Thursday, June 26th, 2008

Time	Event
1:51a	Slightly Used Survey Challenge I just did a survey challenge thing on Myspace which is OK except for one thing, the person you write questions for gets to choose which of the questions you write that they answer and that usually leaves a lot of unanswered questions. So my challenge to you is to take this survey, which I custom made for Kelly because it might be funny to see your answers to questions that were custom written for someone else. And then you get to do it to as many others as you want. Write a survey for one person and send it to as many others as you want. I guess what it comes down to is that I dare you to answer these questions that I wrote for Kelly, so call it the I Dare You To Answer These Questions Survey Challenge or maybe The Entirely Green, Completely Recycled, Earth Friendly, Waste Free Survey: 1. Does anyone but me remember the TV show Dirty Sally (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070983/)? 2. If you had 24 hours to spend $24 million in order to inherit $240 million, the only condition being that you could have nothing material to show for it (Memories only, no houses, cars, etc) and you could only gamble/give away 10% of it (And if you gamble and win, you have to get rid of the winnings, too), how would you spend those 24 hours (Yes, they are all in a row, there, have I closed all the loopholes yet?)? Yes, I know it's almost the exact same plot as Brewster's Millions, just deal with it. 3. You win on American Idol and Simon proposes to you and you say no, because you've already been married to a jerk but you do say yes to the multi-million dollar record/concert deal but only because Rihanna thinks she's so big because she has one and this will show her. Anyway, your agent comes to you and asks what you want on your concert contract rider, what do you tell her that you need to perform? You look like the "No brown M&M's" type to me but you must have other needs. 4. Someone figures out a way to bring fictional characters to life and you have a chance to have lunch with your favorite one. Who is it and where do you go and what do you talk about? Note, if you say Simon here, I win $10 and I'll kick $3 of that back to you. 5. On your last radio show, you said, "I don't eat animals but I do enjoy killing them." Did you steal that from me before I thought of it on purpose or was it accidental? 6. You're out hunting for dinner in the back yard and you shoot at.....what do vegetarians shoot at? Radishes? OK, a radish. You shoot at a radish and up from the ground comes a bubblin' crude and the next thing you know, you're a millionaire and the kin folk say, "Kelly, move away from there. Californy is the place you ought to be." Do you listen to them and move to California or do you do something different? Yes, I know it's the plot of The Beverly Hillbillies, deal with it. 7. Did you win the last time you played Strip Old Maid? Or maybe I'm the only one who plays that, if so, make it Strip Poker. 8. If you were a drug, which one would you be and why? If you say Ex Lax, please be sensitive to the fact that people may be eating while they read this and that you get extra points for everyone of them that you make throw up. 9. You go out to get the mail and accidentally walk through a time warp and find yourself in 1908, stranded, with no way to get back. Yes, you miss all your friends and family, blah, blah, blah but cry about that on your own time, the question here is: Do you just relax and enjoy the peace and quiet or do you become a famous inventor, writer, poet, whatever or maybe all of them plus become the wittiest person who ever lived because you can say all the witty things that have said over the last hundred years for the first time ever? 10. This one is kind of personal but you said I could ask anything, so here goes: Do you ever put on baggy sweats and fold laundry in front of your web cam and if so, when is show time? Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Coast To Coast AM----George Noory, WOC AM1420 (Comment on this)
4:23p	The Next One I'm Not Going To Write This morning I went to a meeting (While my boss at my day job, Miss Big thought I was out selling greeting cards, so keep this between you and me) with my publisher, Bombastic Bushkin (You might have heard of him, he used to be a famous accountant) and my agent, Drusilla. And it went well. For Bombastic and Dru. For me, not so much. You see, I have "Artistic Input," in my contract and that means that I get to go to the meetings and tell them what I want and then I get to watch my publisher and agent do whatever they want, which is always the opposite of what I wanted. Dru tells me, "I don't pay you $9.85 an hour to have you muck everything up with your stupid, insignificant, trivial, unimportant and noncommercial ideas." So I wanted to write a book about suicide today and I told them and they said no. They told me that sales for books about suicide are down 14% this quarter. Then they told me that my first book about Major Clay Shrapnel has already sold over 85 million copies and they wanted another one right away. I said, "Whoa! What do you mean the first book about him? It's the only one about him. I only did it to shut Dru up and I'm not doing another one." Dru told me that I would do it or she would drain every drop of blood out of me in a Sunnydale minute because I would be worth more to her dead than alive. I looked at my bodyguard and said, "Buffy, are you going to let her talk to me like that?" She nodded and said, "Sorry, honey, but I really need another diamond necklace. And I'll really miss you if you die, so please do the book." I said, "Thank you, Benedict Slayer." And then I was going to ask how she was going to get another diamond necklace or how she got any diamond necklaces in the first place when I make less than $10 an hour. But then it occurred to me that she might be getting kickbacks from Dru. And the rest of my staff, too. How do they get all their clothes, cell phones and MP3 players? And where did everything else like this big house and everything in it come from? I'm starting to suspect that they don't trust me with money. That they just give me $70 or $80 a day to keep me quiet. And that hurts. If I had access to the millions that Dru tells me goes to shipping and handling, I could expand the Lingerie Modeling Department and make it ten times bigger than it is now. And that's just one of my fiscally responsible ideas. I have tons more. And one day soon, I will fix this horrible problem. But all that has to wait because I'm busy not writing this stupid pointless book about Major Clay Shrapnel that I don't want to do. And I don't want you to get the wrong idea about it either so don't listen to your English lit prof when you are finally forced to read it for class. There is no big grand purpose for me not setting the majority of it in gentleman's clubs, like the first one. The only reason is that after writing all 408 pages of the first one, I ran out of excuses to keep him in strip clubs. That's it. Tell that old bat who thinks that she's so smart because she has a degree and a teaching job that she has to give you an A on this paper because you got all your information directly from me. So that's how I spent this dull, average, ordinary Wednesday. Dealing with unreasonable agents, publishers, slayers and writing this stupid book that's going to keep me busy till 8 tonight. I should go on strike. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Coast To Coast AM----Wednesday June 25th, 2008 (Comment on this)

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