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|Tuesday, August 12th, 2014|
|I'm Sorry, If You Were Right, I'd Agree With You
Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn't work!
His body isn't even cold yet and already everyone is talking about how Robin Williams (Robin Williams dead, sheriff says: http://www.cnn.com/2014/08/11/showbiz/robin-williams-dead/index.html?hpt=hp_t1
) was insane. Because life is great, he killed himself and you would have to be crazy to not want to be here. To be fair, no one is saying "crazy" and "insane." They are using the universal code word for them, "depressed."
I don't know why this continues to surprise me. It happens every single time someone commits suicide. Without fail. The crazy and insane accuse the sane of being bonkers. Multiplied by about a million times when it's a suicide. And when I point that out, they say I'm crazy. It's like talking to an addict who won't admit that he has a problem.
And that's the whole crux of the problem, folks. Until you admit that life is not good, there is no chance of us ever making a recovery. I can't really complain because I have several pharmaceutical stocks that are making me tons of money because the palm readers and fortune tellers that call them themselves psychiatrists have convinced so many of you that the world is fine. There is something wrong with you. You are the problem. You're in luck, though, because they can fix it with expensive drugs. And that wasn't even enough, so Madison Avenue got in on the act and began bombarding you with ads and now instead of the ersatz doctors having to call you bonkers, you barge into their offices and demand the pills, thereby giving me even more money and less reason to complain.
But I complain anyway. Even with plenty of money, the world is a very sad and frustrating place with a huge problem that most of its' inhabitants are in denial about. That brings right back to Robin Williams. How much more money, fame, success, adoration and love could one guy have? And still it isn't enough when you live in a diseased world.
Unless you're one of the ones who thinks he was just crazy, in which case you should just go take another handful of pills. If you're one of the few who are still with me, I wish I could say that there are enough of us to make a difference but I can't because it wouldn't be true.
The solution is obvious and super easy. Suicide. Oh, if you're still one of those intellectual giants who says that suicide does not solve problems, you are genuinely crazy. Go take another handful of magic beans. They won't help you to see what's right in front of your face but they might keep you quiet for a while.
The primary problem with that, though, is that it's hard. We are programmed to want to survive and fear death. The secondary problem is that we don't know what happens when we die. You can say there's absolutely nothing, no existence whatsoever when we die but you really don't know. You're just guessing. And that's a huge problem because there might be something (You don't have to be bit religious to believe that, either. Spend some time studying Quantum Physics if you don't believe me).
So it's like rolling a three sided die. There will be nothing or there will something good or there will be something that's even worse than being here. And, for comparison purposes, how much luck do you have playing craps? That's why we should stop saying that suicide is for the weak and cowardly and admit what it really is: The bravest thing a person can do.
We aren't hopelessly lost in that area. If you were to dive on grenade and save your whole platoon or dive into the path of a speeding car to knock a toddler to safety in the nick of time, we would not only say you were brave, we would also say you're a hero. Oh! Almost forgot one. We generously make allowances for the terminally ill, too. So we aren't hopelessly lost in that area, we are only 99% hopelessly lost.
We get it right 1% of the time and the rest of the time, we couldn't be any more wrong if we tried. And Robin Williams is the latest victim of that delusional thinking but he got the last laugh because he escaped this madness. If you STILL don't dig what I'm laying down, go back and reread the two quotes I used from him. The title and the opener. They are a comment on the delusional madness and politics (Which is just another branch of delusional madness but it's so powerful that it gets it gets treated as if it were a separate thing) that surround us.
Then you might want to think about Comic Relief, which Robin did a lot of work for. Which we wouldn't need at all if life were anything like the way the anti-suicide people see it. Anyway, the point is that suicides aren't usually caused by mental illness (There are certainly some but they are a tiny minority) or depression. They are caused by being aware and paying attention. Poverty and other distasteful things like 911 are also often huge contributing factors. There is nothing crazy about it.
Just one last thing, ma'am. Some of you are saying, "OK. Maybe it isn't crazy but it's very selfish." But what you're really saying is that you're selfish. Projecting and transferring fault. Why can't you just admit that these people who kill themselves very bravely and smartly solved every single problem life could throw at them instead of worrying about how it's going to affect you? You know, if you weren't so self-centered, there would probably far fewer suicides. I'm not saying it's your fault, I'm just saying you're to blame. So knock it off and stop being stupid. And the final last thing I have to say is this: Robin, wherever you are right now, I hope it's better. Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Noory, WOC AM 1420
|Monday, August 11th, 2014|
|How Glenn Can Get On My TV
Glenn Beck has a problem and I want to help him. That might sound kind of funny to you. First off, because Gelnn Beck has a problem? Singular? Granted. He has more problems than you can shake a stick at. Even if you had an infinite amount of sticks and an infinite amount of time. So please forgive me that poor phrasing faux pas so we can focus on just one of the problems Glenn has. The TV problem. Specifically: Glenn Beck's challenge: Getting onto your TV (http://money.cnn.com/2014/08/10/media/glenn-beck-cable/index.html?hpt=hp_t2
Second off, why would I help him? Why would I give aid and comfort to the enemy? Aren't I sick and tired of my critics suing me, impeaching me and charging me with High Treason and insisting that I be drawn and quartered (If you're a typical bleeding heart soft on crime Liberal, you probably don't even know what that means so here, this how we used to deal with crime in the good old days: What Does it Mean to be Drawn and Quartered? [http://www.wisegeek.org/what-does-it-mean-to-be-drawn-and-quartered.htm
]) in a live Pay-Per-View special?
Doesn't my dedicated, highly overworked legal team deserve some kind of a break? You Liberals are really something, aren't you? Don't you realize that if I give my employees an inch by treating them like people, they'll just take a mile? If I give them a little time off, the next thing you know, they'll want food, shelter, clothing, healthcare and a million other unneeded, undeserved and far too expensive luxuries that would only distract them from doing what God sent them here to do, to serve me.
Go back to France, you socialist! Oh, since you don't understand measurements anymore than you do economics, I guess I have to explain that one inch equals 2.54 centipedes. Centimeters? Fine, whatever. And one mile equals 1.609344 Kilometers. Now you can strut all over the streets of Paris because you know what, "Give'm an inch and they'll take a mile," means.
Can we please get back to my problem now? Which isn't really a problem at all because it's how Glenn can get on my TV and I know how to solve it. The only problem I have is that you still can't understand how I can help Glenn Beck. You know, if you aren't in the Guinness Book Of World Records for having the World's Shortest Memory, you should sue them for malpractice.
How many times do I have to tell you that I am on Glen's side now? I have found Jesus! Until after the election because we need all the help we can get, even if it's imaginary. He (Jesus) was right there the whole time, hiding behind the couch. He congratulated me for finding Him so fast and then He turned a gallon of water into wine and we watched a The Bible (http://www.history.com/shows/the-bible
) marathon on the History Channel and it was just like watching The Untouchables with Al Capone, because just like Al, Jesus kept saying things like, "They got that totally wrong!" and "I never said that!" and "If I see just one more inaccuracy, I'm gonna have the director and all the producers rubbed out!" Well, Jesus said He was going to have the director and producers struck down with lightning but it's really the same thing.
I asked Him to turn the wine into beer but He said He couldn't because no one will give him a chance. If I understand it right, once you get typecast as a winemaker in Heaven, you can never be anything else. So I drank the wine with as much good cheer as I could muster. Then, when we got hungry, He went to kitchen and found five loaves of bread and two cans of sardines and with them, He made a seafood buffet. Well, it wasn't so much a seafood buffet as it was just bread and fish. But there was enough of it to feed at least 5000 people, so I can't complain too much.
Anyway, the point is that I'm religious now. That means that I'm on Glenn's side. And while I still don't agree with nearly everything he says and does, I am still bound to do what Jesus told me to do. To turn the other cheek and forgive him for he knows not what he does (Oh boy, that phrase has never so fully applied to anyone more than it does to Glenn. Unless you count the rest of the Rush clones, in which case it's a twelve way tie at first place). He also made this long speech about proclaiming good news to the poor and recovering sight for the blind.
Then He said onto me, "You know what? I hate fish. Let's order a pizza." So, to boil all this down, my sacred Mission From God is abundantly clear, I have to tell Glenn how to get on my TV. Thy will be done. Glenn needs to start by poaching all the real talent from Fox News (Here's a handy guide to them: Fox News ratings are rising, so are its anchors’ skirts [http://www.ihatethemedia.com/fox-news-anchor-babes-short-skirts-video-photo
]) the same way CBS poached most of NBC's talent (http://kallmansalley.com/tag/cbs-talent-raids/
Then he needs to adopt the Naked News Formula (http://www.nakednews.com/
). Mostly. Because he needs to go Naked News one better by giving me the content for free wherever and whenever I want it (On my TV, computer, phone, iPad, etc etc) and make his money the old fashioned way, by selling time to advertisers.
I know it will take a little while to get to the point where advertisers are willing to pay a lot but in the meantime he'll be OK because like Jesus told me just the other day, "God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs."
I say that's a pretty good deal any way you slice it. He gives me naked girls delivering news and opinions and in exchange, God gives him the Kingdom Of Heaven (This sort of thing is probably illegal in Kansas and Utah, even when God does it, but I don't live in Kansas or Utah so I don't care). Even if I don't agree with the news and opinions the naked girls are giving me, I'll still watch religiously and everyone wins. Glenn gets his wish to be on my TV granted and the advertisers and girls are all happy (Because what girl wouldn't be happy with me watching her get undressed?), too. Hallelujah. Praise Jesus! Amen.
Just one more thing, sir. Glenn, you're going to have to stop having Ted Nugent on because when naked girls are involved, he always insists on them being between the ages of 13-16 (Ted Nugent's Jailbait Problem: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/larry-womack/ted-nugents-jailbait-problem_b_4840060.html
) and you can't get away with that here. Not even in Nevada. You could solve the problem by moving your studios to Europe but then people in Texas would probably stop watching because they don't like anything from Europe. And that would cost you an arm and a leg in ad revenue. So tell Ted that it was nice while it lasted but it's over now. Don't worry, he'll get over it. Or it'll be the straw that finally breaks the camel's back and makes him keep his promise to be dead or in jail in a timely manner. Whatever happens, it's his problem, not yours. Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
|Sunday, August 10th, 2014|
|Offering Some Hope For The Hopeless, The Seven Day Plan
Assuming that Global Warming doesn't render it moot by killing us all in the very near future, I have good news for all you Low Information Conservatives (Please notice I didn't call you retards this time cause I have vowed to be diplomatic for the duration of this post or until I get tired of it, whichever comes first) out there. It's not too late to repent. What you're seeing as bleak hopeless handwriting on the wall, things like this: Walmart: 'Going to a very dark place' (http://money.cnn.com/2014/07/30/news/companies/goldman-walmart-downgrade/index.html?hpt=hp_bn6&iid=obnetwork
) aren't really death sentences at all.
They are warnings. But not stupid, worthless drivel kind of warnings, the kind you find on cigarette packs. These are real warnings that you can use to save ideological lives. By changing everything you do, think and believe. I know it sounds like a lot of work. And it probably is. It's sort of like moving. From an old broken-down house that scares children and should have been declared uninhabitable forty years ago into a nice clean sturdy dwelling that will last a lifetime. But still, there's all the packing and you have to call the movers and then cancel the electricity and water at the old place and get them started at the new one. Then you have to fill out a change of address card and then notify everyone from your boss to your favorite call girl that you have moved. And so on.
But don't look at it like that. Look at it from the perspective of leaving a toxic house to go live in a nontoxic one. And you don't have to do it all in day. Do it in small easy to manage stages. Today, stop treating your employees like slaves and start being responsive to your customers (This one is especially important if you happen to run Walmart. Or you could end up like all the stores you drove out of business, which would be poetic but not so good for you). On day two, you can stop being racist, sexist and homophobic. I know it sounds hard but lots of people give up smoking and drinking (Why they give them up, I'll never know but they do), so you can give up being a bigot. On day three, you can stop denying that Global Warming is real. And at that point you'll be about half done. In only three days!
And it's not like you'll have to give up everything. For example, if you want to keep believing in a magical fairy who lives in the sky and once tortured his son to death so you could go to Heaven, be my guest. You can have all the religion you want. You just can't use it to deprive others of badly needed things like abortions.
Likewise with guns. No one wants to take your guns. Mostly because we know that sooner or later, you are going to solve the problem by shooting yourself. We just want some common sense tied to our firearms policy so as few innocent people as possible get hurt in the meantime. For example, you can no longer say that blind people should be given guns (‘Blind People Need Guns’ - NRA Goes WAY Past Self-Parody: https://www.youtube.com/watch?)v=pmbDOd0Qmt4&list=UU1yBKRuGpC1tSM73A0ZjYjQ) and look at the bright side. When you stop saying it, you'll have one less reason to bow your head and say, "Yes, Ma'am or sir, I sure am" every time someone calls you a retard.
You'll be a lot safer too, cause things like this will not be allowed: Texas may start allowing alcohol sales at some gun shows (http://www.foxnews.com/us/2014/08/09/texas-may-start-allowing-alcohol-sales-at-some-gun-shows/?intcmp=latestnews). Think about it for a minute. I know you love guns and beer but do you really want to be surrounded by drunk gun maniacs every time you go to a gun show?
I didn't think so. See how fast you're already shedding the Retard label? You can do this. You can go all the way. In three more days, you'll well on your way to be being fully half cured. And on the seventh day, you can rest. Go ahead, take it easy, it's on me.
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
|Saturday, August 9th, 2014|
|Villa Incognito And Secular Talk
“...his wife, it seems, would very soon be escorting his sister to a certain clinic near New Delhi, where she might die with the grace and ease that every being deserves, and for which purpose God-or Mother Nature if you prefer-surely put the opium poppy on earth.”
― Tom Robbins, Villa Incognito
A little earlier this week, having just finished reading Villa Incognito (http://www.randomhouse.com/book/155521/villa-incognito-by-tom-robbins
and I know, I know, it's been ten years so why did I just finish it? All I can say is that I've been busy this last decade and let he who has never missed a deadline or taken a little too long to read a book cast the first stone) and the very next day, I found myself the victim of what the followers of Carl Jung would not call a coincidence. It was just like when Col. Patt Thomas went to the Chingo-do temple in Tokyo by accident.
If you remember, and even if you don't, Patt went to the Chingo-do temple on the same day that Lisa happened to be there and likewise, I went to bed the day I finished Villa Incognito thinking about how stupid and cruel we are to the terminally ill. We are still debating Medical Marijuana...Which is miraculous but still ineffective in many cases...when we should have, dozens of years ago, made everything that might help available to the dying. If you're unsure and want to debate the merits of recreationally using those drugs, you might be able to make some kind of case against it, so I would be willing to listen to it but when you say dying people have to suffer because you're paranoid, then I say, "This debate is over." We must legalize everything, including heroin and whatever else, for everyone right now in order to protect people from your simple minded superstitions.
That, in a nutshell, is what I was thinking that night. Then, as I sometimes do, I woke up the next morning and saw this: French Hospital Opens Wine Bar For Dying Patients (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1eI6hAKfUeA). I hope you take the time to watch that video because Kyle does an awesome job but the biggest reason you should watch it is that he explains that things like Wine Bars and Marijuana are awesome but we need to do more. Much more. It's basically the very same message that Tom delivered via Villa Incognito.
And it's a message that all of us need to take to heart, whether we get it from a ten year old novel or a YouTube video. Or both. Let's stop making people suffer by humoring the old confused paranoid people who still think Reefer Madness (Reefer Madness (1937): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Azf320JDdqU) is a credible documentary.
Then let's stop humoring the people who think the Law Of Large Numbers (http://www.investopedia.com/terms/l/lawoflargenumbers.asp) adequately explains unlikely coincidences. Because while the Law Of Large Numbers works for some some things, saying that it explains highly unlikely coincidences is nothing but a huge load of hogwash. Believing in Synchronicity is almost as bad but not quite because eventually it will put you on the right track. In the words of Brian Clegg, “What entanglement (and quantum theory in general) does do is remind us is that the real world is much stranger than we imagine.” And now that your hooked on the real science of unlikely coincidences, go read this article: Synchronicity and Quantum Entanglement? (http://jungcurrents.com/jung-synchronicity-and-quantum-entanglement/).
Even though Brian reaches the wrong conclusion, it will get you going in the right direction. Ultimately, you will see that there is no difference between the Quantum and Macro worlds aside from the way we perceive them. So this is a double win for everyone. The dying can quit suffering because we no longer take little old ladies who are afraid of their own shadows and drugs seriously and we'll learn the the true cause of impossible coincidences. Move this to the top of your To Do list, cause I'm tired of waiting for both of them.
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
|Friday, August 8th, 2014|
|It's Friday, You Bastards
I want to go on record right now as saying that if 35 cents per restaurant check is all it takes to give everyone a living wage (Cafe charges customers 35 cent "minimum wage fee": http://money.cnn.com/2014/08/07/news/minimum-wage-fee-diner/index.html?hpt=hp_t4
), we should all be jumping and down with joy. I want to go further on record as saying that it doesn't cost 35 cents and the guy charging it is just a Low Information Conservative who feels he can score a lot of points with the elderly listeners of Bill and Rush (http://www.billoreilly.com/
) by making a big political statement by ripping off his customers.
But, as rip-offs go, this is one we should feel glad rather than mad about. If you like the food at the Oasis Cafe, pay the 35 cents with a smile and perhaps a well framed comment or two about greedy, lazy Welfare Queens who steal from the people who are making them rich if you're so inclined. If you don't like the food, get on all the review sites, your blog and YouTube and make dozens upon dozens of well framed comments about the greedy, lazy Welfare Queens who steal from the people who are making them rich and then slam the food.
According to the article, lots of people are already doing that on Yelp and FaceBook. And like I said, that's fine but you could have even more fun with this. You could go to the Oasis Cafe and eat and then find the owner and give him say 50 or 75 cents and a can of soup or maybe a sandwich. I'm sure any homeless shelter would love to get into the practical joke business if you gave them a small donation and then you could take whatever they're serving that day to the owner to help ease him out of poverty.
And if you film it and put it on YouTube, it might just get a million views and generate some cash for yourself as well. Not that I think everything should be about money...No, that's a lie. I'm a capitalist. I think everything should be about money. Which is why I want everyone to be paid well (Built into that is that everyone should be given a job) and get healthcare, parental leave, plenty of vacation, etc etc etc. Because I know that when that happens, I will make a whole lot more money. And I will save a lot of money as well because I will no longer need sleeping pills and whiskey to get to sleep at night.
I know my views sound crazy and traitorous to you Conservatives out there but that's only because you're stupid, uneducated and easily led around by the nose. I can't really do much about your innate lack of intelligence and your gullibility but I can at least try to do something about your lack of education. Allow me to take you back to 1914 for a minute: History, Henry Ford, and the minimum wage (http://www.renewamerica.com/columns/bates/060103
To paraphrase Archie Bunker, Mr., we could use a man like Henry Ford again. Well, sort of. Henry was a rabid antisemite who idolized Hitler and he wasn't overly fond Black people either, though he tolerated them. He was also such a huge control freak with hardcore voyeuristic tendencies that he could easily get a job with the TSA if he were still here.
But he was smart enough to realize that if he ever wanted a shot at being in the .01%, he had to spend a little to make an obscenely huge lot. And he did. By doubling wages and creating the eight hour day. If he hadn't also been a huge racist, he would be one of my biggest heroes.
So there you go, Conservatives. That's a huge real life proof that my side has all the brains. Not that you have to be smart because it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this out. And if you want more proof, start studying the issue instead of stupidly repeating everything Bill and Rush tell you to say.
Most of all, stop wasting my money by chaining me to your stupid, unworkable and counterproductive ideas. Then, make your way to the bar because it's Friday again and Fifi, my Sommelier, has been slaving away all day, creating this, tonight's Theme Drink:
5 ml Green Creme de Menthe
10 ml Black Sambuca
10 ml Green Chartreuse
5 ml Bailey's Irish cream
Start with Creme de Menthe, then layer in order, with Baileys last.
Now it is time to get tonight's Featured Party Game started: Binders Full Of Girls Dressed Like Waitresses. The objective is to get them to do things for 35 cent tips. Good luck. Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
|Thursday, August 7th, 2014|
|It's National Root Beer Float Day, You Bastards And The Jews Have Declared War On The Nazi's
One thing I share with Rush (http://www.rushlimbaugh.com/
) is that my critics, too, say that I've jumped the shark. That I'm just contrary and negative and I say things just to get my audience all jacked up. I probably got that anywhere from a little bit to a whole lot wrong so I urge you to tune into the Nazi Station (http://www.woc1420.com/main.html
) and hear it straight from the horse's mouth...Or as most people think of Rush, straight from the horse's rear end...because it's Rush's latest promo and they play it about three times every minute.
But even if I did mangle it a lot, you still get the general idea. You also understand why I'm afraid that what I'm about to tell you will be dismissed by my critics (Whom I call the Idiot League because they are the super heroes of ignorance) as politically motivated pandering. Well, afraid isn't really the right word. "Annoyed" much better reflects how I feel about the Idiot League and all the lies they tell about me.
Because their smear campaigns only affect the Low Information Readers, they have no effect on you. So there is no fear, only annoyance. So why don't we just forget all about the Critical Division of the Lame Street Media and concentrate on what matters? Which would be you. AKA The High Information Reader. And those of you in Amsterdam, Colorado and Washington, The Double High Information Reader.
With all that in mind, I am now free to tell you that after careful consideration, I am changing my Official List Of Most Underrated Comedians Ever. Until just a little while ago the list went like this: George Gobel (Here's just a small sample of his work, chosen entirely at random, George Gobel - Story of Lonesome George: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCXWv98FxYc). That's it. Just George. The reason being that he was one of the best ever and he enjoyed a whole lot of success, history has since all but forgotten him. Hence my Official List Of Most Underrated Comedians Ever. To right that wrong.
But all that has changed. Everything is different. If you're the Madison Avenue type, you'd call it NEW AND IMPROVED. Let's take a look at all the new exciting changes. Starting with the Number One spot, we have George Gobel. Then, moving to the Number Two spot, we have Jimmy Dore (http://www.jimmydorecomedy.com/). That's it.
Now you're going to be tempted to call me The Amazing Kreskin but please don't. I ain't no fancy big city mind reader. I'm just a simple country Prophet and that's how I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "What did Jimmy do to make the list?" And the answer can be found right here: ‘War On Whites’ Threatens Whites, Says White Racist Lying Politician (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syCaY2KNll4).
That's it. "The Jews have declared war on the Nazi's." It's even funnier when you consider that's the way Adolf Hitler actually saw it. It also means that we could write an entire paper on that one single joke, exhaustively comparing the Nazis' tactics to the Republicans' through the lens of Jimmy's post modern comedy. Well, you can write that paper. Especially if your thesis is due on Monday and you still haven't found a topic.
Lucky for me, I already have all the degrees I want...It's also lucky for you, too, cause if I did need another degree, I wouldn't have given that great idea to you. But before you go lock yourself in the library, you should remember that it's National Root Beer Float Day (8/6: 6 restaurants for National Root Beer Float Day: http://www.azcentral.com/story/entertainment/dining/2014/08/06/root-beer-floats-phoenix/13632297/).
Then you should remember that Monday is still a long way away and you have plenty of time to enjoy a few of these, the Theme Drink that Fifi, my Sommelier, invented for tonight:
Root Beer Barrel Of Fun
1 oz Vodka
1 oz Root beer schnapps
1 glass Root beer
1 scoop Ice-cream on top
Add 1 oz. vodka in a glass, then add 1 oz. of Root-beer schnapps, mix with Root-beer add one scoop of ice-cream at top of the glass. Enjoy.
Now do you fully appreciate how far away Monday and that stupid deadline truly is? You even have plenty of time to play tonight's Featured Party Game: Binders Full Of Girls Root Beer Float Wrestling. It's a lot like mud or oil wrestling except the pool is filled with root beer and ice cream topped with whipped cream. Oh! And cherries!
I think you're gonna like this cause root beer, ice cream, whipped cream and cherries taste a whole lot better than oil or mud. That's my predictionbut I could be wrong. Maybe you like the taste of oil and mud. But even if you do, I don't think you'll be complaining too much about the ice cream, root beer, whipped cream and cherries. Trust me, you'll like it. Then you can go lock yourself in the library and start writing.
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Noory, WOC AM 1420
|Wednesday, August 6th, 2014|
|The Same Old Expected Hypocrisy And Some Really Good News From Alabama
If you have any lingering doubts about how actively stupid worthless, two-faced and downright dangerous the Republicans are, I want you to read this: WTF?? Did Hobby Lobby Really Fire An Employee For Being PREGNANT?! (http://perezhilton.com/perezitos/2014-07-29-hobby-lobby-fires-employee-for-taking-off-maternity-leave#.U-D58ONdUrV
). And this is just the latest proof that the "Pro Life" movement is really the Anti-Woman movement. History is littered front to back and wall to wall with incidents like this.
As usual, the thing that bothers me the most about this is that Hobby Lobby isn't going to be crucified by the Liberal Drive-By Media on the front pages of The New York Times, The L. A. Times, The Washington Post and every other major paper in the country. Nor are there going to be huge stories on CNN and the networks. They will probably report it. Eventually. In tiny little don't blink or you'll miss it pieces. And every time some retard like Sarah Palin puts together a defense of Hobby Lobby, they'll print it or broadcast it as if it were a real valid opinion that you should take seriously.
And the end result is that the life support system keeping the GOP alive will get a little boost and it'll go on for a bit longer. The only good that will come out of it is if young women happen to notice it and it makes them decide that Abortion Is A Wonderful Choice. Really, who in their right mind would want to bring a child into a world where a company like Hobby Lobby can be Pro-Life and Anti-Child both at the same time and no one bats an eye at it?
Abortion is such a beautiful, elegant solution to that problem. And, thank God, it's getting more popular and legal everyday. Have you seen the latest court ruling from Alabama? Dig this: Federal judge: Abortion like right to bear arms (http://www.cnn.com/2014/08/05/justice/alabama-abortion-federal-court-ruling/index.html?hpt=hp_t2
). That coming right after similar good news in Wisconsin and North Dakota but this ruling is especially good because it rubs the logic of the God & Guns Clingers' logic right into their own noses.
There's still a bit of trouble in Mississippi but time is running out for the superstitious fantasy-land dwelling children posing as grownups there, too. If you're still anti-abortion, I suggest you move to Jackson...I prefer Gulfport, myself, but they have casinos and beaches where girls shamelessly prance around practically naked and to top it all off, it is very close to New Orleans, so it would probably give you hives. Yep, y'all will be much happier in Jackson...and enjoy their Anti-Women atmosphere until it too topples and then to spare yourself untold amounts of mental anguish, you should just kill yourself.
You can stay optimistic if you want but if you're honest, you'll admit that once Mississippi falls, everything you believe, honor and revere is never getting up again. So you might as well lay down, too. You don't want to be here when they pass laws called The Women's Health and Safety Act that actually make women healthier and safer. Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
|Tuesday, August 5th, 2014|
I still believe that the human race is doomed, as opposed to the world, which will be fine no matter what we do to it, but since the mathematicians still insist that even though it has never happened, there is a chance that one day I will be wrong about something, I feel obligated to occasionally present evidence to the contrary (Which I normally call misleading nuggets of false hope that never lead anywhere, because that's what they are). And today's contradictory evidence consists of four videos.
The first one is the most hopeful and it's entitled, Why No One Is Getting Married Anymore? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1gydUfd7Sg). The reason that this one rocks so much is that it seems to show that we are getting halfway close to the one thing that will scare .01% enough to start acting like real human beings. Well, aside from the torch and pitchfork bearing mobs but that really doesn't count because that will be forcing them to act like human beings and even if they do at that point, they'll probably still be killed anyway, and frankly, that's the way I would prefer to see it go down but since it's taking forever, the second best thing is frighten them without violence and the only way to do that is cut off the endless supply of free disposable slave labor.
As Ana and Cenk pointed out, this particular story didn't delve much into birth rates but you have to figure that if masses are no longer getting married, a lower birthrate is sure to follow if it isn't already here. When we get to the point where population is going to dramatically fall worldwide, that's when we're going to see real positive change you can believe in. The other cool thing about this, is, again as Ana and Cenk pointed out, it's another major indication that religion is going to be gone faster than we could have hoped.
It has been obvious for my entire life that religion is on the way out but even as recently as 20 years ago if you had told me I would live long enough to see the very end of it, I would have said you're crazy. Now, it seems possible. If I live to be 100, which is another 50 years from now, it's very possible I could see two generations who have no idea what church's are. Just like today's high school students don't know what dial phones and vinyl records are.
The next one is called Surprising Group Of Politicians Declare 'War FOR Women' (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQEJSbqSPVk&list=UU1yBKRuGpC1tSM73A0ZjYjQ) and it consists of a very small collection of watered down half measures that are better than nothing designed to convince women that the Republicans care about them. I agree with Cenk, that they should be passed because like I just said, they are better than nothing. But I hope the Democrats also seize this as an opportunity to continue proving just how much the Republicans are at war with women and leverage it into shaming them into passing many more real measures that aren't watered down.
Then we have one that really isn't good for anyone at all but I present it as good news anyway because my Agent, Drusilla, tells me I need to say something really positive and upbeat but still downright stupid or risk not getting Nobel Prize for Hopelessly Clueless Optimism this year and I didn't win it 49 years in a row just to let it go now. So here goes: This is further proof positive that no one should ever vote for a Republican under any circumstances (Some people joke about this, but yes, I would vote for Charlie Manson if the alternative were a Republican. Because compared to them, Charlie is a fine and decent man. He hasn't done even a tiny fraction of the evil things Mitt Romney has done. And that's just one example and I know the Democrats are nearly as bad but that tiny edge gets my vote every time) and it will make everyone finally realize it and this year the election is going to turn out better than any of us could ever have hoped for. The very end of the GOP.
Our final good news video of the day is this one: Startup Offering "A Man, But Better" Launches In San Francisco (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zg0YHmIz8n8&list=UU1yBKRuGpC1tSM73A0ZjYjQ). This one is awesome for a couple of different reasons. First, as Ana pointed out, it's obviously about sex even though they old fashionedly claim that it doesn't have anything to do with sex. The other reason that it's awesome escapes me now because Ana also said that if she hired a really hot guy to serve her, she would want him to order her around. I hope no one ruins her fantasy by telling her that there are plenty of guys who would pay her for that arrangement but anyway...Well, like I said the rest escapes me because when Ana said she wanted to be ordered around, everything else kind of went dim and I also forgot the whole section I was going to do on how none of this really matters because Global Warming is going to exterminate us anyway and the bottom line is I need to go take a cold shower now.
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
|Monday, August 4th, 2014|
|Ted and Other Truth Dodgers
It is amazing what you can get away with when the majority of your fans are senile and the Liberal Drive-By Media is dedicated to neutrality to the extent that all you have to do is make up facts and they will pretend that you have a valid opinion. If you don't believe me, take a look at this: Ted Nugent clears up a few things (http://www.glennbeck.com/2014/08/01/ted-nugent-clears-up-a-few-things/
Do you understand now? Ted isn't a mentally challenged bigot who offends everyone but the senile old men who have been trying to learn how to play Wango Tango (//www.youtube.com/watch?v=LqFUEcM9wR0) since they were fourteen years old. He's a patriot. But he's not just a patriot. No, no, no. He's also a hero to and champion of the Native Americans.
Just like he's a hero to and champion of women's rights. I know that didn't come up in the interview you just saw but trust me, it's true. If you don't trust me, take a look at the cover of Love Grenade (http://www.idolator.com/339169/the-worst-album-cover-of-2007-revealed-budding-art-directors-take-note,
scroll down a little to see both the American and Japanese versions). So someday soon, expect to see some women's rights organization somewhere get some of Ted's concerts canceled. The same way the mean, misguided and ungrateful Native Americans did.
Oh, that didn't come up in the interview, either. Ted has had two more concerts canceled by a Native American Tribe (More Ted Nugent Shows Canceled by Indian Tribe: http://www.billboard.com/articles/news/6191436/more-ted-nugent-shows-canceled
). I don't think it was Glenn's fault. When you only have a short time for an interview, you can't get everything in. Especially when you have to spend so much time explaining what a good non-racist guy Ted is because so many people stubbornly prefer to believe the overwhelming preponderance of the evidence instead of his own propaganda.
You also have to give him a chance to share his hearsay story about the smelly protesters at his concerts while tactfully avoiding his own verifiable history of especially noxious and self inflicted body odor (Patriotic American Ted Nugent Shit His Pants to Avoid the Draft: http://gawker.com/5983634/patriotic-american-ted-nugent-shit-his-pants-to-avoid-the-draft
And you won't see any of this on the front pages of any major and even most of the minor news outlets. Such is the nature of The Liberal Drive-By Media. But it doesn't begin and end with Ted. Mr. Nugent, much like his musical career, is in fact just a minor side show in the Media Circus.
The big-time acts are things like the continued failure of Republican led governments to do anything right. And to learn about them, you have to go beyond the Liberal Drive-By Media. You have to go to places like The Young Turks (https://www.youtube.com/user/TheYoungTurks). There you will find stories like this: Gov Says No To Obamacare, Then Blames Obama (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IL0EoayreYA&list=UU1yBKRuGpC1tSM73A0ZjYjQ).
And this, Satanists Use Hobby Lobby Decision Against Pro-Life Propaganda (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYHE6HPeYws&list=UU1yBKRuGpC1tSM73A0ZjYjQ). I could stay here all day giving you more and more examples but you get the idea. The Young Turks brand of journalism (There are many great people doing it but the Turks do it best) is what you need. They don't tolerate Truth Dodgers and won't hesitate to run headlines like this: Religious Lunacy Of All Kinds Has Real World Consequences (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYH4aYb7IAU&list=UU1yBKRuGpC1tSM73A0ZjYjQ).
And that's all I have to say today. Um, except for just one last thing, ma'am. Have you seen this one yet? Impeach Obama? We Never Said That! - CUE THE TAPE! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZlmCUeITgo&list=UU1yBKRuGpC1tSM73A0ZjYjQ). There. That's how you deal with liars who deny reality. Glenn, maybe you should watch it twice.
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
|We Just Keep Making More Mud
Will things in this country ever really improve until videos like this, CEO Pay Is A Massive Scam, This Chart Proves It (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnyT3ukfLBQ&list=UU1yBKRuGpC1tSM73A0ZjYjQ&index=15) start getting around 50 million views a week?
Maybe. I mean, Wolf PAC (http://www.wolf-pac.com/) is making a lot of progress and that's great. As Cenk always says, that's the most important thing. But I was hoping that by now, New York or Illinois would be added to Vermont and California (This isn't really pertinent but I love the way they put the states that have signed on in red on the map). I don't like this slump. But if videos like the one above could get 50 million views in one week, wouldn't it be nearly as effective?
What this fight really seems to boil down to is what Rush (http://www.rushlimbaugh.com/) calls the Low Information Voters. Of course, Rush uses the term in a very surreal kind of way to describe people who know what is going on but that doesn't diminish the accuracy of the sentiment. You just have to separate Rush's Bizarro World (For you people who so old that you don't even remember the 1960's: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bizarro%20world) definition from reality.
And wouldn't getting 50 million views a week on important videos that normally get maybe 100,000 in a month, go a long way towards curing the problem of the Low Information Voter? Maybe we could even get something done about Global Warming before it's too late. Not to mention gaining full employment, universal healthcare and the near eradication of poverty.
The most depressing thing about all this is that we have the knowledge and the means to do all that and more but we simply don't. Just like we quit going to the Moon for no good reason, we continue on a path where when it comes to war, money is never an object but the minute we want to actually help people and improve life for everyone, it instantly gets mired down in pointless debates about money, morals, ethics and everything else you can think of and it's nearly impossible to make any progress.
The human race is bogged down in the mud and instead of getting out the winch, we make more mud. All because a few elderly stupid people...I will politely not mention any names but if you want to place a face on this group, here you go: http://www.woc1420.com/onair/jim-fisher-1936/...still somehow have a stranglehold on us.
The Welfare Queen oil companies, defense contractors and overpaid CEO's of every other industry continue to profit while everyone else suffers. For no other reason than Low Information Voters.
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
|Sunday, August 3rd, 2014|
|It's National Watermelon Day, You Bastards
As if you didn't already have enough to do, what with this being the last day of the fair (http://mvfair.com/
), nature is also throwing National Watermelon Day (http://www.altiusdirectory.com/Society/national-watermelon-day.html
) at you, too. To make matters even worse, you can't even blame for the lazy Welfare Queen Do Nothing Republican Congress (The ‘do-nothing’ Congress isn’t even good at doing nothing anymore: http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/the-fix/wp/2014/07/31/congress-is-so-futile-that-it-isnt-even-good-at-doing-nothing-anymore/
) for this one. Quelle surprise, as the author of that article very aptly points out.
If Congress had made National Watermelon Day an official holiday, you'd at least get tomorrow off. Then you could celebrate it tomorrow and have today free to eat Deep Fried Snickers and ride the bumper cars all day long the way God intended but instead, thanks to the worthless Republicans, you have to cram both into one day. I just hope you remember this on Tuesday, November 4 (http://www.almanac.com/content/when-election-day
Let's rid our government of Republicans and then we can concentrate on reforming or getting rid of the Democrats. But, first things being first, let's get this year's National Watermelon Day Party rolling. And there is no better way to get the rolling started than with this, the Theme Drink that Fifi, my Sommelier, invented for today:
Watermelon Day Not Being A National Holiday Is Just Bananas
1/2 oz Banana liqueur (99 banana)
1/2 oz Watermelon liqueur
1/2 oz Vodka (Absolut)
Mix banana and watermelon liqueur in shot glass top with vodka.
The one good thing about having to combine the last day of the fair with National Watermelon Day is that deep fried everything pairs perfectly well with all things Watermelon. It'll be of little consolation tomorrow morning when you're trying to do your job while simultaneously trying to recover from exhaustion caused by enjoying two major events yesterday but for right now, it works.
Another thing that works is tonight's Featured Party Game: Binders Full Of Swallowing Girls. This is kind of a unique and novel twist on the traditional Watermelon Seed Spitting contests. Our Focus Group research indicates that swallowing is far more popular than spitting so we came up with this concept that removes watermelon seeds from the process cause it isn't advisable to swallow them and...Well, I don't want to give away too many of the surprises, so I'll stop there except to assure you that the Focus Group research also indicates that you will really like it. Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
|Monday, July 14th, 2014|
|It's Le 14 Juillet, You Bastards
I don't want to alarm any of you Vulture Capitalists out there or your collaborators but since it is Bastille Day (http://www.partyearth.com/paris/festivals/bastille-day-fireworks-at-the-eiffel-tower-1/bastille-day-fireworks-at-the-eiffel-tower-2014-1/
) again already, I really don't have any choice. I have to remind you that you're doomed and the sentence could be carried out any day now.
To make things even worse for you, at least symbolically speaking, Germany just won the World Cup (World Cup final: Germany defeats Argentina in extra time: http://www.cnn.com/2014/07/13/sport/football/world-cup-final-germany-argentina-football/index.html?hpt=hp_t1
). At first, that might seem like a bit of good news for you and again, I hate to be the one who has to harsh your mellow but I have to remind you that this is not the same Germany you rooted for in World War II and keep alive here to this day...in spirit, anyway.
This Germany is just like France and Holland and Sweden and all the other countries you hate because they treat poor people like people. This Germany is not your friend. This Germany even tried to defeat you in Tennessee (When the Boss Wants a Union, But the GOP Says ‘No’ Volkswagen is willing to let employees at its Tennessee plant unionize, but Republicans are stiff in their opposition: http://inthesetimes.com/article/16257/volkswagen_wants_unions_gop_says_no1
And it doesn't even end there. It's like God is nudging you in the ribs and saying, "Don't get too used to the idea of your head remaining attached to your body." Because He allowed Germany to defeat Argentina and Argentina is where the majority of the Nazi leaders you wanted to win escaped to. Like I said, this just isn't your day when it comes to symbolism.
And as much as I disagree with you, I do empathize with your plight because my whole world is collapsing around me, too. Several members of my staff who have been in Brazil and/or France for the last few weeks have returned home. That in itself is a good thing because I was getting very sick and tired of having to get up and go to the bar or kitchen every time I need a beer and/or a snack because the people who should be doing those things for me were in Brazil or France watching a field hockey game or something.
But no silver cloud ever comes without a dark lining, does it? And the dark lining in this case is Suzette, my Chef De Cuisine and Chief Executive Vice President In Charge Of Domestic Bliss. She came home today from Brazil and is planning to go to Paris tomorrow. That sounds awesome, all things considered but no, it really isn't awesome at all. Because she wants me to go to Paris with her. Because we never spend any time together anymore. Which is completely untrue. She's been home now for about four hours and that seems like all the time in the world.
She's just as crazy and harebrained as you are when you say we don't need things like minimum wages, healthcare, free elections and unions. But it's worse, because this directly affects me. And it doesn't even end there. After La Fête Nationale and the French Soapbox Derby (http://www.letour.fr/le-tour/2014/us/
) are over, she wants us to go to Romania and I explained to her again that I have no objections in going to Transylvania but I want to go later, in October, closer to Halloween. Right after Oktoberfest (http://oktoberfestbeerfestivals.com/munich-oktoberfest-2014/
), which ends on October 5, would be perfect. I even said that I wouldn't mind taking her to Oktoberfest because 2 liter mugs of Löwenbräu make her bearable and it should be even better than usual this year because all the waitresses should still be in a great mood because of the soccer game.
That's when she got really crazy. Cray Cray is the way you kids put it these days but in her case, I think it should be CRAY CRAY CRAY TO THE MAX. She said that I have drug her to Dracula's Castle (http://www.draculascastle.com/index3.html
) enough times already and she has no interest in going again. If there's a judge in the house, please come forward cause I would like to get the commitment formalities out of the way right now and get her locked up in a rubber room before she can ruin the rest of my summer.
If I don't get her a one way ticket to the Funny Farm in the very near future, I run the risk of having to waste a considerable amount of time hiking, biking and white water rafting in the Piatra Craiului and Baiului Mountains. And that's AFTER spending God only knows how many days with her in Paris...Which she is going to also ruin because she made it clear she doesn't want to do the two things that any sane person goes to Paris for, visiting the Musée de l'Armé and the Quartier Pigalle.
But what do you care about my troubles? All you have to worry about is getting your head chopped off by a bunch of very angry peasants. And it's that crass insensitivity that's going to make me watch your beheading over and over again on YouTube with huge amounts of enjoyment.
Oh, before I forget, I have heard that Dracula's Castle is closed to the public now but don't let that bother you. I know how to get in. Just call me and I'll come to Transylvania and give you the tour myself. The good tour. Not the severely lacking "Official" tour. It's the least I can do for someone who's going to give me so much pleasure by getting his head chopped off.
I guess the other thing I can do for you is to bring out Fifi, my Sommelier (She's home now, too. At least for a while. I think she's going to Paris with us...Unless I figure out a way to get Suzette forget the madness of making me go too, in which case it will be just her and Suzette) so she can unveil the Theme Drink she invented for tonight:
1 oz Rumple Minze
1 oz Tequila
1 oz Jägermeister
1 oz Firewater
Shake all ingredients with ice and strain into glass. Burns like fire and tastes like Christmas. If you're German. For the rest of the world, it tastes a lot like defeat.
Since the angry mob still isn't here and it looks like you're going to keep your head for a little bit longer, we might as well get tonight's Featured Party Game started: Binders Full Of Deliriously Happy German Girls. Remember, unlike soccer, this game has no winners or losers. Just happy players. If you're not German, it won't erase your humiliating defeat but it might make you feel better. Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Knapp, WOC AM 1420
|Sunday, July 13th, 2014|
|The Sunday Effect
It must be Sunday again because weird things like this just don't tend to happen on any other day of the week. And calling it weird is vastly understating the situation. In fact, when I tell you what is happening, your first thought is going to be, "Damn Time Warps! It's April 1 again!" And then after you double check, you're gonna say, "Whew. It's just an especially strange Sunday Effect." And you're gonna be very grateful because it means you don't have to pay your taxes twice this year. And now I have to explain to you Republicans that if there is a Time Warp in the near future that takes you back to early April, President Obama isn't doing it on purpose to take more of your money and give it to baby killers and tree huggers.
Presidents have no more control over Time Warps than they do over gas prices. If you get more than one April 15 in the same year, blame your God, not mine. Despite your paranoid fantasies, Lord Barack is not out to get you. If he was, you'd know it because he'd lock you up in a FEMA Camp for the rest of your life. Or maybe he'd drone you. He wouldn't do something lame like just make you pay your taxes twice.
And don't be angry and bitter just because my God is real and yours is a figment of your imagination. No one is twisting your arm and forcing you to believe in something that's obviously fake. The only crime you can pin on me is defending your right to be as stupid as you want to be. More on some days than others and that brings us right to the point of this whole sermon: Today's Ultra Weird Sunday Effect---I Agree With Todd Starnes. To wit, School: We have a right to ban God (http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2014/07/11/school-have-right-to-ban-god/?intcmp=obnetwork
You can nitpick this if you want and say that I'm not really agreeing with Todd or supporting your right to believe in fairy tales because this is just another example of me hating organized education even more than I hate organized religion and if I could somehow make it work, I'd trash both Todd and you while I'm doing it but why would you do that? Why do you have to be so negative?
Why can't you just be glad I'm on your side for once? And agree with me that after the school lets kids say whatever they want in their speeches, mostly because graduations are meaningless ceremony's that no one cares about anyway, one of the idiot administrators should get up and say, "Of course there is no God and you're really stupid if you think otherwise but other than that, wasn't that a great speech?"
That way you get Free Speech and Truth both at the same time and no one gets slighted. Why can't we ever solve problems like that? OK, now that you're thinking straight for the first time in your life by agreeing with me, I've got something more important for you to do than worry about stupid school functions. I want you to watch this: Finally, Climate Deniers Purged (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBHnKIe7kDo).
And then tell every news outlet in the US to do the same thing. When you get down to the Rock Island Argus (http://qconline.com/), make sure that you stress that this doesn't just apply to Climate Change Deniers. It also applies to all the retards who write Letters To The Editor about everything from how abortion is wrong to how Mitt Romney is a fine and decent man who should be the President. And they don't even have to be silenced because there is another alternative.
Honestly, those people should be locked up but if the best we can do is print their insane letters with disclaimers in huge type stating how wrong and retarded they are, then that's what we'll do. And the same thing goes for Chuck (http://www.washingtonpost.com/pb/charles-krauthammer), even when he isn't talking about Global Warming.
OK, that's all I need you for, so I guess you can go now. And right after you get the rest of the world to be as smart as the BBC, feel free to enjoy the rest of your Sunday in any way you see fit.
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Noory, WOC AM 1420
|Saturday, July 12th, 2014|
|Still No Moral Outrage
The title for this one, Still No Moral Outrage, isn't strictly 100% true. It's just 99% true. It refers, of course, to the Benton Mackenzie case and now that he has been found guilty (Mackenzie family found guilty at marijuana trial: http://qctimes.com/news/local/crime-and-courts/mackenzie-family-found-guilty-at-marijuana-trial/article_5d4ada2b-1946-5fc2-9718-c1efd59777d8.html
), I have seen a little outrage. But very little. Almost none.
The worst part is that all the real criminals in this case, the prosecutors and Scott County District Judge Henry Latham have not been charged with anything. Especially Hank The Dumbass Disgrace To The Judge Business. He hasn't been fired, disbarred and crucified by the press. All that should have happened on the first day but that's not how this world works. The way that this world works is that the guilty go free and will never even so much as be grilled by an angry reporter. While the innocent party is carted off to die in jail. If he doesn't spare himself that agony by dying before the sentencing.
The only bright spot in this case has nothing to do with this case. Or it would so appear at first glance. But you can't tell me that the increasing number of stories like this one all over the country aren't linked to and influenced by things like the Benton Mackenzie trial: Geneseo man cleared of assaulting police officers (http://www.qconline.com/archives/qco/display.php?id=687878
). At some point in the relatively near future, you're going to be able to kill pigs with very little to fear from any jury and most of that is due to all the police brutality that's being filmed and watched by everyone but a good part is also due to travesties like the Benton Mackenzie trial.
I guess that also counts as a form of moral outrage. It's a very quiet form of moral outrage but still, I suppose I should be happy about it. And I am happy about it. I'll be happier when the first jury with a real cop killing case, as opposed to all the ones I've seen so far which have been assault or attempted murder, comes back with a Not Guilty. But I am happy with that right now. I'll be more more happy, though, when lowlifes like Henry Latham are held accountable for their actions. Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Noory, WOC AM 1420
|Friday, July 11th, 2014|
|It's Friday, You Bastards
Did you know that there is a YouTube channel called PoliceCrimes ShootThePolice? No, I am not making that up. Here, see for yourself: PoliceCrimes ShootThePolice (https://www.youtube.com/user/policebusters/videos). Is that awesome or what? I don't know how effective it's going to be, but even if it doesn't lead to at least a few more pigs getting killed, it's still pretty cool. At the very least, it exposes through its' videos, just how stupid, worthless and dangerous the police have become and how when one of them does get killed, it's a good thing. And the more people that see that, the better.
I do notice in the comments of PoliceCrimes ShootThePolice videos, there always seem to be a few people who defend the police. They seem to be the same people who voted for Mitt Romney and that's the good news. They still have way too much power but it is rapidly fading and they no longer have a say in who the President is.
Just how rapidly is their remaining power fading? I'm glad you asked that. I'm gonna show you three more videos and then let you make up your own mind. 1. America to Sarah Palin: Enough! (http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2014/07/10/america-to-sarah-palin-enough/?hpt=hp_t2). 2. OOPS: 74% Of Republicans Like Obamacare (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUr_Yu0_ClM). 3. 'Legitimate Rape' Guy Takes Back His Apology & Makes It Worse (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67sLvqs5u1Q).
I still hope I die before Tuesday, November 4, 2014 because it's very possible that jokes like Joni Ernst (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/11/joni-ernst-gop-address_n_5578416.html) will win big while real, viable candidates like Wendy Davis (Wendy Davis pressing attack on Greg Abbott during Dallas stop, GOP nominee swings back: http://trailblazersblog.dallasnews.com/2014/07/wendy-davis-pressing-attack-on-greg-abbott-during-dallas-stop.html/) will lose big but those three videos I just showed you indicate that it might turn out OK. Despite my morbid fears.
Then again, my morbid fears might be completely valid. In that case, about the only thing we can do is drink. Starting right now. As luck would have it, it's Friday again AND for the first time in weeks, Fifi, my Sommelier, is here tonight. She just came from France, where she was watching a Soapbox Derby (http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2126572-tour-de-france-2014-stage-7-winner-results-and-updated-leaderboard-standings) and is on her way back to Brazil to watch more of an arm wrestling tournament (http://www.fifa.com/worldcup/index.html) and she decided to spend the day at home. Working. So let's take a look at the Theme Drink she invented for tonight:
1/2 oz Orange Curacao
1 oz Dark Rum
Fill glass Champagne
Pour Orange Curacao into Champagne flute, add Dark Rum, top off with Champagne, I recommend Brut.
Oh! Before I forget, I want to remind you that I'm not the only one who might be lucky enough to die before Election Day. There is a slight chance that that we could have a brand new Smallpox outbreak in the very new near future that could wipe out a few hundred million people before it's brought under control (Forgotten Vials Of Smallpox Found In Storage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnNIniub6WI). If the thought of getting Smallpox bothers you, don't worry. The virus in the vials they found is probably dead and therefore likely harmless and what are the odds that there are other vials sitting around someplace with living viruses? Of Smallpox or something even more deadly and harder to control?
And yet, there still is, slim as it may be, the chance that many hundreds of millions of us will be dead before Election Day just because someone at some lab somewhere refused to observe proper security protocols. In that spirit, let's get tonight's Featured Party Game started: Binders Full Of Girls In Nurse's Uniforms.
Just like all our Party Games, this one is educational. And the lesson is this: Don't wait until you're dying of some horrible disease to proposition a sexy young nurse. Do it now! While you can both still enjoy it!
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
|Thursday, July 10th, 2014|
|Man, I Love These Republicans, They're Just Like A PHD In Ignorance
........When Nikola Tesla discovered alternating current (AC) electricity, he had great difficulty convincing men of his time to believe in it. Thomas Edison was in favor of direct current (DC) electricity and opposed AC electricity strenuously. Tesla eventually sold his rights to his alternating current patents to George Westinghouse for $1,000,000. After paying off his investors, Tesla spent his remaining funds on his other inventions and culminated his efforts in a major breakthrough in 1899 at Colorado Springs by transmitting 100 million volts of high-frequency electric power wirelessly over a distance of 26 miles at which he lit up a bank of 200 light bulbs and ran one electric motor! With this souped up version of his Tesla coil, Tesla claimed that only 5% of the transmitted energy was lost in the process. But broke of funds again, he looked for investors to back his project of broadcasting electric power in almost unlimited amounts to any point on the globe. The method he would use to produce this wireless power was to employ the earth's own resonance with its specific vibrational frequency to conduct AC electricity via a large electric oscillator. When J.P. Morgan agreed to underwrite Tesla's project, a strange structure was begun and almost completed near Wardenclyffe in Long Island, N.Y. Looking like a huge lattice-like, wooden oil derrick with a mushroom cap, it had a total height of 200 feet. Then suddenly, Morgan withdrew his support to the project in 1906, and eventually the structure was dynamited and brought down in 1917.
~~~The Wireless Electricity Of Nikola Tesla
.....by Melvin D. Saundershttp://home.earthlink.net/~drestinblack/wireless.htm
Is it a coincidence that the 9th International Conference On Climate Change (http://climateconference.heartland.org/
) ended yesterday, the day before Nikola Tesla's (July 10, 1856 - Jan 07, 1943) birthday, which is today? I realize that simply asking that question makes many of you feel that I'm not much different from Alex Jones (http://www.infowars.com/
) but I would caution you to remember that Alex is not always crazy and wrong.
I would also remind you that we could have had unlimited, clean and nearly free (There would be a small service charge but the power itself would be unmetered) power starting in 1906 and, at the risk of saying too much, I humbly propose that we still don't have it due to the people who are running groups like The Heartland Institute. Before I go on, here is an amusing take on the folks at Heartland: The Climate Optimists. Conservatives have a new line on climate change: “It’s real, but it’s nothing to worry about!” (http://www.slate.com/articles/technology/technology/2014/07/heartland_institute_climate_change_conference_optimism_is_the_new_denial.html
). While I'm still on this little detour, I have a question of Dennis (http://www.dennismillerradio.com/
): Are you going to keep going with your same retarded flat-out denial claims until you are literally the last one on Earth saying it? Or when you come back from this vacation, are you going to start saying that climate change is real and you never said any differently?
OK, the detour is over, so now I'm going to go back to making you think I'm as crazy as Alex Jones. Starting with asking you to take a look at page 14 of the January 1926 issue of Popular Science (http://books.google.com/books?id=oikDAAAAMBAJ&printsec=frontcover#v=onepage&q&f=false
). If that link takes you to the right place, just scroll down to page 14 and then, in the box in the center of the page that says EDISON says---look at the second item which says this: The Sun Engine will come when the price of combustibles greatly increases.
What is the Sun Engine and why do we still not have it? No one really knows what it really is but you can bet that it's a lot more than a few inefficient solar panels----Because they had those in 1926, just as we do now and no one was more aware of that than Thomas Edison. No, he was talking about something that was much bigger and better than panels. We can assume from the way Tom put it that it would have been a little more expensive than the cost of oil and coal in 1926 but that the power output would be comparable. And why do we still not have it? Ask the Koch Brothers. You know, the Climate Optimists who just had that big fancy convention in Las Vegas that demonstrated that Global Warming is a good thing.
A more apt and telling question might be, "If it were suddenly revealed that we could have had free, clean energy since 1906, PLUS A SUN ENGINE!!!!! Would you be demanding that the people who have been suppressing it be instantly arrested and sentenced to die in such slow and hideous ways that it would make the Tribunal Of The Holy Office of the Inquisition, or if you need a more modern example, the Gestapo, blush? Especially if you have just filled up your car or paid your electric bill? And/Or maybe someone close to you was killed by a Climate Change induced heatwave, giant storm, fire or flood."
I reckon that's enough Conspiracy Fact...As opposed to Conspiracy Theory...for one day. And the only thing left is to say, "Happy Birthday, Nik! Along with the very optimistic addendum that one day we will have the free clean energy he invented over 100 years ago.
The only other thing to do is to thank Cenk for tying everything together by coming up with the title for this one: Man, I Love These Republicans, They're Just Like A PHD In Ignorance. He says it in this video: Outrageous Claim By Republican To Justify Doing Nothing (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9061oyzSauU) and since I don't need you anymore today, you should go watch it now.
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
|Wednesday, July 9th, 2014|
|Where Is The Public Outrage?
Because the Liberal Drive-By Media is everything but Liberal, I'm pretty certain you have no idea who Henry Latham and Benton Mackenzie are. If we really did have a Liberal Media, all of you would know exactly who Henry and Benton are and most of you would be calling for Henry to be tarred, feathered and run out of the U.S. on a rail.
Henry, you see, is a Scott County District Court Judge and he is in the process of murdering Benton Mackenzie. Pretty brutally. Take a look at this:
Deliberation begins in cannabis-cancer case
Now, he finally had a chance to tell his story. But no jury was there to hear it.
His testimony about his medical condition and why he grew marijuana was presented as an offer of proof -- testimony given outside the presence of a jury -- so Judge Latham could determine if it was appropriate for jurors to hear.
His answer was "no."
Maintaining a position he's held since the start of trial, Judge Latham said that since marijuana production is illegal in Iowa, Mr. Mackenzie could not use it as a legal defense. Jurors could neither hear about his medical condition nor why he grew marijuana.
"I understand and sympathize with this condition, but it is my job as a judge to apply the law as it is," Judge Latham said.
Mr. Mackenzie's shoulders slackened and he dropped his head towards his lap.http://www.qconline.com/archives/qco/display.php?id=687445
You can click on the link and read the entire article if you want to but you've already seen the part that matters most. This case is not being played out in the national media because just like with Climate Change Deniers, the five or six corporations that control more than 90% of the media want you to believe that Henry Latham has a valid legitimate opinion. And the safest way to accomplish that to leave this as a local story. You can't change, or even protest, something you don't even know about.
The end result is that in addition to not being tarred and feathered, Henry won't even be disbarred. He'll continue to be taken seriously and he will continue to hurt people. And people like Benton Mackenzie will continue to be hurt. And most of us will never even know that it's happening unless it's happening where we happen to live and we happen to notice the low key stories in the local news. Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
|Tuesday, July 8th, 2014|
|Looks Stupid And Smells Worse
If you were to guess, based strictly on the title, you'd most likely say that this one is my latest Red State Update Podcast (Episode 87: Ghost Bird & Phone Bucket: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWzLnI-59SM) Review. But no. It's not. I'll have to listen to it again to make sure but at this point anyway, I don't think either Jackie or Dunlap said, "Looks Stupid And Smells Worse," this week. I'm also pretty sure they didn't tell the Supreme Court to STFU.
Not that Jackie & Dunlap don't want to say those things cause I'm sure they do. It's just that today is one of those Believe It Or Not moments when they didn't but a Federal Judge in Nebraska who was appointed by President George H.W. Bush---You kids don't know him but he was the President for one term a long time ago and then, eight years later, his retarded son, the Bush you probably do remember, stole his first Presidential Election---did (Blogging jurist to Supreme Court: 'STFU': http://www.cnn.com/2014/07/07/politics/scotus-judge-blogger/index.html?hpt=hp_t2).
And once again, I have to ask all you Conservatives out there, when you lose a 68 year old Federal Judge in Nebraska who was appointed by King George I, who exactly do you have left? Cheating (AKA Voter Suppression and Gerrymandering) might keep giving you the House or Senate for another election or two but do you really expect to ever get the White House again? If you do, I hate to be the one who has to tell you this but you're as dumb as you look.
My other, bigger and far more important question is this: When Judge Richard Kopf gets fired for offending his Gestapo bosses back in Washington, or as I like to call it, Berlin On The Potomac, will he turn to Podcasting? I hope he does. Because based on this latest blog post and the title of the other one mentioned in the article (On being a dirty old man and how young women lawyers dress: http://herculesandtheumpire.com/2014/03/25/on-being-a-dirty-old-man-and-how-young-women-lawyers-dress/), it seems to me that he's the most qualified person in the world to pick up all the slack Jackie & Dunlap are going to leave behind if they really are serious about quitting after their 100th Podcast (My inside sources tell me that if they really do decide to quit, #100 will be called Abbey Road. You know, because Abbey Road was the last Beatle album).
Don't take this as criticism, cause it isn't, but I bet Dick---I'm betting that Richard will call his new Podcast, Dick Talk---won't ignore Bonnaroo the way two other podcasters that I could mention but won't, cause I didn't come here today to embarrass Jackie & Dunlap, did this year.
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Noory, WOC AM 1420
|Monday, July 7th, 2014|
|I Need More Answers Again
Do you think Erin Corwin (http://www.examiner.com/article/erin-corwin-missing-search-for-marine-s-pregnant-wife-intensifies
) will ever be found? The police are saying the circumstances surrounding her disappearance are suspect so I suppose the odds are better than average. And if she's never found, everyone will forget all about her in ten minutes. That's the way it typically works in America.
Have you ever heard of David Paulides (http://www.canammissing.com/page/page/8396197.htm
)? If you have heard of him, you're probably scoffing, "Oh yeah, the Bigfoot guy," and rolling your eyes. And you're partly right. He does investigate Bigfoot but now it's my turn to scoff and roll my eyes because Bigfoot is just like Rogue Waves.
If you're not familiar with Rogue Waves, here's a brief explanation, "Rogue, freak, or killer waves have been part of marine folklore for centuries, but have only been accepted as a real phenomenon by scientists over the past few decades. (http://oceanservice.noaa.gov/facts/roguewaves.html
)" See? Up until Sunday, January 1, 1995, if you saw and reported a Rogue Wave, you were crazy. Or maybe just drunk. But after January 1, 1995, you could do it and be considered completely sane. These things go from folklore to fact often in the space of a few hours, the same way Rogue Waves did, and someday things like Bigfoot, Ghosts and UFO's will follow the same pattern.
So don't dismiss David Paulides just because he thinks Bigfoot is real. Unless you want him to have the last laugh. Above all, however much it might grate on your nerves at this point, try to keep in mind that what we call the Paranormal isn't really Para at all. We just haven't developed the tools we need to declare it officially real. And if you want to get to truly freaked out, you should skip lightweight stuff like Bigfoot, UFO's and Ghosts anyway and go right to the hard-stuff, things like Entangled Particles (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quantum_entanglement
)---Which we do in the lab all the time, by the way---It's what Einstein called Spooky Action At A Distance. From there, move onto other things we're doing, such as proving that intention affects outcome (Dig that, kids. We can prove that prayer should work all the time but we can't figure out why it rarely does. And when it does, we write it off to coincidence. I caution you to be careful with that one because it could lead to something really ridiculous like believing in God) and then get back to me and tell me how things like Bigfoot, Ghosts and UFO's are impossible.
More importantly, don't declare Erin Corwin's husband guilty of murder until we get some proof. And if disappearances like this intrigue you, you might also want to go even a little beyond maintaining an open mind by listening to this, a great interview with David by the best Coast To Coast Host (Until Art unretires himself again), George Knapp: David Paulides Missing 411 - August 2012 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJmUDDB7Hvs). And if you have a logical explanation for things like search dogs just refusing to search for no apparent reason and missing kids being found a short time after they disappeared miles away from where they should have been with no memory of what happened and oftentimes with no clothes, I'd really like to hear it.
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Noory, WOC AM 1420
|Sunday, July 6th, 2014|
|It's The Fourth Of July Weekend Sunday, You Bastards
Here we are at last, the final day of the 2014 Fourth Of July Weekend and I want to kick things off with kudos to all you Climate Change Deniers out there cause you've scored another major victory: The Last Drop: America's Breadbasket Faces Dire Water Crisis (http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/last-drop-americas-breadbasket-faces-dire-water-crisis-n146836
). You're one major step closer to destroying America and the world along with it.
All you idiots who were saying a few months ago, "It's freezing! Where's all the Global Warming?" can relax now cause here you go. Here's your Warming. Along with crippling water shortages...except on coastlines and places like downtown Davenport (Floodwaters steady at 20.94 feet: http://qconline.com/archives/qco/display.php?id=687006&query=flooding
) where we really don't need it. I won't bother explaining again how the record cold winters were all predicted by the models and are a very real part of the warming because we have literally broken the Jet Stream because, well, how do I put this nicely? Oh, yeah. I got it. You're just too stupid to understand even simple concepts.
And now I know you're saying, "Big deal. We've had heat waves and droughts and everything else you can of think of before and we've always survived them just fine!" And you're right. But you're still wrong cause we've never had a global meltdown like we're looking at now and it doesn't end. Instead of returning to normal, every year brings something new and worse. This isn't a matter of surviving one bad year or even a long string of bad years (To be fair to you, we have had long strings of bad times before but again, it's never been like this), this is a matter of learning how to live with never having a good year. And a lot of people, including me, have grave doubts about our ability to do it.
Oh right. Jesus is going to save us. I keep forgetting that. I'm just wondering, how many people have to suffer and die before Jesus finally goes into a phone booth and changes into His Super Savior costume and starts saving the world? No, don't tell me. Let it be a surprise. We've got a big party to get started here and many people find that talking about how many of us just may live long enough to see the final extinction of the human race is just downright depressing.
So let's have a drink. Because as Homer Simpson once said, alcohol is the source of and solution to all of life's problems. For about the millionth time in a row, Fifi, my Sommelier, isn't here because she's shuttling back and forth between Brazil and France to watch the Horseshoe Pitching Championship and the Unicycle races, or something like that. If you really want the details, you can look here: http://msn.foxsports.com/soccer/schedule?competition=12&season=2014
But if you want the aforementioned drink, leave your iPad alone and have one of these, the Theme Drink that Dolcetto, Fifi's Assistant, invented for today:
1/4 oz Citrus vodka (Ketel 1)
1/4 oz fresh Lemon juice
1/4 oz Cointreau
1/4 oz Sugar syrup
1 drop Orange-flower water
Fill with Champagne (Sumaroca)
Shake the first five ingredients with plenty of ice. Strain into a frozen cocktail glass, fill to the brim with champagne and add a long twist of fresh orange peel.
For my reality challenged Conservative friends, that's not really a drought cure. If you have enough of them, though, you might forget the drought a little and that's the best we seem to be able to do. Tonight's Featured Party Game won't cure the drought either but it, too, might take your mind off it for a while: Binders Full Of Girls In Soaking Wet T-Shirts.
None of this is going to fix any problems or make you live any longer but unlike most of the things we do, it won't cause any harm, either. So enjoy. Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: Coast To Coast AM---Dave Schrader, WOC AM 1420