Greg's Blurty

It's Friday, You Bastards
Howdy, Comrades!

I didn't have time to actually read any of the news this week but I did glance at the headlines and saw that Georgia was invaded by the Russians and I'm sure they've already been told howdy a million times but I wanted to say it again anyway. I didn't feel that way at first. I was kind of mad, in fact. Who do they think they are, invading us like that, I wondered. Then I thought about it a while and I figured that they must have had a good reason for it.

Maybe they needed peaches? No...I mean I love peach cobbler more than just about anyone but I wouldn't start a war over it, so I know Russia wouldn't. Same thing with cotton and peanuts. So what could it be? I thought and thought about this for hours and came to the only logical conclusion: Alabama must have flown a plane into the Kremlin or something.

So Russia had no choice. Just like we had no choice but to invade Iraq when Saudi Arabia attacked us. So I forgive Russia and once again say, "Howdy, Comrades! Set a spell! Take your shoes off!" And to the people of Georgia, I say: This is a chance to grow and experience new things. You haven't lived till you've had vodka and grits.

And, of course, the Guest Of Honor tonight is Nikita Khrushchev. Olga is thrilled. She wanted Stalin here, too, tonight but he was busy. Karl Marx is throwing a barbecue but Nik wasn't invited because of a disputed chess game. So we lucked out, there.

Nikita is gloating, though. The first thing he said when I told him the Russians were in Georgia was, "HA!!!!!!! I told you we would bury you!!"

I said, "You hardly buried us and what's the big deal? We invaded Georgia in 1865. If it were 1842, this would be impressive."

"Capitalist pig dog! You cheated! Georgia is close to you! Try crossing an ocean to do it! And we invented the Civil War, anyway! We also invented Georgia, grits, peanuts and peaches! You stole them all from us!" Then he took off his shoe and started banging it on the table.

He stopped and put his shoe back on when Suzette said, "I know you're the Soviet Premier and everything but if you get any more mud on my table, I'm going to cut your balalaika off!"

Franklin, Charles and Winston thought that was hysterical. They said they could have used her at Yalta. Suzette said they should have met in Paris and Chuck said, "That's what I suggested." Then Olga and Nik got upset and World War Three nearly started, right here in my living room.

That would have been an honor but then Suzette would have blamed the whole thing on me...not that she's opposed to war all that much but she is opposed to the mess it would cause and I'd have to hear about it for the rest of forever. So tonight's real hero is Fifi because she calmed everyone down with tray after tray of these:

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Russian Quaalude

Ingredients:

* 2 shots Vodka
* 1 shot Bailey's irish cream
* 1 shot Creme de Cacao
* 1 shot Frangelico

Mixing instructions:

Shake all ingredients and serve over ice. (crushed)
Creator/contributor's comments:

You can substitute cream for the Baileys and you can substitute hazelnut liquor for the frangelica.

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So come on in and have a Russian Quaalude with a genuine Soviet Premier. Just don't bang your shoe on the table. That would be bad.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Coast To Coast AM----Thursday August 14th, 2008