Greg's Blurty

It's Friday, You Bastards
The theme for tonight's party should be Giving Greg Everything He Wants. But it's not, due to petty politics and selfish ego driven special interest agendas. There's also a fair amount of sheer stupidity and lack of good old fashioned common sense involved as well. And whatever happened to, RESPECT YOUR ELDERS (And how about a big round of applause for my perfect timing? The minute I became older than everyone, everyone stopped respecting old people!)?

It shouldn't be all that big a surprise to anyone. It's just another sure sign that the whole damn world is going straight to Hell and there really isn't anything we can do about it, but still, for you few responsible right minded people who are still out there and are still thinking straight, I'm going to tell you the things I want so you can get them for me and thus delay the inevitable final breakdown of everything for another day or two. God bless you.

The first thing I want is for the knuckleheads in D.C. to come to their senses long enough to scrap the bailout plan they just passed. Then, I want someone at Coast, preferably Ian because I think he would be best for this, to book Thomas Jefferson (http://www.wgnradio.com/shows/williams_john/tj2006cd.htm) as a guest. Then, I want the Dodgers to kill the Cubs...Will you people at PETA please relax? I'm talking about baseball players, not baby bears, so please lay off the hate mail...And, finally, I really want to be Angelina's (http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=418823631) friend but for that to happen, she must first transform herself from a stupid bot for a stupid dating service into a real person. Who looks just like her picture. She should also live next door to me and be of questionable moral virtue because I'm not in the mood to do any in depth elaborate seduction.

There's more but that's enough for tonight. If you give me those things, you can sleep well tonight, knowing that you made me a moderately bit less unhappy than I was before. And you'll need the rest, because tomorrow's list is going to be a little more difficult. Oh, if you care about such things, even though it doesn't matter what she wants or doesn't want, Suzette says it's OK for Angelina to be my friend. Her exact words were, "You're perfect for each other because she's just a mindless inhuman bot. That means she's only 1% smarter and more human than you are. You're never going to find a better match than that. You deserve each other!"

Now that we have what should be Theme For Tonight's Party out of the way, I guess we can get to what is The Theme For Tonight's Party. And that would be: Movie Stars And Movies. And the guest of honor is Paul Newman. Barely. I had Miss Bunni, my Chief Executive Vice President In Charge Of Mystical Affairs and Head Astrologer part the veil between the living and the dead on Saturday (His first full day in the Hereafter) morning so I could call and invite him because I knew he would be in heavy demand for this weekend.

He yelled at me for waking him up and said he was too busy to be here tonight. So I had to do some fast talking. I put together a guest list that he couldn't say no to and saved the day. There are a lot of people here from the great beyond that you probably don't recognize but some that you might are Jimmy Stewart, James Dean, Marilyn Monroe, Jayne Mansfield, Alfred Hitchcock, Natalie Wood, Dean Martin (I wanted the whole set but Frank and Sammy are busy tonight), Steve McQueen, George Harrison, Carroll O'Connor and Richard Nixon (He still considers Paul to be an enemy---He got a whole lot more fascinating and even more paranoid when he died---, so things might get interesting).

Oh yeah, Linda Lovelace, too. Now, some people (I could name names but I'm not going to give Suzette any more publicity because she's already had way more than she deserves) don't consider her to be a real actress so this, too, could also be a point of interest.

OK, have I covered everything yet? Oh yeah! Food and beverages! Well, for food, we're going Italian tonight with spaghetti. Suzette usually makes her own top secret sauce but tonight she made a very faithful copy of Newman's Own Marinara Sauce but she made it without the sage because Paul can't eat it now...in fact, it would make him run screaming from the room.

Likewise with the salad dressing and I still don't understand the dead not being able to handle sage thing but it's real, nonetheless. And why doesn't parsley, rosemary and thyme bother them? No one has been able to explain that to me, either and it bothers me but oh well. So, all that leaves is tonight's Theme Drink. And a big hand for Fifi for creating something that not only ties Dick, Paul and Linda all together in one not too bad tasting drink but also makes our guests from below the Mason Dixon Line (Especially the ones from Texas) feel right at home:

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Deep Throat Wishes

Ingredients:

* 1/2 Southern Comfort
* 1/2 Dr. Pepper

Mixing instructions:

Pour in cup and stir.
Creator/contributor's comments:

Drink this and wish for...well, you know.

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So now that all the explaining is done, let's just get to partying. Just don't forget to get me all the things I want, even though it's not (But damn well should be!) the official theme. One last thing. Dick doesn't have any tin soldiers protecting him tonight...but Carroll did graciously agree to step into character as Archie and give him some backup as only Carroll can...so feel free to say whatever you want to him, if you're old enough to remember what he did to you and the country. Or, if you're a conservative, and this must be Heaven for you, being in the same room with Archie Bunker and Richard Nixon, you're free to take their side, too. I just hope you're smart enough to realize that Carroll is only acting (He's really a liberal, you idiot and Archie is one big joke, created, written and brought to life exclusively by liberals to make fun of you) and I only say that because some of you STILL don't get it. So, have all the fun you want, Republicans. but remember you're outnumbered but more importantly than than that, you are out brained. Look around and you'll notice that Rush isn't here. He was invited but he doesn't want to be humiliated. You could learn something from him.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Coast To Coast AM----Thursday October 2nd, 2008