Greg's Blurty

Just A Little Message For Russia
There are a bunch of things I want to talk about tonight but what is mostly on my mind is Russia. You know, the big country on the other side of the world, right next to Alaska (I hear you can even see it from there) with all the funny shaped buildings, caviar, vodka and wooden dolls that just keep getting smaller and smaller that exchanged Godless communism for Godless capitalism.

There, now that we have all the confusion out of the way so the good people of Moscow, Iowa (http://iowa.hometownlocator.com/IA/Muscatine/Moscow.cfm) won't get confused and think I'm talking about them and get mad at me again, we can get to the point.

And that point is my message to Moscow---Russia, NOT Iowa---:

Comrades, the next time you send a shipment of tanks or any other arms anywhere, USE ONE OF YOUR NAVAL SHIPS TO TRANSPORT IT.

Have you ever seen this headline? Pirates Attack Russian Navy! No, you haven't. And do you know why? It's because not even pirates are stupid and suicidal enough to attack the Russian Navy! And even if there were pirates that stupid and suicidal, the whole thing would be over in a few minutes and the one news story that would be needed to cover it would have this headline: World's Most Stupid Pirates Killed By Russian Navy.

And OK, maybe you don't have a naval vessel big enough to carry that much cargo, no problem. Use a commercial ship but ESCORT IT WITH A DESTROYER OR SOMETHING! And that would really be just as good. No one is going to mess with a ship being escorted by a destroyer. Or a carrier or a battleship or whatever you have handy that's fully armed.

In the first place, that would be an act of war and who wants to go to war with you? And even if someone did, it would be a very short war. And everyone would be happy. We wouldn't now have a ship with God knows what's on it occupied by pirates and not being able to do a whole lot because we don't want the crew killed.

So, next time, ship it yourselves with your navy or escort the shipment. And if you're worried about the cost, stop worrying. It's called Shipping & Handling. If you need help with it, call us, we're really good at it. We'll show you how to make money off the deal than you ever thought was possible!

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Coast To Coast AM----Wednesday October 1st, 2008