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[24 Nov 2009|07:12pm] |
dear you,
i have something embarrassing to admit. i'm not over you. i always think i am but. you texted me the other day and now i can't get you out of my head. i swear you do it just to prove you still have control. everytime i start to get happy. you know how bad it is? You were the first person I'd ever done anything physical with. Now every time I do something physical with someone, or I touch myself, I cry afterwards. All I can think of is you.
And I know how stupid that is.
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[22 Nov 2009|01:43pm] |
Dear Chanelle
You were my whole world. I did everything to try make you happy but it was like trying to refill a leaking bucket.
I hope one day you go through a crisis that teaches you to have empathy for your future husband - who obviously won't be me. It will stand you in good stead for your career. You only ever thought of yourself and your nymphomaniacal vagina in this relationship. The sex was bad, but so was the stress I was under. The business was getting better right at the time you decided to throw the towel in. You're a fucking quitter. You're not strong enough for me. I want a woman.
I haven't come inside a woman for over 3 years. Do you realise how stressful that makes sex for a man? What sort of compromise I resorted to because I wanted to be with you? How I could never face you in the morning because your breath was so bad - do you know how much that upset me?
You're so stubborn and want everything your way. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the greater good. You'll realise this one day when you wake up next to your new ugly little Samoan boyfriend and think, fuck, Neil was actually creating an awesome life, and I could've been part of it. But I'm so short-sighted. You'll realise even quicker one day when your parents stop paying for everything. That won't happen though. Princess will always have Daddy's credit card.
I should probably thank you for letting me off the hook of bad sex, arguments and a monocular life in that shit hole area.
I fucking loved you. And I fucking hate you for making me extinguish this unwavering devotion I had for you, even though you treated me like shit. I grew to love you after you pursued me relentlessly and I really didn't want anything to do with you because you were, and still are, a nosy fucking Parker: Opening my mail, searching my laptop and checking my cell phone. Your insecurities impact your own self esteem - I have fuck all to do with that.
I would look at you and think you were the cutest thing since sliced bread. I considered spending the rest of my days with you at the expense of my own values. But I guess with your shitty appreciation for the dollar, some way you would've destroyed me. Possibly. I could be wrong, but I'm angry. And you're young. Too young with no life experience to understand any of this... really.
One day you'll wake up when that huge, ugly tattoo from your new boyfriend is melting down your flank, over your muffin roll because you've stopped working out after the birth of your ugly Samoan baby, and think, "Dammit, the grass isn't greener."
Have a crisis, for God's sake. It will make you softer and more appealing as a person who can really listen when your "One" tells you he's depressed, is borderline bankrupt and needs help.
That won't happen of course - I forgot - you're at personal training today.
Have a great life.
The one who loved you and never asked for anything, ever,
Neil.
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[20 Nov 2009|05:15pm] |
Garage Sale. Saturday.
I need to pay my hearts outstanding bills.
A cracked up compass & a broken watch
...some plastic daffodils
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