Greg's Blurty

It's Friday, You Bastards
Greetings, fellow fun seekers. It's another Fractious Friday here in the nitty gritty city and you have arrived at the most exciting spot in the entire Neon Fun Jungle. This is a big night. Scratch that. This is a huge night. Bigger than huge but I'm completely out of adjectives for really big things, so we'll go with huge.

First all of all, it's the anniversary of D Day...you remember World War II don't you? It was in all the papers. And it was also on this night just over three decades ago that just over a thousand truck drivers displayed their unhappiness over the 55 mile an hour national speed limit by crashing through a toll booth in New Jersey. That was fictional, of course, but that didn't stop C.W. McCall from immortalizing the event in a song.

That's the American Way. Just as it's the American Way to crash our way into Europe and put Adolf's little beer tent out of business. So the first order of business for tonight was having Miss Bunni, my Chief Executive Vice President In Charge Of Other Worldly Affairs and Head Astrologer, part the veil between the living and the dead and invite Ike, George Patton, Harry, FDR and John Wayne to the party.

But that's not all. There are plenty of living people that need to be here, too. C. W. for one. But that's just the tip of the ice berg, because we have two major league birthdays tonight, too. George Noory is 58 today and Sean Leary is 100...well, not today but it's so much neater and tidier to move all birthdays to Friday, so that's what we do.

So that's the core of the guest list and it would be awesome if all these people were going to be here but they aren't. Not a single one of them. As well as 95% of my staff. So what do they have to do that's more important than this? Well, at this point, I'm supposed to give you some BS cover story about them all being busy with family and business obligations.

And that's what you should say when the MIB come and ask you what I said---I'm not afraid of them but you might not want to deal with them---but I'm through covering for the fiends behind all this and the truth is that all those people are at another party. Hosted by Richard C. Hoagland. On Mars. And the big question you have now is, "Greg, why weren't you invited to this party that everyone else is going to?"

The answer is obvious. The afore mentioned fiends that made sure I somehow wasn't invited are the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy against me. Alex Jones is making a movie about the whole thing right now. But it's OK. I'm not angry or bitter at all. Everything is OK, because I still have you.

And George Gobel. When Miss Bunni parted the veil, shortly before she got on the transport to Mars, and we found out that everyone we wanted was already going to Richard's place, we tried Frank, Dean and Sammy and found out they are going to Mars, too. Along with everyone else. Except George. He was looking for a party because he somehow didn't get invited to the big bash on Mars either.

So it's pretty much me, you and George. And 158 birthday cakes...that are empty because the 13,364 girls that were supposed to jump out of them are going to Mars, too. And Fifi and Suzette are there too, so it's serve yourself at the bar and in the kitchen.

It's going to be fun, though. George brought his guitar and between songs, we get to listen to him falsely accusing me of stealing all his best jokes. This definitely won't be one of those nights where you feel like the world is a tuxedo and you're a brown pair of shoes.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Coast To Coast AM----Thursday June 5th, 2008