Greg's Blurty

The Next One I'm Not Going To Write
A lot of people ask me where I get all the ideas for all the books I don't write and there's really no mystery to it. The answer is a very simple, "No one knows."

Take the one I'm not writing today, for example. It's just a simple, unassuming and unambitious character study about how the entire world is really just a bunker, just like the one Hitler used during the final months of World War II and we are all waiting for the end, when the enemy will crash in and kill or capture all of us while still loyally listening to the demented ramblings of the maniac who led us into this mess in the first place.

And some of you are going to say that it sprang from the comments that Ian Punnett made over the weekend about how California should back off on its' draconian anti-smoking laws because of all the smoke from the fires out there that is in the air anyway but won't, much in the same way that Hitler prohibited smoking in the bunker even as it was being choked with smoke from all the bombing.

And how he wouldn't let anyone even drink. Right up until the time he stepped into the escape pod---oh, if you think he committed suicide, fine, I won't disillusion you with the truth, so let's just say he killed himself. Anyway, with certain disaster closing in every direction, he continued to enforce his stupid rules, talk about victory and command armies that no longer existed when he really should have been learning how to say, "I'm sorry," in Russian.

And that's a lot like us. We refuse to learn Russian, even though the Russians are on our doorstep. And that's what the novel is about and as I said, some of you are going to start connecting all these dots to figure out where the idea for it came from. They're also going to say that my boss, Putz "Shorty" McWorthless is a dead ringer for Hitler...except Hitler was smarter and less objectionable on an infinite number of levels and they're going to try to make something out of that, too.

And that's fine. These dots are yours to do with as you wish and no one, least of all me, is going to tell you what to do or not do with them. All I'm going to say is that you can't connect them because they aren't connectible.

And if you try to connect them, you'll be just like those fools in Phoenix and Texas and wherever else it's happening who believe that those lights they saw in the sky are UFOs. Even though the Air Force said they were swamp gas. Or flares. Or both.

Anyway, swamp gas is always creating solid bodied illuminated aircraft that defy all the known laws of physics. Just like flares. And you're an idiot to believe otherwise. And the same thing goes for believing where the ideas for the novels I don't write come from. Just trust me when I tell you that it's unknowable.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Coast To Coast AM----Monday June 30th, 2008