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|Sunday, February 9th, 2014|
|What Are We Going To Give Them That They Don't Already Have? Volume One
Even if they don't know it, and most don't, just about everyone is singing Hymn For A Sunday Evening today (If you're among those who have never heard of it but are now curious, just Google it). And that's fine. I have nothing against Ed Sullivan and I'm glad that he's still getting the credit he deserves for cementing The Beatles place in history but I find it frustrating that Jack Paar is being completely forgotten. Jack, if you remember, and even if you don't, had the Beatles on his show nearly a full month before Ed did.
It was a taped, not a live performance and that distinction must be maintained but it is no reason to pretend that Jack had no part in launching the British Invasion. You can say the the same for the CBS Morning News and Edwin Newman. The latter was the very first to show the Beatles on American television, on The Huntley-Brinkley Report, in a four minute news piece on November 18, 1963.
The former ran a five minute segment about The Beatles on November 22, 1963. It was scheduled to be rerun again that evening but those plans changed drastically when President Kennedy was killed in Dallas that afternoon. On December 10, it was Walter Cronkite himself, who decided to finally rerun the piece during the Evening News.
My point is that Ed, like lots of important historical figures, was neither first or even second to do something really huge and yet all the others somehow get all but completely forgotten while he gets all the credit. He pulled off the same trick on September 9, 1956 when he got all the credit for introducing the country to Elvis. The truth is that Elvis had already been on Tommy and Jimmy Dorsey's Stage Show six times from January to March, 1956 and had been on The Milton Berle Show twice (April 3 and June 5).
And Ed, despite his popularity and dynamite ratings, was never called Mr. Television. Nor was he ever idolized by Frank Sinatra until the day he died, as Tommy Dorsey was. At this point, you might be thinking that I have something against Ed. That maybe I'm still angry over what he did to Jackie Mason, The Rolling Stones, The Doors and countless others, or maybe that I'm just channeling Harriet Van Horne of The New York World Telegram & Sun, who once wrote, “Sullivan got to where he is by having no personality; he is the commonest common denominator (Ed's reply was this: “Dear Miss Van Horne. You Bitch. Sincerely, Ed Sullivan.”)."
But that's not true. I'm always the first to admit that Ed did enough good things to counterbalance all the loathsome things he did---If you're wondering what he did that wasn't loathsome, aside from booking acts like Elvis and The Beatles, which he did for ratings, not for anything as unimportant as art or goodwill or his audience, look up the way treated and championed minority entertainers like Sammy Davis and Nat King Cole at a time few others would. In that way, he was a lot like Nucky Johnson---My beef is with history giving him more credit than he deserves.
And yes, you can say that that's not Ed's fault. He's been dead since 1974 and he had been dead as far as the entertainment industry was concerned for three years before that, so he had no say in how history sees him today. And you would have a fair chance of winning this argument with that point if Ed hadn't been such a big jerk to so many people. So you lose.
Don't take it too hard. No one has ever won an argument with me and you had no chance of being the first. Think of it not as a defeat but as a learning experience. You can't even be embarrassed because in order to be embarrassed, there must be a chance of winning. And in a way you did win. You learned a lot about how foolish it is to attempt the impossible and people admire you for trying. The same way they admire Amelia Earhart for her uncanny ability to pick great navigators.
That does it for What Are We Going To Give Them That They Don't Already Have? Volume One. Stay tuned for Volume Two. Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
|Saturday, February 8th, 2014|
|A Work-Free Drug-Space?
All week long, I've been listening to the latest way Conservatives are proving they are completely retarded and/or totally evil: The way they are getting the definition of Job Lock wrong. The most breathtakingly ignorant moment of this exercise came last night when one of Dennis' (http://www.dennismillerradio.com/
) listeners gave a heartfelt homoerotic Valentine to his corporate masters, capped with, "These Liberals want to turn America into a Work-Free Drug-Place!"
For the record, I have nothing against homosexuals, or even straights for that matter, voluntarily entering a binding, full-time state of enforced servitude based on abuse and humiliation---The real thing. The kind that doesn't involve constant rather one time only consent, harmless simulations with non-functioning props, safe words and an always availableescape clause---with their lovers if that's what floats their boats. I do, however, have a major problem with them trying to force that lifestyle on anyone else. That's why I have zero tolerance for Dennis' fans. It has nothing to do with the unnatural deviant sexual practices that all of them indulge in that make even me say, "That's sick."
If you want to walk into Ariel Castro's or Charles Koch's basement and voluntarily chain yourself to the wall and allow him to do whatever he wants whenever he wants, it's your business, not mine. But when you go out and grab people and drag them back to the basement and chain them against their will, or even lamely try to do it by calling a retarded guy who has his own radio show, then it suddenly does become my business and I have to say, "No, you can't do that." Because your next victim could be me or someone I care about---And I know that's a selfish way of looking at it but I had to phrase it that way to prevent the Libertarians from objecting to it.
If I had just said that I want to protect innocent people, they would have hijacked the whole argument by making me explain why innocent people need to be protected. Why can't they protect themselves? And if they don't protect themselves, doesn't that mean they really don't want to be protected, despite what they might say? When they say No, they mean Yes! Why do you insist on imposing your idea of "Freedom" on them? Etc. Etc. Etc. So, to avoid all those stupid time consuming questions, I went with Libertarian Approved Selfishness---I don't want me or anyone I care about chained up in your basement against their will---that also happens to serve my purposes and even though the phrasing isn't what I would call ideal, it is a satisfactory compromise.
And that we've covered the satisfactory, let's take a look at the unsatisfactory, which wold be the way the RWRS (Retards With Radio Shows) are defining the demise of Job Lock. They are saying that it encourages unemployment because you can now quit your job and Uncle Sugar will give you even more than he did before and that's simply not true. It simply means that you can quit your job and carry some of your benefits to your new job. Here is how BusinessDictionary.com defines Job Lock:
DefinitionSave to Favorites
The inability of an employee to voluntarily terminate employment with a particular company because he or she would lose current health care benefits. This becomes an issue for individuals that have pre-existing health conditions that may not be covered under the new employer's health care coverage. This situation is possible because most insurance companies have a pre-existing health care clause that prevents them from being liable for any condition that the employee had before requesting coverage.
Read more: http://www.businessdictionary.com/definition/job-lock.html#ixzz2skkLUnR8
So, Conservatives, I ask you, what is wrong with getting rid of Job Lock? Do you feel stupid enough already or would you like to see what the L.A. Times has to say about your Masters?:
'Job-lock' and the Republican dilemma over Obamacare
The only real option the GOP has for turning what is plainly a virtue for millions of Americans into a curse is to create their own picture of these departing workers. They're no longer people forced to hang on to soul-sapping, lousy-paying jobs merely for the health insurance, instead of raising kids or retiring after an arduous career.
Now they're slackers, taking a government handout as an easy way out. That's the subtext of another statement Ryan made during Wednesday's hearing. After Elmendorf explained that the healthcare law's premium subsidies made people "better off," Ryan declared:
Is that plain enough for you mentally challenged masochists to understand? I hope it is. At the very least, I hope it it sinks in by Election Day.
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
|Friday, February 7th, 2014|
|It's Friday, You Bastards
Bob Hope once said, "My profession is golf. I only tell jokes to pay my greens fees." For more than 30 years now, I've thought that Jay Leno could say the the same thing, only substituting "Driver" for "Golf." Oh, I know, he's a driven workaholic who set the gold standard for work ethics...A reporter in the 1980's examined his work schedule and proclaimed him: RoboComic...and he's a great comedian, I never get tired of seeing his stand-up act, no matter how many times I see it, but even given all that, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that what Jay really does best is collecting and driving old cars and motorcycles.
Right about now, you're probably thinking that I'm going to pivot and take a cheap shot about how David Letterman should have been given The Tonight Show but no. I'm not. Despite how I feel about it, Fate settled that matter in 1992 and Jay and Dave both did the best with with the hands they were dealt and I see no advantage in second guessing it now. What I do see an advantage in is pointing out something that Jay said last night (An Emotional Jay Leno Bids Goodbye to ‘Tonight’: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/08/arts/television/an-emotional-jay-leno-bids-goodbye-to-tonight.html?hpw&rref=arts&_r=0
) that probably won't get enough attention elsewhere. He said he was proud that The Tonight Show was a union show and the people involved with it are paid well to do well.
We can argue forever about who's funnier and who does a better interview and that can be entertaining, but ultimately, it isn't very useful. But the one thing that we should never argue about is treating the people who do the biggest share of the work fairly. Especially this year, with the midterm election being right around the corner. Jay understands that he didn't build that himself and I hope to God the rest of us understand it when we go to the polls this November.
Is it too soon to toast the biggest Democratic Landslide In The History Of American Politics yet? It just might be but we're not going to let that stop us. So here is Fifi, my Sommelier, with the Theme Drink she invented for tonight:
1 1/2 oz Scotch
1 oz Butterscotch Schnapps
Chill cocktail glass and pour ingredients into mixer. Shake until cold and strain into cocktail glass. Garnish with cherry or small butterscotch candy. A smooth and buttery cocktail with just enough Scotch to bite back.
Now would be a good time for me to come up with a witty, all encompassing conclusion but instead, since this is Mr. Leno's day and I've already opened the political door and pointed out how important the coming election is, I'm just going to let Jay himself sum up everything: “Bob Dole revealed he is one of the test subjects for Viagra. He said on Larry King, 'I wish I had bought stock in it.' Only a Republican would think the best part of Viagra is the fact that you could make money off of it.” Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
|Wednesday, February 5th, 2014|
|Time Is Fleeting
Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.
In the world's broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle !
Be a hero in the strife !
~~~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882), From: A PSALM OF LIFE
I didn't come here to alarm you...Not even you undergrads currently taking English Survey 101 who have a big quiz coming up that's devoted mostly to Longfellow...I came here to help. By reminding you that time is running out, pretty soon you're gonna be dead and Valentine's Day is next Friday.
Nor am I here to nag. I'm not going to remind you that you haven't started studying or shopping yet. I trust you. I have faith in your ability to get everything done in the few remaining minutes you have left. All I'm going to do is tell you about the most romantic Valentine's Day present ever: The Mile-Low Club: Travel company launches £175k Valentine's Day submarine package with interior design of your choice and aphrodisiac menu (flights to the mooring not included) (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2551574/Join-Mile-Low-Club-Submarine-nicknamed-Lovers-Deep-launches-Valentines-Day-package-aphrodisiac-menu-two-person-showers-cool-175-000.html
Ladies, doesn't it seem like God Himself, by giving you someone who loves you and submarines, along with the above link, is commanding you to join the Mile Low Club? And even if your an Atheist, how many "Coincidences" can ignore before you finally break down and admit that someone somewhere is trying to tell you something?
And don't lose sight of next year. You know the big thing for Valentin'e Day 2015 is going to be The Outer Space Club, where for a nominal fee, you and your sweetheart will be able to board a private spacecraft and get jiggy wit it in orbit and how are you going to do that BEFORE you do it in a submarine?
Think about it. There is a natural order to things and if you break that order, chaos ensues. And then everyone who doesn't like being subjected to chaos just because you couldn't follow the rules is going to sue you and do you really need that headache? So do the right thing. Use the nine or so days left until Valentine's Day to make reservations for the submarine, along with the airline reservations because they aren't included in the sub package.
But first, why don't you call your sister and best friend and ask them if they'd like to do something a little different for Valentine's Day? You won't know until you ask them and this could end up being the greatest holiday ever. In fact, I think that even if they say no, just asking them will give you so many bonus Karma Points that you'll be able to ace this English quiz without even studying. It wouldn't surprise me if you just magically lost ten pounds, too...though I really don't know where they would come from, since you're already so thin.
OK, now that you know what you have to do, I'll just get out of your way so you can do it. Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
|Tuesday, February 4th, 2014|
|Somebody Should Have Just Told O'Reilly That He Was On TV
Yesterday, Randi (http://www.randirhodes.com/main.html
) observed, "Somebody Should Have Just Told O'Reilly That He Was On TV." If you saw even a few minutes of his interview with President Obama, you know why she said it. My first and thus far only reaction to it was, "Barrack is mopping the floor with him."
I intentionally phrased it that way because back in 2012, on the eve of the Biden/Ryan debate, Dennis Miller said, "Ryan's going to mop the floor with him." In his most arrogant, clueless and obnoxiously smug tone. And, of course, Dennis was once again proven to be every bit as dumb as he looks because the exact opposite of his prediction happened.
And now that Randi is playing clips of the O'Reilly interview that FOX decided not to air, I'm doubling down. Bill looks like a tired old mop that was used hard and put away wet because that's exactly what happened. I'm also allowing myself a premature and probably dangerous moment of hope.
Because of recent events like on Bill's joke of an interview and Chris Christie's ever escalating troubles (I still expect them to find him dead under a pile of Ding Dong boxes soon), I am attaching a lot of weight to Glenn Beck's (http://www.glennbeck.com/
) fears that Texas is about to go Blue. He talked about it at length this morning because he seems to be really afraid that Wendy Davis is going to win and become the next Governor Of Texas.
Even though Greg Abbott is raising way more money (Moneyball: Greg Abbott outraises Wendy Davis 3-1 in the dash for campaign cash: http://trailblazersblog.dallasnews.com/2014/02/moneyball-greg-abbott-raises-three-times-more-money-than-wendy-davis-in-latest-report.html/
So what happens if Wendy wins? According to Glenn, it will be the end of the world. Period. And that makes me want her to win even more than I did before I heard him say that. I am fully 1 million % behind anything and everything that will end Glenn's world. And the sooner it happens, the better. Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
|Thursday, January 16th, 2014|
It seems that A&E might have made a big mistake when they decided to unfire Phil Robertson: 'Duck Dynasty's' ratings dip in wake of controversy (http://www.today.com/entertainment/duck-dynastys-ratings-dip-wake-controversy-2D11940455
). The show is still doing well at the moment but what does the future hold?
A steady decline in ratings that hurts the entire network and prompts all the cable channels to drop all the Duck Dynasty/Swamp People type hillbilly shows that are currently cluttering up our cable boxes? That's what I'm hoping for. God, if You're listening, could You see your way clear to have Duck Dynasty canceled on the same day Chris Christie gets impeached?
Now that we've covered today's Good TV News (I know, I know, Duck Dynasty isn't canceled yet but its' ratings are down), it's time to get on with the bad. I'd like to sugarcoat this but I don't know how, so I'll just say it: The Professor Emeritus of Gilligan's Island left the Island (Russell Johnson Professor From Gilligan's Island Dead at 89: http://deathbeeper.com/9905222.html
I know a lot of you think of him only as the Professor but that's only the tip of this iceberg of sadness. He was in not one but two Twilight Zones and both of them dealt with Time Travel, Back There (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Back_There
) and Execution (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Execution_
(The_Twilight_Zone)). In addition to that, he was in Outer Limits, Specimen Unknown (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Specimen:_Unknown
His masterpieces don't even end there, though. He was also in a lot of great Science-Fiction movies, including It Came from Outer Space (1953), This Island Earth (1955), Attack of the Crab Monsters (1956), and The Space Children (1958). Just as good as that, he was even in a Ma And Pa Kettle movie, which I'll give you a link to at the end so you can watch the whole thing.
First, though, I want to lesson the grief a little by telling you that Chris Christie just got a little more bad news: Christie campaign organization on subpoena list in bridge probe, source says (http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2014/01/16/22325075-christie-campaign-organization-on-subpoena-list-in-bridge-probe-source-says?lite
). And just in case you're one of the few people who haven't seen it yet, here is The Boss with a musical comment on the governor:
Bruce Springsteen & Jimmy Fallon: "Gov. Christie Traffic Jam" ("Born
And now we return to our regularly scheduled grieving. But we're gonna temper it with a whole lot of laughs. Here is Ma and Pa Kettle at Waikiki:
Ma and Pa Kettle at Waikiki (1955 Full Movie)
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
|Wednesday, January 15th, 2014|
|Happy Birthday, Dr. King And Relocation Advice For Conservative Oklahomans
We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.
~~~Martin Luther King, Jr. (January 15, 1929-April 4, 1968)
At the risk of being accused of yelling "TORNADO" in a crowded trailer park, I'm gonna say, if you're a Conservative living in Oklahoma, you should move right now. God already didn't like you and now the Federal Government has just made it ten times worse: Federal judge strikes down Oklahoma ban on same-sex marriage (http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2014/01/14/22304901-federal-judge-strikes-down-oklahoma-ban-on-same-sex-marriage?lite
). Last summer was rough with two EF 5's in only 11 days (Deadly Oklahoma tornado was widest on record: http://www.cbsnews.com/news/deadly-oklahoma-tornado-was-widest-on-record/
) but do you think that's going to be anything compared to what He has in store for you this year?
Even if John Piper is wrong (John Piper on Deadly Storms: Jesus Rules the Wind, Tornadoes Were His: http://www.christianpost.com/news/john-piper-on-deadly-storms-jesus-rules-the-wind-tornadoes-were-his-70956/
), you still have to worry about Pat Robertson being right (Pat Robertson Blames Tornado Victims, Says It's Not God's Fault: http://www.christianpost.com/news/pat-robertson-blames-tornado-victims-says-its-not-gods-fault-70872/
) and it really don't matter who's right and who's wrong, does it? Cause either way, you're screwed. Because you live in Oklahoma.
So again, I say, MOVE MOVE MOVE! Before it's too late. If it's not already too late. You know, we had a big tornado here in Illinois in November (FEMA Denies Aid To Nine Counties In Tornado-Ravaged Central Illinois: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/12/washington-illinois-fema_n_4585960.html?1389564510&utm_hp_ref=chicago
), which was way out of Tornado Season, so you shouldn't count on your's starting in April or May like they usually do. The next big one could be today.
I think we are in the era of the Year Round Tornado. And need I remind you that it is Martin Luther King's birthday today? You don't need any big fancy TV evangelist like Pat Robertson or John Piper to tell you how God feels about uppity Negros. And then there's all these folks running around talking all this nonsense about Global Warming---It's all enough to give God a giant headache.
So you should just pick up and go. Maybe to Australia. Tornadoes are rare there and you could explain to them how Global Warming is a hoax and the only reason it's hot right now (TENNIS IN A SAUNA? HEAT WAVE HITS AUSTRALIAN OPEN: http://www.nbcsports.com/tennis/tennis-sauna-heat-wave-hits-australian-open
) is that God is punishing all tennis players for Billie Jean King being Gay (Billie Jean King On Gay Athletes: It's 'Very Difficult' To Come Out While Active In Sports: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/06/billie-jean-king-gay-athletes-_n_3715233.html
Don't panic. It's just an Original Sin brand extension and Original Sin Classic is still available, so even if you're not a Gay tennis player, you're still a sinner. Even if you've never done anything wrong. And you'll still be punished. Sooner rather than later if you don't take my advice and get out of Oklahoma before the tornado with your name on it arrives.
Some people say Californy is the place you ought to be but do you want to be there when God gets around to punishing it? I think West Virginia is a much better choice for you. They have a lot of beautiful scenery and an urgent need for someone to explain to them how corporations are our friends and never do anything wrong due to a little tiny mishap that's causing some misunderstanding: West Virginia AG vows probe after chemical spill fouls water (http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/sns-rt-us-usa-westvirginia-spill-order-20140113,0,6300798.story
Or you could do both! Do you think all these things are coincidental? Or is God telling you that you should go to West Virginia and collect a bunch of that chemically fouled water and take it to Australia and give it to all those tennis players who are so overheated? It'd kind of be the same as giving Jesus vinegar to drink as he was dying on the Cross and can you think of a better way to repent for all your Original Sinning?
Well, Conservative Oklahoman's, there's three good options: Move to Australia, move to West Virginia or visit West Virginia and then move to Australia. And since I can lead you to sweaty athletes and toxic water but I can't make you drink, I'm gonna leave it at that and just pray that you do the right thing. I reckon that's all, except for this, another quote from Dr. King, "The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education," and the only reason I'm closing with it is that no one has ever functioned better as an educator than me. Don't try that ending at home, kids, cause it'd be really vain and self-serving if it weren't true. Class dismissed. Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Noory, WOC AM 1420
|Tuesday, January 14th, 2014|
I'm dealing pretty well with the world ending this year (http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/showtimes-californication-ending-664154
). It's probably due to my extremely advanced old age (I'll be 19 on February 2, unless you believe the pack of lies that is my Birth Certificate, in which case, I'll be 50 and if you want to, fine. The entire world is going to be gone by next January because Hank and Nucky will no longer be here, anyway, so I don't see what difference it makes at this point) that I skipped Denial, Rage or Anger, Bargaining and Depression, because I just don't have time for them and went straight to Acceptance.
I know a lot of you kids really enjoy Denial, Rage or Anger, Bargaining and Depression but I don't feel like I'm missing anything. Then again, I'm not really getting much out of Acceptance, either, so maybe I should have tried Denial or Rage cause I don't have a good track record with Bargaining (I always end up paying more somehow. Just ask any car salesman if you don't believe me) and my naturally upbeat, positive, the glass is always half full disposition makes me immune from Depression. I don't know. It's too late, anyway, cause all the experts I've asked say the Five Stages don't have a Reverse Gear. It seems like sloppy, short sighted engineering to me and I could file a complaint but who am I tell to God how to design human beings?
I'm just a humble Greeting Cards Salesman/Multi-Award Winning Part Time Writer, Actor And Director, who's on vacation from his Greeting Cards Salesman gig cause I toppled the government of Toronto instead of Tobago. I hope you kids learned something from this. Never ever do what your boss tells you to do. Unless you want to go on a fully paid vacation for the rest of your life.
Of course, The Chief never intended for this to be lifetime vacation. He said it might be over by 2015 but then HBO decided to cancel Boardwalk Empire and we're all going to die this fall due to the overwhelming stress that comes from knowing that Hank and Nucky are never coming back and hence, there will be no 2015. Do you think that's a coincidence? That my vacation turned out to be retirement for the rest of my life?
I ask that question a lot and thus far, I've never really gotten an answer but now that the entire world is ending and everything, I figure that at least one of you will say, "OK, now that the game is over, I guess I can reveal the secret." So how about it? When are unlikely events just dumb random coincidences and when are they tied together in ways we don't yet understand?
When you suddenly, for no reason, think about someone you haven't seen or even thought about in years and then the phone rings and it's him or her or you think you smell oatmeal cookies for no reason, the kind that your grandmother makes and then the phone rings and you're told she just died or for some unknown reason, you stay where you are when the light turns green and in a second, a truck barrels through his red light and if you had gone when the light turned green, you would be dead right now---Are those sorts of things just meaningless coincidences? Or are they windows into something that could make life really good if we could just figure it out?
It's kind of academic at this point since a bunch of Network Executives who wouldn't know a good TV show if it sat on their fat heads are killing us by taking Hank and Nucky away from us but I would like to know the answer before I die. Wouldn't you? Right when the information is too late to help anyone, which is exactly the sort of ironic twist that you would expect from this life.
I still don't know if there's a God or not---I know all religions operate off the assumption that a bunch of ridiculous fairy tales are true, but that's not the same as knowing that there is no God and like any good capitalist, whenever God can help me, I use Him as if He's real and there are some theories that say that's exactly how God's are created in the first place but that's a little deep for this discussion, so we'll skip it---but sometimes it sure seems like someone or something somewhere is writing a script for all us players on this stage we call life to act out. And sometimes, it seems a little too contrived...Like it was getting late, the deadline was looming and the Writer said, "Screw it. I give up on trying to make this seem believable. I'm just going to move the plot along with a completely impossible coincidence and those idiot actors will never know the difference."
So how about it? Those of you who know the answers can reveal them now without ruining anything cause the show's over. We can safely know how the magician saws the lady in half cause we're never going to see it again...Unless there are lame magic acts in Heaven and if that's the case, I will complain. A lot. Probably not as much as all you Atheists out there are complaining right now because I just had the gall to say there might be a God but a lot. And, for all you disgruntled Atheists, I'm going to end this one with a second opinion. A second opinion that agrees with me, of course, cause why would I help you make me look like a moron? But it is a second opinion and therefore, you can't accuse me of being unfair or unbalanced. So shut up and enjoy the video. Well, as much as you can enjoy anything knowing that Nucky and Hank are never coming back after this year:
Ana Kasparian Tells Dave Rubin Why She's Agnostic, Not Atheist
Published on Dec 24, 2013
Ana Kasparian joins Dave Rubin for a special one-on-one episode of the Rubin Report, taking turns asking each other totally uncensored questions. Here in part 1, Ana tells Dave why she's agnostic, not atheist.
Do you consider yourself agnostic, atheist or a believer? Let us know in the comments!
Subscribe to The Rubin Report: http://www.youtube.com/subscription_c...
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
|Monday, January 13th, 2014|
|A Faster Paced More Concise 2014
Howdy. Take your shoes off, set a spell and enjoy this, The Only Review Of The Ole Timey Country Down Home Red State Update Podcast 'n' 'Em, Episode 61: Joe Biden Day (http://redstateupdate.libsyn.com/
) You'll Ever Need. If y'all don't have time to read my official definitive Review, here's the gist of the Podcast, from the Red State Update Web Site:
Jackie & Dunlap on Gates' book, Joe Biden Day at the White House, Chris Christie and the bridge scandal, the War on Poverty, Promise Zones, Satanist statues in Oklahoma, Texas millionaires hunting Rhinos, and Colorado pot shortages.
Sponsored by tabletcertified.com. Is this app worth a durn? Visit tabletcertified.com and find out. Tell 'em Jackie & Dunlap sent ya.
Also sponsored by Wilma's Daddy's Pop-Up Shop Aluminum Foil Edition. Also also sponsored by Dr. Birdman's New Year's Eve Bird Hurt Real Bad Tour 2014.
Direct download: Episode_61__Joe_Biden_Day.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:00 AM
Last week (Episode 60: Stayin' High and Makin' That Money), we learned why Casablanca Peterson doesn't sponsor The Ole Timey Country Down Home Red State Update Podcast 'n' 'Em. Or does he? I'm not so sure. Are all those "Non-Sponsored" product placements unpaid free promos? Or are Jackie & Dunlap making even more money than we thought they were? I guess it's none of our business but should that stop us from speculating about it in a public forum?
I say no. I have no idea why but all my instincts tell me no and lots of people tell me to trust my instincts so that's what I'm going to do. So the next logical question is this: Why would Casablanca Peterson pay good money to have his home, his wife, his wife's cooking and himself insulted on a Podcast? And the only logical answer is that he's crying all the way to the bank because all those insults caused a 90% jump in his sales today.
It's sort of like the old, "With A Name Like Smuckers, It's Got To Be Good," campaign. Only taken to the next level. I wonder how many Obie's and CLIO's Jackie & Dunlap are going to win this year. I wouldn't even be a bit surprised if Casablanca has an ad during the Super Bowl this year. Of course, they'll probably go all out for the Super Bowl Ad. I imagine Casablanca will play himself, cause that worked so well for Dave Thomas, Orville Redenbacher and Colonel Sanders and Meryl Streep will play his wife. Dunlap will likely play himself, too. Unless he owes Brad Pitt a favor cause you know Brad will cash it in for this. This is all speculation so far but I have heard one rumor that's probably true: The Dollar Store Hamburger Helper will play itself.
I guess we'll just have to wait until Super Sunday to find out what's really going on and in the meantime, you can visit http://tabletcertified.blogspot.com/
and tell'em that Jackie & Dunlap sent ya. That's what I'm going to do the minute I finish writing this Review. You should probably wait til the end, too, or I'll just be sitting here talking to myself and the that would be bad because the judge said that if that happened one more time, he'd have no choice but to grant the petition to have me committed.
I don't want to be committed because while I've heard the drugs are OK, the Wi-Fi sucks and the Wine List is even worse. So it'd be just like high school all over again and I don't need that. It'd just make me angry and then I'd have to call the police and say I found a body on the road just outside and then they'd shut the whole place down. Then, just like the last time, in the confusion, I'd have to steal a motorcycle and escape to Switzerland and I'm not sure I can do that again at my age.
So stay put until we get done here. Unless you know someone who wants to chauffeur me to Switzerland on a stolen motorcycle. Or she could bring her own motorcycle if she has a moral hangup about stealing vehicles to help unfairly committed inmates escape from the Funny Farm. I'm not picky.
And that brings us to the point where we have to ask, "Is there anything else you need to know about Episode 61: Joe Biden Day? Anyone? Bueller?.......Bueller?" No questions? That's awesome cause that's the mark of a perfectly written Review. Someone ought to give me an Obie or a CLIO, too. Or whatever prize they give to Reviews. Anyway, I'll thank ya kindly for readin' and keepin' me out of Loony Bin. Don't forget to visit tabletcertified.com and tell'em Jackie & Dunlap sent ya. Likewise, stop by the Wilma's Daddy's Pop-Up Shop Aluminum Foil Edition and get your tickets to the Dr. Birdman's New Year's Eve Bird Hurt Real Bad Tour 2014. Then come back next Monday for The Only Review Of The Ole Timey Country Down Home Red State Update Podcast 'n' 'Em, Episode 62: (Title TBA) (http://redstateupdate.libsyn.com/
) You'll Ever Need. Oh, and when you get tired of that wonderful Dollar Store Hamburger Helper, go to the Cheeseburger Roof! They'll treat ya right! Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
|Just Do It
Isn't it awesome that Twitter has allowed all of us to have a ringside seat at the most uncomfortable Thanksgiving Day dinner ever? Without having to get all dressed up and driving all the way across town or the country, over ice covered streets in the freezing rain and snow, just to be in the same room with a lot of people we don't even like? And it doesn't even have to be on Thanksgiving anymore! Last night, it happened right in the of January: Woody Allen's Golden Globes tribute sparks slams from Mia, Ronan Farrow (http://www.today.com/entertainment/woody-allens-golden-globes-tribute-sparks-slams-mia-ronan-farrow-2D11914084
It's just like the Miracle Of Online Shopping (Which is just a minor upgrade of catalog and TV shopping network shopping so you kids can stop acting smug, like you invented the whole thing. Over a hundred years before you were even born, people were doing the exact same things you do with Amazon today, out in the outhouse with the Sears Catalog---Just like you, they knew how to Muti-Task like that---Then they'd come back inside, pick up the phone and ask the operator to call Chicago for them and in 6 to 8 weeks, they had everything they wanted. And then they'd pick their .22 and go out to the barn to play Angry Birds with the crows in the hayloft, who became angry the minute they started getting shot at. So you kids can stop feeling superior right now!), only better, because we don't have to pay for it.
It'd be even better than that if Mr. Tuesday Night, Uncle Miltie (http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/biography/Berle.html
), himself were still here, because he'd have a Twitter account and we wouldn't have to wait until Tuesday Night to laugh anymore. Now, before you wrongly accuse me again of doing sloppy, incomplete research, I want you to know that I am fully aware that there is a Mr. Tuesday Night on Twitter right now: Mr Tuesday Night@travellingluke: https://twitter.com/travellingluke.
But I knew Uncle Miltie. He was a friend of mine. And trust me, Senator, I am sure this Mr Tuesday Night@travellingluke is a funny young man in his own right but he is no Uncle Miltie. Not by a long shot. But the Good Book says to stop whining and complaining and just be grateful for what we got, so that's what I do. And if I ever get around to it, I'm going to start following Mr Tuesday Night@travellingluke and read a few of his Tweets and add them to my Reviewing Empire.
Given my current overloaded schedule, though, I wouldn't look for that to happen anytime soon. Maybe someday, a long time ago in a Galaxy far far away, I will (That will probably sound impossible to you until you stop sleeping through Elementary Theoretical Particle Physics 101 and learn that Non-Locality is real and Time is not a one way street, so stop sleeping through Elementary Theoretical Particle Physics 101) but not today.
Today is booked solid with this burning question: When is Chris Christie going to deliver an I'm Not A Crook speech? That question is on fire this morning because a brand new can or worms has been opened and dumped right on top of poor old Chris's head: Feds will probe post-Sandy TV ads that starred Christie, lawmaker says (http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2014/01/13/22289528-feds-will-probe-post-sandy-tv-ads-that-starred-christie-lawmaker-says?lite
No wonder he wasn't worried about the little traffic jam: N.J. lawmakers form special investigative panel to look into bridge lane closures (http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2014/01/13/22290452-nj-lawmakers-form-special-investigative-panel-to-look-into-bridge-lane-closures?lite
). He has important things to worry about! Things like campaign funding fraud. And whatever next shoe in this Scandalpalooza that's going to drop.
On top of that, Lena Dunham got naked last night and you know how much nude female bodies upset Republicans. Unless they're strapped to a table and being probed against their will cause according to them, that's the way Jesus wants it. Oh, I don't want to get off track here but I got a good idea from a web site...Hate Lena Dunham's Naked Body On 'Girls?' Show Us Yours (http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/01/10/hate-lena-dunham-s-naked-body-on-girls-show-us-yours.html
)...the other day and I want to extend the same offer to all the Republican Babes in my audience. If Lena's nudity offends you, just show me your nude body and everything will be OK!
And the next time you get the urge to call me Partisan, you just bite your tongue because I'm extending this offer to all the Democrat Babes in my audience, too. You don't even have to hate Lena Dunham, either. I don't even care if you love her, hate her or never even heard of her, all of you are free to show me your naked bodies! What could be fairer than that?
I think that's mostly what I came here today to say: I am not a dirty old man! And you ladies can prove it by sending me naked Selfies of yourself. Keep in mind that I prefer Belfies but the choice is yours. At least until we get another Republican President.
If you're concerned about becoming entangled in a scandal of your own by sending me Belfies, stop worrying. I have a foolproof Plan B, which consists of me telling the country, "I did not look at nude pictures of that woman! Especially the ones of her butt!"
The only thing you have to fear is fear itself! So get out your phone and start taking pictures! Take some videos, too. This is no time to be shy! Ask not what I can do for you, ask how many naked pictures you can send me! OK, you know what you have to do so get out there and do it! Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
|Sunday, January 12th, 2014|
|Belay That Order!
I'm about to say what you never ever in a million years, until Thursday, thought you'd ever hear me say, "Michele Bachmann is right. We are in End Times." The Anti-Christ's who run HBO have spoken and The End Is Nigh: Five Is Enough for 'Boardwalk Empire' Why it's time to wrap up HBO's gangster-populated period drama: http://www.rollingstone.com/movies/news/five-is-enough-for-boardwalk-empire-20140111.
Just like yours, my Love/Hate relationship with Hollywood no longer contains any love. Again, just like yours, my mellow has been harshed beyond all repair this time. Don't bother calling the Suicide Hotline. There aren't enough lines in the world to cover this disaster and you'll just die of old age while waiting Hold to talk to a volunteer. Besides that, you don't need no stinkin' permission from a Hotline! So just get out your bottle of Extra Strength Cyanide PM With Ion Core Technology and go nuts. Live like it's the last day of your life and completely disregard the recommended dosage. Take four instead of two caplets.
No. Wait. Belay that order! I have a date with Fiona (http://www.sho.com/sho/shameless/cast/7009/fiona-gallagher
) tonight and the last thing I need is for her to say she's not in the mood because of your untimely death. Then I'm seeing Jeannie (http://www.sho.com/sho/house-of-lies/cast/5732/jeannie-van-der-hooven
) and the other last thing in the world I need is for her to say she's not in the mood because you selfishly killed yourself. Then I'm seeing Carol (http://www.sho.com/sho/episodes/cast/7020/carol-rance
) and I need her to be in the mood, too. A little after I get done with her, I'm seeing Hannah (http://www.hbo.com/girls#/girls/cast-and-crew/hannah-horvath/index.html
) and right after she gets done terrorizing Conservatives by getting naked ('Girls' producers defend Lena Dunham's nudity: http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2014/01/10/girls-producers-defend-lena-dunhams-nudity/4410633/
) I don't need her putting her clothes back on cause she's all broken up over you being dead.
The name of this tune is: Stop Thinking About Yourself! Keep Calm And Ring Carson For Tea, for God's sake! Have some faith in the future. There is a 99% chance you're going to see Fiona naked tonight for the first time in months! And maybe the idiots who run HBO will come to their senses and uncancel Boardwalk Empire. Just like the idiots who run ShowTime might come to their senses and uncancel Californication ('Californication' Canceled by Showtime After Seventh Season: http://tvbythenumbers.zap2it.com/2013/12/09/californication-ending-after-upcoming-seventh-season/221130/
And isn't that what you're really most upset about? Losing Hank? Losing Nucky is a mortal blow but it's nothing compared to losing Hank. Look, I know you're way too upset and strung out to talk about any of this rationally right now, so why don't you retreat to your room and do whatever's necessary to pull yourself together and I'll go console Fiona, Jeannie, Carol and Hannah with the latest in Nude Therapy techniques and then, tomorrow maybe, when you're thinking straight again, maybe we can find a solution to this problem. Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
|Saturday, January 11th, 2014|
|Ignorance Is Chris
If you recognize the title for this one, I would like to thank my friends at the New York Post for graciously letting me use it, without their knowledge or consent, even though it hardly matters since you can't copyright a title. If you don't recognize it, I would like you, my ten million loyal daily readers, to think I'm clever and witty enough to come up with Ignorance Is Chris all by myself, without any help at all from any fancy big city newspaper.
And now I want to scare you by reminding you that Mr. Ignorant Bully, AKA Chris Christie, could be AKA Mr. President in 2016. All it would really take is for another major storm to wipe out most of New Jersey and a few more great pictures with President Obama. Of course, that scare tactic is only going to work on you normal people. For the rest of you, the abnormal people, AKA Conservatives, I'm going to have to use a different method.
For you, I'm going to have to bring up Larry Speakes, who was acting spokesman for President Ronald Reagan from 1981 to 1987 and who also died yesterday (http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/11/us/larry-speakes-public-face-of-reagan-era-dies-at-74.html?_r=0
). At the age of 74. The very same age that David Koch will be on May 3.
And his brother, Charles Koch is 78 and will 79 on November 1. But that's not enough to make you truly frightened. Oh no, I'm much more of a perfectionist than that. So I'm also going to remind you that the biggest fly currently in the Koch Ointment is Rachel Maddow is 40 years old. And just in case you're thinking, "Two can play this game," you are right that she will be 41 on April 1 (Happy Birthday, Rachel! Was I the first to say it this year? I hope so cause I love being first) but if you ask your life insurance agent what the odds are of a perfectly healthy 41 year old dying, you're going to see that that doesn't do you much good. So, in the final analyses, no, you are wrong because this is a one player game and you aren't allowed to play.
Coincidentally enough, Rachel is also one of the biggest flies currently in the Chris Christie Ointment: Rachel Maddow: Chris Christie’s office knew from the start bridge lane closures were harmful (http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/01/11/rachel-maddow-chris-christies-office-knew-from-the-start-bridge-lane-closures-were-harmful/
). Oh, here's one of the stories about her and the Koch Brothers, just in case it hasn't already been rubbed enough in your face: MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow hunkers down on Koch Bros. claim (http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/erik-wemple/wp/2014/01/08/msnbcs-rachel-maddow-hunkers-down-on-koch-bros-claim/
Are all you Abnormal's, AKA Conservatives, scared yet? OK then, have you seen the historical flooding in Florida: Nearly 2 feet of rain in 24 hours hits Florida's Palm Beach County (http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2014/01/10/22258116-nearly-2-feet-of-rain-in-24-hours-hits-floridas-palm-beach-county?lite
)? Are all these weather disasters starting to convince you that we were right about Global Warming all along? And maybe it's time to ship people like Rush Limbaugh off to the Funny Farm?
Just as important as fright is guilt. Are you are starting to feel the least bit guilty yet? And have you done any serious thinking about what your reward is going to be if it turns out you're right about God? That should scare you more than anything else. Willful ignorance is no excuse. A lot of people say it's never too late and since you've got nothing to lose, in November, why don't you test the theory by voting for Democrats. As far as I can see, it's the only chance you've got of ever getting into Heaven so why not take it? Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
|Friday, January 10th, 2014|
|It's Friday, You Bastards
Why do I have to live in a country where the Attorney General has to lean on states to get them to stop sending kids to jail for doing nothing wrong: Eric Holder asks schools to ease policies on discipline (http://www.dispatch.com/content/stories/national_world/2014/01/09/holder-asks-schools-to-ease-policies-on-discipline.html
)? Why can't I live in a country where the first and only time a kid was sent to jail for talking in class or being late, all the people even remotely responsible for it were so brutally and mercilessly crucified that school and police officials now live in mortal fear of even thinking anything like that?
Those are rhetorical questions, because the answer is so obvious. Unless you're a Conservative. If you are a Conservative, you're bewildered that I'm asking them. Because as far as you can see, throwing little kids in jail so guys like Mitt Romney can make more money, at your expense, is just the way it ought to be. Because you're so smart and loaded with common sense.
I wish I could help you people. I really do. You're just like a weird slug species that's about to be wiped out. Except that unlike with all the other slugs, I can't save you simply by signing an order. Because you yourself are building the dam that's going to flood your habitat and drown you! And there's a rule that prohibits preventing an entire species from committing suicide. But it's not even that simple cause it's not just a rule, it's a law of nature. Just like the Grandfather Paradox that says you can't travel back in time and do anything that would prevent your own birth. There are a couple of loopholes but they are very hard to get into and they all present the risk of destroying the entire Universe if they happen to work and for that reason, the Surgeon General tells me I shouldn't even try them.
So my hands are tied. The only thing I can do is pretend to help. You know, the same way Mitt and Paul stopped by a homeless shelter during the 2012 campaign and pretended to help serve food. And at the same time, appease the Teachers' Union. No, I'm not a teacher. I don't even play one on TV anymore cause I quit that lousy job. But even so, the teachers say that I'm making them look bad because I hardly ever show films on Friday.
So fine. I'm going to show some films. Two, to be exact. And they are educational. So educational, in fact, that they could even help Conservatives. If Conservatives had any brains at all. So call this more Preaching To The Choir but at least the teachers will love me again and you get to see Ana again, so everyone wins, anyway:
Private Prisons Purchase Politicians For Profit & It Works!
'Thug Cycle' Viral Video Of Swearing Toddler Gets Even More Com...
Just think, if Conservatives weren't too stupid to learn anything, I would have just paved the way to a bright new future where we would never again see stories like this: Cops handcuff and interrogate boy, 7, for hours over missing $5: family (http://nypost.com/2013/01/30/cops-handcuff-and-interrogate-boy-7-for-hours-over-missing-5-family/). And all the resulting empty newspaper space could be filled with stories like this: Instagram star has an enviable rear — and 1.3M followers (http://nypost.com/2014/01/02/instagram-star-jen-selter/?_ga=1.202121426.2103892984.1389380021).
Now, very quickly, before you forget that there is more to life than education and dissappear into the library and/or go dissapear into Instagram because you forgot there is more to life than awesome booties (Just don't ask me what those things are cause I don't know), let's bring out Fifi, my Sommelier. So she can unveil this, the Theme Drink she invented for tonight and we can get this party rolling:
Special Booty Cocktail
1 1/2 oz Apricot brandy
1 tsp Gin
1 tbsp Light cream
Shake all ingredients with ice, strain into a cocktail glass, and serve.
Now, for the pièce de résistance, let's start tonight's featured Party Game: Binders Full Of Girls Performing The Off Broadway Production Of The Thug Cycle Video, Part II. You may recognize the diapers because they're the same ones we used at The New Year's Eve Party, but I assure that's just us being Green. Waste not, want not. Save The Planet. Make Al Gore happy. That sort of thing.
This is simply reusing perfectly good wardrobe. It is not a rerun and you will not be disappointed. I don't want to give too much away but there are going to be lots of Belfies. For you Conservatives who skipped the story about the Instagram star with an enviable rear, a Belfie is the same as a selfie, only a million times better because it's a rear view. You should get on Instagram once in a while so you can learn something useful. Oh, right, you're incapable of learning. So just go back to building the dam that's going to end up drowning you and the rest of us will enjoy the Binders Full Of Girls taking Belfies. And the only thing left to say now is: Thank you, Lord, for the Belfie. Amen.
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
|Thursday, January 9th, 2014|
|Fair And What Was The Other One?
A lot of my critics say I'm unfair and unbalanced. They seem to hit the "Unbalanced" accusation harder than they do the "Unfair," for some reason but they use both a lot. It's all hogwash, petty jealously and insanity, of course, and I'm not complaining because that's what happens when you have 10 million loyal daily readers like I do. On any given day, a small minority of them with is going to be having a bad day, menstruating or otherwise be completely divorced from reality (The ones who are perpetually divorced from reality are my Conservative Base. Except for my Catholic Conservative Base, they have an annulment from reality) and they're going to blame it on you.
And they always have the biggest, loudest keyboards. Some of them even have TV shows, which is why you should never believe anything you see on TMZ until you check with me. I'll tell you what's true and what's not true. Oh, before I go on, I have to mention my 500 billion loyal readers in the rest of this Universe and scattered in other dimensions across the Multi-Verse, cause when I don't mention them, they feel left out and they start writing.
They shouldn't, because I love all my readers, whether they're on Earth or some good planet or even in a good dimension. And they know it but some reason, I have to keep saying it or they get testy. And then my Agent, Drusilla, gets testy and it becomes a runaway Ripple Effect Gone Mad. So, remember, when I talk about my ten million loyal daily readers on Earth, I'm also talking about the other 500 billion of you, too, even when I don't mention you.
OK, now that I've made all 500 billion and 10 million of you feel secure again, can I go on? Does anyone even remember what we were talking about? Oh yeah. We were talking about how fair and balanced I am even when my critics are mad at someone else and are taking it out on me. And how, since they have written so many letters and devoted so much TV time to their completely untrue accusations, I have to straighten the whole thing out. Like I don't have a million better things to do.
But fine. I get it. Do you kids remember when your parents, teachers and minister told you that you have rights and responsibilities when you get a driver's license or do anything else in life? It works the same way when you're a multi-award winning writer like me with ten million loyal daily readers. Plus you other 500 billion that I love just as much.
Anyway, I have a few rights. For example, I have the right to walk into any restaurant or brothel in the Multi-Verse and immediately get a table. Without a reservation, no matter how busy they are and that's awesome cause I don't like to wait in lines. Ever. But with those rights also come the downside. The Responsibilities.
Someone as perfect as me shouldn't be subjected to this indignity but that's not the way this world works. Oh, no. Perfection has no value here. Well, technically, it has a little value but it's like Germany in the 1920's. It's so totally backwards, because I'm one of the few people with Perfection and it still costs me a wheelbarrow full of it to buy a slice of bread. And who wants bread in the first place?
The next time your hot young Econ professor starts trying to tell you about how scarcity drives up demand and value, you tell her to come talk to me. Tell her to bring beer and pizza, too, cause it's likely going to be a long night. I'm not big on dress codes so she can wear whatever she wants but tell her if she wants to get to the head of the class faster, she should go out and get a school uniform.
Yeah, that's another of my responsibilities. Teaching hot, young teachers what's what. But that's not our main focus right now. Our main focus right now is this stupid fair and...um...what was the other one? Oh yeah. Balance. Yes, it's the Fair And Balanced issue. Because some of my ten million loyal daily readers on Earth along with a few of my 500 billion other readers have been complaining because about once a month or so, I build an entire post around a particularly stupid letter that I've found in the Editorial section of one of our local papers, the Rock Island Argus (http://www.qconline.com/
) and the Quad City Times (http://qctimes.com/
And that makes some of them angry because they believe God is punishing America for allowing things like abortion and Marriage Equality and they wish God would strike me down already. And it makes others of them confused. This group asks questions like, "If everyone in the Quad Cities is that stupid, why don't they just move to Alabama, where the weather is at least nice?"
And then Visit Quad Cities (http://www.visitquadcities.com/
) starts whining about how they're going to fire me for giving people the wrong idea about us. And it doesn't end there. Did I mention that this is a runaway Ripple Effect? And the bottom line is that even though I didn't start this fire, everyone thinks it's my job to put it out.
I can't do anything about the first group, the ones who want me struck down for disagreeing with all the other religious nut cases who write Letters To The Editor, aside from giving them the number of my favorite Psychiatrist, Dr. Frasier Crane, M.D., Ph.D., Ed.D., A.P.A. For the rest of them, I have a good Letter To The Editor to talk about.
Earlier this week, someone wrote, in the Argus, about his son. For a couple of paragraphs, he talked about what a good kid he was. He went to college, moved to California and got a very good job. Etc Etc Etc. Then the father posed a question, something to the effect of, "He sounds like a good kid, right?" And he asked, "Did I mention he's Gay?" Then he went on about how so many people still think that there's something wrong with it and all the stupid things they say, to both his son and he and his wife. And why does the opinion of so many people immediately change when it's revealed he's Gay? The writer didn't point this out but you could substitute Black or Hispanic or female or Asian or handicapped or anything else for Gay and the letter would be every bit as valid. But I saved the best for last, this dad who wrote the letter also reminded his Holier Than Thou fans that they're all going to Hell because of the Leviticus Trap: 76 Things Banned in Leviticus (and their penalties) (http://hill-kleerup.org/blog/2012/06/13/76-things-banned-in-leviticus-and-their-penalties.html
Anyway, it was a very good letter that had the added benefit of being well written and it made a great point. And this proves that not everyone in the Quad Cities is an inbred hillbilly. Just most of them. Or should I say us? I guess I have to, since I live here but I want to go on the record right now as saying I'm not a bit happy about it.
Anyway, this proves once and for all that I am fair and whatever the other one was and it should end the runaway Ripple Effect. For a minute or two, anyway, and then I'll have to start all over again. All this unpleasant repetition is really harshing my mellow. But the important thing is that all 10 million of you are happy now. Oh, the other 500 billion of you, too. Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
|Wednesday, January 8th, 2014|
|The Polar Vortex Is Over, You Bastards
Before I get started this morning, I need to make one thing perfectly clear: Those of you who say I'm crazy are wrong. When you get to be my age, you are no longer crazy, you are senile. And I've been well above the cut-off age since way since long before you were born so don't start trying to you should be grandfathered into the old system. So get your facts right. I am senile, not crazy.
Now that most of the technicalities are out of the way, I can tell you that I listened to a little bit of Dennis Miller's show (http://www.dennismillerradio.com/
) last night and yes, I know it is a morning show but the this is the Quad Cities (http://www.visitquadcities.com/
) and the Nazi Station (http://www.woc1420.com/main.html
) has way more propaganda than it can fit into the 8-5 slot, so poor Dennis, the Bat Boy of The GOP (Rush used to have that job until he became Pope Of The GOP, when he realized he just couldn't do it all) gets bumped to 9 PM (NOTE: This is one of the times when the They Always Save The Best For Last Rule rule does not apply. Mostly because Right Wing Radio has no best. Just varying degrees of awful).
Now that some of the other technicalities are out of the way, I can tell you that I was already highly annoyed by the way all the Republicans are using the Polar Vortex to make fun of Global Warming before I listened to Dennis. That's your cue to say, "If you weren't so old, I'd say you're crazy. But since you are so old, it's just senility."
Is it time to make this long story short yet? OK. Good. Dennis just further annoyed me. He covers the weather the same way he covers the economy, he plunges right in with an extreme amount of ignorance and a Koch Brothers approved script. "It's cold outside, so how could anyone believe it's getting hotter?" He ranted. "Where's all the heat they keep talking about?" He raved.
"Australia ('Highly significant' heatwave smashes Australian records: http://www.smh.com.au/environment/weather/highly-significant-heatwave-smashes-australian-records-20140106-30dx5.html
), you idiot," I answered. And then I told him about how Global Warming is eroding the Jet Stream and that's why it's so cold here right now.
That's when Suzette, my Chef De Cuisine and Chief Executive Vice President In Charge Of Domestic Bliss, barged into my office and said, "Honey, he can't hear you. He's on the radio. And even if he could hear you, he wouldn't understand you, which makes me feel really sorry for him." Then she shut off the radio and talked me into going to bed.
I'd tell you how she did it but you don't want to hear another boring story about sexual harassment. Well, I'm not a lawyer so I don't know if begging counts as harassment in a legal sense but it sure feels like it, anyway, however you slice it, like the true Liberal I am, I helped the less fortunate by giving in and going to bed with her.
But I'm still upset that so many people, some of whom have radio shows, are being so stupid about Global Warming. I'm not dwelling on it, though. I am maintaining a happy upbeat positive attitude about how life is as we know it will soon be ending for those who manage to survive the abrupt changes that will be here before we know it, and it's all because so many people are as stupid as Dennis Miller. I'm not letting it bother me at all.
Instead, I'm throwing a party. On Wednesday! Completely out of the blue, for no reason. Except that The Polar Vortex Is Over, You Bastards: Polar vortex: Temperatures 'getting dramatically warmer' as cold spell eases (http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2014/01/08/22225171-polar-vortex-temperatures-getting-dramatically-warmer-as-cold-spell-eases?lite
). And Lilly Tomlin got married: Lily Tomlin weds her partner of 42 years (http://www.today.com/entertainment/lily-tomlin-weds-her-partner-42-years-2D11874052
About the first party reason, the Polar Vortex headline about it getting warmer, they ain't just whistlin' Dixie. Right now, it's 1 degree here (-17.2222 C) and that's the hottest it's been here in a while. About the second headline, you probably see it as just another celebrity wedding and yeah, OK, but I have always liked Lilly Tomlin, since even before Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In (SPOILER ALERT: I'm going to end this one with a great clip of her Pre-Laugh-In work from about 1967) and I'm happy because she's making lots of Conservatives have strokes just by getting married since she's Gay but even more than that, it's high time she can get married because they've been together for 42 years.
Did all you idiots who think that Gay Marriage makes a mockery of marriage see that? They've been together for 42 years! How many of you can say you've been with someone for 42 years? My marriage lasted for 8 years, which is a pretty long time compared to a lot of marriages. That proves that if you really want to protect the good old fashioned "Till Death Do Us Part" sanctity of marriage that you claim to be so in fear of losing, you should ban straight people from getting married.
Anyway, there are the two reasons I'm throwing this party, for absolutely no reason, right in the middle of the week. Now all we need is a Theme Drink, so here's Fifi, my Sommelier with the one she invented for today:
Great Barrier Reef Boiler
1 1/2 oz Dark rum
1/2 oz Galliano
2 tsp Dark Creme de Cacao
4 oz cold Coffee
Pour all of the ingredients into an Irish coffee glass filled with crushed ice. Stir well.
Oh, I guess I should give a little credit to my boss, The Chief, too, because if it hadn't been for him messing up by telling me to topple the government of Toronto instead of Tobago, I wouldn't be on vacation until at least 2015 (If you're a brand new addition to my ten million loyal daily readers, you can scroll back and find all the details to that if you want) because if I had to go to work today and tomorrow and the next day, I wouldn't be throwing a party today.
There's also an amusing story behind the Theme Drink. I ordered Fifi to not make a hot coffee drink because I, like all sane people, don't drink coffee. She said, "Fine. But you have to take me to Australia." I agreed because what else do I have to do? And then she made an iced coffee drink. Mitt Romney tells me this is why he only hires under-aged Chinese girls who don't even speak English and at times like this, I envy his total lack of a moral compass.
I just hope it's a little cooler in Australia next week but even if it isn't, at least I'll be able to sit on a beach for a few days, drinking real Fosters. And now, it's time for the surprise video of Lilly Tomlin:
Rare Lily Tomlin skit: Gr-r-r Detergent
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
|Tuesday, January 7th, 2014|
|Is There An Al-Qaeda Betsy Ross?
Howdy. Take your shoes off, set a spell and enjoy this, The Only Review Of The Ole Timey Country Down Home Red State Update Podcast 'n' 'Em, Episode 60: Stayin' High and Makin' That Money (http://redstateupdate.libsyn.com/
) You'll Ever Need. If y'all don't have time to read my official definitive Review, here's the gist of the Podcast, from the Red State Update Web Site:
Jackie and Dunlap on pot in Colorado, Obama losing Iraq, Melissa Harris Perry apologizing, and the Year of the Bible in Flower Mound, Texas. Also a little on flags, Duck Dynasty, Franklin Graham, and McMinnville.
Brought to you by Dr. Bird Man ($200 reward for recapture of New Year's Bird) and Wizardbeard's (Enter To Win A Trip To Colorado in Runro's van.)
Direct download: Episode_60__Staying_High_And_Making_That_Money.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:00 AM
If you've been wondering why this, The Only Review Of The Ole Timey Country Down Home Red State Update Podcast 'n' 'Em, Episode 60: Stayin' High and Makin' That Money You'll Ever Need is here on Wednesday instead of Monday like it always has been, except when Boardwalk Empire and/or Californication are on and bump it to Tuesday, I have one question for you: Have you been a coma for a week?
Didn't you notice all the closed roads and airports and cancelled flights due to the Polar Vortex, which was caused by ObamaCare? Have you no understanding of the phrase, Massive Delays? Most of the country was shut down and behind schedule, including me. But today, we are returning to normal. Everything is different. It's a balmy 5 degrees (-15 C) right now. And we are about to start the Review that you've been dying to read for two whole days.
You are going to be so glad you managed to survive long enough to read this. Freedom, money, stayin' high, the Year Of The Bible, it's all here. And in Colorado, it's even legal. Except for the Year Of The Bible, which is void everywhere but a tiny town somewhere in Texas.
But all that is just the frosting. Let's talk about the cake. There is a mysterious bird-like creature that can foretell the future and see inside your soul on the loose in Tennessee. Dr. Birdman calls it The New Year's Eve Bird. To keep things simple, I call it The Murfreesboro Mothman. You can call it whatever you want. The one thing you can't do is dispute my claim that Art Bell has either bought Red State Update Incorporated International or he works for them now.
Look at the facts. Over just the last month or so, they've had the ghost of Conway Twitty, the Twitty Bird (Another mysterious Cryptid) and the ghosts of Agatha Christie and Charles Dickens. Then, on Halloween, they told ghost stories and Dunlap fingered a skeleton and Jackie went to church with a bunch of monsters! Then there was a lot more Paranormal things that I can't remember at the moment.
And now we have the The Murfreesboro Mothman. Some people say that Dr, Birdman built it in his garage, from parts he stole from the Bird Section of the Pet Cemetery. Others say it is an immortal creature that has always been here and it just liked, up until New Year's Eve at least, hanging out with Dr. Birdman. Still others say that it is an Alien visitor from a far away planet and Dr. Birdman is an Alien, too, or he's a regular Earthling and Alien bird-like creatures just like hanging out with him. Except on New Year's Eve for some reason.
Just like always, some folks say that the The Murfreesboro Mothman is a hoax. That Dr. Birdman took a penguin or something and just glued some strange feathers on it. But they all shut up real quick when you remind them of all the credible sightings. Runro and Dunlap himself, saw this thing first hand and swear to it's mystical powers. They are as far as it's possible to get from the stereotypical drunken uneducated hillbilly fishermen who call the sheriff at 4 AM to report strange lights in the sky and then ask if he can bring a large pepperoni pizza and more beer since he's coming down to the fishin' hole anyway to investigate the UFO.
Personally, I think something bad is about to happen in Murfreesboro. Probably a bridge is going to collapse. Or maybe a bunch of stuff is going to fall over again in Jackie's basement. It could be anything, really, but why else would The Murfreesboro Mothman run away from Dr. Birdman except to warn people?
If you live in Murfreesboro, you should be getting ready for something. Especially if you happen to see The Murfreesboro Mothman cause that's a sign that you're gonna be personally involved in it. If you're running a still or meth lab, maybe you should be extra careful for a while. Start wearing fireproof underwear or something.
Or maybe the optimists are right and this is the first time ever that The Murfreesboro Mothman is telling us that something good is going to happen. I guess time will tell. The one thing we don't have to wait for is the Coast To Coast Am-azation of The Ole Timey Country Down Home Red State Update Podcast 'n' 'Em because that future is here right now.
Finally. I've been waiting for this for years. I like the ghosts and aliens and strange creatures and conspiracy exposes, like the way Jackie explained the horse dying in the cave cover-up. And I want more of it. I just hope Art doesn't decide to retire from Red State Update Incorporated International too soon.
God. I just had a horrible thought. I hope that isn't the The Murfreesboro Mothman's message. That Art has decided to retire again. Cross your fingers and pray that it's something else, like a bridge collapse. Please, Mr. Mothman, don't let it be Art. Unless he's going to go back to doing his satellite radio show. And if that's the case, that's awesome but could you start working for Red State Update Incorporated International and urge Jackie & Dunlap to keep up with the paranormal angle?
Well, I guess that just about does it for this one. The only thing left to say is, be careful if you live in Murfreesboro until after the disaster strikes and I'll see ya'll next week with The Only Review Of The Ole Timey Country Down Home Red State Update Podcast 'n' 'Em, Episode 61: (Title Unknown) You'll Ever Need.
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
|Feeling Sorry Again
Yet again, I feel sorry for Rush (http://www.rushlimbaugh.com/
). It might sound a little hypocritical to you, seeing as how I am also constantly wishing that he would just die already but you have to remember that I am; as Bill Cosby pointed out many years ago when he was explaining how his mother is not the same woman he had grown up with, vis-à-vis how she treated him and how she treats his kids; old and trying to get into Heaven. Thus, there is no hypocrisy, this is just good old fashioned political maneuvering.
I don't know why I have to keep reminding you that I'm a Saint---I mean, I even have a Wiki entry and everything: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pope_Gregory_I.
Google once in a while! You really have no excuse...Unless it has something to do with all the time you've been spending in Colorado lately. Could that be it? No. Don't answer that. That's between you and your Life Coaches, Cheech & Chong. And the Hollywood branch of the NSA, TMZ. It's no one else's business.
This is getting kind of awkward because, as God's Personal Emissary here on Earth, you really want to confess all your sins to me and I'm really not interested enough to listen, so let's just pretend that I got off track for a minute and that'll give us an excuse to take a half-step back to the track and avoid having you bore me. Because there's nothing more fun, not to mention safe, than playing on tracks. Especially right now cause they're coated with ice. So let's go back to Rush and take a look at why I feel sorry for him.
Last year, Rush had to make himself Pope Of The Republican Party because Pope Frank let everyone down by following the teachings of Jesus. And now, right off the bat in 2014, he has to make himself The Magazine Of The Republican Party because the Bozo's at the National Review are starting to show a little common sense: Legalizing marijuana in U.S. gets conservative supporter (http://news.yahoo.com/national-review-marijuana-161920924.html
How many jobs can this poor man be forced to take? And just how is an illiterate old fat guy with a first grade education and a drug problem supposed to become a magazine in the first place? As if that's not enough, have you seen what's going on in Wyoming: Liz Cheney drops Wyoming Senate bid (http://nbcpolitics.nbcnews.com/_news/2014/01/06/22196609-liz-cheney-drops-wyoming-senate-bid?lite
That means that a high profile Republican with a Gay loved one has to step up and run for the Senate in Wyoming on the platform of making homosexuality a capital crime. And who else can do that but Rush? I don't know if he has any Gay relatives but he is Gay and no one loves him more than himself.
How is he going to do that while starting a new magazine and still find time to scream and yell on the radio for three hours everyday AND keep preaching in his capacity as Pope Of The Idiots? I guess we can forget about a sequel to Rush Revere and the Brave Pilgrims: Time-Travel Adventures with Exceptional Americans. Will the literary world ever recover from this blow?
This is what they call the Domino Effect. Lazy, low information people such as The National Review and Liz Cheney who don't want to work for a living quit and give up and Rush is expected to support them by doing their jobs. So he tries and then what do we have? An overworked, old, fat, Gay, Conservative drug addict dead in the gutter. That's what we're gonna have. And who's going to take over his radio show?
The big fat thick line known as Rush Limbaugh that stands between you and Total Liberal Domination is more fragile than you think it is. But at least I'm going to Heaven, cause I feel sorry for him. Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
|Monday, January 6th, 2014|
|The "In Other Words" Conjecture
All my Conservative friends are soaking their Depends again this morning due to over excitement from headlines like this: Brutally cold 'polar vortex' bears down on East Coast, freezes train for 9 hours (http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2014/01/06/22198103-brutally-cold-polar-vortex-bears-down-on-east-coast-freezes-train-for-9-hours?lite
). Because it's even more proof that Global Warming is a hoax and I don't want to ruin the party but I have no choice.
As a sworn Officer Of The Court Of Common Sense, I am obligated to remind all you old racists who believe in Rush Limbaugh and a bunch of other Gods that don't exist that every real climate scientist from day one has said that extreme weather on both ends of the spectrum would be part of Global Warming. Additionally, this cold snap is a localized event. Have you been to Southern Europe lately? Like much of the rest of the world, they are having an abnormally hot winter. A little bit of isolated "Normal" weather means nothing. You have to stop believing in fairies and start looking at the long term data.
If all this is confusing to you, don't worry. Be happy. Well, not happy that your willful ignorance is killing the planet but happy that I'm about to pass along some wisdom from my friend, Dr. Sheldon Cooper, that fits you to a tee and may just solve your problem: Obviously, you're not suited for three dimensional chess. Perhaps three dimensional Candy Land would be more your speed.
In other words, get your fat useless head out of the way so the smart people can save the world. Don't take that the wrong way. I have nothing but respect and admiration for all you dead-weight old Conservative people who are holding the rest of us back. So no hard feelings. Just stop voting and talking and everything will be good.
To make you feel even better, I'm going to remind you that Randi Rhodes (http://www.randirhodes.com/main.html
) is back today! That means you can listen to both her and Nicole Sandler (http://radioornot.com/
) today! But the good news doesn't end there. Next Friday, the 17th, Bill Maher (http://www.billmaher.com/
) is going to be back, too!
On top of that, it's Monday and that means Jackie & Dunlap have a brand new Podcast: Episode 60: Stayin' High and Makin' That Money (http://redstateupdate.libsyn.com/
). I haven't written my review of it yet but there's no law that says you can't listen to it today and completely misunderstand it before I set your head straight tomorrow.
Conservatives, what I'm driving at here, in case you still don't understand, is that when Bill and Randi were on vacation, you had a flimsy excuse for being stupid---You could have listened to or watched lots of others like The Young Turks, Ed or Rachel but I know that you have difficulty working radio dials and TV remotes and the Internet may as well be the cockpit of a 747 as far as you're concerned, so OK, you did have a flimsy excuse---But now, it's gone. It's time to smarten up.
OR, you can stay exactly the way you are, in which case, I'll have to unleash Sheldon on you again, "Not knowing is part of the fun?' Was that the motto of your community college?" If that doesn't work, I'll just have to start quoting Bill Maher to you. Please don't overwork the FCC like that. Just wise up now. Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: Morning Show With Mark And Steve---WOC AM 1420
|Sunday, January 5th, 2014|
Just as they are every year, the last couple of months have been great for the imperfect. They've been going on and on and on about what they resolve to quit or start or do less of or more of. It's just like Lent. Only worse because it's even bigger than Lent. But forget about size for the first time in your life and take a minute to consider all the victims of these Improvement Fests: ME!
Also forget that it's impossible for me to improve myself because you can't, by definition, improve perfection and then ask why people keep taunting me by asking, "What are your New Year's Resolutions?" There wasn't already enough salt in my wounds? The knife in my back wasn't twisted quite far enough? My sparkling clean flawless life wasn't already bleak enough?
Would you ask the Sun if it was going to resolve to be hotter? We know that lots of Heavenly bodies are hotter than the Sun...You are probably thinking that this is just a clever segue into a TYT video featuring Ana Kasparian but no. If that were the case, the problem would be solved because I could resolve to be less crass and sexist but my perfection prohibits it. So nope, there is no solution here...but that is beside the point. The Sun's heat is constrained by its' mass so it would be stupid for the Sun to resolve to do something that violates the Laws Of Physics.
In my case, there is no constraint on my perfection and I have gone as far as I can go with it. And yet, my public still demands more. Take my Agent, Drusilla. Please. I bet that's the very first time you've heard that joke in 2014 but I ain't even taking credit for that. I'm merely pointing out that for over a month now, Dru has been urging me to resolve to be more punctual and to have more respect for deadlines.
Talk about Cray Cray. No is more punctual or dedicated to hitting deadlines than me. Remember, my Motto is: On Time And Under Budget, Always. I usually say it in Latin so it sounds even more classy but you get the idea. And to prove it, because a very common character flaw in you imperfect people is suspicion and doubt of all the people you have no right to be suspicious and doubtful of, namely me, right now, this very minute, I am going to get Thanksgiving 2013 started on the right note with my annual playing of Alice's Restaurant:
Alice's Restaurant - Original 1967 Recording
Published on Mar 18, 2012
From Arlo Guthrie's same-titled album, released by Reprise.
Now you're probably wondering how I can possibly follow Arlo Guthrie. It's that same old doubt and suspicion problem that you just can't seem to get rid of, no matter how hard you try. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. I bet your Resolution list runs over ten pages. You know, I could help you. But first, you have to admit you have a problem.
Until then, I am powerless. Just like the Sun and Ana are powerless to get hotter. So I'll stop talking now and just leave you to ponder all this and maybe after having a few pounds of turkey and stuffing and a few pumpkin pies, you'll come to your senses.
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
|Saturday, January 4th, 2014|
|The Movie’s Over, It’s Four O’Clock, And We’re In Trouble Deep
It's probably fitting that last night was a little longer and more strenuous than usual for me and tons of narrow minded blind simpletons jumped to the wrong conclusions. Or you can say that it was just a coincidence, a natural byproduct of the Law Of Large Numbers, that Phil Everly (http://www.today.com/entertainment/phil-everly-everly-brothers-dies-74-newspaper-reports-2D11850600
) also died yesterday.
Don't trouble yourself with the inconvenient truth that The Law Of Large Numbers is every bit as daft and unworkable as Voodoo Economics. It's a free country, so follow your heart right into the very bowels of ignorance if that's what makes you happy. All I ask is that you refrain from from dragging me under to join you with your endless as well as endlessly stupid questions about what happened last night.
Circumstantial prima facie evidence consisting of sound and video recordings is no way to build a case. Especially when there is no case to be made. With that, I proclaim this issue settled and over with. And now that you've stopped listening to TMZ and that private detective you hired who has no talent for anything but yellow journalism---By the way, TMZ hired him and I expect a finders fee.
Anyway, now that I've quelled your rampant paranoia, I am going to make you feel better by illustrating how the Conservatives are even dumber than you are AND how they are having a worse day. Let's start in Colorado. Which is still here and doing quite well, despite the GOP warnings that by now, it would implode like a dying star before exploding and killing all life as we know it in the entire Solar System. Just like ObamaCare and Marriage Equality did.
If you're one of the people who saw Reefer Madness in the theater the day it came out and are still living in mortal fear of Marijuana, would you please look at this: High Demand: Price of legal marijuana soars in Colorado (http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2014/01/02/22149509-high-demand-price-of-legal-marijuana-soars-in-colorado?lite
). And on Monday, could you call your friend Rush and remind him that the vast majority of pot smokers are extremely smart, highly motivated capitalists who actually produce things? Very unlike your heroes.
And when they go into the Legal Pot Selling Business, they are doubly so. They are not the long haired, lazy, dangerous, drains on society that you've been taught to believe they are since birth. And Colorado is finally proving it. Wake up, smell the coffee and start telling yourself the truth.
And for God's sake, cheer up. Having to admit that you've been completely wrong about absolutely everything for your entire life isn't the end of the world. And it's not like your imaginary friend who lives in the sky has completely forsaken you. Barbara Bush is going to be fine: Barbara Bush discharged from hospital after being treated for pneumonia (http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2014/01/04/22176510-barbara-bush-discharged-from-hospital-after-being-treated-for-pneumonia?lite
). That's a very good outcome for you people.
And Phil Everly is dead, at the age of 74, while David H. Koch is still alive. And he's only 73. Until May 3. So, unless he, God forbid, is one of those rare 73 year old's who tragically die young, it looks like he has at least a good five months left. Give or take a few days. The point is that it's never too late to admit how stupid you've been your entire life and turn over a new leaf and the real lesson is to be thankful for the little things God gives you, like maybe letting Dave Koch live to be 74.
The other point is that if you're young and have your head on straight, politically speaking, it's never too early to correct the character flaws you do have. It's really easy, too. Just stop being suspicious and respect your elders. Well, not all your elders because most of them are dumb as a bag or rocks. So be safe and just respect me. You can never go wrong if you just love, honor and obey. Well, we'll talk about this later after you calm down and realize I'm right. Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro