Greg's Blurty
 
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Below are 20 journal entries, after skipping by the 20 most recent ones recorded in Greg's Blurty:

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    Saturday, September 13th, 2014
    9:06 am
    Three Big Non-Surprises
    All residents of Earth, listen up. This is kind of a big day. Because every single one of you can honestly say, "I am a Psychic!" You can skeptically try to explain it away by saying it's too easy, you're just taking advantage of the obvious but the fact remains that you all clearly saw these three things coming: 'Made-In-America' Walmart Gets Uniform Vests From Jordan (http://jobs.aol.com/articles/2014/09/12/walmart-gets-uniform-vests-from-jordan/), Did Zimmerman tell man: 'I will f***** kill you'? (http://www.hlntv.com/article/2014/09/12/george-zimmerman-threaten-kill-road-rage-run-in-police?hpt=hln10_1&hpt=hp_t2) and Vikings star Adrian Peterson indicted on felony charge of injury to a child (http://www.cnn.com/2014/09/12/justice/nfl-vikings-adrian-peterson-indicted/index.html?hpt=hp_t1).

    OK, you didn't know exactly which NFL player would be charged with child abuse, you just knew that one would be. And you didn't know precisely how Walmart was going to screw us and it's workers again, you only knew that they would. Just as you didn't know if George Zimmerman was going to be in the news again for actually killing someone again or if it would only be for stalking and threatening to kill someone again but you knew one or the other would happen.

    For all those reasons and more, you won't qualify to get $1 million from James Randi (Randi $1,000,000 paranormal challenge: http://www.skepdic.com/randi.html). But when you think about it, that's not a big deal because there are more than 7 billion of you and if you split a lousy million dollars, it wouldn't be worth cashing the check. Heck, if just you, my ten million loyal daily readers, claimed it, it still wouldn't be worth anything.

    It's a good thing money doesn't mean anything to you or this might be depressing. The one time you hit the lottery, everyone else in the world wins, too. And you can't quite say you're as good as Miss Cleo (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miss_Cleo) but that doesn't matter either. You hit three major predictions in one day and that's more than good enough to get you in the Psychic Big Leagues.

    You'll never be Babe Ruth or even make it into the Hall Of Fame but you made it out of the minors and that's good enough for you. Unless. Unless you are the next Amazing Kreskin (http://www.amazingkreskin.com/). Now, he is the Babe Ruth Of Psychics. But who says you can't be better?

    No one, that's who! Don't fall victim to self-doubt. Look at it this way. You are already on a roll. You predicted three major news events in one day! That's amazing! Even if everyone else in the world did it, too. And look at the opportunities that fate is handing you on a silver platter right now, this very minute.

    There is a major Solar Storm about to hit the Earth (Big solar storm hitting Earth: http://www.cnn.com/2014/09/11/tech/innovation/solar-storm/index.html?hpt=hp_t2) and Ebola is threatening to become much more deadly (Inability to contain Ebola sparks fears of virus mutating, going airborne: http://www.foxnews.com/health/2014/09/12/inability-to-contain-ebola-sparks-fears-virus-going-airborne/ ). What could be better?

    All you have to do is summon all your powers and get a clear vision of the future. See what we have to do to ensure the safety of our power grids and where we have to position our satellites to keep them from being fried so we don't lose the whole Internet right when TMZ is about to tell us all about the latest celebrity who just got caught doing something illegal and/or embarrassing in an elevator.

    Then find out what we have to do to turn Ebola into just another harmless pain-in-the neck garden variety illness. The payoff will be immense. I'm thinking it will be way more than $1 million. You'll be able scoff at James Randi's puny offer. Even more than that, I bet you'll knock Jesus right off the Most Admired People In History list.

    How can you say no to all that? Oh. This is your bowling night? OK, I understand then. You can use your mad Psychic skillz to save the entire human race some other time when you're not busy. Before you go, though, could you tell me where I left my car keys?

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
    Friday, September 12th, 2014
    9:45 am
    It's Friday, You Bastards
    I have to begin by apologizing to all you Republicans out there. You said that the US would likely be attacked on 911 (Will ISIS plan a 9/11-style terror plot against the U.S.?: http://www.cbsnews.com/news/will-isis-plan-a-911-style-terror-plot-against-the-u-s/) and I laughed. A lot. And now I have to take back all that laughing, because you were right. But I am not stopping there. No. I am repenting. Going to the light side of the Force. From this day forward, I proudly say, Ich bin ein Conservative, y'all!----For those of you born after 1958, that's funny because it's almost the same thing JFK said in Berlin on June 26, 1963---.

    About the only thing I can say in my own defense is that the attack came on Wednesday 9-10 instead of Thursday, 9-11 but that isn't much of a defense because it was reported on 911. I don't have to tell you what happened because you're here right now, living through the horror but for the benefit of the historians and history students who will be reading this thousands of years in the future (Unless they lied to me and everything you put on the Internet doesn't really stay there forever the same way they lied to me when they told me my 8-Tracks would last forever. Remind me sometime to tell you about the time my copy of Close To You by The Carpenters fell apart right in the middle of We've Only Just Begun), I have to show it: Ted Cruz booed at Christian unity dinner (http://www.cnn.com/2014/09/11/politics/cruz-booed-off-stage/index.html).

    Also as predicted by the GOP, President Obama responded to this horribly vicious attack on American soil by shrugging, saying, "So what?" And then he went golfing. All I can say is I'm sorry for ever doubting them. A real President would have killed that entire audience with a drone strike before declaring war on Belgium. Because when American Christians attack Ted Cruz, who else could be to blame?

    And even if they aren't to blame, they still need to be invaded because they obviously have WMD's and, worse than that, Scott Walker is worried they'll cut into his cheese business before he can offshore it. Hold it. Stop booing. Who am I? Ted Cruz? Allow me to elaborate. See, Scott is the Governor Of Wisconsin and they make a lot of cheese there and so does Belgium and you know what? It doesn't matter that you didn't get it cause that joke killed in Platteville (Stop looking at me like I made that up. It's real, look: http://www.platteville.org/). So I don't need you and don't you ever forget it.

    Now where were we? Oh, yeah. In Platteville. Where they appreciate fine humor and you don't have to explain every joke. But now, unfortunately, we're here. In the Land Of The Low Information Audience. Where Ted Cruz can't get people who honestly believe that the most powerful being in the Universe needs their money (But the poor can go to Hell, just like Jesus said) to buy his BS. And all the lousy Democrats can do is laugh and say, "Told ya so!"

    I hope all you Liberals are proud of yourselves. Look at you. Continuing to attend all your lavish Gay weddings and drinking all your fancy wine imported all the way from California as if nothing happened, right after that great American, Ted Cruz, has been humiliated. You didn't even wait for the body to get cold. Shame on you!

    I ought to send you all straight to bed without your drinks. But I can't. Because Jesus also said, "Feed the hungry, clothe the poor and get the thirsty all boozed up." Thanks, Obama! Because you unduly and illegally abused your power by corrupting our Saviour (It wasn't Jesus' fault. He was Jewish and you know how they are with money, so you can't blame Him for taking a bribe), I have to be righteous and obedient. Until President Santa Claus does his Grinch impersonation and illegally issues an Executive Order prohibiting it.

    Why can't he just shut up and protect my liberty by reuniting Church And State, getting prayer back into school, banning abortion, unions and worker's rights, making people who are the wrong color ride in the back of the bus and putting the atheists and homosexuals in prison? Is that too much to ask? No. And we all know why. Just look at who's sitting in the front of the golf cart.

    But what can we do? Now that Ted Cruz has been booed offstage, there's no one left to protect all us rich old white men. I am so sick and tired of seeing all these commercials about little kids starving in Africa and asking for money. Don't you think we should fix our domestic problems first? The garage at my vacation house needs another car elevator! But does anyone ever think of that?

    Why can't the damn Democrats start a little war when you need one? I own companies that make bullets and caskets for God's sake! I did great when Dubya was President, but now? I need more customers! Not peace! It's enough to drive you to drink and as I've already explained, since I'm obligated to aid and abet you in that pursuit, there's no use putting it off any longer. So here's Fifi, my Sommelier, with the Theme Drink she invented for tonight:


    =====================================

    Booed Offstage

    Ingredients:

    2 oz Brandy (Courvoisier)
    1 1/2 oz Grand Marnier
    Juice of 1/2 Lemon
    Ice cubes
    Sugar

    Mixing instructions:

    Stir liquors and juice over ice gently. Sugar rim of chilled cocktail glass and strain.

    =====================================


    Now, before I forget, I want to do my usual 911 salute to New York (The greatest city in the world that luckily survived the two most sadistic terrorist attacks in history, the assault on the World Trade Center and then Mayor Bloomberg's efforts to it into a second rate imitation of Salt Lake City): New York State Of Mind - Billy Joel (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPYn5fjcnSI).

    I don't always use New York State Of Mind. Sometimes I go with New York New York: Frank Sinatra - "Theme from New York New York" (Concert Collection) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMfz1jlyQrw).

    Someday, I'm going to totally freak you out by using them both in the same year. But not this year because I still have to explain that my 911 Tribute is one day late because I felt it would be inappropriate yesterday. I mean, those people in the World Trade Center only got run over by airplanes. Ted Cruz got booed offstage! I wasn't going to tarnish his memory by making him share the day with a bunch of whiny crybabies (Glenn Beck: “And when I see a 9/11 victim family on television, or whatever, I'm just like, "Oh shut up!" I'm so sick of them because they're always complaining. And we did our best for them.”: http://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/9jinb/glenn_beckand_when_i_see_a_911_victim_family_on/).

    And I have to get tonight's Featured Party Game: Binders Full Of Girl's Doing Things That Would Get The Rockettes Fired. So, you see, there's just no time for two songs this year. Plus, before things get really rolling here, I have to go take a nap. My first full day being ein Conservative has been exhausting. Who knew that being stupid and arrogant takes so much effort? I'll tell you one thing. I'm never making fun of the Do Nothing Congress ever again because now I know that they aren't lazy, they're just frazzled from being idiots all day.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
    Thursday, September 11th, 2014
    7:13 am
    Blessed Are The Fully Armed?
    As of today, I want Wendy Davis to win even more than I did before. Because she has admitted to having an abortion (Wendy Davis Reveals She Had An Abortion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V68L2pB83CU). I'm not sure exactly how it's going to work since I already wanted her to win 100% and my friends in the Math Department say that wanting more than 100% is impossible. Don't worry though, because I have instructed both of my teams of mathematicians, the one at MIT and the one at Stanford, to make it happen or else.

    My goal is to want her to win a full 200% but I will settle for anything over 155%. That, kids, is how compromise works. It's the art of keeping your employees fearful and on their toes while not asking for too much. You can't be too demanding and rigid or you'll just end up with a roomful of useless neurotic basket cases and you'll have to end up doing the whole thing yourself. Thanks, Obama!

    But I didn't come here tonight to tell you how to run your personal affairs (These methods work just as effectively on friends, family, mistresses and whatever else you have going on on the side and the always troublesome Significant Others as they do on employees. The secret is to never forget that they all work for you) and your business while getting right with God at the same time. So you're gonna have to figure out the rest on your own.

    Right now we have to talk about Wendy Davis but since I already told you I 200% want her to win, we can move onto the next point. Which is that we currently don't have any openly Atheists in Congress or the Senate and I really doubt if we have any governors either and I find that upsetting. Furthermore, I can't find any data on Congresspeople, Senators and Governors who have had abortions so I am assuming that number is zero, too, and Wendy's election would fix that problem. And bring us one step closer to having an openly Atheist member of Congress.

    We did have one until last year when Barney Frank retired, so we know it can be done. We just need to do it again. And keep doing it until we finally have a complete separation of Church and State. Judging by the abnormally high number of death threats I routinely get from my friends, family, mistresses and whatever else I have going on on the side and the always troublesome Significant Others, I won't live long enough to see any good coming from this. As always, I'm doing it all for you.

    Of course, if I started listening to my friend Pat, I might be able to last a while longer. I'd have to adapt his advice a little because he wants me to start taking a gun to church (Pat Robertson Endorses Guns In Church: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFOsF9TSaJg&list=UUldfgbzNILYZA4dmDt4Cd6A) and I don't go to church. I suppose the same principals apply in strip clubs, brothels, casinos, bars and liquor stores, though.

    Or am I reading him wrong? Is his message really that I don't have anything to worry about because all the angry demented killers can only be found in churches? Remind me to ask him that the next time I see him. To make things even more complicated, my friend Phil has a dissenting opinion. He says that guns won't help because the real angry demented killer is God ('Duck Dynasty' star Phil Robertson delivers another anti-gay rant: http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=888328&ocid=ansent11), He's just working through the people you think are just heavily armed maniacs and you can't fight Him with bullets.

    The way Phil sees it, immoral conduct is causing God to prove how much He loves us by making us shoot each other. And all you naughty immoral people are endangering my life by getting me caught in the crossfire and making all my friends, family, mistresses and whatever else I have going on on the side and the always troublesome Significant Others want to kill me. Unless Pat really means that all crossfire is confined to churches. But if that is true, why do I keep getting the death threats even though I never go to church? You know what? I'm starting to regret opening this can of worms.

    It's at times like this that I thank my favorite imaginary being, God, that I have you. Because all I have to do is tell you to get together with Pat and Phil and the three of you can figure out what is really going on and then tell me exactly what to do. Come up with a solution that won't annoy me or disrupt my schedule. That's all you have to do and there's no hurry. Take all the time you want as long as you have it on my desk by 5 PM today.

    Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with my other favorite imaginary being, Wonder Woman. She's not the real Wonder Woman but just like a good Elvis impersonator when you want to hear Hound Dog live, she'll do just fine. That's all. Dismissed! Oh, make sure you vote for Wendy Davis, too. If you don't already live in Texas, you have plenty of time to move and then feel free to move back after the election, if you want. OK, I said dismissed, didn't I? Why are you still here?

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
    Wednesday, September 10th, 2014
    1:37 am
    Blessed Are The Fully Armed?
    As of today, I want Wendy Davis to win even more than I did before. Because she has admitted to having an abortion (Wendy Davis Reveals She Had An Abortion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V68L2pB83CU). I'm not sure exactly how it's going to work since I already wanted her to win 100% and my friends in the Math Department say that wanting more than 100% is impossible. Don't worry though, because I have instructed both of my teams of mathematicians, the one at MIT and the one at Stanford, to make it happen or else.

    My goal is to want her to win a full 200% but I will settle for anything over 155%. That, kids, is how compromise works. It's the art of keeping your employees fearful and on their toes while not asking for too much. You can't be too demanding and rigid or you'll just end up with a roomful of useless neurotic basket cases and you'll have to end up doing the whole thing yourself. Thanks, Obama!

    But I didn't come here tonight to tell you how to run your personal affairs (These methods work just as effectively on friends, family, mistresses and whatever else you have going on on the side and the always troublesome Significant Others as they do on employees. The secret is to never forget that they all work for you) and your business while getting right with God at the same time. So you're gonna have to figure out the rest on your own.

    Right now we have to talk about Wendy Davis but since I already told you I 200% want her to win, we can move onto the next point. Which is that we currently don't have any openly Atheists in Congress or the Senate and I really doubt if we have any governors either and I find that upsetting. Furthermore, I can't find any data on Congresspeople, Senators and Governors who have had abortions so I am assuming that number is zero, too, and Wendy's election would fix that problem. And bring us one step closer to having an openly Atheist member of Congress.

    We did have one until last year when Barney Frank retired, so we know it can be done. We just need to do it again. And keep doing it until we finally have a complete separation of Church and State. Judging by the abnormally high number of death threats I routinely get from my friends, family, mistresses and whatever else I have going on on the side and the always troublesome Significant Others, I won't live long enough to see any good coming from this. As always, I'm doing it all for you.

    Of course, if I started listening to my friend Pat, I might be able to last a while longer. I'd have to adapt his advice a little because he wants me to start taking a gun to church (Pat Robertson Endorses Guns In Church: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFOsF9TSaJg&list=UUldfgbzNILYZA4dmDt4Cd6A) and I don't go to church. I suppose the same principals apply in strip clubs, brothels, casinos, bars and liquor stores, though.

    Or am I reading him wrong? Is his message really that I don't have anything to worry about because all the angry demented killers can only be found in churches? Remind me to ask him that the next time I see him. To make things even more complicated, my friend Phil has a dissenting opinion. He says that guns won't help because the real angry demented killer is God ('Duck Dynasty' star Phil Robertson delivers another anti-gay rant: http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=888328&ocid=ansent11), He's just working through the people you think are just heavily armed maniacs and you can't fight Him with bullets.

    The way Phil sees it, immoral conduct is causing God to prove how much He loves us by making us shoot each other. And all you naughty immoral people are endangering my life by getting me caught in the crossfire and making all my friends, family, mistresses and whatever else I have going on on the side and the always troublesome Significant Others want to kill me. Unless Pat really means that all crossfire is confined to churches. But if that is true, why do I keep getting the death threats even though I never go to church? You know what? I'm starting to regret opening this can of worms.

    It's at times like this that I thank my favorite imaginary being, God, that I have you. Because all I have to do is tell you to get together with Pat and Phil and the three of you can figure out what is really going on and then tell me exactly what to do. Come up with a solution that won't annoy me or disrupt my schedule. That's all you have to do and there's no hurry. Take all the time you want as long as you have it on my desk by 5 PM today.

    Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with my other favorite imaginary being, Wonder Woman. She's not the real Wonder Woman but just like a good Elvis impersonator when you want to hear Hound Dog live, she'll do just fine. That's all. Dismissed! Oh, make sure you vote for Wendy Davis, too. If you don't already live in Texas, you have plenty of time to move and then feel free to move back after the election, if you want. OK, I said dismissed, didn't I? Why are you still here?

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Noory, WOC AM 1420
    1:36 am
    Rock Bottom And Beyond, Again
    You would think that after Trayvon Martin and Michael Brown, the police have hit rock bottom. But no. They have managed to go even deeper. To wit: Father seeks closure in son's 'Houdini handcuff suicide' (http://www.cnn.com/2014/09/10/us/louisiana-victor-white-handcuff-suicide/index.html?hpt=hp_c2). If you read the story, you are going to be shocked that the cops have a chance to get away with this.

    But then that shock is going to completely dissipate when you see that this is at least the third time this has happened. Because the typical human body just doesn't have enough room for that much shock. What won't shock you is that the three cases happened in Arkansas, North Carolina and now Louisiana.

    Before I go on, I want to disclose that I see nothing wrong with suicide and if these three cases were really suicides, I would find them particularly impressive. The problem is that all the evidence is screaming murder rather than suicide. The police want me to believe that they arrested and frisked a kid...Who just happens to be Black...who then, while still handcuffed, managed to produce a gun and inflict a fatal wound on himself.

    In the first place, why would a kid with that kind of talent not be making $1 million a month in Vegas? In the second place, with those kinds of skills, he would have been able to escape rather easily so why did he choose suicide? In the third place, why weren't the officers involved all immediately arrested and charged with murder since it is the most likely scenario and if it turned out that suicide was what really happened, couldn't it be proven in court?

    I know the answer to the third question. The cops are white, the kid is Black, therefore whatever the cops say is the truth. Don't politicize it! And don't ask embarrassing questions about how this is similar to the Affluenza case in which a white kid killed four people and got sentenced to rehab (Judge orders Texas teen Ethan Couch to rehab for driving drunk, killing 4: http://www.cnn.com/2014/02/05/us/texas-affluenza-teen/index.html).

    Because if Ethan Couch were Black and poor, the cops could have executed him on the spot and if they didn't, he would be in jail right now for manslaughter. But he is white and rich, so he gets rehab. If the cops had done anything illegal to him when he was arrested, they would have been immediately crucified. Just as the cops who murdered Michael Brown and refused to arrest George Zimmerman should have been but weren't. Along with the cops who killed Victor White III. And on and on.

    That's how Justice in America works. And when I say it works, what I really mean is that it really doesn't work for anyone. That's all I have to say about this but before I go, I want to show you a little piece of what turn out to be good news: DOJ investigation into Trayvon Martin shooter George Zimmerman is still 'active,' Holder says (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2745130/DOJ-investigation-Trayvon-Martin-shooter-George-Zimmerman-active-Holder-says.html). George Zimmerman could still be found guilty in a civil court. It's not much but it's better than nothing. Unless you consider that some gun maker will probably offer him a very good job because of it.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
    Tuesday, September 9th, 2014
    12:59 pm
    Another Rough Week For Rush
    It's been a really rough week so far for Rush (http://www.rushlimbaugh.com/). First, he lost one of his youngest and gayest listeners, S. Truett Cathy (Chick-fil-A founder S. Truett Cathy has died: http://news.msn.com/us/chick-fil-a-founder-s-truett-cathy-has-died?ocid=ansnews11). Not that there was anything romantic going between them because Truett was a full eighty years too old to be attractive to Rush but they were two of the most prominent and most vocal of the self-loathing elderly in the closet gay Conservatives and now there's just Rush.

    Left to carry on all by himself...except for the multitudes of other gay Conservatives who are also in the closet. The closet that is kind of transparent because you can tell just how gay they are by the way they bash gays. It's a really big closet, too. In fact, instead of listing everyone in it, it's easier to identify and list all the Conservatives who aren't gay: Dennis Miller (http://www.dennismillerradio.com/). Oh, maybe there are one or two others but Dennis is the only one who proves it on a regular basis by telling his idiot callers that Marriage Equality is a good thing. Wait, Dick Cheney, too, finally proved he isn't gay and there must be others but not enough to bother counting.

    And life didn't quit kicking Rush with one little death in the Closeted Gay Community. The Liberal Drive-By Media double crossed him, too, by being 1% Liberal and publishing this: America's Wealth Gap 'Unsustainable' According To Harvard Study (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/08/wealth-gap_n_5783550.html). Now Conservatism is in danger of losing the three or four Conservatives who know how to read. For my Conservative friends, I'm going to repeat the most important part of that article: "Thriving citizens become more productive employees, more willing consumers, and stronger supporters of pro-business policies. Struggling citizens are disgruntled at work, frugal at the cash register, and anti-business at the ballot box."

    I know that's full of a lot of big words you don't understand so I'm going to rephrase it in a way you might understand: Stop voting for Republicans, you moron. Just stop. If you can't bring yourself to vote for Democrats, you have my sympathy and don't worry, you be just as useful by staying home on election day. Don't make us wait for all you S. Truett Cathy's to die before we start making progress again.

    Look at it this way, you're not just losing, you've already lost. It's a death by a thousand cuts, like this one: Fast Food Companies Just Lost A Really Big Fight In California (http://live.huffingtonpost.com/r/highlight/fast-food-companies-just-lost-a-really-big-fight-in-california/53ee20ae78c90a19fb000397?cn=tbla). And we all want to speed it up. If for no other reason than to ease your suffering. You do, too. You just won't admit it. And also give some thought to the potential consequences of not doing it.

    A lot of people already think a French style revolution is coming if you idiots don't start doing your part by ending the madness that is Conservatism and can you see any other outcome? I know you're not very smart and I try to make allowances for that because being mean to retards is wrong but really, how more simple could it be? Take a look at this: A New Jersey woman who died while napping in her car between work shifts is just one of the many stories that detail the struggle low-wage workers face (http://live.huffingtonpost.com/r/highlight/dunkin-donuts-workers-death-reveals-low-wage-employees-struggles/54074c7dfe3444b410000081?cn=tbla).

    How much longer are your destructive, wild eyed delusions going to be tolerated? You may be thinking that guys like Rush are going to get the worst of it. The full Benito Mussolini treatment. You remember. He was strangled and then hung by the heels so people could throw rocks and garbage at his body but before that, while he was still alive and shortly after he died, he was kicked, beaten, urinated and spit on. While you get away scot-free. You may be thinking that but you are only half right.

    All that will happen to Rush and his ilk when this pressure cooker finally explodes but will that be the end of it? You should do a little research and find out what happened to the collaborators after World War II. Then ask yourself, "Do I really want to go through that?" If the answer is no, then you should start voting as if you have a brain and hope that everything gets fixed before the mob with the torches and pitchforks comes for you.

    Or you can have what's behind Door Number Two. You can continue to enjoy watching Rush suffer as life keeps kicking him when he's down (Did you see that he lost Cedar Rapids, Iowa? Along with a bunch of other hardcore Conservative stations? Fading Rush Limbaugh Loses 4 Radio Stations In Three Weeks - Protest Movement Closing In (http://www.dailykos.com/story/2014/08/22/1323651/-Another-One-Rush-Limbaugh-Loses-3-Radio-Stations-In-Two-Weeks-Boycotters-Closing-In#)) and did you notice that his hometown, Cape Girardeau, Missouri just banned annoying noises (Missouri Town Banned 'Annoying' Noises: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UJ3uKT4WM8)---It's pretty subtle but could their intention be anything other than getting Rush to shut up and stop embarrassing them?---Anyway, that's the funny side side of this tragic coin. But when it boils over and becomes things that aren't so funny, are you just going to hope that no one notices how much you were aiding and abetting him?

    To me, it seems like a big and very needless risk. But, if you do end up in a viral video that depicts you getting what you deserve, you can take solace in the fact that I will enjoy watching it.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
    Monday, September 8th, 2014
    7:07 am
    Gene Tries Again
    Gene "F–k You, Then Kill Yourself" Simmons, just like Satan in Paradise Lost (Is Milton’s Satan the hero of Paradise Lost?: http://www.satanismyhero.com/), is nobly fighting a battle he can not win. To unseat the King Of The Pricks, Ted Nugent. Ted will always hold that title. In the Music Division...But even in the heavy-weight Politics Division, he could give a lot of the contenders a run for their money.

    Still that doesn't stop Gene from trying. First, he made the depression comments (KISS Bassist Gene Simmons Under Fire for Depression Comments: ‘F–k You, Then Kill Yourself’: http://www.thewrap.com/kiss-bassist-gene-simmons-under-fire-for-depression-comments-f-k-you-then-kill-yourself/) and they only got him dismissed as an old and not very bright crackpot so he decided to pick himself up off the floor and get in the ring again with this: Gene Simmons Says Rock Isn't Just Dead, ‘It Was Murdered’ by File Sharing (https://celebrity.yahoo.com/news/gene-simmons-says-rock-isnt-just-dead-murdered-204100788.html).

    That is every bit as daft as saying that you will be dead or in jail if President Obama gets reelected. It's even as daft as calling Sandra Fluke a slut (Rush Limbaugh–Sandra Fluke controversy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rush_Limbaugh%E2%80%93Sandra_Fluke_controversy) but it lacks something vital that they both don't lack. It doesn't have any spark or color and history will treat it as just another disposable stupid comment with a two week shelf life. Instead of the hand grenade that is "Sandra Fluke is a slut," it's a harmlessly under-powered imitation toy firecracker with a defective fuse. And someone must have left it out in the rain cause it's all soggy.

    That's why world class Pricks like Ted and Rush have nothing to worry about from Gene Simmons. But it doesn't mean that he's completely useless, either. He still has his place and today, that place happens to be at a lectern, in the front of the room, addressing the students in Economics 101 because you can learn a lot from him. Let's look at his thesis:

    ==============================

    “The death of rock was not a natural death. Rock did not die of old age. It was murdered. The masses do not recognize file-sharing and downloading as stealing because there's a copy left behind for you — it's not that copy that's the problem, it's the other one that someone received but didn't pay for.”

    ==============================

    Again, I'm going to resurrect the memory of Rush (Yeah, I know he's technically not dead yet but I love referring to him in the past tense anyway), because it's as just as stupid as saying CBS has declared war on the Heartland (CBS Declares War on Heartland of America: http://www.rushlimbaugh.com/daily/2014/04/10/cbs_declares_war_on_heartland_of_america) but yet again, Rush has nothing to worry about.

    Gene...How can put this nicely?...OK, how about this: Gene isn't very creative or talented and he doesn't have much of a way with words. It's why the one single song that made and is still keeping him a star (Kiss - Beth - Live: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbtO_Ayjw0M) is one that he had almost nothing to do with. And to this day, he calls the one person responsible for all his success, Peter Criss, a lazy worthless junkie.

    It's also why he can't deliver a hit idiotic message. He's as inept with political messages as he is with music. He can be as idiotic as he wants (And he does nail the idiocy, I'll say that much for him) but he still can't compete. You might think I'm straying off-topic or even being repetitive at this point but I'm not. I'm merely setting up this next parallel I'm about to draw: Gene is as good at prose and music as he is at understanding economics.

    He's defending the record companies...The people who have turned ripping off artists into an art. And why? Because he thinks he could make a few extra dollars if people stopped stealing from thieves. But, he's dead wrong. In the first place, he wouldn't make any extra money and in the second place, the record companies killed rock, not the pirates.

    Greedy companies attempting to squeeze everything from their talent as well as their own customers while giving back as little as possible is what caused the death of rock. Just as they are killing the rest of the economy. The real lesson here is to never take Conservatives seriously.

    All the arguments Gene uses against piracy are just rehashes of the same weak lame-brained and absolutely wrong arguments used against the Minimum Wage, ObamaCare and everything else the Conservatives don't like. That's right, Gene pirated them. To fight piracy. Sometimes I'm a fan of fighting fire with fire but not in this case. Because it's just stupid.

    Speaking of stupid, I'm going to close by reminding you that if you think piracy has any economic consequences, you are as stupid as Gene Simmons. There are plenty of legal, ethical and moral reasons to avoid it but not one economic reason. Stealing does not affect prices. No matter how hard idiots like to pretend they do. Companies charge you what you are willing and able to pay. Period. Theft doesn't affect the equation. You can say that it's built into the profit margin but it doesn't matter. If theft gets out of hand and the market won't support a price increase, they'll lower the margin to keep moving product. If the market will support a price increase, you will get it anyway. Theft or no theft.

    Look at gas. Does anyone steal gas anymore? I know a few years ago there was an epidemic of drive-offs at gas stations but only at the ones that hadn't already switched to Pay Before You Pump and are there any stations left that let you pump and then pay? And how has this nearly total lack of theft affected gas prices? Can you fill up your car for less than $20? OK, then why would you think not pirating KISS albums could possibly save rock? The decision to kill or save it, like all other decisions, will be made by lazy, thieving, entitled, rich white men and you don't have a vote. Even if you steal or don't steal. Don't fall for the illusion.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
    Sunday, September 7th, 2014
    12:48 pm
    This Week's Sermon
    It doesn't always work out but I like to dedicate Sundays to God whenever I can. Sometimes it's hard because I don't have much to work with. Then there are the weeks when I have nothing to work with and they are the most tragic. I'm old and running out of time. Every Sunday I can't talk about religion is a loss that can't be recovered. Even if I...God forbid...live another 100 years. Because any day now, that list they release every year that tells what today's high school seniors have never heard of is going to have religion on it.

    At that point, if I write a piece on religion, my Editor-In-Chief, Style Manual and my Agent, Drusilla, will never even show it to my Publisher, Bombastic Bushkin, because they don't like anything you kids can't immediately relate to. If you think I'm overreacting, please explain why every time I write a brilliant piece about something like running boards, hoop skirts and buggy whips, it never gets published. And how religion would be treated any differently. In 1932, I could sell running boards based essays all day but not now. And religion has no special dispensation from this process. Oh, I might be able to sneak it into my Blog but why bother? Because there, only my ten million loyal daily Blog readers will see it and how much money could be in that?

    That's why I'm especially grateful for days like this. Not just because this is the day the Lord has made. It is also because my cup runneth over with not one but two good religion stories. It's a regular old fashioned embarrassment of riches. And that means you can rejoice and be glad in them, too. As Mick Jagger once said, after getting away with running 20 red lights in a row, "Thank you, Jesus! Thank you, Lord!" That's from one of my all time favorite Christian Rock songs, by the way, Far Away Eyes (The Rolling Stones - Far Away Eyes - OFFICIAL PROMO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyK1bZZ7E-s).

    And you don't even have to send $10 to The Sacred Bleeding Heart Church Of Jesus, located somewhere in Los Angeles, California. You get this for free! Which is a good thing because if you're a good Christian your entire life...Remember how good a Christian you are is defined by how much money you give the Church...because odds are you are going to need that money when you get old. To wit: Poor Elderly Woman Asks The Wrong TV Preacher For Financial Advice (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_cgN9X9zcY&list=UU1yBKRuGpC1tSM73A0ZjYjQ).

    Cenk and Ana, as usual, do a remarkably good job of breaking that down but I want to bring in another heavy hitter from my bench, my old friend George, to do even more breaking down:

    ==================================


    When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. No contest. No contest. Religion. Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!

    But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit!

    George Carlin
    On Religion

    ObjectiveThought.com
    12-23-5

    http://rense.com/general69/obj.htm (There's lots more so you should really click that link and read it)


    ==================================

    Now for my two cents. Did you get the moral of the story told by the video? If you end up old and broke, it's all your fault! God, despite His reputation, just cashes checks, He doesn't provide miracles. Unless you pray harder. Um, yeah, that will work. Now, it's time for the second entry in this double feature. A prime example of just how the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion, has invaded everything: Man Kicked Out Of Air Force For Being Atheist (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVdd6BsbPR0).

    Get that. We finally made the military safe for Gays but we can't even get Don't Ask, Don't Tell for Atheists. Someday soon you'll be able to be logical and still get in the Air Force but that day isn't quite here yet. Or maybe that day will never come because Willie Robertson will turn out to be right and Jesus will get here first: Willie Robertson Warns Atheists Jesus Is Coming (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHTDLKPpOvw).

    Has Willie ever been wrong about anything? Well, OK, but the Law Of Averages says he has to be right someday and maybe this is it. Jesus will finally come out of hiding and do something useful. Maybe He'll even give back to the poor old people some of their money and say it's OK for Atheists to be in the Air Force. Let's spend the rest of the day praying for that. Amen.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
    Saturday, September 6th, 2014
    8:37 am
    The Amazement Continues
    For the zillionth and one time, I am totally amazed that people don't get suicide. The catalyst this time was this article: One suicide every 40 seconds: World Health Organization report (http://www.cnn.com/2014/09/05/world/who-global-suicide-report/index.html?hpt=hp_t2). Part of my amazement stems from the fact that the suicide rate is so astronomically low. Even when you adjust the official numbers to reflect the true number of suicides. You know, the vast number of over-doses and crashes and other deaths that are put down as accidents but are really suicides.

    The other part of my amazement comes from seeing "journalists" still getting away with publishing articles like this. Articles that insist that life is awesome and if you don't want to be here, there is something wrong with you. And that lady in the video? She's still taken seriously. Just like all the rest of the anti-suicide freaks.

    It's doubly ridiculous when you consider that everyone knows life that sucks. How many people do you know who don't say it on a regular basis? And yet, very few are willing to admit that it is really true. Thus, we get stuck with an endless flow of tripe like the above article and people like Robin Williams are dismissed as loony's because they were smart enough to get out.

    This aspect of our crazy Bizarro World makes what the Republicans do and say look downright sane. If you want to hear this insanity raised to it's ultimate level, listen sometime (He does usually does it at least once a month) to Dennis The Menace (http://www.dennismillerradio.com/) talk for two solid hours about how badly veterans are screwed, blued and mildewed at every turn for their entire lives and then at the end mention how terrible it is that 22 of them are killing themselves everyday and end the whole thing with, "Why do they do that? What could be so bad?"

    For true comedic gold like that, you have to go to a retarded Republican...Sorry for the redundancy but retarded and Republican go so naturally good together that it would be a shame to split them up just because they mean the same thing...like Dennis but, sadly, it's not all laughs. Retards like Dennis are funny but their attitudes are like Ebola and they infect everyone.

    Otherwise sane people say the same kinds of things. They aren't as funny as the retarded Republicans because in the moment, after talking about why an entire group should kill themselves, they would never stupidly ask, "What could be so bad?" But later, when the moment has passed they will say things that are nearly as stupid.

    The Christians (Many of whom are Republicans, too, so the crossover is huge) are the next worst. How can you believe in Heaven AND see death, even when caused by suicide, as a bad thing? Why would you want to delay the start of eternity in Paradise to spend 80 years here? This is why the people who invented God had to make Him so against the idea that it was a mortal sin. Then, when that got too ridiculous to support, they had to change it but by then it didn't matter because the brainwashing was so ingrained in so many cultures.

    So, what is it going to take to change this dangerously wrong mindset? When are we going to admit that, all things considered, suicide is a very rational response to life? Living is crazy. Understandable because death is scary. But to say suicide is crazy? That's just denying the facts and as long as we keep doing it, we are never going to solve all the problems that drive people to suicide. It would be logical for you anti-suicide people to realize that but no. You preach the Suicide Is Crazy lie louder and harder than anyone. The saddest part is that I don't see an end to this unless...Maybe when the suicide rate finally climbs up to where you would expect it to be, you know, several dozen times more than what it is now, maybe everyone will realize we need another strategy.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
    Friday, September 5th, 2014
    7:28 am
    It's Friday, You Bastards
    The big question all of you are asking is this, "Did Jackie & Dunlap (Episode 93: The Red State Update Podcast Curse: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cW1ZO0nofs&list=UULjGwELoFRXojiw8T2t2BDw) kill Joan Rivers (Joan Rivers, Emmy-winning comedian and 'Fashion Police' host, dead at 81: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cW1ZO0nofs&list=UULjGwELoFRXojiw8T2t2BDw)? I'll answer that in just a minute but first I want to clear up a major misconception you've fallen prey to.

    Jackie & Dunlap don't kill people. It may appear that they do and they may in fact have that power but we'll never know because it's safer to not ask them questions like that but, thus far anyway, they haven't killed anyone. Don't try to make it more than it is. At this point, all we can say for sure is that they are not killers, they are Prophets. They know when you're gonna die and a week or so before you buy the farm they will talk about you on their Podcast so you can enjoy it before you go. Instead of adding insult to injury by saying nice things about you when you can't hear them, the way most folks do.

    It's just that simple. No more, no less. There are no black masses or intricate sacrificial ceremonies complete with lots of incense and naked dancing girls in weird masks. Not in a religious way designed to bribe Gods into telling them the future, anyway. So just forget all that nonsense. This is also yet another concrete real life reason to not believe anything you see on TMZ (http://www.tmz.com/) cause all they do is take unauthorized leaked footage of completely innocent gatherings and distort them just to gain a bigger audience.

    And while I'm dispelling myths, I might as well take care of another one. This is the one the skeptics are afflicted with. They don't believe Jackie & Dunlap are Prophets. Especially in the case of Mickey Rooney because he was 93. But that's hogwash. If you're still skeptical, allow me to prove it to you. Go and pick out any 93 year old person you want and tell me, within a week, when he or she is gonna die.

    You can't do it. Unless you're a Prophet like Jackie & Dunlap are. Random Chance says you will be successful a certain amount of the time but that's not applicable to this experiment because you have to pick just one 93 year old and tell me, within a week, when he or she is going to die. Just like Jackie & Dunlap did with Mickey. Additionally, if you have any decency at all, you will do a Podcast celebrating that person 6 or 7 days before he or she dies.

    OK, now that you are no longer floundering about on a sea of ignorance (Thanks to me and you're welcome), I can answer your question: No. I don't think so, anyway. But then again, my memory ain't what it used to be so maybe Jackie &Dunlap did talk about Joan before she had her heart attack.

    So the answer might be yes. The important thing is that you came here with an unquenchable thirst for knowledge and the driving need for a definitive answer and I provided it. You're welcome. And now I may as well answer your next question: Now that Johnny and Joan are together in Heaven, are they getting along again (Joan Rivers: Revisiting Her 'Messy' Feud With Johnny Carson: https://tv.yahoo.com/blogs/tv-news/joan-rivers-johnny-carson-233321397.html?.tsrc=sun?_devicefull)?

    To that, I definitively answer: Maybe. If you want a better answer than that, you should go to someone with connections on the Other Side. Someone like Jackie or Dunlap. Don't go over there tonight, though, cause things get kind of wild in Jackie's cellar on Friday nights and security doesn't take kindly to uninvited guests.

    I found that out the hard way but that's another story for another day. Today, the story is tonight's party. And lead paragraph is this, the Theme Drink that Fifi, my Sommelier, invented for tonight:

    =======================================


    Can We Talk?

    Ingredients:

    1 1/2 oz Vodka
    Fill With Clamato juice
    3 dashes Tabasco sauce
    3 dashes Worcestershire sauce

    Mixing instructions:

    Line rim of glass with salt & pepper. Over ice add vodka, fill with Clamato Juice then add remaining ingredients. Garnish with celery stick. Add optional amount of Tabasco to fire it up.

    =======================================

    Before I forget, Joan also fulfilled the Rule Of Three requirement for this round. There was Robin Williams, Lauren Bacall and then her. All within a month. There were three or four other minor celebrities, too, but a lot of people don't count them because they weren't big enough. I don't know what the official record is thus far but I think, based on casual observation that the Rule Of Three happens far more often than it doesn't.

    I point that out not because it needs to be pointed out. I do it because it's fun. It forces the Law-of-Large-Numbers believers to concoct even fancier and more convoluted math to support their desperate quest to convince everyone that coincidence rules this Universe and there is no other hard to figure out and way more scary force at work.

    Just like Entangled Particles, it's Spooky Action At A Distance (Which is a very unsettling aspect of physics that just won't go away. Here's a fairly recent article on it: Reviving Einstein's spooky action at a distance: http://phys.org/news/2014-03-reviving-einstein-spooky-action-distance.html) and it freaks a lot of people out. And like I just said, I find freaking people out fun.

    I suppose you could call me a sadist. Especially right now because it makes for a perfect segue to tonight's Featured Party Game: Binders Full If Girls Demonstrating Who Ties Whom Up. It is based, of course, on Joan's famous remark that went a little something like this, "It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom."

    And don't think you have to be old and forgetful to enjoy this game. There's plenty in it for you kids who think you know everything. Because, believe it or not, you've still got lots to learn. Especially when it comes to ropes and tying people up. I don't want to worry you but there will be quiz later. The bright side is this will be the most fun studying you've ever done.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
    Thursday, September 4th, 2014
    5:53 am
    Just Some Advice For Atlantic City
    No one, up to and including Nucky Thompson (http://www.hbo.com/boardwalk-empire/cast-and-crew/nucky-thompson#/) and his real life inspiration, Nucky Johnson (Nucky Johnson: The man who ran Atlantic City for 30 years: http://www.pressofatlanticcity.com/blogs/boardwalk_empire/article_4277415c-a815-11df-be3f-001cc4c002e0.html) loves Atlantic City more than I do. That having been said, no one has less sympathy for it for its' past and current problems (Why three Atlantic City casinos are closing: http://www.csmonitor.com/Business/Latest-News-Wires/2014/0830/Why-three-Atlantic-City-casinos-are-closing).

    When I first started visiting Atlantic City on a regular basis, circa 1985 or so, I knew the whole thing was in trouble. Unlike Las Vegas, the casinos closed every night for six hours or so. And you couldn't get a drink after three or four AM. On the plus side, it was big and glitzy and it had an ocean. And it had plenty of the biggest and best Vegas brands. Perhaps best of all, it was very close to New York and there was nothing Vegas could do, short of inventing a practical Transporter, to compete with that.

    Eventually, the people in charge fixed the closing and alcohol problem by going 24 hours with both and for the most part, AC did pretty well. Until everyone and their brother started opening casinos everywhere. And suddenly, the Boardwalk isn't enough of a draw to support gambling. Huge surprise.

    So what should the idiots who run New Jersey (Yes, Chris (http://www.state.nj.us/governor/), I mean you, specifically) do now that they should have done 30 years ago? Attract people! First of all, do the obvious. Legalize prostitution and marijuana and Gay Marriage in Atlantic City. All three would have been much more huge as well as more hugely profitable 30 years ago but better late than never.

    But don't stop there. Turn Atlantic City into the Hong Kong of America. Stop charging state taxes on liquor, tobacco and gas. Lower the drinking and gambling age to 16 (This will cost you Federal highway funds but you will make so much more money that you won't even miss it. And if you're squeamish about promoting tobacco, get over it. If you really want to save people from lung disease, forget cigarettes. They're harmless compared to the real villains, cars and factories, which is what you should ban if you really want to improve public health).

    Once you beat Delaware (Which isn't even all that cheap anymore for cigarettes) at its' own game, you'll also be beating Las Vegas by default. Everyone will profit (One thing that goes along with this plan is curbing greed. You have to guarantee that people are going to get a living wage because happy workers make for happy free spending customers so you have to tell people like Donald Trump that they can only be filthy rich instead of obscenely filthy rich) and the only real losers will be people like Nucky and Tony Soprano, because they'll have to go out and get real jobs. And forget about competition. Give gambling licenses to everyone who wants one. Las Vegas has had plenty of economic low spots over the years but have you ever heard anyone there say, "We have too many casinos?"

    No, you haven't. Because they know that more casinos mean more business for everyone and every time they have a slump, they come back bigger and better than ever. You also never hear anyone say that gas, cigarettes and booze is too cheap. And Atlantic City can capitalize on that it just applies itself. Otherwise, it can keep declining until it gets back to the state it was in when they brought in gambling and all we'll be able to say is, "It was good while it lasted but they did it to themselves and good riddance."

    I think Tony, who in addition to being the solid waste disposal king of northern New Jersey, also happens to be my Dialogue Coach, put it best when, after I showed him this piece, said, "It's too long. You don't need all them words. Just tell them to stop being a bunch of fucking spineless pussy's and give people what they want already." I wish I had his way with words but I don't so I'm just going to follow his advice and skip drawing a parallel between what's happening to Riverboat Gambling here in the Midwest to what's going on in Atlantic City and just end it here.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
    Wednesday, September 3rd, 2014
    5:28 am
    Phil Robertson Strikes Again
    Ed (http://wegoted.com/) showed a clip of Phil Robertson talking about ISIS (Here's the print version: 'Duck Dynasty' star Phil Robertson on ISIS: ‘Convert them or kill them’ : http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv/phil-robertson-islamic-state-convert-kill-article-1.1926383) today and I swear it was just like listening to Jesus Himself. You cats who were at His Sermon on the Mount concert know exactly what I mean. Those of you who didn't spend all day at the Water Into Wine Miracle Booth, anyway.

    No, wait. Maybe I'm the one who had too much wine...Or maybe it's just old age---either way, it doesn't matter because the effects are identical---cause I remember now. Phil doesn't sound a bit like Jesus. He was sort of the polar opposite of Him. What he does sound exactly like is an Islamic Fundamentalist I talked to in Damascus last week. Really, you couldn't tell them apart.

    All these guys ever think about is killing the enemy. And I know that sounds appealing to some people, such as General Anthony Zinni (Stop Being 'So Paranoid' About War!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sbu0wWIn8Qc&list=UUldfgbzNILYZA4dmDt4Cd6A) but unless you stand to make a fortune by sending kids to their deaths and/or you don't have a real military grade bunker with real military grade provisions...As opposed to the cheap worthless junk that's advertised on Right Wing talk radio...maybe you should rethink that.

    Because odds are that you the enemy. To all the fundamentalists. Christian, Muslim, whatever, if you aren't as crazy as they are, people like Phil Robertson want you dead. Why they're fighting a Civil War, I don't know. The Muslims and Christians have the same God. Where they differ is the window dressing. Muhammad and Jesus. I guess they want to kill each other just because they feel the need to kill everyone.

    But what if they ever realize that they can kill more of us if they stop fighting among themselves? I hope we remain sane enough to limit our participation to airstrikes. And if people like Phil Robertson feel the need to convert or kill everyone in ISIS, I hope they go try. Lord knows they have enough guns. What they don't have is the will of Jesus or really even that of Muhammad on their side. But since J&M are fictional characters anyway, I don't see why that should make a difference.

    The important thing is that for the first time ever, they will really be doing something useful. Wiping each other out. So how about it, all you God and gun clingers? Load up and take the battle to ISIS! Show Obama you can't be pushed around by going and dying for what you believe in!

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
    Tuesday, September 2nd, 2014
    8:57 am
    Final Solution Of Conservatism
    "It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you."

    ~~~ Will Rogers


    It's technically the year 2014 but you'd never know it most of the time. In fact, when you see things like this, Atheist Badgered For Not Praying At Public Meeting (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5c9uIf6M9c) you'd swear it's still 1514. Because we still have political leaders worshiping imaginary Gods and meaningless piece of fabric. Of course, as Will said, if you're a humorist, it's a pretty good system. In some ways.

    If you want to do a piece on the mayor of Winter Garden, Florida being a backwards superstitious paranoid freak who drinks sheep's blood and dances in the moonlight so his imaginary friend who lives in the sky won't steal the sun and due to the vagaries of politics is in a position to make the rest of his tribe do the same, the bit writes itself. You can't ask for much more than that. As far as work goes.

    The problem comes when the work day is done and you find that you're still living in a country that's still largely run by people like John Rees. They are the reason with terminal diseases still have to suffer (Because they are afraid of all the drugs their corporate overlords have told them to be afraid of), workers are treated like disposable slave labor, we still have racism, the climate is going to kill all of us and a whole lot more that we don't have time to go into up to and including the American flag and the Pledge of Allegiance into jokes that no one should be asked to stand up for...In fact they should be publicly scoffed at.

    Oh, if you still believe that the Flag and Pledge stand for something good, grow up and get over it. Wake up and smell the coffee. Look around and realize what's going on. Or shut up. At the very least, for God's sake, don't vote cause you're not qualified. And you might want to move to Winter Garden, Florida because you would fit right in.

    In fact that gives me a great idea. After the glorious victory of 2012...Well, it wasn't all that glorious but we did the best we could and it could have been much worse...Dennis (http://www.dennismillerradio.com/) did a lot of very long and boring rants (To be fair to Dennis, the rants weren't nearly as painfully boring as his "comedy") about how we should just give the Right Wing just one state and wall it off so they could shoot each other even before their disastrous economic and social policies wiped them out and I've always thought it was a good idea in theory but too problematic to put in practice.

    True, they would all shoot each other in a relatively short amount of time and without those lazy losers holding us back we could finally make some progress but I don't want to give up any state or even part of a state. And when all the Conservatives were dead, the land would still be contaminated. You can't put that many undesirables all in one place and not expect something akin to nuclear waste to make the area uninhabitable for years.

    But now all that's changed. I think that I could live without Winter Garden. For forever if that's what it takes. And it would be so easy. All we would have to do is load all the Conservatives into boxcars and dump them out at the Winter Park Station. I know some of you think that all the Conservatives wouldn't fit in Winter Park but you're wrong. As Glenn has pointed out many times, the entire population of the Earth could fit in Texas many times over (And I know it's true because really smart people came up with it and Glenn just repeated it), so all the Conservatives would fit easily in Winter Park.

    All it would cost us, apart from the wall itself, is a few tons of food and a few tons of ammo. We would toss the food (Because it's cruel even to starve Conservatives and their natural violent inclination to kill people would solve the whole problem in short order.

    Think of all the benefits. Religion would no longer be an issue at all because all the religious people who would be left would have no interest in converting anyone or forcing anyone else to believe in their imaginary friend. All our economic problems would be solved because the Welfare Queens and the greedy people who support them by stealing our money would be gone. And socially, things would be a million times better. Everything from abortion to Gay Marriage would just be a right that everyone can have.

    I don't want to brag or anything but this might be the best idea anyone has ever had. I'm not knocking or even downplaying the invention of fire or the wheel, I'm only saying that shipping all the Conservatives to Winter Park makes them look like chump change. I'm also not saying that it is my idea. I'm just saying that you won't remember all the people who have been saying the same thing for decades, so why shouldn't I get sole credit for it? Besides, I don't think any of them named Winter Park as the location of the Final Solution Of Conservatism.

    And if you can think of someone else who deserves another Nobel Peace Prize more than me, I'd sure like to hear who it is.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
    Monday, September 1st, 2014
    11:19 am
    It's Labor Day, You Bastards
    Officially, this is Labor Day (Unless you live in Europe and are subject to the obsolete Metric Calendar that says May 1 is Labor Day). In reality, this is April Fool's Day, Part II. And everyone who works for a living is the Fool. If you like graphic novels, here's an illustrated guide that perfectly supports my point: Income Inequality in America, An Illustrated Guide: http://blogs.kqed.org/lowdown/2014/04/25/income-inequality/.

    If you don't like graphic novels, just ignore the pictures. In either case, if you don't like what is going on, remember that Election Day is on Tuesday, November 4, 2014 and make sure you go and vote for Democrats (We will worry about making them act less like Republicans later. The first step is get them into office). No matter how hard they try to stop you. If you do like what is going on, save your breath cause I was in the Hamptons the other day and I've already heard everything you have to say: Hamptons residents shocked by KKK recruitment fliers (http://www.cbsnews.com/news/kkk-recruitment-pamphlets-shock-residents-of-hampton-bays-new-york/).

    You people in the latter group should find other things to do on November 4, because you're not smart enough to vote. Find something else to do. Go to a cross burning or lynching workshop instead of the polls. And now that we have the future all squared away, or at least one day of it, let's seize the day and start living in the present.

    Here's the game plan. We're gonna pretend, for the duration of this party, that everything is fine. No one is being taken advantage of and everyone who wants to can do an honest day's work for an honest day's pay. It's a massive stretch that might cause some injuries but it's better than the alternative which would be to just admit the truth and wallow around in depression while watching people kill themselves.

    Maybe this would be easier if we started with a little drink, so here is Fifi, with the Theme Drink she invented for today:

    =============================

    Labor Pains

    Ingredients:

    1/2 oz Bacardi 151 proof rum
    1/2 oz Everclear
    1 drop Kahlua

    Mixing instructions:

    Pour the Bacardi 151 in, then the Everclear. Just put a drop of Kahlua right in the middle. Don't smell it, just shoot it. Fast. It should start your engines and make you forget everything else!

    =============================

    You might be skeptical of a drink that contains Bacardi 151 AND Everclear but don't worry. As I say in my tasting notes, "It doesn't taste like anything you'd ever want to put in your mouth but you'll be glad you did." Reality doesn't stand much of a chance against this drink and since that's our primary goal, drink a lot of them.

    One minor drawback is that, depending on your weight and tolerance to alcohol, these things tend to make you pass out a mite faster than ordinary drinks. So to be safe, let's get tonight's Featured Party Game started right away while you can still enjoy it: Binders Full Of Girls Demonstrating Just How the Trickle Down Effect Works. To avoid spoiling all the surprises, I'm not going to say anymore about it. Just jump in, start playing and good luck!

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
    Sunday, August 31st, 2014
    9:36 am
    It's Labor Day Sunday, You Bastards
    This is the last day of August and the next to last day of your three day weekend. Traditionally, it means the end of summer is only one day away. It's also traditionally means the school year is about to start...Not so much anymore because of all the year round school schedules but it always meant the start of school everywhere in the old days. Most people see those as bad things. Except for parents who want school to start.

    So, for most people, this is not, despite all the beer and brats (http://www.johnsonville.com/lines/brats.html) you throw at it, a good day. Or at least it wasn't until I reminded you that it's also Sunday and then showed you this: Meth Lab Found In Church Basement (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9Rhj1aeDHM). I know, I know, the meth lab wasn't busted on a Sunday but you're seeing it for the first time on a Sunday and that means, conclusively, that God wants us to legalize all drugs.

    I know what I'm talking about, too, cause I'm in the God Squad now. For the duration, until right after the election, because we need all the help we can get. Even the imaginary kind. So when I talk about God, you can take it s gospel. Don't play or sing gospel, though, because aside from this cool meth lab in a church story, today is depressing enough.

    It's Sunday, it's the end of summer, the start of school and you only get one more day off. If you add gospel to the mix, it's just going to make even more people want to go home to Jesus right here and now. I have nothing against suicide, in fact I think it's the most sane reaction anyone could have to being stuck in this world but you could at least wait until after the party, unless said party features gospel.

    So let's get this Gospel-Free Party started. Oh wait! I have one more inspiring religion story to show you: The last church in Churchville (http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2014/08/30/last-church-in-churchville/). Please note that even though that is from FOX News, it is a real story. There is a real place called Churchville, Iowa and the last church in it is being closed.

    Do you think Glenn (http://www.glennbeck.com/) will rant and rave about Churchville losing it's last remaining church on Tuesday morning? Or whatever day he comes back from vacation. He's a Republican, you know. Vacations are way more important to them than work. As long as someone else is paying the bills.

    But when he does finally drag his lazy washed up carcass back to work, do you think he'll rant and rave about it? Will Rush say this is proof that CBS really did declare war on the Heartland (CBS Declares War on Heartland of America) and CBS is now winning? By taking God away from the people who need Him most?

    I'm not going to speculate about the overall intelligence of people who really believe that an omniscient and omnipotent God could be defeated by a TV network since I am one of them now. Until the day after the election. So I'll leave all the speculation to you and that works out good because it leaves me free to bring out Fifi, my Sommelier, so she can present this, the Theme Drink she invented for today:

    =======================================

    Summer's Not Dead Yet

    Ingredients:

    4 oz Absolut Mandrin
    7 oz Ginger ale
    3 oz Cranberry juice
    1 splash Grenadine
    1 splash Rose's sweetened lime juice

    Mixing instructions:

    Pour into glass and serve.

    =======================================

    Now it's time to start tonight's Featured Party Game: Binders Full Of Girls Playing Capture The Thong. This one is for all you old people who fondly remember going to summer camp every year because it's based on Capture The Flag. With a few modern twists that are a little more adult in nature. They probably aren't as adult as what you were doing in summer camp but you can't say we didn't try.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
    Saturday, August 30th, 2014
    12:03 pm
    It's Labor Day Saturday, You Bastards
    There isn't much good news today and what little there is could (And should) be a whole lot better but still, all things considered, it's pretty good. Let's start in Texas: Federal judge strikes down key part of Texas abortion law as unconstitutional (http://www.cnn.com/2014/08/29/us/texas-abortion-law/index.html?hpt=hp_t2). Things are still bleak in Texas. As of 2011, there were only 62 abortion providers in the state. Ninety-three percent of Texas counties had no providers at all (The US as a whole, which isn't doing much better, at 89% without providers: State Facts About Abortion: Texas (http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/sfaa/texas.html).

    Still, it's a big tiny step in the right direction. Maybe the next bit of good news from Texas will be that there are now 62 abortion providers in downtown Houston and all the idiotic Republican restrictions have been lifted. Now let's go next door to New Mexico where we find this: Santa Fe city council votes to decriminalize marijuana (http://news.msn.com/us/santa-fe-city-council-votes-to-decriminalize-marijuana).

    Just like the abortion advance in Texas, this new pot law is too little too late (They should have legalized instead of decriminalized marijuana and they should have done it 70 years ago) but with the world being as it is, we can call it a major victory. How sad is that? If we keep going at this pace on all fronts, we'll be right where we should have been in 1940 by 2102. Why are we being so stupid? As always, I'm not here to embarrass anyone by naming names but if you want to put a face on all this stupidity, here you go: http://www.woc1420.com/onair/jim-fisher-1936/.

    I still don't understand how people like that can be so afraid of things like abortion and drugs while at the same time insisting that everyone (As long as your white) should have several guns and be allowed to take them anywhere. And they still have the nerve to say they are PRO-LIFE! But the good Lord didn't put me here to understand senile old white people who are hanging around our necks like lead weights. He put me here to...Well, I'm not sure because my Mission Statement is anything but clear and I can't wait for this election to be over so I can go back to being an Atheist.

    Just like I can't wait for Labor Day to be over. What a joke. Corporate profits, productivity and CEO pay are all through the roof and ordinary workers are being treated as nothing but an annoying part of the process. Wage stagnation is near the top of the list of the biggest problems (Stagnant worker pay stunts U.S. recovery: http://www.cbsnews.com/news/stagnant-worker-pay-stunts-us-recovery/) but even when we fix it, we'll still have a million things left to fix.

    Still, that doesn't relieve us of our responsibility to celebrate. They don't call it a Federal Holiday because it's voluntary. So lets see what Fifi, my Sommelier has invented for tonight's Theme Drink:

    ==========================

    La Labor Day Bomba

    Ingredients:

    1 1/4 oz Gold tequila
    3/4 oz Cointreau
    1 1/2 oz Pineapple juice
    1 1/2 oz Orange juice
    2 dashes Grenadine

    Mixing instructions:

    Shake all ingredients except grenadine with ice 3 times ONLY. Pour into sugar rimmed cocktail glass. Add grenadine and garnish with a lime wheel.

    ==========================

    Remember, despite your obligation to celebrate, you're still free to tell every senile old white person you meet just how much you appreciate their holding the whole human race back and (Just for some added bonus fun) reminding them that religion is a myth and I hope you exercise it.

    And now it's time for tonight's Featured Labor Day Saturday Party Game: Binders Full Of Girls On Strike. Your goal is to convince them to go back to work. The future of all Labor Relations is in your hands. Good luck.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
    Friday, August 29th, 2014
    10:09 am
    It's Friday, You Bastards
    Yesterday, I shocked a lot of people when I said I love guns. Today, I'm going to try shock everyone who wasn't shocked by my gun comments by admitting that I love Texas. Not for the first time. I've said it many times over the years but the last time was probably before you were born, so technically, this isn't a rerun.

    So here we go: I love Texas. Not the politics. At least not yet. Soon, though, it will be a Blue State...At which point I will be considered a pioneer because I was among the first to love it...with no Death Penalty, Gay Marriage, sane gun laws and abortion clinics on every corner along with politicians who not only freely admit that Global Warming is real but also insist that we have to do something about it and soon or the Climate will mess with Texas and the Climate will win.

    But just about everything else. Notably the food, the people (A lot of them), the weather (For a limited time until it starts destroying the state unless we figure out a way to fix it) and most of all, South Padre Island (http://www.southpadreisland.com/). Especially during Spring Break.

    There's more. The Alamo. Six Flags Fiesta Texas. The Texas State Fair. And that's just scratching the surface. Of course, years ago, it was even better, before the aforementioned Conservatives who ruined the politics also ruined the only nude steak house in the world by closing it. Let us have a moment of silence for the East Texas Chicken Ranch (http://www.apnewsarchive.com/1995/Nude-Steakhouse-Could-Be-Closing-Its-Doors-Monday/id-7fbbdfd71b090a21543b68660aed0563).

    My point is, if you ignore the institutional racism and fascism caused by the politicians, there is no reason to not love Texas. Even with the nude steak house closed. And there are new reasons to love it popping up all the time. To wit, take a gander at this, y'all: Austin brewery rolls out ultimate 99-pack of beer (http://www.foxnews.com/leisure/2014/08/26/austin-brewery-rolls-out-pack-beer/).

    If you're saying that the last thing the world needs is a 7 foot long, 83 pound 99 Pack of beer that costs $99, I'm just going to assume that you're already drunk. Or just bitter because your car isn't big enough to hold it. Maybe both. Just like the IRS agents who are going to think that my free beach front cabana at the Isla Grand Beach Resort (http://islagrand.com/) has something to do with with all the uncompensated plugs I'm giving out.

    You'd think that drunken overpaid government employees would look up "uncompensated" before they launch a major investigation but they never do. The bright side is that since they and you have already been over-served, there ain't harm in having Miss Fifi, my Sommelier, serving this, the Theme Drink she invented for tonight:

    ================================

    Texas Firenado

    Ingredients:

    1/2 shot Amaretto
    1/4 shot Kahlua
    1/8 shot Root beer schnapps
    151 proof rum
    1/2 glass Beer

    Mixing instructions:

    In the shot glass, pour amaretto, then Kahlua, then root beer schnapps. Finally float rum on top. Fill a beer mug (with something like Bud or Coors) half way. Light shot on fire, drop into beer mug and slam as fast as you can! By the way, the faster its slammed, the more it tastes like Dr. Pepper.

    ================================

    Why didn't she respect the theme by using Lone Star or something from the Austin Beerworks? We may never know for sure but we can assume she's as drunk as you and the typical government worker are and we probably won't be too far off. I guess everyone in the whole world but me is all likkered up right now.

    But I ain't complaining none. Nope, I'm just seeing my unwanted sobriety as a message from Jesus that clearly says I am the chosen one meant to referee tonight's Featured Party Game: Binders Full Of Girls Paying Tribute To The East Texas Chicken Ranch. And if that don't make you see that everything is bigger and better in Texas, I guess nothin' will.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
    Thursday, August 28th, 2014
    7:52 am
    Guns
    I love guns. That's not sarcasm. I really do love them. Everything from small caliber handguns to assault weapons and beyond. Bazookas and tanks are a blast. No pun intended. But there's another side to this coin. I don't love having to step over the piles of bodies that tend to accumulate when you let everyone have guns. And don't forget the third side of this coin. If you own a gun, you not only have to keep it in a safe (That's not a legal requirement but it should be. The gun safe is just ethically and morally required) but you have to keep cleaning and oiling it all the time and that's something I don't like either.

    This sounds like an insurmountable problem but it's not. Or at least it wasn't until yesterday when this story showed up: Girl accidentally kills gun instructor with Uzi (http://news.msn.com/us/girl-accidentally-kills-gun-instructor-with-uzi). This happened at a firing range and I know, I know, there have always been stories like that about incidents at firing ranges but since I've never really paid much to attention to them before this one, I've thoughtfully realigned your experience and timeline so it syncs with mine. This way, there will be no nerve rattling jostling to get us both on the same track. You're welcome.

    Now you know the scope of the problem we're facing. Firing ranges are no longer sanctuaries of gun safety where you can play with them all you want with no fear of anything going wrong because knowledgeable, responsible people are in charge who keep everything under control AND you don't have to do any of the tedious maintenance. You also don't have to worry about keeping them in your house---Oh, I know, all you gun nuts are hyper-responsible and would never leave a gun laying around where a kid or someone else who shouldn't have it can get it and no accident would ever happen to you, except for when it does, which is a lot because I read about you people all the time in the papers when your sense of responsibility gets someone killed---And it's even worse for all you hardcore gun nut Conservatives. How are you going to be able to keep saying things like the mentally ill and blind should be allowed to have guns (Why the Mentally Ill Are Allowed to Own Guns: http://www.newser.com/story/179593/big-loophole-in-gun-laws-people-with-mental-illness.html & Giuliani: Blind Should Be Able to Carry Guns: http://www.foxnews.com/story/2007/10/24/giuliani-blind-should-be-able-to-carry-guns/) with a straight face when firing ranges aren't even safe?

    Most of all, how can you keep saying that all it takes is a good guy with a gun to stop a bad guy with a gun? Granted, it was an accident this time. And the bad guy with a gun was really a little girl with a gun. But how did all the good guys with guns in the vicinity know that? They didn't. For all they knew, the little girl was trying to purposely kill that trainer and still, not one of them saved his life.

    And I'm not even going to rub salt in your wounds by bringing up all the shootings at military bases. I will, however, address one of your concerns. The concern you always have anytime a Liberal says anything about guns and I can hear you right now saying it, "Oh yeah? Lawn mowers are dangerous, too! Why don't we ban them?"

    First of all, you are half right. Lawn mowers are dangerous. Very dangerous. They kill lots of people every year. BUT, no one has ever taken a Lawn Boy (http://www.lawn-boy.com/index.html---If you happen to work for the IRS, that's another completely uncompensated plug) into a school and killed 20 kids with it. At least not yet.

    And until it does happen, you're an idiot for making that argument. So stop being an idiot. And stop buying guns. It can be done. Look at me, I love them as much as you do but I don't own any. When I want to shoot one, I just go to a firing range. I just avoid children cause they're dangerous when you give them guns.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
    Wednesday, August 27th, 2014
    5:16 am
    Abby And Irresponsible Parents
    Every time I read a letter in Dear Abby (http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/) from a parent who is upset because his or her kids treat him or her like garbage, I know that there is some kind of story like this behind it: Mother Reports Teenager's Sexting To Authorities (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VO-5yNrvWPA&list=UU1yBKRuGpC1tSM73A0ZjYjQ). And I am always right. Except for the 1% of the time when the mistreated parent is not guilty of some grave misdeed like the mother in that video.

    And when it comes time to reap what she has sown, the odds are good that the Sexting Mother will be like most of the rest and I hope she writes to Abby about it. So I can enjoy her well deserved suffering from a distance. It's the biggest and perhaps only public service Abby provides (She's not the real Abby. She died a few years ago. But it doesn't matter because there was a different Abby before her and there will be another when the current one is gone).

    The only drawback to that is that history indicates Abby will be on the mother's side---probably even if she has the cohones to admit the reason for her trouble. Unless the world turns right-side up by then and Abby starts making sense by telling her to stop whining and crying about a problem she brought on herself.

    When are people, especially parents, going to start taking responsibility for their actions? Maybe when Abby quits encouraging and coddling them? No, I'm not saying that Dear Abby is the source of ALL evil...She actually does decent things once in a while. She's even been known to give good advice on occasion...I'm just saying that she accounts for most of it.

    And what if the girl in the sexting story solves all her problems her mother caused her, right here and now by killing herself? The exact same thing will happen, only sooner. Instead of blaming the girl's idiot mother, our stupid laws that proclaimed her to be a child pornographer and the overall worthlessness of life in general, society, led by people like Abby, is going to say that everything is fine. This is paradise. The girl was insane. Who wouldn't want to live another seven or eight decades as a registered sex offender? No sane person, that's for sure.

    That's what I blame Abby for. For constantly promoting the absurd idea that life is a wonderful choice. To be fair, she does support birth control and abortion but being 10% right is not good enough. She needs to be much better. She needs to start saying things like, "If your kids are mean to you, odds are, you deserve it. And if they kill themselves before they can start ignoring you, it's all your fault. You're stupid, irresponsible and worthless. And don't come crying to me cause you could have had an abortion."

    I guess you could say that what I'm really complaining about is Conservativism in general and you're right. The scary thing is that even after we get rid of Political Conservativism...Which could happen as soon as November but it might take another 100 years...we'll still have Social Conservativism and will we ever get rid of it? Think about that the next time you're tempted to say kids are rotten cause they treat their parents so bad or that suicide is a bad thing.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
    Tuesday, August 26th, 2014
    9:00 am
    Weather Report
    I can understand how a lot of people can dismiss Global Warming because they confuse climate with weather. It has been a great summer here in the Quad Cities (http://www.visitquadcities.com/). So far, even with yesterday and today going into the 90's (90F = 32.2222222C), it hasn't been hot at all and we've had a normal amount of rain. Not too much and not too little. And no really bad storms. And it's easy to start believing all is right with the world when you have several months in a row like that.

    It even happens to me. Until I visit some weird, strange, exotic far, away place like Europe, Australia, Africa, Asia, South America or California. It's then that I remember how truly screwed we are because those places full of all the heatwaves, droughts, flooding and all the other weather disasters that the Quad Cities are being given a short break from.

    What I can't understand is how anyone taken in by all the good localized (LOCALIZED---That's a very important word. I urge all you Conservatives to look it up and learn it) weather can stay duped for very long. Don't they read the news or watch it on TV? Or the Internet...Which I hear is starting to catch on now...?

    I mean even if you watch FOX News or listen to Rush (http://www.rushlimbaugh.com/) and all his clones, you still get the truth amid all the lies and you don't need Bletchley Park (http://www.artfund.org/what-to-see/museums-and-galleries/bletchley-park) to decode it. I wish I had a nickel for every time Dennis (http://www.dennismillerradio.com/) has said, "You know what? I don't care that it's getting hotter! I like heat! And Global Warming is a hoax!"

    I guess what I'm trying to say to all the people who don't believe Global Warming is real, is, "START BEING SMART ENOUGH TO SEE WHAT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE!" Well, I guess I shouted it more than said it but you get my point. Especially if you live in California cause how much more proof could you need than this: California Drought Leads To Catastrophic California Earthquake Predictions In 2014 (http://www.inquisitr.com/1431434/california-drought-leads-to-catastrophic-california-earthquake-predictions-in-2014/)?

    I mean, I'm sure you've already heard about the drought cause it's been in all the papers but now they're saying it's going to increase Earthquakes (Report: Groundwater Removal During Drought Could Cause Earthquakes: http://sacramento.cbslocal.com/2014/08/05/report-groundwater-removal-during-drought-could-cause-earthquakes/). You know, if it keeps going like this, you'd be better off living in the Quad Cities. I thought you'd never hear anyone say that with a straight face but this is what its' come to. You would be better off in Iowa.

    All because the Koch Brothers felt you already didn't have enough earthquakes. Don't feel too special, though, because Charlie and Dave are giving Oklahoma more earthquakes, too (Oklahoma Gets Hit With 20 Earthquakes In One Day, Fracking Suspected As Cause: http://www.mintpressnews.com/oklahoma-gets-hit-20-earthquakes-one-day-fracking-suspected-cause/195653/).

    Of course, if you did move to Iowa you still wouldn't fully escape The Koch Brothers because they support our #1 Whore/Welfare Queen, Joni Ernst (Koch Brothers’ Donations Fuel Joni Ernst’s Opposition to Minimum Wage Increase, Farm Bill: http://www.iowademocrats.org/2014/02/koch-brothers-donations-fuel-joni-ernsts-opposition-to-minimum-wage-increase-farm-bill/). So you have to decide which is more distasteful, severe deadly droughts (Which seem to get worse by the minute. Check out this recent example: Tap Water Dries Out In California. Could You Be Next? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNcUC1xUB5c&list=UU1yBKRuGpC1tSM73A0ZjYjQ) and the severe earthquakes they cause or Joni Ernst.

    It's a tough call. I'm glad I'm not in your shoes. Another pair of shoes I wouldn't want to be in belong to the aforementioned Deniers who confuse weather with climate. But that doesn't mean I don't want to help them. So, in that spirit, here is a helpful article: Global Warming Fast Facts (http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2004/12/1206_041206_global_warming.html). And another scary video: Nutella Soon To Be Endangered - Stock Up Now! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcDWdI5ktEI&list=UU1yBKRuGpC1tSM73A0ZjYjQ). I really hope they help.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
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