new edition of "Sunday Funnies". welcome to another segment I'm gonna call the "sunday funnies" (of course I'm writing this at 11:45 at night and by the time I get it posted it'll be after midnight monday morning, but hey, you get the idea). opinions of really, nothing important but it's nice to get it out of my system.
I'm reading this story on how Paris Hilton "vows to do jail sentence". well of course you're gonna "vow" to do it. YOU DON'T HAVE ANY CHOICE THERE, DUMBASS! she gets the lightest sentence i've ever seen for what she did, she gets out after 3 days thinking her fame fortune(and probably a paid off cop somewhere I bet) got her off easy and then guess what. back to the slammer ya go bimbo. I've been in jail before and I know for a fact if i have a...ahem "medical condition" they weren't gonna send my plain ol john Q. Public ass home on a monitor. they'd send me back to my cell and tell me to be glad I EVEN had a cell. Cook county jail in chicago is built to hold maybe 9,500 prisoners, they've been a court order since the 80's to alliviate the crowding there. ppssst. guess what. they're still overcrowded with people sleeping on matresses on the floors there. so it doesn't matter what "medical condition" you concock to try and weasel your way thru the bars. you're not getting a get out of jail free card.
Christian something or other left me an email saying and I quote, "faith will bring you your soulmate". Well what if i just want a "soul mate" for an hour or two, I won't need faith then, I'll need a hooker. funny how a hooker will be more available than faith.
I don't know but something tells me when i get an email with the subject of "Aanvraag map de Haagse Lente ". I don't think it was really meant for me. anyone in the universe actually know what "Aanvraag map de Haagse Lente ". means? i swear some morons need to actually LOOK at who they're sending an email to.
Here's my fave for the week. "Your myspace profile has been selected". um...dipshit. I DON'T HAVE A MYSPACE PROFILE! no matter how many time ypou dump my bulk mail with that same shit the answer still remains. I don't have one, and now more thanever, don't fucking want one either.
there should be a new disease named...it's called "idon'tgetititous" I know three women who see to suffer from that disease. 2 here in wisconsin and one in new hampshire, so it is kinda contagious.
"when was the last time you flew american airlines"? hmmm. never. southwest and united. thank you, move along now.
l'oreal samples? yeah let me jump right on that mascara deal. that'll come right after the offer for free high heels and the bra offer from last week. yep...and they wonder why i say there's many dumbasses on the internet. sending a male offers for female stuff. great work there einstein.
"fly anywhere with Southwest Airlines". just for the shit of it I decided to try this one. why won't they let me fly to bagdad? hahahaha. they said "anywhere", lol. mars was out of the question too just so you know.
you know...these are what's called "jokes".. it is ok to laugh at them you know..it won't kill you. lol.
ok, now that I got that stuff out of the way.....sit down...relax, fire all your friends, lol.
speaking of that, my firing spree continued tonight. let's see, I fired a dishwasher, fired my girlfriend and tonight. the night janitor that comes in USUALLY right before the restaraunt closes. I fired him too. the "taste of the dumps", er dells ended at 8 tonight so we got busy and didn't close early. so here's this jackass coming in while we stiull had customers and tries to get started. um...pssst. if there's customers in the place and we're not closed. you're not gonna start on anything. you're gonna start your ass to a seat and wait. I was up on the cooking line helping out and finding out what a busser was doing (that one will come after this one) and then I find out the janitor mopped the public restrooms and he's doing the stuff he's supposed to do AFTER WE CLOSE. then he leaves this big vacum cleaner right in the way of waitresses, me, etc in the dining room. I'm hearing about this as I'm coming up with an idea to deal with the busser so i come up with an idea to handle the busser and then go move the vacum cleaner. I explain to him it's a safety issue leaving it in the way like that.
he tries to tell me he has to get things done in a hurry tonight because he has plans in the morning...hmmm. we ALL have plans, you're not the only one jackass so if the restaraunt isn't closing early you still have to wait a half hour. another one...idon'tgetititous....he mouthed off to the dining room manager and I over heard it so i said, you can just go home and stay there, your services are nolonger needed. he tried to tell me he doesn't answer to me just the owner, so i said, ok..wait right there, mother fucker". and I caled my boss up. I explained the situation and my boss said "Myu wife and i are on the way home from a dinner party and wouldn't you know it bill, we're pulling into the lot now, so we'll see you in 30 seconds on this".
they come in and the janitor starts making a scene saying have no authority to say anything to him. my boss said "he and this woman here absolutely do have the authority, what did he say"/ "He said i was fired, i appeal to you". Larry said "you have no appeal. I was told a list of things which my dining room manager has also mentioned to me. so what he says, goes". I told larry worse came to worse the two cooks and I would do his job after closing. larry said "see? your services are no longer needed here". needless to say mr janitor wasn't happy about being shot down in flames but hey...i man the guy has talent at SOMETHING...what it is exactly i have no fucking idea.
Now larry and his wife left after that, lary told me i was again justified in my decision to fire the guy. after they left. it was deal with the busser time. now I've worked in many restaraunts. this has to be one of the sickest things I ever heard of, and then witnessed. the busser was sneaking food out of the bus buckets (after cleaning off the tables), and eating the food out of the bus buckets. I had heard about it but it wasn't until tonight that I saw it. first thought? fire her too. but then the little devil in me came up with an idea while helping out on the cooking line. I grabbed some chicken tenders and started frying them in the fryer. I told the cooks "when this order of chicken tenders is done...it's not for any ticket we got, this....is going to be used to teach someone a lesson". I grabbed some chili pepper...and some tobasco sauce..and some of something we have called "frank's hot sauce". I think you know where I went with this but I'll say it anyway. I mixed some up and gave it to sarah. I said "when these tenders get done...dunk em in this stuff and put them on this plate, then hand it to me, and if i were you..i wouldn't put that mixture on any other order. she smiled and Joy the other cook said "dare i ask what that is"? I told her and I said "I have a plan". when it was all done I grabbed Tammy the waitress and said "put this on a table that the busser hasn't done, and then immediately have the busser do that table". Tammy was in on what was going on and did it.
soon as the busser did the table, she brings the bus bucket into the dish area and grabs the said plate...joy, sarah, tammy and I watched as she took a big bite of the chicken tender and then run to the employee's restrooms "waving" her mouth. we all got a great laugh from that and I said "bet she don't do shit again".
if you're fucking hungry, tell me. I can always find something to arrange if it's really that desperate. have my break ticket and eat. or take something that was made as a mistake (either by a cook or the customer changing their minds after the fact). i had chicken casadillas that were made as a mistake tonight, and with a new waitress(her second day oif training) screwing up acouple orders tonight. there was things the busser could've had, but nnnnnoooo. let's eat remains of what customers leave behind instead. that just makes so much sense...at least the new dishwasher is working out. he also works on the other side of town at applebee's, and he knows my friend josh who's the itchen manager there, so he has some talent and knows (thanks to josh) that I know that's going on on my shift, and i mean EVERYTHING.
anyway that's it for now. it's gonna be a LONG summer, i can feel it already, lol. let me find out that busser eats from a bustub again, lol. i'll make some chili from hell that'll make her mouth feel like she needs a fire extinquisher to put out the "hot" her mouth will feel, lol.
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: etta james-I'd rather go blind