at others. And you'll hardly ever open up about sex. What's *Your* Bedroom Personality?More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva |
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| she isn |
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| 10:47pm 18/12/2003 |
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i cant believe he is being so immature about things.... how dare he call her a fucking cunt....he has no right to do that...i have never talked shit about his friends or ex gfs....he is supposed to be 23 yrs old and he is acting like he is 12yrs old....how dare he call her that.....ohmigod he is such a dick.....grrr...i thought we could both be major adults about this but i guess not.... |
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| a little diddy i wrote at work while waiting for my granpa to come and pick me up |
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| 06:56pm 16/12/2003 |
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mood:  okay music: "hands down"- dashboard confessional
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a memory forever there but only lingering by a thread you were my first love, and will always be my love words were said that i didn't mean wanting to have u just hold me one more time but i cant, i have moved on not meaning for it to be so fast i never wanted to lie to u or hurt you i wish for just one moment where you could hold me and tell me its gonna be ok i will always love you you will always have a piece of my heart but like u said u will also be a distant memory. goodbye my love. |
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| grrr....well most of its but not all of it |
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| 11:44am 10/12/2003 |
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mood:  happy
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so yes i cant stand the fact that my granmom is homophobic....she wont let my gf comeover....before paula became my gf...my granma had this weird feeling about her and then she figured out she was gay...and now she is like no she cant come over and a lot of my family is like be careful when u are with her blah blah.....i dont get it...my doesnt care which is good....(i am bi by the way)...i mean paula is soo awesome....i am sooo happy that i met her....she makes me sooo happy....i love being with her....oh man i think about that girl all the time...i talk about her all the time...i could go on and on about her...but back to my point....i have to have paula come over when my granma isnt here b.c my granpa really doesnt say anything....but i really dont care...i really like this girl they should be happy for me...atleast i cant get pregnant right...lol....that is what my mom said and then my granma was like true...but then she went on one of her rants...blah blah blah....and i just left my room...i really didnt want to hear it....so since paula cant come over my mom says i can go out to san jose to see her...so i do....hopefully my mom will let me spend the night at her house thursday night...b/c i asked her if she can take me x-mas shopping and she wants me to go with her to take her cousin tyler to richmond on fri..and i think it would be much easier if i just stayed with her at her house....hell that would be less gas she would have to waste...lol ok that is it |
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