Greg's Blurty
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Below are 20 journal entries, after skipping by the 20 most recent ones recorded in Greg's Blurty:

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    Wednesday, August 6th, 2014
    1:22 pm
    The Same Old Expected Hypocrisy And Some Really Good News From Alabama
    If you have any lingering doubts about how actively stupid worthless, two-faced and downright dangerous the Republicans are, I want you to read this: WTF?? Did Hobby Lobby Really Fire An Employee For Being PREGNANT?! ( And this is just the latest proof that the "Pro Life" movement is really the Anti-Woman movement. History is littered front to back and wall to wall with incidents like this.

    As usual, the thing that bothers me the most about this is that Hobby Lobby isn't going to be crucified by the Liberal Drive-By Media on the front pages of The New York Times, The L. A. Times, The Washington Post and every other major paper in the country. Nor are there going to be huge stories on CNN and the networks. They will probably report it. Eventually. In tiny little don't blink or you'll miss it pieces. And every time some retard like Sarah Palin puts together a defense of Hobby Lobby, they'll print it or broadcast it as if it were a real valid opinion that you should take seriously.

    And the end result is that the life support system keeping the GOP alive will get a little boost and it'll go on for a bit longer. The only good that will come out of it is if young women happen to notice it and it makes them decide that Abortion Is A Wonderful Choice. Really, who in their right mind would want to bring a child into a world where a company like Hobby Lobby can be Pro-Life and Anti-Child both at the same time and no one bats an eye at it?

    Abortion is such a beautiful, elegant solution to that problem. And, thank God, it's getting more popular and legal everyday. Have you seen the latest court ruling from Alabama? Dig this: Federal judge: Abortion like right to bear arms ( That coming right after similar good news in Wisconsin and North Dakota but this ruling is especially good because it rubs the logic of the God & Guns Clingers' logic right into their own noses.

    There's still a bit of trouble in Mississippi but time is running out for the superstitious fantasy-land dwelling children posing as grownups there, too. If you're still anti-abortion, I suggest you move to Jackson...I prefer Gulfport, myself, but they have casinos and beaches where girls shamelessly prance around practically naked and to top it all off, it is very close to New Orleans, so it would probably give you hives. Yep, y'all will be much happier in Jackson...and enjoy their Anti-Women atmosphere until it too topples and then to spare yourself untold amounts of mental anguish, you should just kill yourself.

    You can stay optimistic if you want but if you're honest, you'll admit that once Mississippi falls, everything you believe, honor and revere is never getting up again. So you might as well lay down, too. You don't want to be here when they pass laws called The Women's Health and Safety Act that actually make women healthier and safer.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
    Tuesday, August 5th, 2014
    8:50 am
    Halfway There?
    I still believe that the human race is doomed, as opposed to the world, which will be fine no matter what we do to it, but since the mathematicians still insist that even though it has never happened, there is a chance that one day I will be wrong about something, I feel obligated to occasionally present evidence to the contrary (Which I normally call misleading nuggets of false hope that never lead anywhere, because that's what they are). And today's contradictory evidence consists of four videos.

    The first one is the most hopeful and it's entitled, Why No One Is Getting Married Anymore? ( The reason that this one rocks so much is that it seems to show that we are getting halfway close to the one thing that will scare .01% enough to start acting like real human beings. Well, aside from the torch and pitchfork bearing mobs but that really doesn't count because that will be forcing them to act like human beings and even if they do at that point, they'll probably still be killed anyway, and frankly, that's the way I would prefer to see it go down but since it's taking forever, the second best thing is frighten them without violence and the only way to do that is cut off the endless supply of free disposable slave labor.

    As Ana and Cenk pointed out, this particular story didn't delve much into birth rates but you have to figure that if masses are no longer getting married, a lower birthrate is sure to follow if it isn't already here. When we get to the point where population is going to dramatically fall worldwide, that's when we're going to see real positive change you can believe in. The other cool thing about this, is, again as Ana and Cenk pointed out, it's another major indication that religion is going to be gone faster than we could have hoped.

    It has been obvious for my entire life that religion is on the way out but even as recently as 20 years ago if you had told me I would live long enough to see the very end of it, I would have said you're crazy. Now, it seems possible. If I live to be 100, which is another 50 years from now, it's very possible I could see two generations who have no idea what church's are. Just like today's high school students don't know what dial phones and vinyl records are.

    The next one is called Surprising Group Of Politicians Declare 'War FOR Women' ( and it consists of a very small collection of watered down half measures that are better than nothing designed to convince women that the Republicans care about them. I agree with Cenk, that they should be passed because like I just said, they are better than nothing. But I hope the Democrats also seize this as an opportunity to continue proving just how much the Republicans are at war with women and leverage it into shaming them into passing many more real measures that aren't watered down.

    Then we have one that really isn't good for anyone at all but I present it as good news anyway because my Agent, Drusilla, tells me I need to say something really positive and upbeat but still downright stupid or risk not getting Nobel Prize for Hopelessly Clueless Optimism this year and I didn't win it 49 years in a row just to let it go now. So here goes: This is further proof positive that no one should ever vote for a Republican under any circumstances (Some people joke about this, but yes, I would vote for Charlie Manson if the alternative were a Republican. Because compared to them, Charlie is a fine and decent man. He hasn't done even a tiny fraction of the evil things Mitt Romney has done. And that's just one example and I know the Democrats are nearly as bad but that tiny edge gets my vote every time) and it will make everyone finally realize it and this year the election is going to turn out better than any of us could ever have hoped for. The very end of the GOP.

    Our final good news video of the day is this one: Startup Offering "A Man, But Better" Launches In San Francisco ( This one is awesome for a couple of different reasons. First, as Ana pointed out, it's obviously about sex even though they old fashionedly claim that it doesn't have anything to do with sex. The other reason that it's awesome escapes me now because Ana also said that if she hired a really hot guy to serve her, she would want him to order her around. I hope no one ruins her fantasy by telling her that there are plenty of guys who would pay her for that arrangement but anyway...Well, like I said the rest escapes me because when Ana said she wanted to be ordered around, everything else kind of went dim and I also forgot the whole section I was going to do on how none of this really matters because Global Warming is going to exterminate us anyway and the bottom line is I need to go take a cold shower now.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
    Monday, August 4th, 2014
    9:21 am
    Ted and Other Truth Dodgers
    It is amazing what you can get away with when the majority of your fans are senile and the Liberal Drive-By Media is dedicated to neutrality to the extent that all you have to do is make up facts and they will pretend that you have a valid opinion. If you don't believe me, take a look at this: Ted Nugent clears up a few things (

    Do you understand now? Ted isn't a mentally challenged bigot who offends everyone but the senile old men who have been trying to learn how to play Wango Tango (// since they were fourteen years old. He's a patriot. But he's not just a patriot. No, no, no. He's also a hero to and champion of the Native Americans.

    Just like he's a hero to and champion of women's rights. I know that didn't come up in the interview you just saw but trust me, it's true. If you don't trust me, take a look at the cover of Love Grenade (, scroll down a little to see both the American and Japanese versions). So someday soon, expect to see some women's rights organization somewhere get some of Ted's concerts canceled. The same way the mean, misguided and ungrateful Native Americans did.

    Oh, that didn't come up in the interview, either. Ted has had two more concerts canceled by a Native American Tribe (More Ted Nugent Shows Canceled by Indian Tribe: I don't think it was Glenn's fault. When you only have a short time for an interview, you can't get everything in. Especially when you have to spend so much time explaining what a good non-racist guy Ted is because so many people stubbornly prefer to believe the overwhelming preponderance of the evidence instead of his own propaganda.

    You also have to give him a chance to share his hearsay story about the smelly protesters at his concerts while tactfully avoiding his own verifiable history of especially noxious and self inflicted body odor (Patriotic American Ted Nugent Shit His Pants to Avoid the Draft:

    And you won't see any of this on the front pages of any major and even most of the minor news outlets. Such is the nature of The Liberal Drive-By Media. But it doesn't begin and end with Ted. Mr. Nugent, much like his musical career, is in fact just a minor side show in the Media Circus.

    The big-time acts are things like the continued failure of Republican led governments to do anything right. And to learn about them, you have to go beyond the Liberal Drive-By Media. You have to go to places like The Young Turks ( There you will find stories like this: Gov Says No To Obamacare, Then Blames Obama (

    And this, Satanists Use Hobby Lobby Decision Against Pro-Life Propaganda ( I could stay here all day giving you more and more examples but you get the idea. The Young Turks brand of journalism (There are many great people doing it but the Turks do it best) is what you need. They don't tolerate Truth Dodgers and won't hesitate to run headlines like this: Religious Lunacy Of All Kinds Has Real World Consequences (

    And that's all I have to say today. Um, except for just one last thing, ma'am. Have you seen this one yet? Impeach Obama? We Never Said That! - CUE THE TAPE! ( There. That's how you deal with liars who deny reality. Glenn, maybe you should watch it twice.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
    9:20 am
    We Just Keep Making More Mud
    Will things in this country ever really improve until videos like this, CEO Pay Is A Massive Scam, This Chart Proves It ( start getting around 50 million views a week?

    Maybe. I mean, Wolf PAC ( is making a lot of progress and that's great. As Cenk always says, that's the most important thing. But I was hoping that by now, New York or Illinois would be added to Vermont and California (This isn't really pertinent but I love the way they put the states that have signed on in red on the map). I don't like this slump. But if videos like the one above could get 50 million views in one week, wouldn't it be nearly as effective?

    What this fight really seems to boil down to is what Rush ( calls the Low Information Voters. Of course, Rush uses the term in a very surreal kind of way to describe people who know what is going on but that doesn't diminish the accuracy of the sentiment. You just have to separate Rush's Bizarro World (For you people who so old that you don't even remember the 1960's: definition from reality.

    And wouldn't getting 50 million views a week on important videos that normally get maybe 100,000 in a month, go a long way towards curing the problem of the Low Information Voter? Maybe we could even get something done about Global Warming before it's too late. Not to mention gaining full employment, universal healthcare and the near eradication of poverty.

    The most depressing thing about all this is that we have the knowledge and the means to do all that and more but we simply don't. Just like we quit going to the Moon for no good reason, we continue on a path where when it comes to war, money is never an object but the minute we want to actually help people and improve life for everyone, it instantly gets mired down in pointless debates about money, morals, ethics and everything else you can think of and it's nearly impossible to make any progress.

    The human race is bogged down in the mud and instead of getting out the winch, we make more mud. All because a few elderly stupid people...I will politely not mention any names but if you want to place a face on this group, here you go: somehow have a stranglehold on us.

    The Welfare Queen oil companies, defense contractors and overpaid CEO's of every other industry continue to profit while everyone else suffers. For no other reason than Low Information Voters.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
    Sunday, August 3rd, 2014
    4:02 pm
    It's National Watermelon Day, You Bastards
    As if you didn't already have enough to do, what with this being the last day of the fair (, nature is also throwing National Watermelon Day ( at you, too. To make matters even worse, you can't even blame for the lazy Welfare Queen Do Nothing Republican Congress (The ‘do-nothing’ Congress isn’t even good at doing nothing anymore: for this one. Quelle surprise, as the author of that article very aptly points out.

    If Congress had made National Watermelon Day an official holiday, you'd at least get tomorrow off. Then you could celebrate it tomorrow and have today free to eat Deep Fried Snickers and ride the bumper cars all day long the way God intended but instead, thanks to the worthless Republicans, you have to cram both into one day. I just hope you remember this on Tuesday, November 4 (

    Let's rid our government of Republicans and then we can concentrate on reforming or getting rid of the Democrats. But, first things being first, let's get this year's National Watermelon Day Party rolling. And there is no better way to get the rolling started than with this, the Theme Drink that Fifi, my Sommelier, invented for today:


    Watermelon Day Not Being A National Holiday Is Just Bananas


    1/2 oz Banana liqueur (99 banana)
    1/2 oz Watermelon liqueur
    1/2 oz Vodka (Absolut)
    Mixing instructions:

    Mix banana and watermelon liqueur in shot glass top with vodka.


    The one good thing about having to combine the last day of the fair with National Watermelon Day is that deep fried everything pairs perfectly well with all things Watermelon. It'll be of little consolation tomorrow morning when you're trying to do your job while simultaneously trying to recover from exhaustion caused by enjoying two major events yesterday but for right now, it works.

    Another thing that works is tonight's Featured Party Game: Binders Full Of Swallowing Girls. This is kind of a unique and novel twist on the traditional Watermelon Seed Spitting contests. Our Focus Group research indicates that swallowing is far more popular than spitting so we came up with this concept that removes watermelon seeds from the process cause it isn't advisable to swallow them and...Well, I don't want to give away too many of the surprises, so I'll stop there except to assure you that the Focus Group research also indicates that you will really like it.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
    Monday, July 14th, 2014
    12:02 am
    It's Le 14 Juillet, You Bastards
    I don't want to alarm any of you Vulture Capitalists out there or your collaborators but since it is Bastille Day ( again already, I really don't have any choice. I have to remind you that you're doomed and the sentence could be carried out any day now.

    To make things even worse for you, at least symbolically speaking, Germany just won the World Cup (World Cup final: Germany defeats Argentina in extra time: ). At first, that might seem like a bit of good news for you and again, I hate to be the one who has to harsh your mellow but I have to remind you that this is not the same Germany you rooted for in World War II and keep alive here to this spirit, anyway.

    This Germany is just like France and Holland and Sweden and all the other countries you hate because they treat poor people like people. This Germany is not your friend. This Germany even tried to defeat you in Tennessee (When the Boss Wants a Union, But the GOP Says ‘No’ Volkswagen is willing to let employees at its Tennessee plant unionize, but Republicans are stiff in their opposition: ).

    And it doesn't even end there. It's like God is nudging you in the ribs and saying, "Don't get too used to the idea of your head remaining attached to your body." Because He allowed Germany to defeat Argentina and Argentina is where the majority of the Nazi leaders you wanted to win escaped to. Like I said, this just isn't your day when it comes to symbolism.

    And as much as I disagree with you, I do empathize with your plight because my whole world is collapsing around me, too. Several members of my staff who have been in Brazil and/or France for the last few weeks have returned home. That in itself is a good thing because I was getting very sick and tired of having to get up and go to the bar or kitchen every time I need a beer and/or a snack because the people who should be doing those things for me were in Brazil or France watching a field hockey game or something.

    But no silver cloud ever comes without a dark lining, does it? And the dark lining in this case is Suzette, my Chef De Cuisine and Chief Executive Vice President In Charge Of Domestic Bliss. She came home today from Brazil and is planning to go to Paris tomorrow. That sounds awesome, all things considered but no, it really isn't awesome at all. Because she wants me to go to Paris with her. Because we never spend any time together anymore. Which is completely untrue. She's been home now for about four hours and that seems like all the time in the world.

    She's just as crazy and harebrained as you are when you say we don't need things like minimum wages, healthcare, free elections and unions. But it's worse, because this directly affects me. And it doesn't even end there. After La Fête Nationale and the French Soapbox Derby ( are over, she wants us to go to Romania and I explained to her again that I have no objections in going to Transylvania but I want to go later, in October, closer to Halloween. Right after Oktoberfest (, which ends on October 5, would be perfect. I even said that I wouldn't mind taking her to Oktoberfest because 2 liter mugs of Löwenbräu make her bearable and it should be even better than usual this year because all the waitresses should still be in a great mood because of the soccer game.

    That's when she got really crazy. Cray Cray is the way you kids put it these days but in her case, I think it should be CRAY CRAY CRAY TO THE MAX. She said that I have drug her to Dracula's Castle ( enough times already and she has no interest in going again. If there's a judge in the house, please come forward cause I would like to get the commitment formalities out of the way right now and get her locked up in a rubber room before she can ruin the rest of my summer.

    If I don't get her a one way ticket to the Funny Farm in the very near future, I run the risk of having to waste a considerable amount of time hiking, biking and white water rafting in the Piatra Craiului and Baiului Mountains. And that's AFTER spending God only knows how many days with her in Paris...Which she is going to also ruin because she made it clear she doesn't want to do the two things that any sane person goes to Paris for, visiting the Musée de l'Armé and the Quartier Pigalle.

    But what do you care about my troubles? All you have to worry about is getting your head chopped off by a bunch of very angry peasants. And it's that crass insensitivity that's going to make me watch your beheading over and over again on YouTube with huge amounts of enjoyment.

    Oh, before I forget, I have heard that Dracula's Castle is closed to the public now but don't let that bother you. I know how to get in. Just call me and I'll come to Transylvania and give you the tour myself. The good tour. Not the severely lacking "Official" tour. It's the least I can do for someone who's going to give me so much pleasure by getting his head chopped off.

    I guess the other thing I can do for you is to bring out Fifi, my Sommelier (She's home now, too. At least for a while. I think she's going to Paris with us...Unless I figure out a way to get Suzette forget the madness of making me go too, in which case it will be just her and Suzette) so she can unveil the Theme Drink she invented for tonight:


    Revolutionary Cocktail


    1 oz Rumple Minze
    1 oz Tequila
    1 oz Jägermeister
    1 oz Firewater

    Mixing instructions:

    Shake all ingredients with ice and strain into glass. Burns like fire and tastes like Christmas. If you're German. For the rest of the world, it tastes a lot like defeat.


    Since the angry mob still isn't here and it looks like you're going to keep your head for a little bit longer, we might as well get tonight's Featured Party Game started: Binders Full Of Deliriously Happy German Girls. Remember, unlike soccer, this game has no winners or losers. Just happy players. If you're not German, it won't erase your humiliating defeat but it might make you feel better.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Knapp, WOC AM 1420
    Sunday, July 13th, 2014
    12:11 am
    The Sunday Effect
    It must be Sunday again because weird things like this just don't tend to happen on any other day of the week. And calling it weird is vastly understating the situation. In fact, when I tell you what is happening, your first thought is going to be, "Damn Time Warps! It's April 1 again!" And then after you double check, you're gonna say, "Whew. It's just an especially strange Sunday Effect." And you're gonna be very grateful because it means you don't have to pay your taxes twice this year. And now I have to explain to you Republicans that if there is a Time Warp in the near future that takes you back to early April, President Obama isn't doing it on purpose to take more of your money and give it to baby killers and tree huggers.

    Presidents have no more control over Time Warps than they do over gas prices. If you get more than one April 15 in the same year, blame your God, not mine. Despite your paranoid fantasies, Lord Barack is not out to get you. If he was, you'd know it because he'd lock you up in a FEMA Camp for the rest of your life. Or maybe he'd drone you. He wouldn't do something lame like just make you pay your taxes twice.

    And don't be angry and bitter just because my God is real and yours is a figment of your imagination. No one is twisting your arm and forcing you to believe in something that's obviously fake. The only crime you can pin on me is defending your right to be as stupid as you want to be. More on some days than others and that brings us right to the point of this whole sermon: Today's Ultra Weird Sunday Effect---I Agree With Todd Starnes. To wit, School: We have a right to ban God (

    You can nitpick this if you want and say that I'm not really agreeing with Todd or supporting your right to believe in fairy tales because this is just another example of me hating organized education even more than I hate organized religion and if I could somehow make it work, I'd trash both Todd and you while I'm doing it but why would you do that? Why do you have to be so negative?

    Why can't you just be glad I'm on your side for once? And agree with me that after the school lets kids say whatever they want in their speeches, mostly because graduations are meaningless ceremony's that no one cares about anyway, one of the idiot administrators should get up and say, "Of course there is no God and you're really stupid if you think otherwise but other than that, wasn't that a great speech?"

    That way you get Free Speech and Truth both at the same time and no one gets slighted. Why can't we ever solve problems like that? OK, now that you're thinking straight for the first time in your life by agreeing with me, I've got something more important for you to do than worry about stupid school functions. I want you to watch this: Finally, Climate Deniers Purged (

    And then tell every news outlet in the US to do the same thing. When you get down to the Rock Island Argus (, make sure that you stress that this doesn't just apply to Climate Change Deniers. It also applies to all the retards who write Letters To The Editor about everything from how abortion is wrong to how Mitt Romney is a fine and decent man who should be the President. And they don't even have to be silenced because there is another alternative.

    Honestly, those people should be locked up but if the best we can do is print their insane letters with disclaimers in huge type stating how wrong and retarded they are, then that's what we'll do. And the same thing goes for Chuck (, even when he isn't talking about Global Warming.

    OK, that's all I need you for, so I guess you can go now. And right after you get the rest of the world to be as smart as the BBC, feel free to enjoy the rest of your Sunday in any way you see fit.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Noory, WOC AM 1420
    Saturday, July 12th, 2014
    12:08 am
    Still No Moral Outrage
    The title for this one, Still No Moral Outrage, isn't strictly 100% true. It's just 99% true. It refers, of course, to the Benton Mackenzie case and now that he has been found guilty (Mackenzie family found guilty at marijuana trial:, I have seen a little outrage. But very little. Almost none.

    The worst part is that all the real criminals in this case, the prosecutors and Scott County District Judge Henry Latham have not been charged with anything. Especially Hank The Dumbass Disgrace To The Judge Business. He hasn't been fired, disbarred and crucified by the press. All that should have happened on the first day but that's not how this world works. The way that this world works is that the guilty go free and will never even so much as be grilled by an angry reporter. While the innocent party is carted off to die in jail. If he doesn't spare himself that agony by dying before the sentencing.

    The only bright spot in this case has nothing to do with this case. Or it would so appear at first glance. But you can't tell me that the increasing number of stories like this one all over the country aren't linked to and influenced by things like the Benton Mackenzie trial: Geneseo man cleared of assaulting police officers ( At some point in the relatively near future, you're going to be able to kill pigs with very little to fear from any jury and most of that is due to all the police brutality that's being filmed and watched by everyone but a good part is also due to travesties like the Benton Mackenzie trial.

    I guess that also counts as a form of moral outrage. It's a very quiet form of moral outrage but still, I suppose I should be happy about it. And I am happy about it. I'll be happier when the first jury with a real cop killing case, as opposed to all the ones I've seen so far which have been assault or attempted murder, comes back with a Not Guilty. But I am happy with that right now. I'll be more more happy, though, when lowlifes like Henry Latham are held accountable for their actions.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Noory, WOC AM 1420
    Friday, July 11th, 2014
    5:41 am
    It's Friday, You Bastards
    Did you know that there is a YouTube channel called PoliceCrimes ShootThePolice? No, I am not making that up. Here, see for yourself: PoliceCrimes ShootThePolice ( Is that awesome or what? I don't know how effective it's going to be, but even if it doesn't lead to at least a few more pigs getting killed, it's still pretty cool. At the very least, it exposes through its' videos, just how stupid, worthless and dangerous the police have become and how when one of them does get killed, it's a good thing. And the more people that see that, the better.

    I do notice in the comments of PoliceCrimes ShootThePolice videos, there always seem to be a few people who defend the police. They seem to be the same people who voted for Mitt Romney and that's the good news. They still have way too much power but it is rapidly fading and they no longer have a say in who the President is.

    Just how rapidly is their remaining power fading? I'm glad you asked that. I'm gonna show you three more videos and then let you make up your own mind. 1. America to Sarah Palin: Enough! ( 2. OOPS: 74% Of Republicans Like Obamacare ( 3. 'Legitimate Rape' Guy Takes Back His Apology & Makes It Worse (

    I still hope I die before Tuesday, November 4, 2014 because it's very possible that jokes like Joni Ernst ( will win big while real, viable candidates like Wendy Davis (Wendy Davis pressing attack on Greg Abbott during Dallas stop, GOP nominee swings back: will lose big but those three videos I just showed you indicate that it might turn out OK. Despite my morbid fears.

    Then again, my morbid fears might be completely valid. In that case, about the only thing we can do is drink. Starting right now. As luck would have it, it's Friday again AND for the first time in weeks, Fifi, my Sommelier, is here tonight. She just came from France, where she was watching a Soapbox Derby ( and is on her way back to Brazil to watch more of an arm wrestling tournament ( and she decided to spend the day at home. Working. So let's take a look at the Theme Drink she invented for tonight:




    1/2 oz Orange Curacao
    1 oz Dark Rum
    Fill glass Champagne

    Mixing instructions:

    Pour Orange Curacao into Champagne flute, add Dark Rum, top off with Champagne, I recommend Brut.


    Oh! Before I forget, I want to remind you that I'm not the only one who might be lucky enough to die before Election Day. There is a slight chance that that we could have a brand new Smallpox outbreak in the very new near future that could wipe out a few hundred million people before it's brought under control (Forgotten Vials Of Smallpox Found In Storage: If the thought of getting Smallpox bothers you, don't worry. The virus in the vials they found is probably dead and therefore likely harmless and what are the odds that there are other vials sitting around someplace with living viruses? Of Smallpox or something even more deadly and harder to control?

    And yet, there still is, slim as it may be, the chance that many hundreds of millions of us will be dead before Election Day just because someone at some lab somewhere refused to observe proper security protocols. In that spirit, let's get tonight's Featured Party Game started: Binders Full Of Girls In Nurse's Uniforms.

    Just like all our Party Games, this one is educational. And the lesson is this: Don't wait until you're dying of some horrible disease to proposition a sexy young nurse. Do it now! While you can both still enjoy it!

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
    Thursday, July 10th, 2014
    9:32 am
    Man, I Love These Republicans, They're Just Like A PHD In Ignorance

    ........When Nikola Tesla discovered alternating current (AC) electricity, he had great difficulty convincing men of his time to believe in it. Thomas Edison was in favor of direct current (DC) electricity and opposed AC electricity strenuously. Tesla eventually sold his rights to his alternating current patents to George Westinghouse for $1,000,000. After paying off his investors, Tesla spent his remaining funds on his other inventions and culminated his efforts in a major breakthrough in 1899 at Colorado Springs by transmitting 100 million volts of high-frequency electric power wirelessly over a distance of 26 miles at which he lit up a bank of 200 light bulbs and ran one electric motor! With this souped up version of his Tesla coil, Tesla claimed that only 5% of the transmitted energy was lost in the process. But broke of funds again, he looked for investors to back his project of broadcasting electric power in almost unlimited amounts to any point on the globe. The method he would use to produce this wireless power was to employ the earth's own resonance with its specific vibrational frequency to conduct AC electricity via a large electric oscillator. When J.P. Morgan agreed to underwrite Tesla's project, a strange structure was begun and almost completed near Wardenclyffe in Long Island, N.Y. Looking like a huge lattice-like, wooden oil derrick with a mushroom cap, it had a total height of 200 feet. Then suddenly, Morgan withdrew his support to the project in 1906, and eventually the structure was dynamited and brought down in 1917.

    ~~~The Wireless Electricity Of Nikola Tesla Melvin D. Saunders


    Is it a coincidence that the 9th International Conference On Climate Change ( ended yesterday, the day before Nikola Tesla's (July 10, 1856 - Jan 07, 1943) birthday, which is today? I realize that simply asking that question makes many of you feel that I'm not much different from Alex Jones ( but I would caution you to remember that Alex is not always crazy and wrong.

    I would also remind you that we could have had unlimited, clean and nearly free (There would be a small service charge but the power itself would be unmetered) power starting in 1906 and, at the risk of saying too much, I humbly propose that we still don't have it due to the people who are running groups like The Heartland Institute. Before I go on, here is an amusing take on the folks at Heartland: The Climate Optimists. Conservatives have a new line on climate change: “It’s real, but it’s nothing to worry about!” ( While I'm still on this little detour, I have a question of Dennis ( Are you going to keep going with your same retarded flat-out denial claims until you are literally the last one on Earth saying it? Or when you come back from this vacation, are you going to start saying that climate change is real and you never said any differently?

    OK, the detour is over, so now I'm going to go back to making you think I'm as crazy as Alex Jones. Starting with asking you to take a look at page 14 of the January 1926 issue of Popular Science ( If that link takes you to the right place, just scroll down to page 14 and then, in the box in the center of the page that says EDISON says---look at the second item which says this: The Sun Engine will come when the price of combustibles greatly increases.

    What is the Sun Engine and why do we still not have it? No one really knows what it really is but you can bet that it's a lot more than a few inefficient solar panels----Because they had those in 1926, just as we do now and no one was more aware of that than Thomas Edison. No, he was talking about something that was much bigger and better than panels. We can assume from the way Tom put it that it would have been a little more expensive than the cost of oil and coal in 1926 but that the power output would be comparable. And why do we still not have it? Ask the Koch Brothers. You know, the Climate Optimists who just had that big fancy convention in Las Vegas that demonstrated that Global Warming is a good thing.

    A more apt and telling question might be, "If it were suddenly revealed that we could have had free, clean energy since 1906, PLUS A SUN ENGINE!!!!! Would you be demanding that the people who have been suppressing it be instantly arrested and sentenced to die in such slow and hideous ways that it would make the Tribunal Of The Holy Office of the Inquisition, or if you need a more modern example, the Gestapo, blush? Especially if you have just filled up your car or paid your electric bill? And/Or maybe someone close to you was killed by a Climate Change induced heatwave, giant storm, fire or flood."

    I reckon that's enough Conspiracy Fact...As opposed to Conspiracy Theory...for one day. And the only thing left is to say, "Happy Birthday, Nik! Along with the very optimistic addendum that one day we will have the free clean energy he invented over 100 years ago.

    The only other thing to do is to thank Cenk for tying everything together by coming up with the title for this one: Man, I Love These Republicans, They're Just Like A PHD In Ignorance. He says it in this video: Outrageous Claim By Republican To Justify Doing Nothing ( and since I don't need you anymore today, you should go watch it now.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
    Wednesday, July 9th, 2014
    7:30 am
    Where Is The Public Outrage?
    Because the Liberal Drive-By Media is everything but Liberal, I'm pretty certain you have no idea who Henry Latham and Benton Mackenzie are. If we really did have a Liberal Media, all of you would know exactly who Henry and Benton are and most of you would be calling for Henry to be tarred, feathered and run out of the U.S. on a rail.

    Henry, you see, is a Scott County District Court Judge and he is in the process of murdering Benton Mackenzie. Pretty brutally. Take a look at this:


    Deliberation begins in cannabis-cancer case

    Now, he finally had a chance to tell his story. But no jury was there to hear it.

    His testimony about his medical condition and why he grew marijuana was presented as an offer of proof -- testimony given outside the presence of a jury -- so Judge Latham could determine if it was appropriate for jurors to hear.

    His answer was "no."

    Maintaining a position he's held since the start of trial, Judge Latham said that since marijuana production is illegal in Iowa, Mr. Mackenzie could not use it as a legal defense. Jurors could neither hear about his medical condition nor why he grew marijuana.

    "I understand and sympathize with this condition, but it is my job as a judge to apply the law as it is," Judge Latham said.

    Mr. Mackenzie's shoulders slackened and he dropped his head towards his lap.


    You can click on the link and read the entire article if you want to but you've already seen the part that matters most. This case is not being played out in the national media because just like with Climate Change Deniers, the five or six corporations that control more than 90% of the media want you to believe that Henry Latham has a valid legitimate opinion. And the safest way to accomplish that to leave this as a local story. You can't change, or even protest, something you don't even know about.

    The end result is that in addition to not being tarred and feathered, Henry won't even be disbarred. He'll continue to be taken seriously and he will continue to hurt people. And people like Benton Mackenzie will continue to be hurt. And most of us will never even know that it's happening unless it's happening where we happen to live and we happen to notice the low key stories in the local news.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
    Tuesday, July 8th, 2014
    2:42 am
    Looks Stupid And Smells Worse
    If you were to guess, based strictly on the title, you'd most likely say that this one is my latest Red State Update Podcast (Episode 87: Ghost Bird & Phone Bucket: Review. But no. It's not. I'll have to listen to it again to make sure but at this point anyway, I don't think either Jackie or Dunlap said, "Looks Stupid And Smells Worse," this week. I'm also pretty sure they didn't tell the Supreme Court to STFU.

    Not that Jackie & Dunlap don't want to say those things cause I'm sure they do. It's just that today is one of those Believe It Or Not moments when they didn't but a Federal Judge in Nebraska who was appointed by President George H.W. Bush---You kids don't know him but he was the President for one term a long time ago and then, eight years later, his retarded son, the Bush you probably do remember, stole his first Presidential Election---did (Blogging jurist to Supreme Court: 'STFU':

    And once again, I have to ask all you Conservatives out there, when you lose a 68 year old Federal Judge in Nebraska who was appointed by King George I, who exactly do you have left? Cheating (AKA Voter Suppression and Gerrymandering) might keep giving you the House or Senate for another election or two but do you really expect to ever get the White House again? If you do, I hate to be the one who has to tell you this but you're as dumb as you look.

    My other, bigger and far more important question is this: When Judge Richard Kopf gets fired for offending his Gestapo bosses back in Washington, or as I like to call it, Berlin On The Potomac, will he turn to Podcasting? I hope he does. Because based on this latest blog post and the title of the other one mentioned in the article (On being a dirty old man and how young women lawyers dress:, it seems to me that he's the most qualified person in the world to pick up all the slack Jackie & Dunlap are going to leave behind if they really are serious about quitting after their 100th Podcast (My inside sources tell me that if they really do decide to quit, #100 will be called Abbey Road. You know, because Abbey Road was the last Beatle album).

    Don't take this as criticism, cause it isn't, but I bet Dick---I'm betting that Richard will call his new Podcast, Dick Talk---won't ignore Bonnaroo the way two other podcasters that I could mention but won't, cause I didn't come here today to embarrass Jackie & Dunlap, did this year.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Noory, WOC AM 1420
    Monday, July 7th, 2014
    1:47 am
    I Need More Answers Again
    Do you think Erin Corwin ( will ever be found? The police are saying the circumstances surrounding her disappearance are suspect so I suppose the odds are better than average. And if she's never found, everyone will forget all about her in ten minutes. That's the way it typically works in America.

    Have you ever heard of David Paulides ( If you have heard of him, you're probably scoffing, "Oh yeah, the Bigfoot guy," and rolling your eyes. And you're partly right. He does investigate Bigfoot but now it's my turn to scoff and roll my eyes because Bigfoot is just like Rogue Waves.

    If you're not familiar with Rogue Waves, here's a brief explanation, "Rogue, freak, or killer waves have been part of marine folklore for centuries, but have only been accepted as a real phenomenon by scientists over the past few decades. (" See? Up until Sunday, January 1, 1995, if you saw and reported a Rogue Wave, you were crazy. Or maybe just drunk. But after January 1, 1995, you could do it and be considered completely sane. These things go from folklore to fact often in the space of a few hours, the same way Rogue Waves did, and someday things like Bigfoot, Ghosts and UFO's will follow the same pattern.

    So don't dismiss David Paulides just because he thinks Bigfoot is real. Unless you want him to have the last laugh. Above all, however much it might grate on your nerves at this point, try to keep in mind that what we call the Paranormal isn't really Para at all. We just haven't developed the tools we need to declare it officially real. And if you want to get to truly freaked out, you should skip lightweight stuff like Bigfoot, UFO's and Ghosts anyway and go right to the hard-stuff, things like Entangled Particles ( we do in the lab all the time, by the way---It's what Einstein called Spooky Action At A Distance. From there, move onto other things we're doing, such as proving that intention affects outcome (Dig that, kids. We can prove that prayer should work all the time but we can't figure out why it rarely does. And when it does, we write it off to coincidence. I caution you to be careful with that one because it could lead to something really ridiculous like believing in God) and then get back to me and tell me how things like Bigfoot, Ghosts and UFO's are impossible.

    More importantly, don't declare Erin Corwin's husband guilty of murder until we get some proof. And if disappearances like this intrigue you, you might also want to go even a little beyond maintaining an open mind by listening to this, a great interview with David by the best Coast To Coast Host (Until Art unretires himself again), George Knapp: David Paulides Missing 411 - August 2012 ( And if you have a logical explanation for things like search dogs just refusing to search for no apparent reason and missing kids being found a short time after they disappeared miles away from where they should have been with no memory of what happened and oftentimes with no clothes, I'd really like to hear it.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Noory, WOC AM 1420
    Sunday, July 6th, 2014
    2:17 am
    It's The Fourth Of July Weekend Sunday, You Bastards
    Here we are at last, the final day of the 2014 Fourth Of July Weekend and I want to kick things off with kudos to all you Climate Change Deniers out there cause you've scored another major victory: The Last Drop: America's Breadbasket Faces Dire Water Crisis ( You're one major step closer to destroying America and the world along with it.

    All you idiots who were saying a few months ago, "It's freezing! Where's all the Global Warming?" can relax now cause here you go. Here's your Warming. Along with crippling water shortages...except on coastlines and places like downtown Davenport (Floodwaters steady at 20.94 feet: where we really don't need it. I won't bother explaining again how the record cold winters were all predicted by the models and are a very real part of the warming because we have literally broken the Jet Stream because, well, how do I put this nicely? Oh, yeah. I got it. You're just too stupid to understand even simple concepts.

    And now I know you're saying, "Big deal. We've had heat waves and droughts and everything else you can of think of before and we've always survived them just fine!" And you're right. But you're still wrong cause we've never had a global meltdown like we're looking at now and it doesn't end. Instead of returning to normal, every year brings something new and worse. This isn't a matter of surviving one bad year or even a long string of bad years (To be fair to you, we have had long strings of bad times before but again, it's never been like this), this is a matter of learning how to live with never having a good year. And a lot of people, including me, have grave doubts about our ability to do it.

    Oh right. Jesus is going to save us. I keep forgetting that. I'm just wondering, how many people have to suffer and die before Jesus finally goes into a phone booth and changes into His Super Savior costume and starts saving the world? No, don't tell me. Let it be a surprise. We've got a big party to get started here and many people find that talking about how many of us just may live long enough to see the final extinction of the human race is just downright depressing.

    So let's have a drink. Because as Homer Simpson once said, alcohol is the source of and solution to all of life's problems. For about the millionth time in a row, Fifi, my Sommelier, isn't here because she's shuttling back and forth between Brazil and France to watch the Horseshoe Pitching Championship and the Unicycle races, or something like that. If you really want the details, you can look here: &

    But if you want the aforementioned drink, leave your iPad alone and have one of these, the Theme Drink that Dolcetto, Fifi's Assistant, invented for today:


    Drought Cure


    1/4 oz Citrus vodka (Ketel 1)
    1/4 oz fresh Lemon juice
    1/4 oz Cointreau
    1/4 oz Sugar syrup
    1 drop Orange-flower water
    Fill with Champagne (Sumaroca)

    Mixing instructions:

    Shake the first five ingredients with plenty of ice. Strain into a frozen cocktail glass, fill to the brim with champagne and add a long twist of fresh orange peel.


    For my reality challenged Conservative friends, that's not really a drought cure. If you have enough of them, though, you might forget the drought a little and that's the best we seem to be able to do. Tonight's Featured Party Game won't cure the drought either but it, too, might take your mind off it for a while: Binders Full Of Girls In Soaking Wet T-Shirts.

    None of this is going to fix any problems or make you live any longer but unlike most of the things we do, it won't cause any harm, either. So enjoy.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Coast To Coast AM---Dave Schrader, WOC AM 1420
    Saturday, July 5th, 2014
    10:22 am
    It's The Fourth Of July Weekend Saturday, You Bastards
    The No Smoking and Fasten Seat Belt sign hasn't been lit yet...Well, nowadays, they never turn off the No Smoking sign but I'm a hardcore traditionalist who refuses to acknowledge it...but we have begun our final descent into the end of this holiday weekend and are that much closer to our ultimate destination, Monday Morning. When we do finally land, we suggest you take the Air Sickness bags with you because while you're not going to need them for a while yet, they will come in very handy when you finally get back to work.

    But don't worry about that now. All that unpleasantness is still around 40 hours away. That means that if you sleep for 16 hours between now and Monday morning, you still have right around 24 hours of fun. Indoor fun, at least for the moment cause it's still raining here. And wasn't it nice of God to make it rain during a holiday weekend? Yep, that's more proof He answers all prayers.

    As a way of saying thanks, I want to play a song that expresses just how I feel: America The Beautiful (Parody): Did you catch all the subtle nuances there? My personal favorite is, "Our healthcare sucks, we give no fucks, but still think that we're free." Brothers and sisters, can I have a hallelujah?

    I know you want to hear that one again and I agree with you but first, I want to take you back to May 27, 1972, the night that another great parody of America The Beautiful was recorded. If this is your first trip to 1972, don't panic. Your phone and iPad don't work cause there are no cell towers and no WiFi. Nothing is broken, this is just normal. Take a Valium and chill. Just in case the Valium doesn't work, we'll also stop at a gas station, watch the attendant fill up the car in the rain and then ask him for a carton of cigarettes, which he'll gladly go inside and get for us and then hand him a ten and get change back. And don't try to make a political argument unless you're crazy enough to think I'll believe that after living through eight years of George W. Bush, it really bothers you that Richard Nixon is President. Come on, you can do better than that.

    If you're still somehow feeling edgy and out of sorts, though, we'll also go to a nice place, have dinner and then drink all night for less than $20. Sooner or later in this process, you're going to realize that you don't really miss the Internet and being able to make calls while you're in the bathroom nearly as much as you thought you would. At least for a little while. And a little while is all we really need.

    Our primary goal is to just listen to another take on America The Beautiful that's only 36 seconds long. All the rest is just insurance against you saying, "Remember that time you ruined my whole Fourth Of July weekend by dragging me to 1972..." as if you had had a bad time, for the rest of my life. So let's go the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium---I don't remember how much the tickets are, $7 or $8, probably and I know how expensive that sounds but don't worry, they're on me---and get the main attraction out of the way: America the Beautiful - George Carlin (

    Now, aren't you glad I "dragged" you to 1972? Now you have heard the 1972 and 2014 takes on America The Beautiful---There have been many many others and there will be many more to come and some of them are awesome but to me at least, these are the two best---and isn't odd how both of them could have been written today (I don't know when the 2014 one was written but it was released on July 3, which is two days ago) and released without any changes?

    Yeah, a few things have changed in the last 42 years but really, nothing has changed. Forty-two years from now, people will be coming to 2014 for the great prices and all the freedom we have, even though we can't offer a lot of the convinces they take for granted. To not ruin their trip, we'll politely remain silent but you and I will know that it's just an illusion and despite the surface cosmetic changes, everything is really the same. Just as importantly, we'll also know that you had a great time in 1972 and you owe me. Forever.

    And now that we're back in 2014, let's have a drink. It'll go great with the Valium. Most of my staff, including Fifi, my Sommelier are still in Brazil and/or France now, watching Ping Pong or the Go-Cart Races ( & so once again, Fifi's Assistant, Dolcetto, has invented today's Theme Drink:


    Spirit Of '76, Or '72, Or '14 Or Whatever Cause They're All Really The Same


    1-2 oz Vodka and/or white rum
    1/2 oz Triple sec
    2 oz Lime juice or lemon-lime juice
    Some Mint leaves
    1-2 oz Soda water

    Mixing instructions:

    Add all ingredients to blender including one mint leaf as it will be blended up and leave little specks at top of drink. After drink is complete add other whole mint leaves. A lime wedge can also be added. Amount of soda water should fluctuate according to how strong the lemon-lime solution is.


    If that isn't strong enough, have another Valium---Or, since we're back in 2014, any of the modern Valium wannabes you prefer. Then get ready to play tonight's Featured Party Game: Binders Full Of Girls Painting Star Spangled Bikinis On Each Others Bodies.

    I don't know about you but I love Body Painting. Especially when it's patriotic. And nothing is more patriotic than Body Painting---God, this is getting so circular that it's turning into a religious experience. Praise the Lord and pass the body paint! Don't forget the glitter!

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
    Friday, July 4th, 2014
    12:27 am
    It's The Fourth Of July, You Bastards
    Today is America's birthday. The day we all say, "Play it again, Uncle Sam." For another whole year. Or will this be the year that it all fizzles out? This will probably get me kicked out of The Billionaire's Club again but I have to remind everyone that I fully agree with Nick Hanauer (Ultra-rich man’s letter: “To My Fellow Filthy Rich Americans: The Pitchforks Are Coming”: In fact, the only thing that confounds me about that prediction is that it hasn't happened yet.

    I've been seeing a brand new French Revolution, replete with torches, pitchforks and guillotines, coming since even before Ronald Reagan was elected. And it's only been in the last few years that others have started to see it come as well. Not overtly. But when you hear people like Rush ( talk about the horrors of Class Warfare and Class Envy, do you really think he's afraid of people saying mean things about him and maybe even trying to reclaim some of the money he has stolen through new taxes?

    No. Believe it or not, Rush is actually smart enough to fear being dragged from his home to be beheaded in a public park. Of course, he's also dumb enough to think that he can prevent it by preaching to his tiny choir of very old, angry white men, while still doing and saying all things that make everyone else want to chop his head off. So Rush is not as dumb as you think he is. Almost but not quite.

    If you think that I'm being unfair to Rush, I ask you to remember that he said that poor kids should eat out of dumpsters (Rush Limbaugh Thinks Hungry Children Should "Dumpster Dive" For Their Dinner:, along with a billion or so equally horrendous comments and if you still think he and his ilk should be spared, you should probably keep it to yourself unless you also want a date with the Headsman.

    I have to keep that in mind myself because I prefer the Zoo Solution over the Death Penalty. The Zoo Solution is sort of like imprisonment but is more, well, zoolike. It was invented by Adolf Hitler in 1945 when he said that his biggest fear was being made an exhibit in a Moscow zoo. But I am not going to argue with the guys with the axes that their victims should be caged for our amusement.

    If I were to risk a life threatening suggestion, it would be for the FOX News girls (Top 10 Hottest Fox News Girls: to be put in a zoo. And it wouldn't even be that bad for them. It would basically be like what they do now only more like Naked News ( As it would be if it were directed by the Marquis de Sade and broadcast for free, live 24/7 on YouTube for everyone to enjoy.

    Ah, that is my idea of the perfect revolution. And it is coming. Maybe not in the form I would prefer it to be in but at this point, I just want it, no matter what it looks like. It may even get here while I'm still alive to see it. Nick is entirely right, just as I was decades ago when I first said it, when he says:


    No society can sustain this kind of rising inequality. In fact, there is no example in human history where wealth accumulated like this and the pitchforks didn't eventually come out. You show me a highly unequal society, and I will show you a police state. Or an uprising. There are no counterexamples. None. It’s not if, it’s when.


    We have already had the Police State for quite some time (Some people say we really don't have a Police State and I get that because I have a Time Machine and spend a lot of time in Nazi Germany and other historically famous Police States and my job takes me regularly to places like Cuba, China and North Korea in the present time but I also get that what we have here is a very real Police State despite what the deniers say) and the next step is the uprising. The only real question is, "When does When happen?" One month? One year? One decade? That part is still fuzzy but I am hoping and praying (Remember, I have suspended my Atheism until after the election because we need all the help we can get, even if it's imaginary) that it happens this year.

    And it could play out like that. This could, in fact, be our very last pre-revolutionary party. So let's make it a good one. Starting with this, the drink that Dolcetto invented for today (Because her boss and my Sommelier, Fifi, is still in Brazil watching the Ping Pong Tournament. Or something like that):


    Revolutionary Cocktail


    1/2 oz Apricot brandy
    1 oz Gin
    Juice of 1/4 Lemon

    Mixing instructions:

    Shake all ingredients with ice, strain into a cocktail glass, and serve.


    OK, now let's play what could be our very last pre-revolutionary Featured Party Game: Binders Full Of Girls In Their Birthday Suits. Get it? Above all else, this is a birthday party! There will also be cake and ice cream but that's kind of anti-climatic after the Binders Full Of Girls In Their Birthday Suits. Don't worry, though, because we still have two full days left in this Holiday Weekend to get re-climatic.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
    Thursday, July 3rd, 2014
    8:44 am
    It's The Fourth Of July Eve, You Bastards
    Life, just like many Stephen King novels, teaches us that we should not ignore the retarded kid who keeps babbling nonsense because once in a while, he or she, amid all that absurdity, will give you vital information about how to defeat the great evil that's about to destroy you...Well, that's the way it works in Steve's books but in real life it's usually a lot less dramatic but no less important. And today has brought us that lesson again.

    Just a little while ago, I learned from whichever trained monkey that is filling in for Glenn ( that Burger King is now selling Proud Burgers (Burger King sells gay pride Whopper in San Francisco: And yes, it's true that all the usual places I go to for news will cover it eventually, probably today but I learned it first from the trained monkey. And he didn't seem all that upset about it. I'm not completely sure because he started doing a lot of really boring retarded babbling so I tuned most of it out. But my overall impression is that it didn't bother him all that much.

    And that seems to further confirm something Cenk said the other day about FOX News sending out a memo to all its' "personalities" to steer away from the most crazy Republicans because they need a more profitable audience (Michele Bachmann's Latest Insanity Turns Neil Cavuto Reasonable: And now we're seeing it in other places besides FOX. Places like The Glenn Beck Show. And Glenn himself even made a major move in that direction a couple of weeks ago (Glenn Beck: Liberals were right about Iraq:

    So, kids, the moral is: Don't ignore the retards because they just might give you some useful information and/or confirm what sane people are guessing about them and that in its' own way is useful, too. The biggest thing that that you should take away from all this, though, is that if Burger King has any scruples at all, they will give Ana ( something for coming up with their new slogan because Be Your Way obviously was taken from Ana's slogan, "Do You!" which she has been using for several months.

    I'm not saying that they should give her a lot because she wasn't trying to profit from "Do You!" Just a token one or five or ten million dollars, as a way of saying, "Thanks for doing our job for us," would be fine. And then they should make a token $25 million donation to Wolf-PAC ( just for further good will and good Karma.

    It's at times like this that I wish I was Ana's lawyer...Which would be a little problematic since I'm not technically licensed to practice law in California or anywhere else for that matter but isn't conquering challenges like that the thing that makes life worth living? I could take that call from Burger King and negotiate the whole deal and make sure that the attorney (Which would be me) also gets a little something. Namely free Whoppers plus all appropriate accompaniments including but not limited to French fries and drinks, for life.

    Call me cynical if you want but I just know that whoever does put this deal together is going to forget my free Whoppers. Don't worry about me, though. I'll be fine. I have whiskey and sleeping pills and that's all I need. As my friend, Evita, once said, "Don't cry for me, Burger King!"

    This is just more proof that whoever said, "Life just ain't fair," wasn't just whistling Dixie. So stop worrying about it so we can move onto the next order of business, which is today's party. It's The Fourth Of July Eve, You Bastards, and we're gonna do it right. Starting with the Theme Drink, which is usually invented by Fifi, my Sommelier, but she's still in Brazil, doing God knows what, so her Assistant, Dolcetto, created this:


    Belgium Is Better


    1/4 oz Kahlua
    1/4 oz Amaretto
    1/4 oz Frangelico
    1/4 oz Dark Creme de Cacao

    Mixing instructions:

    Chill with ice. Strain into shot glass.


    A free Whopper would go great with that...Not really, but it would go great with the beer I'm drinking but didn't I tell you to stop worrying about that? Today isn't about my pain and suffering. Today is about being the prelude to tomorrows big birthday party. It's just like Christmas Eve, except it celebrates something that really exists. I would go into whether or not that thing continuing to exist is good or bad but I won't because I've already hit my quota of Rush ( calling me a Pinko Commie Liberal for the week.

    So let's just play tonight's Featured Party Game: Binders Full Of Girls Playing Softball. I know, I know, Baseball is America's Pastime but Softball is close and it is more fun watching binders full of girls play it. I think you will especially enjoy the post-game locker room interviews. I know I will. But if you are still upset, why don't you channel your anger into something constructive like writing to Burger King and demanding to know why I'm not getting free Whoppers.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
    Wednesday, July 2nd, 2014
    9:12 am
    It's World UFO Day, You Bastards
    I think it's appropriate that World UFO Day ( comes just two days after we proved once again that Earth is the most retarded planet in the Multi-Verse via its' most retarded country giving religious freedom to corporations ( It's also a major indicator that all you cloaked aliens hovering in an outer orbit should celebrate World UFO Day 2014 by blasting this backwards rock into oblivion. Or simply land and enslave the entire population because either would be a huge improvement.

    Right now, I'm listening, on the Nazi Station (, to an old Gay drug addicted Welfare Queen ( who has an audience of only a few thousand and yet somehow sets 90% of this country's policies, talk about how we don't have a War On Women and how Hillary Clinton is a dangerous menace because she keeps saying we do. And the crazy part? The old old Gay drug addicted Welfare Queen is winning. Not in the Court Of Public Opinion but in Congress and the Supreme Court. And that means the problem is just going to get worse.

    If you want to say that the glass is still half full because this can't go on forever and eventually, maybe as soon as eight or nine decades, the whole situation will straighten itself out and the right side will win...Well, I have to give you that because that's the way I see it going down, too. But I will add that that is conditional on the human race surviving that long, which is iffy because Rush is also determining how we respond to Global Warming (Drill, baby, drill! Frack everything! And, Burn more oil and coal for freedom!) and if the rosy estimates that things won't get really bad for another 100 years...Which may be correct but I can't help questioning it because I remember all the things they told me in grade school that wouldn't happen in my lifetime but have already happened anyway...Well, then, alright. We'll have a few years of decent political climate before everything ends, which will be a big comfort to those being killed by the weather climate.

    What about all the collateral damage in the meantime? All the victims of the people who live in fantasy-land where the Flying Spaghetti Jesus/God Monster rules everything? Well, according to my Conservative friends, they aren't really victims at all. Being barefoot, pregnant and chained to the stove is an honor and a privilege. It's noble! Alternatively, if that explanation is completely unacceptable, you can have what's behind Door Number Two: It's their fault! For not taking personal responsibility and being born at a later time when the laws will let them to be equal and free even though they're live like total Godless sluts.

    And what happens if you try to help them...Or any of the other victims of Conservative Policy...right now? Well, in that case, you get sued. By the very same people who still keep saying we have to eliminate lawsuits because they are ruining the country (Obama to Republicans: 'So sue me':

    I could go on and on and on, literally to the end of time but was that enough? Do you now understand why I am calling for the vaporization of Earth? And why it is the best solution for everyone concerned? It's just another case of where the patient has to be killed in order to get rid of the cancer. So bring on the chemo and radiation...Mostly radiation. Very few Type III Civilizations ( still use chemicals to destroy planets.

    And it's not even radiation as you probably think of radiation. It's not going to pollute the whole neighborhood for millions of years. It's just going to eliminate the target and then instantly morph into harmless elements like hydrogen. It costs a little more but most people think it's worth it. The others, those usually known as Republicans, endlessly whine about over regulation and GEPA (Galactic Environmental Protection Agency) forcing us to waste so many Federation Credits protecting ::Insert Big Mitt Romney Style Eye Roll Here:: Space. Or whatever currency is used on their planet.

    According to the Roswell Treaty Of 1947, as signed by your President Truman, I'm not supposed to tell you this because it could lead to the instant vaporization of the Earth, but none of what I've said so far is idle rumor or speculation. Aliens are here. And they aren't just here. They're not like tourists or traveling salesmen. We are sort of like Germany because they still have 56,000 US soldiers and 15,000 airmen stationed there, except Earth has millions of ET's who aren't going anywhere anytime soon and they keep a much lower profile than US soldiers do. And they are capable of destroying the planet millions of times over without harming themselves.

    But since the total destruction of the planet is my goal, I don't see any harm in telling you. If you feel differently, the Complaint Department is upstairs. First door on your right. Or you could just sue me. Go ahead, I dare you. Or you could just have a drink. Fifi, my Sommelier, is still in Brazil, watching the big Frisbee Tournament (Or something like that) but don't worry. Dolcetto, her Assistant, has taken up the slack by inventing this, today's Theme Drink:


    Space Slam


    1/3 shot Southern Comfort
    1/3 shot Jim Beam
    1/3 shot Tia maria
    2-3 drops Grenadine

    Mixing instructions:

    In shot glass, pour 1/3 Southern Comfort and 1/3 Jim Beam. Add 1/3 Tia Maria and let set and form. Do not mix. Add a couple drops of grenadine (or as sweet as desired).


    That should take the edge off the Earth being destroyed today. Though I can't for the life of me understand why any of you would see it as a bad thing. All you religious people will finally get to go home to Jesus and live with Him forever in Paradise and Lord knows none of you bleeding heart Liberals can complain because all the destruction is going to be 100% environmentally friendly.

    And the collective average IQ of the Multi-Verse will instantly go up several hundred points. Everyone wins. Speaking of winning, if the Alien Death Machine that I've so thoughtfully triggered allows us to live a couple more hours, you might also even win this before go, World UFO Day 2014's Featured Party Game: Binders Full Of Girls Dressed Up Like Your Favorite Science Fiction Series Heroines.

    We've got everyone from Lieutenant Uhura to Judy Robinson and everyone in between, including all those hot green girls from that one episode of Star Trek. If you can't find someone in there that will keep you happy until the End, you just ain't trying.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
    Tuesday, July 1st, 2014
    9:54 am
    A Golden Opportunity
    I'm sure you've heard the Hobby Lobby news but just in case you haven't, here's a great take on it that explains everything and does it very well: Hobby Lobby Hates Women & Loves Jesus ( And now that Jaclyn has told you the downside, allow me to demonstrate once again why they call me a Hopeless Optimist. And I'll get the whole shebang rolling by saying that this is really good news disguised as horrible news.

    Just stick with me for a minute. Now, more so than ever before, Corporations Are People, My Friend and that means we have a choice. We can, just as Jesus would, turn the other cheek, live and let live and stoically and silently suffer through all this inequity and injustice and just hope that it earns us a better crib when we get to Heaven OR we can, since Hobby Lobby is now more a real person than ever before, sentence it to death and murder it in cold premeditated blood.

    I know this idea is going to be vastly appealing to most of you kids out there because I know how much you love killing people in video games. I'm not dissing you for that. All those first person shooting games where the object is to kill as many imaginary computer generated people as you can don't appeal to me but I understand the appeal because I love building imaginary computer generated cities with Sim City. And this is more or less the same thing EXCEPT Hobby Lobby is technically, at least according to the Supreme Court, a real person. And that just makes killing it more fun.

    Of course, we don't need Hobby Lobby to be a person to kill it. We have been killing corporations since long before any court said they are people but having them officially be people makes it more enjoyable. It's a little Grand Theft Auto or whatever game you like, brought to life. Not exactly the same but kind of the same. And this is one of the very rare times when you can have it both ways. You can kill a real, rather than an imaginary computer generated person without any of the guilt or bad Karma, not to mention the legal hassles, because no matter what any court says, corporations aren't really people. And yet they are. Because a court says so. And yet no court can do anything to you if you kill it.

    How many other times are you going to be presented with the chance to commit murder with no strings attached? Probably very few to none. Unless you're George Zimmerman. I know it sounds kind of bad to put it that way but let's keep it real. Human beings are savage beasts by nature and it is to our credit that we've managed to curb that tendency for the most part (Be honest. Even with all the murder and brutally we have, imagine how much worse it would be if all of us acted on every impulse we have to kill someone. Admit it. Despite how terrible things are, we are doing a great job. Not that there isn't a lot of room for improvement but we have come a long long way) but now that we have an opportunity to kill something that is legally a person, and for a good reason, no less, I don't think we should waste it.

    And if calling it murder really bothers you and I can understand that it might, just call it a boycott. You know, the same way states renamed executions procedures so they could sleep at night. Either way, we can and should kill Hobby Lobby. And have a lot of fun in the process. The most important thing is the message that will be sent: Be a person all you want if that's the way it's got to be but you better do it in away that we like or we will kill you. Or Boycott You Into Bankruptcy if "kill" is too much for you.

    I don't know exactly why this particular case puts me in such a big Conservative, "Just take the SOB into the alley out back, put a bullet in his head and let the stray dogs take care of the body," kind of mood. But it does. If Hobby Lobby were really a person, I'd still be against the death penalty and want it to be locked up for life but somehow, since it is a corporation, I just want it dead.

    I kind of hope we keep it nice and legal, too. I hope we give Hobby Lobby a fair trial...Which someone or even dozens of someones can do and then post them on YouTube for everyone to enjoy...before we take it out and shoot it. The trial...Would we call it a People's Tribunal?...isn't necessary but it would add to the enjoyment. Anyway, those are just a few of my ideas. Who knows what final form the whole thing will take? The only thing I know for sure is that we can do this and send a chilling message to all the other corporations who think they're people just because a court said they are. What I don't know is if we will exploit this golden opportunity for all it's worth or if we'll waste it.

    Just one last thing, ma'am. There are surely lots of things Hobby Lobby can be sued for, too, and I'm sure lots of people are exploring that avenue and looking into endlessly suing them for everything they have ever done wrong and if it works out right, it will amount to long slow torture followed by an Oklahoma style lethal injection and I'm OK with that, too. Weird, because I'm normally against cruel and unusual punishment, too, but in this case, I'm OK with it.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
    Monday, June 30th, 2014
    6:04 am
    Problem Solved
    I'm so sick and tired about hearing about the "Cost Of Suicide"...Yes, this was triggered by yet another conversation I just had with someone, a Conservative, which is surprising because they're usually so smart and well informed about everything...that I have decided to do something about it. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't enjoy hearing people whine, cry and complain about problems don't really exist. Especially when the whiners, complainers and criers are the ones who causing and/or perpetuating the "problem" by the way they vote and what they support. I guess you could call today an instance of my being fed up with having too much of a good thing.

    And it's not like I'm proud of myself for solving this "problem." It didn't require the kind of brainpower it's going to take to figure out the Unified Field Theory. Or Perpetual Motion. Or how to tie your shoes. So it's not like I'm looking to get another Nobel Prize out of this. I'll take it if you insist but please don't nominate me because that isn't my goal.

    I'm just trying to help people. Stupid people in this case. People who, bless their hearts, just aren't smart enough to figure out the obvious. People who don't understand suicide. People who can't comprehend why anyone would look at life as not only a completely meaningless waste of time but a game they cannot win because every system is rigged against them and decide to cut their losses by quitting.

    I'm not going to talk about all the things that cause most suicides, stuff like income inequality, unemployment, the environment, war, disease, things like voters rights and Roe v. Wade being back on the table, how it's completely legal to kill Black kids in Florida and Global Warming, etc etc etc, because I assume you already know all about them (And I'll save the real issue, which is the cost to people not committing suicide and continuing to live here, for another time) and how they affect everyone. I'm just going straight to the heart of today's topic, how suicide is a problem because it costs too much. And solve it.

    According to this web site (, the cost of suicide is this: For each suicide prevented, the United States could save an average of $1,182,559 in medical expenses ($3,875) and lost productivity ($1,178,684). Don't let those figures scare you, because like I just said, I know how to save a ton of money. And we all want to save that money, right?

    Right. Who doesn't want to save money? So here is how we do it. We pay people to not commit suicide. I am going to get the ball rolling myself with this offer. You give me $1 million and I will solemnly promise to not kill myself for one year, thereby saving you $178,684. That's it. It's just that simple. You have a quick easy chance to save $178,684 right here right now. How many other chances are you going to get to save almost $200,000 today? Or even this week?

    You'd have to be as stupid as a Conservative to turn that down. And there are no strings attached. Well, there is one string but it isn't even really a string. It's just plain old fashioned common sense. This money can't be taxed cause it'd be stupid to give me a million dollars and then take half of it back right away. I know that makes me sound a little like Tea Partier but not really because I'm not saying taxes are bad. I'm just saying that in this case they defeat the purpose.

    And, of course, you have the option of renewing this contract every year at the same low price until the cost of suicide goes up, at which point the price will be adjusted. But forget about how much you're paying. Concentrate on the important part: The money you're saving.

    And if you're a Conservative, try to understand that the Gravy Train has derailed. You are no longer entitled to endless free handouts. You're going to have to start paying for things again just like everyone else. Including Suicide Prevention, which is going to save you tons of money, as well as a lot of very degrading hardships, so stop complaining about it. If you're still hesitant, take a good hard look at the alternative: Consider what will happen when the suicide and abortion rates finally grow to a point where they accurately reflect reality. Do you know what will happen then?

    All you 1% Takers will have to go to work. There are only so many robots and they can't do everything. And even they need a certain amount of people to direct and maintain them. So the choice is yours. You can either start paying for what you're getting or you can start doing everything yourself. I'm imagining girls like Ann Romney with no servants, having to actually take care of their 30 kids and trying to keep the house clean while guys like Mitt are trying to figure out how to grow food and keep the house standing.

    Anyway, you can avoid that nightmare. Just show me the money. And that the suicide "Problem" has been disposed of...Well, not quite yet but it will be once I receive your check and it are free to go back to fearing and obsessing all the other imaginary problems that are plaguing you. You're welcome.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
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