Greg's Blurty

Another One Of Those Days
It was another one of those days. The kind of day that aspirin manufacturers used to illustrate in commercials with hammers pounding on a little cartoon man's head followed by a fast cut away to a scene of a live actor yelling at his live actor wife for burning the pot roast.

And in the commercials, the day was always saved because Super Pain Away (Now With Baking Soda!) melted down the hammers into martini glasses and everyone was happy. Why can't life be like commercials?

Why can't squadrons of bikini clad super models bring me gallons of beer when I have even the slightest thought of being thirsty? Instead of Suzette scowling, "Your legs are broken? Get up and get it yourself," at me?

Actually, life is partially like the commercials. We still have pills that get rid of the pain, and they are way better than the pills we had back then but that's all they do. And that's the BIG LIE. We can cure the headache but we can't do anything about the cause of the pain.

What we actually need is a pill...or a potion, lotion, incantation, tincture, whatever, I'm not picky...that gets rid of the cause of the pain. A pill that banishes bad managers like Putz "Shorty" McWorthless to the Land Of Inept Leaders.

And you would think that the State Department would do that but no. They just shrug and say that sending him anywhere here or in any other dimension would be considered an act of war and they have enough to do with Iraq.

So I'm pretty much stuck. Unless my meeting with The Chief pays off. That's right, I made an appointment later this week to speak to him. That means I have to go to D.C. but that's OK, because it's lovely there this time of year.

It's only 900 degrees with four million percent humidity. I just hope The Chief isn't still sore about me starting the cold war. And that, by the way, wasn't even my fault. When you need diplomacy, you should send a diplomat, not a greeting cards salesman!

I would love to chat more but I have to go finish getting ready for my presentation about how the greeting cards business would be better and far more profitable if Putz were promoted to Restroom Attendant.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Coast To Coast AM----Monday July 28th, 2008