late night thoughts... I miss her....
I really do, even though we talked on the phone this morning and online tonight. I really do miss her. I miss seeing her in person, miss looking into her eyes as I'm talking with her. Miss holding her hand in mine, then squeezing it. Just lying together watching a movie. these little things that mean alot, I miss so much experiencing with her.
But thankfully now that I have the phone and puter hooked up, I'm able to talk with her more, not talk to her, talk with her. There is a difference.
we talked about a whole bunch of things, little things, big things, funny things, serious things, this is what a relationship is supposed to be. she likes to talk about stuff and I'm a wee bit of a jabber jaws sometimes, so...you can guess the talking more is coming out. we used to talk alot when we first got together, and it's getting back to how it was then. Which to me, is just fine with me. I'm not complaining one bit, not at all.
her oldest daughter got some news yesterday and what happened with her today(well yesterday as it's almost 2 am my time now), i'm very estatic about. been rooting all along for her oldest daughter and now with what happened, a new chapte rin her life begins, and begins for the good.her oldest daughte rhas a fan cheering her on all the way. no, i'm not wearing a cheerleaders outfit and waving pom poms..( I don't have the legs for the skirt part). But I'm right there wishing her luck and putting her in my prayers to keep doing what she's doing.
funny thing, debbie and i talked about the very last time she saw me, before i moved here to wisconsin. what a night of mixed emotions that was. thankfully the right decisions were made then that were made. there's a reason why it was the way it was and I'm not questioning it. As she left though, it reminded me of a poem I once wrote about her(which I have to look for because I'm really wanting to find it, real bad), called "One Last Look". The last look I gave her had me feeling the exact same way I felt one tme after looking at her as she left a meeting place, before i was able to officially meet her. Like maybe I wanted to tell her something or maybe she wanted to tell me something, but nothing wa said.
Only recently did I finally "get it" after she came out and told me, told me what I wasn't seeing at all. Boy was my head in a fog and didn't see the signs that were obviously there at the time. hey, I'm a man I can have blonde moments real good too, lol.
OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!! I FOUND IT!!!!!
As I'm writing this I decided to do some snooping around to find that poem, scouted a journal of someone I know and wham! It was still there. In a post right after this, I'm going to post it, as well as post it in a reply to my true love. we talked about this poem and man am i glad I found it.
I do need to get some sleep, have to be up for work in a few hours and it's one of them at least 10 hour days. but just had this spurt to write something. I'm glad i did because now I found that poem that I've been wanting to find again. i'm not the greatest writer of them but I write them to speak how I feel. I just reread this one and, wow....it all came back to me why I wrote it and wrote it for her. Funny how nothing has changed in the feelings for her, except maybe their alot stronger than before.
Sometimes you have to go backward to go forward in life. Debbie is a great example of just that. going back to the one true love to move forward in life with that true love. it is such a blessing to know I'll be doing that with her right by my side, being that better half. They say behind every man is a good woman. well.....one look at her and you know I won't be denying it. She brought out so much in me that I had hidden for a long long time, and even now, she still does it. She's always gonna do it for me. She is "the one".
anyway here's lyrics to a song that at first really didn't like, but came to like alittle and now, can relate alot to because in a way, it was me, didn't see the obvious that was before my very eyes, but boy I do now, LOL! I'm so happy I do.
"You Sang To Me" by Marc Anthony
just wanted you to comfort me
when I called you late last night you see
i was fallin' into love
oh yes, i was crashin' into love
oh of all the words you sang to me
about life, the truth and bein' free yea
you sang to me, oh how you sang to me
girl i live off how you make me feel
so i question all this bein' real
cuz i'm not afraid to love
for the first time i'm not afraid of love
oh, this day seems made for you and me
and you showed me what life needs to be
yea you sang to me, oh you sang to me
all the while you were in front of me i never realized
i jus' can't believe i didn't see it in your eyes
i didn't see it, i can't believe it
oh but i feel it
when you sing to me
how i long to hear you sing beneath the clear blue skies
and i promise you this time i'll see it in your eyes
i didn't see it, i can't believe it
oh but i feel it
when you sing to me
just to think you live inside of me
i had no idea how this could be
now i'm crazy for your love
can't believe i'm crazy for your love
the words you said you sang to me
and you showed me where i wanna be
yea you sang to me, oh you sang to me
all the while you were in front of me i never realized
i jus' can't believe i didn't see it in your eyes
i didn't see it, i can't believe it
oh but i feel it
Current Mood: loved
Current Music: the lyrics above is the song I'm listening to