Greg's Blurty

It's Friday, You Bastards
Hasn't this been an exciting week? Astronomically speaking, at least, what with the official announcement of water on Mars and hydrocarbons on Titan. And economically, too, with the announcement of Exxon making 100 billion trillion dollars this quarter. But it's the Mars and Titan stories that are really causing the most excitement.

What would have been even more exciting than that is if they had announced the discovery of the millions of gallons of booze and the tons of food at Richard C. Hoagland's place on Mars and the big party he's throwing there tonight to celebrate the big announcements about Mars and Titan.

But you'll never read that in any newspaper. You won't even hear it on Coast, because it's a super big secret. That's why you're not hearing it from me, either. Even though I wasn't invited...even though Richard is blaming the Post Office again. He insists that my invitation must have gotten lost in the mail. Even though my entire staff got their invitations just fine.

And what did I get? A terse letter from the State Department saying that if anyone asks where my staff is tonight, I'm supposed to say they went bowling. So that's what I'm telling you. The big secret is safe with me. Even though everyone is going to this thing except for me, and most people would be upset about that and spill the beans but not me.

And if you ask me where Rachael Ray is tonight, I will give the official cover story: She's at a cooking expo in Fresno instead of the truth, which is that she's at a party on Mars that everyone is at except for me. She even called me today, to ask what Suzette is wearing tonight, which I thought was very nice of her.

She then said she wanted to give me a simple fun recipe that I could make myself in a few minutes and impress anyone that I could manage to talk into coming here tonight but she knows me and my cooking skills too well so she told me to just order a pizza.

Well, I just hope that she and Suzette and everyone else has a good time tonight. I don't need them anyway. I have you, because your invitation obviously got "lost" too, and we'll do just fine. In fact, we'll do better than all those people who think they're having a good time on Mars.

We'll play records, order pizza and drink beer. It's going to be the most fun and original Friday night ever. Who needs celebrities and exotic locations? Not us! And when Richard calls and begs me to let him come here because his party is so boring, I'm going to tell him to check the mail for his invitation. That will teach him and I suspect the next time he throws a big bash on Mars, my invitation won't get lost.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Coast To Coast AM----Thursday July 31st, 2008