Greg's Blurty

My Annual Fourth Of July Eve Address
It's not that I'm not grateful to all the frightened little old useless control freak ladies who are so afraid of their own shadows that they feel they have to make me wear my seat belt every time I go somewhere...because I am very grateful to them. Because without them, one little aspect of life would be pleasant and unrestricted...well, a little more pleasant and unrestricted than it is now...and we can't have that.

And it's not that I'm not grateful to the brain dead boot licking politicians who are the jack booted thugs who enact and enforce the paranoid fears of the frightened little old useless control freak ladies who are so afraid of their own shadows, who should be, according to Micheal Reagan, wearing dresses---the vast majority of which are Republicans, by the way---because I am very grateful to them, too. They remind me of how dangerous it is to put Nazi's in power.

So don't misconstrue what I'm about to say as ingratitude because it's not. All I'm saying is that mandatory seat belt laws, the people who support them and the so called law enforcement agencies that enforce them are degenerate Satan worshiping Anti-Christs that are evil incarnate who also kick puppies and make fun of the handicapped. Coincidentally enough, most of them are also conservative Republicans (And they should be forced to wear dresses, per Michael Reagan).

So there's not a bit of ingratitude or anger here. Not even a smidgen. It's just that on The Fourth Of July, the holiday that celebrates our independence from England, I get a little tired of tin plated Barny Fife wannabes shouting at me from the radio and TV about how vigilant they are going to be about seat belts over the weekend---as if seat belts have anything to do with public safety.

So that's all and don't read anymore than that into the fact that I got in my time machine and got out of here today. I started by spending the summer of 1967 driving from coast to coast in a car that didn't even have seat belts and watching guys like Joe Friday fight real crime while leaving minor offenses to meter maids who were very feminine but even they were too too macho and self respecting to worry about whether you were wearing your seat belt or not. Then I did the usual, If It's Tuesday, It Must Be 1776 whirlwind tour of the highlights in American history.

And I would still be there if it weren't for Suzette's incessant nagging about everything from the lack of indoor plumbing to the clothes that haven't been in style for over 200 years---and kids, let that be a lesson to you, no matter how good an idea it seems like at the time, leave your Chef De Cuisine and Executive Vice President In Charge Of Domestic Bliss at home when you go time traveling.

And I would go back right now but she's complaining about how I never spend any time with her---even though I spent well over 200 years with her today alone---and I don't need more whining and nagging. It's bad enough that I have cops telling me that I have to wear my seat belt---and thinking about how Joe Friday must be spinning in his grave because of that.

So I guess I'll just stay here and enjoy all the "freedom" we have. But, when I do finally get to go back to colonial America, I am going to survey the founding fathers about losing fingers to see if Sean Leary was right today. I'm sure he was but I have to confirm it.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Coast To Coast AM----Wednesday July 2nd, 2008