Greg's Blurty

Don't Fear The Reaper
Have you ever witnessed an execution by lethal gas? If you haven't, don't feel too bad, because it's a pretty gruesome, emotionally wrenching experience because it generally takes 8-12 minutes for death to occur (As we define it but who knows what is actually going on for the person enduring the procedure) and it's usually not pretty.

And that's what I'm going through right now. Metaphorically. Because I'm not at a prison actually watching someone die in the gas chamber but I am watching four careers die and it is just like a gas chamber execution. That's because gas chambers offer one thing that no other method of execution offer: Choices for the victim.

Ropes, electricity, fire, needles and blades offer no choices at all but with lethal gas, there is a choice. Not a great or long lasting choice but it is a choice nonetheless. You can either follow the advice of those who have seen what happens or you can fight the gas.

And it's the latter that I'm witnessing. Well, not all of them are fighting. This is a five seat gas chamber and one of the executee's, Dumska Horta, did as she was told and obediently tilted her head back, closed her eyes and took three deep breaths and expired peacefully on June 25. Well, her career died, she's still fine, angry and bitter about having been sold out but physically fine...and this is getting confusing, so from here on out, when I use a name, I really mean that person's career and remember that no people are being physically harmed.

The other four, though...Cruella de Stupid, Wanda Clueless, Lurch and their leader, Putz "Shorty" McWorthless...are fighting the gas for all they're worth. And they aren't worth much. And it isn't pretty. They're gasping, choking and vomiting, inhaling just enough of the poison to make them suffer horribly and turn all sorts of horrific colors (They actually make Cruella look more attractive but she still isn't...well, let's just have some respect for the dead and not comment on her appearance, either in life or death) but not enough to get the job done.

Oh, the job will get done. Lethal doses of the gas can't be evaded forever. I can't speak for the condemned because I've never been led down that long hallway and escorted into the chamber, strapped into the chair and heard that big round door clang shut. Maybe they have good reason to do what they are doing but it's hard to see from this perspective.

Because from this perspective, it seems like the warden's advice, "Shorty, when the cyanide pellets are released, there'll be a loud click. When you hear that click, close your eyes and take three deep breaths. It'll be quick and easy. Good luck and may God have mercy on your soul," is pretty sound.

OK, the "close your eyes," part is the death house equivalent of telling an expectant father to shred towels and boil water---it serves no purpose other than to give him something to do while the baby is being born. It's the "three deep breaths," part that matters. And that's the part they are ignoring. To the very end, they are making things more difficult and unpleasant than they have to be.

And the witnesses are getting fed up with it. Some of them are telling the guards, "For God's sake, open that door and put them out of their misery already!" And the guards are replying, "Ma'am, if I open that door, we'll all die." So that idea is out and we just have to wait for nature to take it's course.

Before I go on, I want you conservatives to understand that the witnesses' attitude isn't bleeding heart anti-death penalty liberalism. We all agree that all five of them deserve what they are getting and while they are far from being mentally competent, they do know the difference between right and wrong and they did it to themselves. If they hadn't been so inept, ineffective, inhumane and stupid, they wouldn't be where they are right now. And the system gave them more breaks than anyone could ever expect to get. Shorty got all the mileage he could out of his many handicaps.

So there's no sympathy for the criminals. We just want this execution to be over with already. We are begging you, Shorty, Cruella, Wanda and Lurch, PLEASE, stop fearing the Reaper! Just take the three deep breaths and move on. You have a bright future ahead of you in the job afterlife making French fries and bagging groceries...and Shorty, if you really apply yourself, I think you could be a restroom attendant. First, though, you have to surrender and admit that this part of your existence is over.

And if you don't, the Governor is scheduled to inject a second, bigger dose of cyanide into the chamber this Wednesday but still, it could still take weeks. Don't put us through that. Go to the light. Go join Dumska in fast food Heaven. And maybe people won't remember you for the sad, pathetic, weak, little cowardly man that you were.

Oh, who am I kidding? That's the only way everyone will remember you. I'll remember you as an illiterate 8th grade dropout, too. Most people overlook that part but I do my best to get them to remember it. But, at the very end. for one brief shining moment that one will ever acknowledge, you can be brave. But you will know that you were brave and that'll be more than enough for a one man freak show like you. Won't it? Do the right thing. Three deep breaths...you can count that high, can't you?

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Coast To Coast AM----Friday August 22nd, 2008