Greg's Blurty

Shopping
I don't know if I've ever told you this before or not, but I hate shopping. And I shouldn't. Because I shouldn't have to do it at all, so it should be entirely neutral to me. That's the way it should be. Isn't not having to shop anymore the primary reason for hiring an Executive Vice President In Charge Of Domestic Bliss and Chef De Cuisine in the first place?

The answer to that is YES but it doesn't work that way. I don't know why, but it's impossible to give a job description to a girl. Well, no, giving it to her is easy. Getting her to obey it is impossible. So not only do I have to go shopping but I have to do it with Suzette. And that wouldn't even be so bad but she always wants to go to several stores and one stop is one too many.

And like you, I'm using my time machine more and more for shopping and that's just making things worse. Don't get me wrong, I love time travel and I love buying cigarettes (The very same ones we get here) for $6 a carton and aside from the lower prices, there are some things, like Chocolite and Summit candy bars and Fruit Float that you have to go to the 70's for, because you simply can't get them here.

So I have to go to stores here...because you can't get some things, such as Diet Pepsi Max in 1978...and in the past and as if that weren't enough, I now to have to go to stores in the future, too, because there are some things you can only get there. The most important of these is Diet Pepsi PM. I just tried it recently and I was instantly hooked. I love that stuff. It's the perfect complement to Diet Pepsi Max...it's drug free but it works just like a tranquilizer.

It's a very tasty, calorie free, highly carbonated blend of herbs and spices that relaxes you and then puts you out. It's nonalcoholic alcohol is what it is. It's NyQuil without the medicine! I find that half a bottle is enough to completely relax me and a full bottle will give me eight uninterrupted hours of sleep. Most kids mix it with vodka but I find that's really unnecessary.

The most beautiful part is that you can guzzle Diet Pepsi Max all day and be completely wired but then when you're ready to calm down, one bottle of Diet Pepsi PM does the trick. No, wait, that's not even the most beautiful part. That would be the fact that if you only use enough to relax you rather than put you out, it immensely helps concentration and if you're into Astral Projection, as I am, or anything else that requires the quieting of the mind, Diet Pepsi PM makes it happen.

The only bad part is that the closest place you can get it is 2028 and you have to go to Dayton, because that's where they test marketed it. Starting in 2029, you can get it anywhere. And my question is, why doesn't Pepsi start selling this fine product here? And if they won't, why doesn't someone...and actually this is an even better idea...start a store here where you can buy everything you need from the past, present and future all in one place?

I know that might raise the prices a bit but I'm willing to pay 65 cents for a pack of cigarettes if it means I can go back to using my time machine strictly for recreational use and when I do have to shop, get everything I need in one stop in one time. And if no one will do that, will someone please explain to Suzette that she doesn't need me to help with the shopping? And good luck with that.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Coast To Coast AM----Friday June 6th, 2008