THE TRUE BADASS' Blurty
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Monday, May 7th, 2007
| Time |
Event |
| 2:57p |
don't know why I bother doing these, but here.
[ NOW ]
Current mood: aaahhh
Current music: Procol Harum-Broken Barricades
Current taste: thinking about having a beer
Current hair: dried with blow dryer
Current clothes: Pajamas.
Current annoyance: morons on blurty who insist on haveing no clue
Current smell: cigarette smoke
Current thing I should be doing: Sleeping.
Current windows open: yahoo lookng for a different downloading service caled bearshare
Current desktop picture: Iron Justice m/c patch
Current favorite band: robin trower
Current book: none, just finished one
Current cd in stereo: none
Current crush: Julie, she just left
[ DO YOU.. ]
Smoke?: absolutely
Do drugs?:not anymore
Have a dream that keeps coming back?: yes, but that dream was lived, and relived and will never be lived again.
Remember your first love?: christine bertalozzi
Still love him/her?: yes, the feelings I have for her I look for when i get into a relationship
Read the newspaper?: not lately
Have any gay or lesbian friends?: yes lesbians, it's a long running thing with me and lesbians.
Believe in miracles?: Not anymore
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: with the right one, yes.
Consider yourself tolerant of others?: sometimes, depends on who I'm around at the time
Consider love a mistake?: there have been times, yes.
Like the taste of alcohol?: fuck yeah
Have a favorite candy?: jellybeans
Believe in astrology?: some
Believe in magic?: what kind of magic? like houdini?
Believe in god?: yes
Have any pets: no
Go to or plan to go to college: been there, sone that
Have any piercings?: nope
Have any tattoos?: one
Hate yourself: not in over a year
Have an obsession?: downloading music, reading wrestling news
Have a best friend?: two, rae in NH(who i don't talk with that often) and tim here
Wish on stars?: i stopped doing that. used to when I deeply oved one woman. it fell thru so alot of them things I trashed to the curb
[ LOVE LIFE ]
Ever been in love?: yes, two women, for two totally different reasons. neither one worked out how I had hoped.
When did you lose your virginity?: 18 and it was one of the first fantasys to come true when it was a woman in high school i liked alot.
Do you believe in love at first sight?: No lust at first sight? absolutely
Do you believe in "the one?": I used to. Now i believe in the one who'll come closest to being "the one". "the one" and I won't ever be together. I'm ok with that.
Describe your ideal significant other: alittle bit of julie, alittle bit of debbie and alittle bit of rae all put together, lol.THAT is a hell of a mixture, lol
[ETC]
Have you ever been intoxicated?: quite often
Have you ever been caught "doing something?": LMAO! yep.
Are you a tease?:no
Shy to make the first move?: Yes. stutter if i don't think it thru real good.
[ APPEARANCE ]
Hair: brown
Eyes: hazel
Height: 5'11 1/2
[ LAST THING.. ]
Bought: beer and cigs
Drank: coffee
Ate: sub sandwich from subway
Read: a hell's angels book
Watched on TV: devinci's inquest
[ EITHER OR.. ]
beer or cider: beer all the way
drinks or shots: both
cats or dogs: Cats.
single or taken: Taken right now
pen or pencil: pen
gloves or mittens: gloves
food or candy: food
cassette or cd: cd, no real cassette stores here
coke or pepsi: Either.
[ WHO DO YOU WANT TO.. ]
kill: depends on who's worth dirtying a bullet over.
get really wasted with: Terry Funk or Dusty Rhodes
look like: not sure
avoid: dipshits
[ LAST PERSON YOU.. ]
saw: My mother
talked to on the phone: my future boss as of this friday
hugged: julie
kissed: julie
[ HAVE YOU EVER.. ]
Broken the law?: Yes.
Run away from home?: no
Broken a bone?: yes
Been in a fight?: been in plenty
Come close to dying?:not that i'm aware of, you usualy have to make an appointment for that to happen
[ WHAT IS.. ]
Your bedroom like?: cleaner than it usually is
Your favorite thing for breakfast?: don't usually have it
Your favorite restaurant?: father and son pizza in chicago
What's on your bedside table? clock, ashtray
What do you eat when you raid the fridge beef sticks
What is your biggest fear?: don't have any anymore
Describe your bed: nice
Spontaneous or plain?: A little of both.
Do you know how to play poker?: alittle, not hold em though
What do you carry with you at all times? lucky mood ring, wallet, cigs
How do you drive? good enough on my harley
What do you miss most about being little? the friends who are no longer around
Are you happy with your given name? yeah, guess the parents didn't want to name me alice or sally
What color is your bedroom? off white
Have you ever been in a play? Yes.in grade school.
Do poor, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you? if they're lazy and only want money for dollar wine, yes
Do you consider yourself to be a nice person? Not even close and I'm fine with that. I'm too set in my ways to change so I won't
Current Mood: aaaah
Current Music: Pink Floyd- Sorrow ( a fave song of mine) | | 3:20p |
a nice weekend This was a nice weekend. Julie just went home alittle while ago. we both know of what having our own space sometimes means. that's a big help in relationships knowing when you or your signifigant other needs their own space. I think I just need to recupurate, lol. some women shall i say like to..."have fun under the sheets" more times than usual. well we did just that and then some, lol. she said something was up with her sex drive, i don't know what it was but i sure the hell am not complaining, lol. Half mexican half japanese cute little body? oh hell no, the line i'm sure could be pretty long for guys wanting to be with her.
i know the feelings she has me feel for her. for some reason though, and we talked about this. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, somewhere. it's always happened with me in just about every relationship I've been in. like waiting for that bad skeleton come falling out of the closet that fucks everything up. It hasn't hap[pened which is why I'm like wtf, I keep thinking there's something wrong here somewhere. I'm so used to bad or crazy situations and now, it's just going along fine. I just give it to God and say here, you drive it, i want nothing to do with the steering wheel.
she is a very understanding woman. i told her about debbie, told her about rae, delores and june. she kept wanting me to open up and I told her time and again what you get you may not like to hear because I have alot of emotional pain in my past, as well as recent past as she has been witness to some of. So I told her alot about what I just listed and she understands now why I'm not very quick to trust, very quick to commit to anything real long term. She hugged me tight for telling her what I did and said "time might just prove you wrong this time".
saturday night we went to the german bar and went to the chalet, when we got to the chalet it was just some of the usual people that I don't talk to that much. I did meet a woman named Deserie. we had seen each other there but never said anything and guess my black trenchcoat, black bandana and boots caught her eye, because after we finaly introduced each other after always seeing each other, she said I looked like I wanted to go shoot up a high school, LMAO! she is very pretty in her own right. so I tried to guess her race. native american or latino. I finally just came out and asked her and she's 100% mexican, from milwaukee.
I chuckled and said "you're from milwaukee"?(she moved to the dells 4 years ago), I said "talk to her"(pointing to Julie), she's half mexican and is from milwaukee". those two became fast friends because of the milwaukee conection. I didn't feel like staying at the chalet so deserie, julie, her female friend and I went back around the conrer to the german bar and decided to stay there til bar time. I think it was julie who wanted me to sing some more and deserie likes when I do "hurt" by johnny cash, so guess who lost the discussion on staying at the chalet lol.
Julie started teasing me alittle because she saw how deserie and I were getting along. she leans in my ear and said "You think she's pretty don't you". I was honest and said, I do. then she said alittle while later(this was all to see how I'd react, she does like to do that for a laugh), "If you had the chance you'd fuck her, wouldn't you". I was like WHAT!? she told me to be honest and said "the line for that is pretty long i'm sure". i then said "another time and other place...absolutely". she saw my face get red over it which is what she was looking for, she doesn't get me like that that often so, i know where she gets that from, her mother, lol.
anyway we stayed til bar time and then came home. we stayed in bed for most of yesterday. watching movies, er, well. we would get the movie started, lol. we'd be watching it and then "other things came into play", lol. I think we started once upon a time in mexico 4 times, lol. my neighbor behind me heard us when he walked by to his car. I talked to him alittle bit after she left and he said he could tell i was 'having a good time' with Julie, lol. shit, who wouldn't? Turn her down for that? fuck no. I don't know what would happen witrh us if she were to get pregnant, but hey, if it happens then it does. to me it'll be a sign that this was meant to happen. anyway. I'm still on my vacation until this friday so I'm gonna continue to enjoy it while I can.
Current Mood: aaahhh
Current Music: The Stereophonics- Maybe Tomarrow (my anthem)
| | 3:25p |
bearshare
i just downloaded the bearshare downloading program. has more songs from certain bands than limewire. now I have two downloading services. gotta ove free, lol. fuck that ones that are 99 cents each, "is 99 cents too much"? is one's sales pitch, compared to getting them free? hell yeah moron. | | 6:23p |
this sends a bad message I found out one of the only three aa meetings in my town has went bust. nobody was showing, too many have gone back out, etc. so you know what message that sends? you can't get sober in a party town like the dells. it's not possible. even my old sponser here when i was sober has gone back out several times. we've seen each other in bars here. so what does that say? it says alot and sends a bad message that if you want to be sober in the dells, don't have meetings here because it won't accomplish anything. it may suck hearing that and may make some in 12 steps mad, but, truth speaks for itself.
it's dollar beer night at nigs, a biker bar. i haven't been there in a long while so why not go pound some hamms or special export down. some people claim that i seem "proud" about my drinking. in alot of ways I am. i don't deny it. i was sober for almost 2 1/2 years and decided to drink again. and after over a year of doing so and seeing what thye said not come to pass. that says alot too. anothe rbad mesage sent but truth is truth no matter how much it hurts. they still can't admit to me was right and they were wrong on their claims, well, one did. one out of how many i proved wrong? LOL! I know i sound like i seem to have alot to prove, I actually just wish the ones who ran their both dissing me on me drinking again last year would just own up and admit they were wrong. they are after all in what's supposed to be an "honest" program but i guess when they get proven wrong, they just don't seem to have what it takes to "get honest" as their programs say.
until they do I'll keep the satisfaction of nowing i was right over 99% of them again, as I always have been.
Current Music: White Zombie- (I Am) The One (fitting for this post, huh)
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