| En Oh |
[03 Mar 2004|11:48am] |
Just an update.
-im doing wonderfully
-am really happy
-miss this community but have gone to Live Journal more faithfully
nothing really exciting happening but check out my live journal if you desire.
http://www.livejournal.com/users/la_deve/
ex oh <333 cora
( Punch and Judy )
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| Tonight was one of those nights... |
[25 Jan 2004|09:36pm] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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music |
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Franz Ferdinand |
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Sat there tonight. I sunk in his arms. I felt soo weightless. I felt as if my head was swallowing my eyes. I could hear him crying. Crying hard. I noticed that my cheek bones were getting moist from the tears from my eyes. In the corner of my eye I saw the porch light of his place. The ivy wrapped around the door way, Like in the movies when they add little romantic touches to a scenery. He told me that he loved me and i surely replyed the same. We both new that we would have never been good for eachother. It was hard to hear him tell me his feeling because no mater how much i apprietiated him opening up to me, it still just stung in my chest because i know im happy with the way my life is going now. He wanted me to tell him about my happiness. I begged no but he pleaded yes. So i did. I told him gently how this boy loves my red painted nails and the way my cheek feels against his, and i told him how this boys hand fits lovely between my legs when crossed.... He insisted i tell him more. I told him how safe i feel waking up to see the boys face near mine and his hand on my side wear you can count easily how many ribs i have and how i fit perfictly on his lap or in his arms. My face was now turned to the light but i could hear him taking short breaths and sniffling. I looked at him. His glasses were off. He never takes his glasses off. As i looked at him i could see his tears reflecting sharply off the porch light. He coverd his face in embarresment. I pulled his hand down to show that he could feel safe. I wrapped my arms around him once more and gave him a kiss and told him that he was my best friend and that i loved him once more. He drove me home and some how managed to put on a plastic grin. I kissed his cheek and held his hand and told him that he is an amazing man.
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| La La La Love between the sheets |
[23 Jan 2004|09:24am] |
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mood |
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 artistic |
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music |
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Le Tigre |
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Red nails, Black hair, pale skin, dark eyes, pink lips, black sweater, yellow scarf, old jeans, crew socks, asics.
My dear, This is me. La La La Love me.
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| government and masterbation |
[21 Jan 2004|09:49am] |
Its sorta queer that when my anxety starts to flow in me i feel my head feel heavy and my hair tighten up. As if someone was grabbing my head and pulling my hair in the opposite direction. The funny thing is, is that it just doesnt hurt. I mean you would excpect it to right. Everytime i touch my scalp with my fingertips to see if blood will be exsposed but once my hand returns there is no red in sight.
And you know the funny thing is, is that i havnt felt that in some time.
And Ya know what else is that its really nice to feel healthy. and its nice to smile. and its soo nice to be content.
<3 cora
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| nobody loves you like a nersery rhym |
[18 Jan 2004|12:51pm] |
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<3 My life is going beautifully right now. I met an amazing boy who cares so much for me and is so beautiful. My nails are a lovely red too which adds to my happiness. Elliot Smith is saronading me which is flattering. My dearest friend Lita is staying at my house till Monday and she just makes me so happy. Also im going to see Scott tonight and hopefully go to San Diego. Scott is a very inteligent man and is lovely to be around. I started my period today which is a downer but is well exspected. I wish i could see my dad right now. I wish i could take a long train ride to Los Angeles and just sit next to him and tell him i love him. because i do terribly and he loves me tramendisly as well. I am the love of his life which is such a great feeling. I need to wash my face now. I want you all to know that i antisapate deeply to go and read your writings. you all are so fucking amazing. Everyone has something beautiful to say. Its such a fucking awsome day, man. <3 cora
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[16 Jan 2004|10:06am] |
Me and you on the corner T.V.
I am...
-picking up Lita at 4.
-staying at Kevins tonight
-some what hungry.
-terribly missing my sister
-helping Tanner with homework
-happy i went to Target last night
-wishing things between Steven and I were resolved
-wanting to dance. dance. dance....
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| can you move like a cobra? |
[12 Jan 2004|09:50am] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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music |
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Radiohead |
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Odd weekend i think. Saw Scott from Gap.He looks great and wants to hang out soon which would be lovely. Aaron wants to see me tonight. Its weird. we know one another soo well and yet we hardly see eachother do to ones busy scedual. we talk everyday which is great. we are good friends which is even better. Talked to Deven last night. Hes doing some what shitty. His camaros transmition is fucked up or something like that. He is also learning french to lure me in. I hung out with Steven and Tom a lot this weekend. Went to a few parties. Rented a lot of movies. Needing to get some vinyls. Yoga tomarrow. Went to Target last night. Baught black sheets, a mop, anckle and crew socks, a pepsi, yoga pants, and a magazine. A successful trip i suppose. Kindda sleepy. <3 cora
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| sweet tomarrow |
[09 Jan 2004|10:05am] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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Joe Strummer |
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Hah my teacher just asked me if his sweater and hawain shirt looked ok, liked if it mached!? Everything is soo bizarre to me. Im signing up for yoga and meditation this weekend. Saturday is the orentation. Im exciting. I feel as if im not being productive enough with my life. I get out of school at 1 and just lounge around and its soo retarded. I need to look for a good job. I need to start eating healthier. Man my diet sucks. I like live at shitty taco bell and sprite. Ya um how healthy is that and seriously its not helping my energy is soo low. maybe its due to always having this really speratic energy supplying my moods. People effect me and when i get bad energy from people it totaly weighs me down. I need to go to Oceanside and do some shopping. I need to go to some vitage clothing shops and some snazzy thrift shops. Wow i need to get out. <3 cora
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| disco queen slash hippie dream... |
[08 Jan 2004|09:53am] |
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mood |
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artistic |
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music |
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Elle Fitsgarald |
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Please picture my mother in her twenties and thirties:
-6 feet
-120 lbs
-red vibrant curly hair
-red nails
-high heels
-drove old convertable Cadillacs on the streets of L.A
-Champaign glass in hand
-did evry man in hollywood.
-hippie mamma
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[08 Jan 2004|09:40am] |
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Went to Los Angeles yesturday for my grandma's funeral. I dont know what my thoughts were coming in but i know that they were vague about the hole situation. My mom and siter came bacuase they new that this was a big part of my dads life and he needed support. The family was allowd to go to the coffin and see her. She looked beautiful. I started crying. It was very hard for me. I dont even know why. That was the only part of the day that i cried. My grandma was jewish and so it was a big jewish funeral. The rabi resited some thing in hebrew. It was very powerful even though i am not jewish and my dad is athiest. I saw my father cry for the first time. It was really hard to see that. After the funeral we went to go see some of moms old friends who also lived in L.A. Some of her friends she hadnt seen in over ten years. It was soo awsome to see her happy. They ate popcorn and drank champain and mom got tipsy. i loved it. Her friends studio apartment is sooo beautiful. I have pictures ill post later. God his place is sooo unbeilvable, so unexpainable! My mom is such an amazing woman. You cant even begin to explain the way my life is because of such a beautiful person raising me in such an esentric life. Shes a retired hippi, whos a manager of a gift shop at a Mission, she curses and sings and has this aura about her that is sooo desirable. She has had the most beautiful life. I love her so much guys, its taken me a while to except that and i do. Her friends are amazing and i mean i just sat there and listend to how much fun her and her friends use to have. <3 Cora
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| French Mistake |
[06 Jan 2004|09:44am] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
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music |
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Elvis Costello |
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Its cold in here. There are some great posters i want to get. And i am wanting to get Portishead- Dummy vinyl sorta soon. Man i feel like dancing...
<3 cora
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| magnets and masheties |
[05 Jan 2004|09:45am] |
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mood |
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 uncomfortable |
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music |
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Ima Robot |
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Im very cold at the moment. Last night i saw Aaron. I found myself sitting in his car outside my house at 12. It was good to see him. Somewhat uncomfurtable at first. We just have not been hanging out at all. we both don't know why. Both busy i belive. We sat and talked for a while. He talked a lot which was lovely. He made me laugh too. He drew me a naughty picture. which made me giggle. He demanded i kiss him. which at first i was cross minded about for no particular reason but i hadnt seen him in a while so i rememberd i wanted one too. I begain to be moody for no reason. i felt awful. just a lot is going on in my head right now. a lot of confusion. I really dont like being confused. It makes me feel very uncomfurtable. Im at school. Its very foreign here to me. I dont like it. I got shitty sleep last night. <3 cora
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| clue |
[04 Jan 2004|04:33pm] |
-went to part last night
-everyone was drunk
-saw a lot of people i havnt seen in a while
-cops came
-stayed at megans
-woke up at three
-dad calls me at 10
-his mom passed aways last night
-im very confused at the moment
-death doesnt bother me
-i just hate being confused
-Steven and i are friends
-im very happy
-i want to see aaron
-god, im so very confused
-i have to go to L.A in like two days for the funneral
-im going to go
<3 cora
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| click click bitch trick |
[02 Jan 2004|06:18pm] |
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mood |
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 cold |
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music |
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the velvet underground |
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so...Im sitting in megans cold room. I dont know why to be honest. i shouldnt be. ALl of my friends I.E and her, went to Oceanside to by shit. No room for me sadly. Last night i went to Pats with Alana and brit. The boys were all there. Saw Greg which was good. Had an eiry feeling over me the hole night. Went back to Derrik and Brandons house to sleep. Watch South Park all night. Alana in Brandons room, me in Derriks. We were distant which was good. didnt want to cuddle or kiss or anything. I want to be in a relationship. (stop playing around with boys,CORA! )i cant ever imagine beeing with him. Ok so anyways woke up for the seconde time in a row in derriks bed at 8 in the morning with my head flung over the bed having a caughing attack. what is wrong with me. Its apperintly was a bad ommin telling me that i shouldnt be there. I couldnt go back to bed do to caughing and whilst doing so i woke up derrik.so we watched TV for too long. Then lounged around the boys place watching musicals (Hello Dolly, Sound Of Music) at four the boys drove me to megs and now taht brings me to now. I want to see Aaron tonight. Know i wont but i would love to see him.I can hear the rain falling on the sky roof (wait is that what they are called?) um anyways my nose is cold and this sucks. Ill post more pics tomarrow. OOOO the best part about today was falling across my old friends from my privet schools journal. Yay. I miss you kids! Be good Blurty friends. <3 cora
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| time for feeding |
[01 Jan 2004|02:02pm] |
  
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| La Room |
[01 Jan 2004|01:36pm] |
 
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| Fingerpainting |
[01 Jan 2004|01:21pm] |
   
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[01 Jan 2004|12:15pm] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
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music |
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the libertines- Vertigo |
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so so so... Happy New Years? No fuck the happy part. I went to some randome 35 year old mans house. I show up with the girls and everyone is already there, drinking...drinking...drunk. So it was my duty to catch up. I had soem Caronas, five shots of something randome, and of course lame me had taken my meds an hour before so the mix of medicine and alcohal fucked me up. At like 11:30 i found my self lying in a randome room vomiting on my self. I was wearing my black Belle and Sabation sweatshirt and a stupid orangy yellow tank top under it. Too bad i never show my skin so i was forced to wear this spaun of satins sweatshirt with washed vomit on my left arm for like two hours. Then the worst part was hearing everyone in the next room screaming and welcoming the new year at twelve while i was deprived of this occastion Cole walked in and said that he was going to take me home. Ya um too bad He wasnt sober so he made Amanda and Lauren drive me home and Um P.S they have no license and were pretty stoned. so I went home,peeled the spoiled clothes off of my frail body and crawled in bed. I sat there in just my underwear thinking about the past year and how i how everyone has changed a lot and yet i havnt. Ive always been the same and to think that a welcoming new year would change me is absurd. Because you no what i havnt change, ive always been me and i have noticed that me is not good anough for everyone. I have noticed that so many people dont like the me i charish. Im confusing my self. I have a hangover and am in a odd mood. P.S thank you girls for taking care of me. I love you all. <3 cora
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| click click |
[24 Dec 2003|10:50am] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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music |
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Joe Strummer |
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so ive been ok. I saw Ryan which was good but hard. we were civil which was a blessing. He looks nice. Last night was good Hung out with old and new friends together. Went to Tamecula and saw Andrew for a bit. Then went to Pala to Derrik and Brandons house. Deven,Fab,Ryan.D, and some of there friends showd up too. It was great to see Deven. He looked Beautiful. We talked for a while but things got weird. It was great to be with the girls too. They make me so happy. Drank last night. Havnt in a while. felt good to be content. Today im going to Las Vegas to my sisters. And Tomarrow to Ventura and Landcaster. Im coming home Friday for a gathering with my second family at Derrik and Brandons. exchanging gifts. Laughter is needed and will be absorbed. Then to Los Angeles to see Dad on Sat. Its nice to travel a little. Just to get out of town is well needed. My lips a getting chapped. and my hair looks hidious. Im a reck. I need to get ready. Sorry this was very boring but it was just an update to basically say im doing ok. Hope everyones holiday is beautiful. Be good everyone. <3 cora
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