Greg's Blurty

If I Were The Only Writer In The World
If I were the only writer in the world, you would be very bored right now because it's been more than 24 hours since I've written anything---no books, no essays, no stories, no movies, no plays, nothing, no fiction or nonfiction of any kind, not even a blog post (Which are all nonfiction---because I have no imagination)---and by now you would have gone back and reread all the roughly 5000 blog posts I've done (569 here on Myspace with the bulk still being ..ty and Greatestjournal. You also would have bribed, begged, conned and charmed my staff into letting you see everything that I never published.

And you still wouldn't be happy because you would still be bored and wanting something new...because you long ago conned, charmed, begged and bribed your way into my secret files and discovered why they are secret. And then you would demand to know just how I was elected to be The World's Only Writer and just what exactly happened with my intern.

Trust me, though, you really don't want to know. Let's just say that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and I did not have sex with that woman and I didn't even inhale and leave it at that. I also think it's high time we follow the Tin Rule (We used to use the Golden Rule but have you seen the price of gold lately? Sheesh! Who can afford that?): What happens in the Oval Office stays in the Oval Office.

And I wish that would make you happy and give you the patience of a Saint, but no. You still want fresh material every single day. Just because I get all this money, fame and power by being The World's Only Writer.

Even though the pressure is killing me and giving me Writer's Block and that just makes things worse. Plus, I have no imagination and that makes writing difficult even I don't have Writer's Block. I'm not saying that you made a mistake when you voted for me, I'm only saying that I hope you didn't drive yourself to the polls in that condition.

So how about this: I keep quiet about your little drinking problem and you keep quiet about my little writing and intern problems? And to sweeten the deal, I'm even going to throw in a little video that wasn't written or directed by me. I didn't even star in it.

I didn't have anything at all to do with it. And that sucks, because it's really good and would look great on my resume:

The Astounding World of the Future

A funny mid-20th century newsreel featuring amazingly accurate predictions of the year 2000.

BEST SHORT FILM - New York Comedy Film Festival

OFFICIAL SELECTION
Montrael Just For Laughs Comedy Festival
Chicago Short Film Festival

Written and Directed by Scott Dikkers

Starring Tim Harrod, Maria Schneider
Category: Entertainment

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJjUVIIYptE&feature=related

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Coast To Coast AM----Saturday August 30th, 2008