Greg's Blurty

Time Is Running Out
Before it's too late...and I know that a lot of you like to believe that it's never too late, life begins at 50, 40 is the new thirty, today is the first day of the rest of your life and so on and so on, etc etc etc, but you have to keep in mind that everything is relative and even more importantly, everything is agenda driven and my agenda here is to remind everyone that Putz "Shorty" McWorthless is illiterate WHILE he still has a job that doesn't involve liberal use of the phrase, "Would you like fries with that?"

A job that he is in no way qualified for and that he wasn't smart enough to keep after somehow getting it in the first place (And I want to say right here and now that I don't believe the prevailing theory that he slept with someone to get it, not because I don't think he would cheat on his wife because he has no scruples or morals of any kind but because I don't believe anyone would have wanted to sleep with him. And even if someone had been that desperate, I haven't seen any proof, just lots of circumstantial evidence. And I still think O.J. is innocent for the same reasons but that's another topic entirely.) and is now about to be booted from.

So time is of the essence. In fact, it may already be too late because the decision may have already been made but just as with everything else, it doesn't count till I hear it. So, whether it has already been done or is still a matter of hours, days or weeks, I am seizing this opportunity to remind everyone that Putz, in addition to being not fit to run a lemonade stand and being dumber than a learning impaired baboon and having the heart and humanity of an anti-social skinhead, is illiterate.

Some of you purists out there are going to say that he's functionally illiterate but I don't recognize that distinction. I maintain that being able to read and write a little isn't the same as being able to read and write and someday you will see that I'm right.

What I'm going to do now is show you something that wasn't written by Putz but could have been. Well, maybe it was. Maybe Spam is his backup plan to avoid fast food. And the fact that the writer claims to be a woman, well, the way Putz prances around the office suggests that he has a lot in common with J. Edgar Hoover...well, the cross dressing part. Not the effective leadership...and I know we hate to admit that but Edgar was an effective (Not desirable but effective) leader who had something to back up his massive ego. And that's the polar opposite of Putz. Except for maybe the cross dressing.

Not that there's anything wrong with that, because there isn't. What's wrong is getting and keeping a job you aren't qualified for at the expense of multitudes of innocent people and that's what Putz is guilty of. And he's illiterate. Not that that's a crime but it is offensive. No, let me rephrase that, because if you happen to be literate, I don't want you think that I find you offensive because I don't, so please keep reading. What makes it offensive is when it's used to make other people feel frightened, bad and/or inadequate and that's what Putz does.

He takes his meager reading and writing skills and uses them for evil. He can't construct a simple coherent sentence, let alone chart a logical course from anywhere to anywhere but he is a savant with one single talent: Just like a parrot, he can remember and repeat big words. He doesn't know what the words mean or how to use them but that doesn't stop him. And he does that because big words intimidate a lot of people. I don't know why that is but it is. Especially when they come from a tin plated authority figure. Putz realizes this and uses it for all it's worth. That's what makes his brand of illiteracy offensive and evil.

I would love to illustrate my point by showing you an actual memo that was written by Putz but you know how the Greeting Cards biz is...we have to take secrecy oaths for everything and everything is classified. What I can do is show you a piece of spam that showed up in my in-box a few days ago that very well could have been written by him---and, the more I think about it, possibly was because it is just as bumbling, stilted and laughable as everything that tiny little man has ever written and for all I know, "Jesicca" is his alter ego---and here it is:

ATTENTION.

Firstly, I would like to introduce myself to you, well I am Jesicca Harrison,
I am attach to Crown Royal Windsor PLC. in London. I am looking for a
dependable individual that I can trust, someone who wiling and honest enough
to carry out this transaction with diligent to the best of his/her ability.

Basically, I normally travel to Malaysia to purchase a Product Called
RHINOMUNE®Injectable.The RHINOMUNE®Injectable is for vaccination of healthy
horses 3 months of age or older as an aid in preventing respiratory disease
caused by equine herpesvirus type 1 (EHV-1).

RHINOMUNE is prepared by growing an attenuated strain of EHV-1 on an equine
cell line. The RHINOMUNE®Injectable contain 10 bottles in a carton. Each
bottle contains 25ml.Indication for the RHINOMUNE®Injectable product is
recomended to be used for horse only.

These products are rare and in high demand here in Britain , though not long
it came to existence, it was introduce to our company by a Chinese friend,
Mrs. Christina Tan a veterinary in Holland, who gave me a sample for test on
my last visit to Holland. In a moment, I have searched to a conclusive point
that this said product are specifically found in the South/East Coast of Asia
in which we can purchase inlarge amount for supply at an affordable price in
Taiwan and Malaysia by a reputable dealer.

The Crown Royal Windsor PLC. have mandated to come over to Asia to purchase
the product mentioned above but the issue right now is that I need the
correspondence of a reliable partner, who will stand as the distributor.

The actual selling price from the dealers in Malaysia is USD $2,500 and rate
in Malaysian riggit is MYR8000, while it is sold here in Britain at the rate
of USD5700 to Veterinary Companies. Meanwhile I don't want our marketing
manager to go directly to the dealer because the company has allocated
USD5000 per pack to purchase the product. My appeal to you is for your
assistance, to get the product from the dealers then re-sell to our company
at the stipulated price as stated above, thereafter the profit will be shared
base on 60/40% percentage.

I am unable to travel for now after a bad vehicle accident, I have no
intentions on losing out in profit as i need it to pay up my hospital bills.
It has seriously drained me. With that i was hoping that a reliable person
can assist me in supplying my marketing manager.
The quantity demand from my company is 30 to 50 cartons monthly. All I need
from you is to be kind, honest, and trustworthy.

Your reply is of great important, all information needed is intact, and all
that matters now is your respond if you are interested. Kindly get back to me
at my Email: h_jesicca001@yahoo.com.hk with your full contact i.e company
name if any, phone no., fax no. I hope to hear from you soon.

Regards,Jesicca Harrison
CROWN ROYAL WINDSOR PLC.
4 Mowat Industrial Estates
Sandown Road
Watford Hertfordshire WD24 7UY.
United Kingdom.

I wish everyone could see that for the joke that it is but unfortunately, a lot of people can't. So, people like Putz continue to prosper. They don't even have to use the big words properly...and if you're a regular reader here, you know that I am an English Major but I have very little respect for the rules of grammar but even I have some standards...and people will look at them as if they know what they are doing.

If you only encounter things like this in your email, count your lucky stars. And take some time to feel sorry for those of us who have read official memos that look like that. For a while more, at least, at my Greeting Cards office. Of course, if Putz's replacement is not a slimy little con artist but has horrible writing skills, I'll still be grateful. But if I had it my way, he or she would also be able to communicate effectively. And wouldn't be embarrassing.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Coast To Coast AM----Wednesday August 27th, 2008