Greg's Blurty
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Monday, January 2nd, 2012

    Time Event
    It's STILL 2012, You Bastards
    I just read an article about how NASA believes the world is not going to end this year (Apocalypse not now: 2012 doomsday predictions debunked by NASA and that's all well and good. If you're a masochist. It's also probably true.

    But not because the guys at NASA really know anything more than you or me or even your dumb ass brother-in-law who keeps telling you how you can escape the coming END OF EVERYTHING simply by buying gold and silver. They know exactly the same amount as us, which is nothing.

    Well, OK, they do know some stuff that we don't know but not when it comes to the end of the world. In that subject they are just making guesses and playing the odds which say that the world will not end anytime soon. They are the very same odds that say that if you never again file your income taxes, the IRS will never notice and you'll be fine. But are you willing to try that?

    Don't answer that because I've got better things to do than testify at your trial about what I knew about you doing the IRS wrong and when I knew it. The point is that the world could end today or it might never end---It looks like the sun will explode in five billion years and take the Earth with it but science is wrong about stuff like that all the time---and it could happen anytime between now and the end of infinity and no one, not even the ones with lots of fancy degrees knows how or when or even if.

    Well, OK, an informant named Jesus once said that someone called Father, AKA Big Daddy---I understand He changed His name when His album sales started slipping, just like Prince---does know the day, date and time. But how much do you trust a long haired homeless unemployed hippie who started His own religion, has a criminal background and has a habit of changing water into wine and never ever checks ID's? That's not even the worst. Word on the street is that He's a homosexual.

    Yeah, if you're a parent, that Jesus character is exactly the kind you want to keep away from your kids but that's beside the point. The point is that if even if this Jesus and His followers are right, it means that only an invisible old celebrity who lives in the sky and never says anything, knows what's going on and either way, you're on your own.

    And that's not even the point either. The point is that the world might last forever but who would want it to? Why is it that no matter how bad things get, people still say that life is great and they don't want it to end? I am writing to you from the Land Of Lincoln...A motto that causes Abe to spin in his grave because even a conservative who died in 1865 doesn't want to be associated with this Fascist mess we call a state...where starting yesterday, everyone in every backseat of every car has to wear their seat belt.

    Because the government cares about safety. They are doing nothing about us being broke, the record unemployment rate, the crippling amount of corruption that we're subject to along with the billion and one other problems we have so they can devote all their time to passing seat belt laws.

    That, too, is just the tip of the iceberg, though. Along with all the stupid government tricks coming out of DC that make the guys in Springfield look like geniuses who care. The real, destructive, heartbreakingly unconscionable mass of this tumor can be summed up in one question: What is up the with the retards who run the Quad City Times (

    Don't pretend you haven't noticed. Or that it doesn't matter. Bury your head in the sand and let the world just steamroll you into nothing on your own time. Right now you're on my time and I want an explanation! Why did the Quad City Times stop printing the comics in color?

    No, scratch that. I don't want your insincere, ineffective and inadequate explanations. I get it, it was the holidays and you were drunk. But it's January now and you have no excuse to not be sober. JUST STOP MAKING ME READ BEETLE BAILEY IN BLACK AND WHITE!!!!!!!!

    Then we can move onto to the less pressing problems like unemployment and the oppressive police state. Because we can't count on the Mayans any more than we can count on Jesus and it would be just our luck that the guys at NASA are right and the the world is never going to end.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Bill Ward, WPLO Atlanta, December 1963 (RESTORED)

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