Greg's Blurty

It's Friday, You Bastards
I feel really bad. Yesterday, as Sarah Palin grabbing all the publicity for being a cocky wacko--which is fine because she is---I totally forgot to point out that there is another cocky wacko right here in the Quad Cities. And that's the part that's not not fine and it's also why I feel bad.

I should have pointed out that Putz "Shorty" McWorthless is every bit as big and annoying a cocky wacko as Sarah Palin and I feel even worse because Putz's time is growing so short. That's an unintentional pun but hey, if it makes him feel even worse about his miserable little self, then it's all good.

Anyway, the bell is tolling for Putz. His heart monitor is making that scary, "HE"S DYING!" sound---That's a total metaphor because Putz has no heart, so there's nothing there to be monitored but if he did, it would be making the, "He's dying," sound---and that's not even the worst of it.

The worst of it is that poor little Putz has been so completely neutered that people are openly laughing at him now. He's still the blustery, cocky little wacko that he always was but now that he's not allowed to fire anyone anymore and upper management openly acknowledges that he's a joke, it just isn't the same.

No one fears him anymore and that's the only real power he ever had. He can still talk all he wants and he still does but it's only greeted with laughter now. It's a good thing, because he's an ugly, little, destructive, counterproductive tumor that needs to be gone but still, before he goes, and that minute could be any minute now, I want to do something for him.

So I'm making him the Guest Of Honor At Tonight's Party. He isn't going to be here, though he really wants to be because it's the first party he was ever invited to. For him, every party in the world is like a big bash at Richard's place on Mars and he's me. But he has no way of getting even like I do---by letting Suzette go.

So I wanted to make up for all that by inviting him and letting him go to one party before he slithers off to become dust again. I feel bad about him not being here but I have to explain that it isn't my fault. Suzette said no. She doesn't want him in her house and has instructed Security (Buffy, Faith and Olga) to destroy what little is left of him if he tries to get in, so we all agreed that it would be better if he weren't actually here.

Faith pointed out how ironic it was that Suzette objected to but allowed Ted Bundy to be here for last year's Halloween Party but won't allow Putz even though he's only killed one person and that was disguised as a suicide. Suzette insisted that Ted was less objectionable because he had the boules to actually do the dirty work himself and didn't use compliant little lapdogs to do his bidding and that was the end of the debate.

So, tonight's party is still dedicated to Putz but he won't be here and we'll just have to make the best of it. So let's start by having a drink. I am so proud of Fifi for creating the perfect drink to dedicate to Putz:

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S.O.B.

Ingredients:

* 1/2 oz Cognac
* 1/2 oz Cointreau
* Lemon slice
* Sugar

Mixing instructions:

Drink this just like a shot of tequila. Mix the cognac and cointreau together in the shot glass. Lick between your thumb and forefinger and sprinkle sugar on it. Then lick the sugar, drink the shot, and suck on the lemon wedge when you're done.

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Did you notice all the licking and sucking involved with this one? I'm giving Fifi a big bonus for it. I really think she is my favorite of all my staff---just try to keep that between you and me, OK? And if you can't do that, at least, for God's sake, don't tell Buffy, Faith or Olga and most especially don't tell Suzette. They all have very delicate egos and not so delicate powers to make me regret not saying that they are my favorite, so what they don't know can't hurt me and we should just keep it that way.

Let's get to the music. Tonight's headliner is Randy Newman, because, way back in 1977, he wrote the song that is Putz:

Randy Newman - Short People

From: thecatkeaton
Added: July 10, 2007
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OGWT 1978.

Category: Music

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NvgLkuEtkA

But that's not all. Dr. Hook is here tonight, too. I'm not going to say that they are here to open for Randy because they are already too underrated and under appreciated. They're really good and they produced a lot of great music but they somehow never got a lot of recognition. So we are going to say that they are co-headlining with Randy Newman and let them play second.

Now the only thing left is to decide what song they should start with to honor Putz. Rik said that, Everybody's Makin' It Big But Me would be perfect. I said,, "Rik, are you saying that because it's the only one Ray and Dennis will let you sing?" And he said, "Yeah, that's pretty much it." So I said, "That's good enough for me." So here now, is Dr. Hook, with Everybody's Makin' It Big But Me:

Dr. Hook - Everybody's Making It Big But Me

After Dennis Locorriere have given a short demonstration of the many odd way's to use a LP cover, Rik Elswit sings 'Everybody's Making It Big But Me'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cFAetsH4Go

That is very nicely getting this party rolling. And. remember, both Randy and Dr. Hook are going to be performing more of their biggest hits later for all of you who manage to not pass out first. Personally, I'm just drinking Diet Coke till they play Cover Of The Rolling Stone. After that, I don't care what happens. One last thing, I don't think those cigarettes that Ray is passing around are really cigarettes, so if you're subject to random testing, you might want to go easy on them.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Coast To Coast AM----Thursday September 11th, 2008