Greg's Blurty

It's Friday, You Bastards
Greetings fellow fun seekers and welcome to another Fractious Friday in the Nitty Gritty City and it's not going to surprise anyone that tonight's theme is Comedy and the guest of honor is George Carlin. It's George's first Friday night in the hereafter and I took no chances with this.

On Monday morning, I had Miss Bunni, my Chief Executive Vice President In Charge Of Other Worldly Affairs and Head Astrologer, part the veil between the living and the dead and I called George because I didn't want someone else get to him first and get him booked for tonight and it went something like this:

Oh, before I recount the conversation, I should tell you that I'm bleeping out all the words you can't say on TV because MADD (Mother's Against Dirty Dialog) has been all over me because of all the profanity I've been using lately and I don't want to give that up because some of them are really hot and they threatened to stop getting all over me if I didn't stop with the dirty words.

George: )(*&^&( @!)(*( *(*()*** !!!!! DO you have any )(*&* &^%$@ @)(* idea what time it is? Have you ever heard of letting the &*&%$ )(*@#!# dead rest in peace?

Me: Hey man, calm down, you'll give yourself a heart attack. You want to kill yourself?

George: ((Heavy sigh)) Well, that makes it all worth it. Suddenly, just knowing how much you idolized me, and how it paid off by making you funny like that makes it all worth it. I don't feel like I made a wrong turn somewhere and totally wasted my life.

Me: Death agrees with you. You were never this reasonable when you were alive.

George: Christ! Hey, I wasn't calling You......Man, I gotta learn to stop saying that cause He shows up every time. Last night, I tried to take a shower when I got here. Dying takes a lot out of you and I was feeling less than spring time fresh so I got in the shower, turned on the water and nearly burned my hand off, so I said, 'Jesus Christ, this water is hot!' And suddenly there was a naked long haired guy standing next to me, parting the water and let me tell you how that will %^&*& with your head! Dead or not! I said, 'Where were You when I was alive? And now that I'm already in Paradise You show up? In my shower????'

That wasn't the whole conversation of course. In the first place, I had to leave out most of the dirty words from even that short section of it would have run 47 pages. I think I left enough in for you to get the idea, though. And somewhere in it, I told him about tonight's party and he said he would be here.

And he is. He's in the next room right now doing one of the funniest routines I've ever heard, even from him. Everyone is laughing and it's a tough room. Lenny Bruce, Bob Hope, Groucho, Sam Kinnison, Jackie Gleason, John Belushi and Johnny Carson are all here and that's just the front row.

The theme is that being dead is as big a pain in the ass as being alive and I wish the departed could rest but I'm also happy that it turns out this way because this is too good to waste. And just between you me, I don't think George minds all that much either. He even made a pass at Fifi when she handed him one of tonight's drinks:

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Deadly Dark Indulgence

Ingredients:

* 1/2 oz Tia maria
* 3 oz Coca-Cola
* 1 scoop Vanilla ice-cream

Mixing instructions:

Blend all ingredients. Pour into Poco grande glass.

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Of course the pass was a joke. Nearly everything is a joke with that guy. He told Fifi, "I was kidding around there but if Sally hadn't stricken the 'Till death do us part,' language out of our marriage contract..."

I have to go now. I have to get to Lenny before he gets buried in requests because I have to hear the airplane glue routine tonight.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Coast To Coast AM----Thursday June 26th, 2008