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Friday, April 20th, 2012

    Time Event
    8:06a
    It's Friday, You Bastards
    Warren Buffett has cancer and Dick Clark and Jonathan Frid are dead but Ted Nugent is still a jerk---A completely typical all talk and no action conservative, as verified by his friends in the SS---and that's good. Because when people like perpetual teenagers and immortal vampires who you figured would never die are dying left and right and someone who should be able to afford immortality is threatening to die, it's comforting to know that some things never change.

    And since you brought up the all talk and no action conservatives who own lots of guns but are so afraid of their own shadows they won't shoot anything except for defenseless animals and unarmed kids who are guilty of being Black, I think this is a good time to point out that they are not harmless. Despite their cowardice.

    This is the very same group (Yes, including Tipper Gore) that pitched a major fit in 1992 over Cop Killer. Which was every bit as harmless as Ted Nugent's remarks, so where is the conservative outrage this time? Why aren't the street criminal monsters who stole your job and house and are desperately trying to steal your healthcare upset with Ted?

    Someone must have turned over the Etch A Sketch and given it a good shake. My guess is that it was Tipper because she's mostly just an honorary conservative and no actual full-time Republicans are smart enough to figure out how to work something as technologically advanced as an Etch A Sketch.

    Not that I'm calling Republicans dumb or anything, because I'm not. I don't need the Masturbatory Master or Master Of The Metaphor or whatever title Ted gave himself calling me an idiot and a subhuman punk (Does he have an ATF permit for that razor sharp wit?). I'm just saying they turn to people like Ted Nugent for good solid political commentary.

    In much the same way that we turn to Fifi, my Sommelier, at this time every week. The difference being that Fifi is really good at her job. Sort of. I hired her to bring me beer whenever I want it, which she does. Sometimes. When she's in the mood. Most of the time, though, she spends a lot of time in the wine cellar and behind the bar creating drinks like this one, tonight's Theme Drink:

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    American Bandstand Beauty

    Ingredients:

    1 oz Brandy
    1/2 oz Dry Vermouth
    1/4 tsp White Creme de Menthe
    1 oz Orange juice
    1 tsp Grenadine
    1/2 oz Tawny port

    Mixing instructions:

    In a shaker half-filled with ice cubes, combine the brandy, vermouth, creme de menthe, orange juice, and grenadine. Shake well. Strain into a cocktail glass. Pouring slowly and carefully, float the port on top.

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    OK, now that all that's out of the way, you have a chance to be useful for once by putting all your mad seer skillz to work and tell me that I should panic and sell all my Berkshire Hathaway shares or that I should just relax because Warren is going to live forever. Without losing any of his mad money making skillz.

    And I'm not asking just for me. In fact, I don't stand to gain anything at all from this, aside from a few more dozen or so million's of dollars that don't ever do anything but bring heartache and woe anyway. No, this is for you. This is your golden opportunity to show all those people---Your family, friends, coworkers, etc etc etc---who say you're completely worthless just how wrong they are.

    Why do I always make so many grand sacrifices for you? No, don't answer, just take advantage of it by telling me what I need to know.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Morning Report With Mark & Steve, WOC AM 1420

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