Greg's Blurty

The Vast Right Wing Strikes Again
I have great news for you if you're a Coke shareholder...Well, no, not really, because one flavor doing well isn't going to do that much for the stock price. But, it is still good news for those of you who like Cherry Zero.

It's great news for you, because I tried it for the first time ever yesterday and am just finishing the last of the two liter bottle right now and I find that it tastes like rancid cough syrup. That has gone bad. And now, you're probably wondering how that is good news for those of you who like this horrid undrinkable stuff.

The simple answer is that the things I don't like tend to be available forever, while things I do like are taken off the market or they become difficult for me to get. Take Diet Coke With Lime, for example, they still make it but the store I go to doesn't carry it anymore. Then take Diet Pepsi Max. My store only has it sometimes.

And you people who like Diet Coke With Lime and Diet Pepsi Max should thank me for not going out of my way to get them because if I did, Coke and Pepsi would stop making them. And that's just two current examples. We could go back forever, but I'll just give you a couple of the bigger examples.

Like Summit candy bars, which they stopped making the minute some marketing genius discovered I liked them. Likewise for Chocolite candy bars. And Jolt Cola...and Jolt is still being made and I could order it from their web site but again, be thankful I don't if you love Jolt because they would stop making it the next day.

And I could give you hundreds more examples. Like Jello 1-2-3. And Fruit Float. You can't buy them anymore at any price, anywhere and that's going back to the 70's (Well, Summit and Chocolite go back to the 70's, too) so some of you younger people have never even heard of them and you're lucky because if you knew what you were missing, you'd be hopping mad.

And then there's TV. But before we get to that, let's get the complex answer is this vexing question of why everything I like goes away either instantly or in five or six years. And that answer is, "I don't know." Even though I do very well know. I just can't say it because The Vast Right Wing's lawyers have told me that I can't say they are conspiring against me anymore until I can prove it and so far, all I have in the way of proof is mountains of circumstantial evidence.

So let's just skip past the complex answer and get to TV. And we'll throw in Radio, too. Because radio is the bright spot in this insufferably painful mess. To be specific, it's Coast To Coast AM. I have been a fanatical listener now since somewhere around 2005 or so and the show is still on. How can that be?

I can't answer that one, either. Well, I can, but I'm not allowed to. Let's just say that Mr. Bell has friends in very high places. I could also add that the people in the opposing high places are deathly afraid of him but I won't because that might be going too far past what I'm allowed to say and I might have already said too much before I even got there. So I won't say it.

I could also mention that I've been reading Sean Leary since...when did he start? More than ten years ago? Anyway, that's a can of worms I'm not allowed to open, either. I could also talk about Bill Wundram, who has been writing since about the week before Gutenberg invented the printing press, which is even longer than Art Bell has been in radio and how I've been reading him since about 1972 but he has the same secrecy agreement that Art and Sean have, so just forget that I mentioned any of them.

Try to forget that I'm mentioning David Duchovny, too, even though some unknown force that may or not be The Vast Right Wing, that may or may not be conspiring against me, is trying to take Californication off the air. But they can't. Because some unknown person that I'm not allowed to tell you about who has vastly unbelievable powers who may or may not be named Dave is just as powerful as Art, Sean and Bill but since I'm not (technically, at least) supposed to tell you about their powers either so you didn't hear that from me. But the question is, will Dave...if his name is Dave and I didn't say it is...let them anyway? Just because he's trying to get back at me for not seeing all those stupid movies he made?

OK, then. I promise to see Working Girl and New Year's Day and Denial and all those other movies that he mostly just had bit parts in and you couldn't even really tell that he was in them at all and will that be enough to keep one of the best shows ever on the air? What more do you want out of me?

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Coast To Coast AM----Sunday October 5th, 2008