Greg's Blurty
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Greg's Blurty:

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    Thursday, October 30th, 2014
    11:40 am
    It's Halloween Eve, You Bastards

    “Any Republican right now saying they’re going to take the Senate is a fool.”

    -Joe Scarborough, MSNBC’s Morning Joe


    That's from an email I received late yesterday afternoon from the DSCC ( and I have only one thing to say about it: JOE, PLEASE BE RIGHT!!!!!!!!

    Yeah, I know it's Halloween Eve and our main objective is to scare and be scared but contemplating a Republican controlled House and Senate is too much. Much too much. We don't want the Surgeon General to slap a warning label all over us or even shut us down entirely. So, let's stick to serial killers, monsters, soulless ghouls and the like. Guys like Jason, Freddie and Christopher Columbus. Oh, yeah, your mother-in-law, too. But she barely qualifies because she's just barely less scary than the Republicans.

    Getting scared by lessor monsters is easier said than done after mentioning the GOP, though. But don't worry. The reason God put me in the driver's seat of this train is because if anyone can steer us out if this wreck, it's me. If I can't lead you to salvation, no one can. I laugh at these twisted masses of smoldering metal. HA HA HA! Ooops. Sorry, I didn't mean to harsh your fear mellow like that.

    It's just hard for me to not be comforting. Even on Halloween Eve. When it's totally inappropriate. Oh, you should probably mark your calendar because this is the first and probably only time I'll ever be inappropriate. Well, that ate up a whole two seconds off the clock, so we'll count this play as a success. And just like any good coach would do, I'm going to extend this winning streak by calling in my designated Sommelier, Fifi, so she can kick the Theme Drink she invented for tonight right through the old uprights:


    Malt Demon From Hell


    4 oz Vodka (Aristocrat)
    20 oz Malt liquor (Colt 45)

    Mixing instructions:

    Pour vodka in mason jar, add malt liquor.


    Twenty ounces of malt liquor plus 4 ounces of vodka? Sounds like the recipe for happiness to me. Fifi must be saving her really scary drinks for the rest of the weekend...Oh, just in case you didn't get the memo, I have declared that this year's Halloween Holiday Weekend started yesterday. Don't worry, it's perfectly legal. Section Nine of the Roswell Treaty Of 1947, as signed by your President Truman, grants me absolute ruling power over this entire Galactic Sector and while I don't use it very often because I don't want people to think I'm pushy, I did use it yesterday. So, tomorrow morning, instead of going to work, call your miserable little boss and tell him I said you have until Monday off. If he gives you any flak, let me know and I'll unleash Fluffy. Fluffy is my Kraken. I also have a legion of Imperial Storm Troopers who have sworn a loyalty oath to me for jobs like this but I gave them the weekend off, too. Anyway, tell your fat little retard of a boss that if he doesn't play ball, Fluffy will play with his. Oh, you get paid time and a half while you're off and if you really want to go to work, you get double time. I really don't care about your finances but I love ticking Mitt Romney off and paying you better is the best way. Especially when I do it via Executive let's just forge ahead with tonight's Featured Party Game: Binders Full Of Girls Who Are Wearing Masks That Make Them Look Like Your Mother-In-Law.

    You can call that a low blow if you want but you came here to get scared so don't try to blame me. Just drink up and make the best of it.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
    Wednesday, October 29th, 2014
    12:13 am
    It's National Cat Day, You Bastards
    Well, I now know why I wrote so much about cats yesterday...OK, I didn't do much of the actual writing, I mostly just kind of copied and pasted something someone else wrote but it's the thought that counts, so I'm taking full credit...It's National Cat Day (National Cat Day 2014: Celebrate by adopting, donating or honoring your feline:!

    So why did I write about cats yesterday instead of today, when it is actually National Cat Day? I can best answer that question by giving you some good advice: With the proper help, you can cure your terrible addiction to asking too many questions. All you have to do is admit that you have a problem and then we'll do the rest. We'll give you drugs and counseling. Mostly drugs. Not because we want you to simply trade one addiction for another. It's because the drugs have a much higher profit margin. So you see, it is God's will, not ours, that you take them. Lots of them.

    So where was I? Oh yeah. It's National Cat Day. But we can't spend much time on it because it's also Halloween Eve Eve and that means we have to devote most of our time and energy to being scary. Without making me work too hard. So let's kick this party off with a song. A beloved Halloween classic that has been entertaining generation after generation since 2013:


    I Fingered A Skeleton


    I wish I could figure out a way to tie Stairway To Heaven into Halloween cause 2:17 isn't much of a break but it's done now so I guess I'll get back to work. By turning the whole thing over to Fifi, my Sommelier, so she can show you the Theme Drink she invented for today:


    Scary Scarlet Fever


    12-14 oz Absolut Vodka
    12-14 oz White rum
    6-8 oz dry Gin (London's)
    6 oz Cranberry juice

    Mixing instructions:

    Mix together and shake, pour into a draft glass add 3 ice cubes and garnish with a lemon wheel on the side.


    Fifi says she's getting tired of hearing about Ebola so she created this one to remind us that there are other scary diseases. And it inspired today's Featured Party Game: Binders Full Of Girls Who Are Suffering From Scarlet Fever And Ebola.

    Don't be afraid. All these girls are perfectly healthy. I tested all of them myself. The red rashes and what seems like blood oozing from every orifice is only strawberry flavored lube augmented with red edible body paint. The make-up artist did a superb job. Bon Appétit and Happy Halloween Eve Eve!

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Noory, WOC AM 1420
    Tuesday, October 28th, 2014
    10:51 am
    Republicans And Animals, Mostly Cats
    I have no idea who wrote this. All I know is it came in an email this morning and I like it well enough to re-post it here. And I have just two personal observations to make. Number one, I've had cats all my life (Don't get excited if you're a dog person, I like them just as much but they don't work for me. Cats are only superior in that if something comes up and you can't come home, you don't have to. It's OK. Cats are fine as long as they have plenty of food and water) and according to what I've seen, this list is accurate. Secondly, I've noticed that many Republicans, especially the crazy right wing radio hosts I listen to, have a very disturbing, homicidal view of cats, they almost seem to fear them for some reason. I have heard both Dennis ( and Glenn ( deliver long murderous anti-cat rants on the air. It's disturbing for a lot of reasons but perhaps most of all because the FBI and nearly every mental health professional say that the easiest way to spot a serial killer is to look at how someone treats or even feels about animals and when you combine how they feel about cats with how they feel about people, especially people who can't fight back...Well, I'll let you draw your own conclusions.

    Oh, and then there's Joni Ernst (Morning Plum: Can Joni Ernst run out the clock?: I've never heard her talk about cats. For all I know, she may love them as much as I do and if she does, good for her. But I have heard her talk about hogs. During the primary she ran an ad (I'll put it at the end just in case you want to see it) where she brags about castrating hogs. I understand that it has to be done but what does it say when someone is happy and even proud about doing it? And not just proud. She used it as a selling point in the primary campaign, for God's sake. I'd say that Joni is obviously a dangerous psychopath but I won't because I'm just going let you draw your own conclusions again.

    That's all I have to say for this one so let's look at how cats are better than Republicans:

    Why cats are not Republicans

    Living with a cat for the first time, you quickly pick up on its behavioral quirks, many of which are common among other cats. What you soon find out is that cats aren't Republican. Here are 12 reasons why not:

    1. Cats are curious about what you do in your bedroom, but they don't try to legislate away your freedom to do it.

    2. Cats may take away your cushion, but they'll give it back to you with a gentle push.

    3. Cats give you attention and sympathy when you're sick.

    4. Females are treated with importance in the cat world.

    5. Cats make use of solar power, often all day long.

    6. Cats lick their own problems and take care of other cats too.

    7. Cats don't blame black and brown cats for their troubles.

    8. Cats know how to ration their resources.

    9. Fat cats are not at the top of the cat hierarchy, are not cat role models, and have more trouble surviving and thriving, not less.

    10. While Republicans blindly follow authority, it is said that getting Democrats to act in unison is like herding cats.

    11. Cats don't foul their own nest.

    12. Cats are popular and well-liked on the Internet and elsewhere.

    And now, for the curious, here is the castrating commercial:

    Republican Ad: I Castrate Hogs!

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
    5:32 am
    Global Warming Deniers, What Do You Do Now?
    Here's another message direct from me to all Global Warming deniers everywhere. Starting with a golden oldie:


    Sarah Palin: It Snowed In Alaska In May, So There Is No Global Warming

    The Huffington Post | By Nick Wing
    Posted: 05/20/2013 12:52 pm EDT Updated: 05/20/2013 3:51 pm EDT

    Global warming isn't happening, former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin (R) argued over the weekend, pointing to the fact that it was snowing in Alaska in May.

    "Global warming my gluteus maximus," she wrote in a post on her Facebook page, adding a small dose of politics to a picture of her youngest daughter Piper in the snow after graduation. "This is what 'Grad Blast' means in Alaska! We'll move our graduation b-b-q indoors and watch the mini-blizzard from 'round the fireplace."

    Palin has been a reliable denier of climate science in the past. She's referred to studies supporting climate change models as "snake oil," and as a vice presidential candidate in 2008, she argued that humans haven't influenced changes in climate.


    Are you Climate Change deniers counting your numbered days? If not, you should be. You have just lost one of your biggest, dumbest but loudest supporters. Sarah Palin. I'm not sure if it JUST happened but going by the date of the above article, I know it is a very recent development, if not the first time. Anyway, this is the first time I've ever heard her say it:


    Global Warming Is Our Eugenics Says Hot Air Expert


    She's still partly on your side. She still insists that Global Warming isn't man-made. But how long will that last? Another year, maybe? If not much sooner. The bigger, more important issue is this: If someone as brain dead and blind as Sarah can finally see that Global Warming is real, why can't you?

    And look at the company you're in. You have the Koch Brothers, the 3% of scientists who are on their payroll plus a lot of media personalities who are also on the payroll. And, of course, you. And Sarah just ran away from all of you. Does that tell you something?

    Seriously. Just how much more proof do you need? I have to give Sarah some credit. Something very bad is about to happen, possibly in Alaska, that is going to be obviously caused by Global Warming and she wants to be able to say, "Yep. I knew it all along." People will still mercilessly laugh at her and drag out the older but still very recent quotes like I just did but at least she's trying to mitigate the damage by being, at the last minute, almost as smart as your typical chimp. It's a huge step forward for her.

    You know what else she gets out of it? She has a taken the moral and intellectual high-ground and now is allowed to laugh at you last remaining deniers. And the minute she flip-flops on the cause, she'll be allowed to laugh even more. So why don't you get with the program and admit the obvious? Are you waiting for the Koch brothers to give you an engraved invitation on a silver platter by admitting it themselves?

    You do know that day is coming, don't you? Unless this announcement from Sarah kills them first. I will have such mixed emotions if that happens. I'll hate being indebted to Sarah but at the same time I'll be so happy about Dave and Charlie being finally dead that I won't know what to do. Maybe I'll be able to convince myself that this announcement from Sarah was orchestrated by them. That it is their way to begin slowly easing themselves out of the Climate Change closet but the shock of hearing her actually say it killed them cause then I wouldn't have to give her credit for purposely trying to kill them.

    But that is my problem, not yours. Your problem is trying to figure what to do now that the most mentally defective person on your side has given up. And what that says about you. And I am beside myself with curiosity wondering how you're going to solve it.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
    Monday, October 27th, 2014
    1:20 am
    Holy Crap On A Cracker
    If you haven't yet had a reason this morning to use the phrase, "Holy crap on a cracker!" I'm about to remedy the problem. Probably. This isn't 100% guaranteed to work for every single one of you, my ten million loyal daily readers, but for a good 95% of you, the reaction is going to be, "Holy crap on a cracker!"

    And you're not just going to say it. You're going to shriek it in a high, panicky, confused voice. Just like Penny did when she saw Sheldon's intern giving him a foot massage. Oh, that's the other reason you're going to shriek, "Holy crap on a cracker!" Because The Big Bang Theory ( isn't on tonight. After watching it on Monday's for a whole month, this week you have to wait until Thursday! Thanks, Obama!

    Maybe you don't officially run CBS but you sure have your long grubby socialist fingers in it, anyway, don't you? You decided that giving us all Ebola wasn't enough, huh? You had to rub salt in that wound, didn't you? And that wasn't even good enough because you had to kill Julie Kotter, too (Marcia Strassman, ‘Welcome Back, Kotter’ Actress, Dies at 66:

    Mr. Woodman, Juan Luis Pedro Felipo de Huevos Epstein, Rosalie "Hotsie" Totsie and Arnold Horshack are all gone, too. When will the carnage end? And it's not just TV. Jack Bruce died on Saturday! Holy crap on a cracker! See? Even I'm doing it. Maybe I don't even need the three videos that are guaranteed to make 95% of you say it because you've already said it. But I'm going to show them, anyway. In no particular order. But I am going to revise my original prediction by saying that a full 98.7% of you are going to respond to at least one of these videos, if not all three, with "Holy crap on a cracker!" :

    Hot Gay Massages Are Bad For War, According To Straight Louis Gohmert

    Black Radio Host Supports Jim Crow Laws

    Politician: I Look Forward To Heaven Because Gays Don’t Get In

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Knapp , WOC AM 1420
    Sunday, October 26th, 2014
    12:03 am
    This Week's Sermon
    As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

    ~~~Isaiah. 55:9

    Since brevity is the heart and soul of football season...The heart and sole, if you're going to have to lunch at Red Lobster and/or are a shoe repairman...when you have to waste the whole morning in church, I'll be brief. You don't want to miss the whole first half because I can't come to the G-D point. That's why I've thrown out my whole intro which was very beautifully written, if I may add, this morning and am starting with my main thesis: BOYCOTT THE LEGAL SYSTEM!

    If that sounds harsh and arbitrary to you, it only means that you haven't been paying attention to the news. Check this out: Judge Orders Woman Convicted Of Drunk Driving To Read The Bible And Write A Summary ( And you'll notice that it happened in 2012! Why am I only being informed of it right now?

    Don't give me a bunch of lousy excuses, either! You will atone! But that can wait. Right now I want you to do everything in your power to get the message across to every to every two bit punk with a black robe, little hammer and a Napoleon Complex that making you feel guilty and worthless through the use of the Word Of God is my turf, not his!

    And if I wanted you to know the story of Job, I'd damned well tell you the story of Job! But now it looks like I have no choice because if I don't, they will and then you'll spend all your Sunday mornings in courtrooms giving all money to judges! We can't have that!

    So fine. Job was one of the oppressed 1%. He had tons wealth. He had seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, a wife, a bunch of kids and lots of servants (Some of whom didn't have Green Cards and that's another reason he was so victimized) plus a bunch of other assorted livestock.

    Then one day, Satan, the leader of the disgruntled, jealous, ungrateful 99%, threw a flag on the play. He went to the Head Referee, God, and said, "Hey, this guy has everything, so take it away from him." I've simplified His request because it was tied up in socialist theological lawyerise mumbo-jumbo about loyalty and piety but you can disregard that and just listen to me.

    So God, because He's so smart and loving, said, "OK. But You do the dirty work. Do anything you want to him except harming him physically and We'll see if he still serves Me or not!" So Satan set about ruining Job. He took away all his animals and his family and money. He left him his wife, which if you've ever been married, you know was the dirtiest cruelest trick of all.

    Why didn't God, who is omniscient and all loving and caring just say, "No. I know exactly what he will do, so there's no need to torture him?" You know what your problem is? You ask too many questions! Go say ten Hail Mary's while I pray for your team to lose today!

    And now I'm totally out of the mood to save your soul. Or sole if you're having seafood for lunch and/or getting your shoes fixed today. Don't look at me like that. You ruined it, I didn't. Just go and watch your team lose and be glad I'm not vindictive! And don't forget the main lesson from today. It is your sacred sworn duty to harass, confound and confuse the enemy (AKA, the judge) to the best of your ability. Until they run screaming from my turf! And then keep doing it because they can't be punished enough! You are on a mission from God! Don't let me down! Go forth and make them rue the day they went to law school! Dismissed! Amen.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Noory, WOC AM 1420
    Saturday, October 25th, 2014
    2:22 am
    ALL Republicans Are Fake

    Governor Caught Photoshopping Black Woman Into Website


    I am so shocked. A Republican had to PhotoShop a Black lady into his ad because no Black people support them. The really good news is, as Cenk pointed out, "How much trouble are in if you have to run Republican's Are People, Too, ads?" It makes me feel better about the future. Well, duh, there is no reason to not feel good about the future. Cause Conservatism is literally dying out. All but the most delusional Republicans even admit it.

    But that does not make the whole future bright. It only makes the far future bright. We still have the problem of the near future. And the very near future. Yes, I'm talking about November 4 again. Yes, I realize I have a problem and should see a therapist. And just as soon as Dr. Hartley ( has an opening, I will go in.

    Until then, I will continue to obsess over it. Or until November 5, whichever comes first. Unless things go badly, in which case you'll just feel dumb for telling me I was worrying too much. And if things go well, we'll all be so happy and relieved that we won't even remember my excessive worrying. So really, I can't lose.

    That should make me feel better but it doesn't. Maybe that's why you keep telling me I'm crazy. I'd debunk that argument, too, if I had time. But I don't. Because your insane inability to clearly see how sane I am is a taking a backseat to a more important issue.

    Jack Bruce has just died (Cream bassist Jack Bruce dies: I mean, he literally just died. A lot of times...Robin Williams is a notable recent exception to this rule..., celebrity deaths aren't announced until the next day or even a week later but not this time. The timing of the announcement doesn't really matter but I think the way we do it is interesting so I mentioned it.

    Anyway, I could talk for a long time about Jack and Cream and all the other things he did but a lot of people who are much better at it than I am are going to do that. So I am just going to let the music speak for itself. Not the all the music, cause as much as you'd like to listen to Jack's whole catalog and as much as I'd like to post it, we just don't have that kind of time.

    So I'm going with just one song. Crossroads. For no particular reason. And, just in case you're an older, frail Conservative, I should tell you that this song is all about Devil worship and selling your soul to Satan. Here, take a deeper look into it: Robert Johnson: the Legend, the Devil, the Crossroads, and 27 (

    I really hope it doesn't cause you to have a fatal heart attack or stroke. Cause I'd really miss you. More so, I'd be disappointed because you couldn't vote anymore. Of course, you'd get the last laugh cause you'd go straight to Heaven to spend all eternity with Jesus, while I continue to be stuck here. That would really show me and I wouldn't blame you a bit if you died just to teach me a lesson.

    You know, if I had it to do all over again, I'd pick a different song but what's done is done and I'll just have to live with the consequences. With that, I give you Jack Bruce, Ginger Baker and Eric Clapton, AKA Cream, with Crossroads:

    Cream - Crossroads (Farewell Concert - Extended Edition) (5 of 11)

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Noory, WOC AM 1420
    Friday, October 24th, 2014
    9:56 am
    It's Friday, You Bastards

    THU OCT 23, 2014 AT 06:00 AM PDT

    The Science Of Fox News: Why Its Viewers Are The Most Misinformed

    The Core Thesis: Authoritarian people have a stronger emotional need for an outlet like Fox, where they can find affirmation and escape factual challenges to their beliefs.
    Insights from Chris Mooney’s book The Republican Brain: The Science of Why They Deny Science and Reality.

    Now I know this is going to raise all kinds of hackles but I find the book fascinating and the article referred to here does a reasonable strong job representing a research heavy 336 page tome. The Amazon Link provided provides more insights in the reviews there. Here is one of them: "Drawing on a growing body of empirical research, he provides an intelligent, nuanced and persuasive account of how conservatives and liberals tend to differ at the level of psychology and personality" (Financial Times, April 2012).


    The other day, someone on Blogster (I don't remember the specific post or even the blogger but here is the source if you want to hunt for it: used the phrase, "liberal pussy's," as an accusation and I want to plead guilty. At least partly. Because I am scared to death of the upcoming election. I don't have any of the imaginary fears that my Conservative friends have, you know, things like the fear of God getting mad about abortion and Gay rights and all the dangerous poor people who are threatening to yank the tax free caviar right out of the mouths of deserving rich people but I am afraid of this election. I think I have solid rational reasons for the fear but if you want to call me a coward for being afraid of election day, I won't argue because maybe you're right. Maybe I could be braver.

    But I also won't stop presenting things like the article above. And I won't stop issuing factual challenges to Conservative beliefs. No matter how well they do on November 4. But that's really just the starting point because I get the most joy out of presenting things like this: PISS OFF THE GOP & VOTE! (

    Of course, I hope I can add, "HA, losers!" to them. You know what? I might do it anyway, even if they clean up on November 4. Why not? Rational thought and honesty have no place in a country run by Republicans and if you can't beat'em, join'em, so I'll just start making up my own facts, starting with election results. I'll just say we won.

    I'll also say that I know how to work this computer doohickey and it's your fault if you can't see the great picture at PISS OFF THE GOP & VOTE! (, because I put it right here where you could see it without having to click on the link. But since I'm still tethered to logic and common sense for at least a few more days, I have to say I'm sorry to make you click but it will be worth it because the picture is awesome. As is their RIGHT TO WORK IS A LIE sign, which you can see here:

    And now that all the tedious but worthwhile clicking is done, let's get the party rolling by seeing what Fifi, my Sommelier, has invented for tonight's Theme Drink:


    FOX News Eraser


    2 oz Jack Daniels
    2 oz Cactus Juice liqueur
    Fill with Cola

    Mixing instructions:

    Just mix over ice in the glass.


    And now, before Don Young can accuse me of making the suicide rate go up (Like he did to those school kids: GOP congressman tells school children they are to blame for classmate's suicide ( because I told you a bunch of depressing things and then gave you alcohol) let me take your mind off how depressing the world is and how drunk you are by starting tonight's Featured Party Game: Binders Full Of Girls Who Will Offer No Factual Challenges To Your Beliefs. If this doesn't make me a hero in the anti-suicide community, I don't know what will.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Red State Update: Episode 40: This Ain't My First Racist Ro
    Thursday, October 23rd, 2014
    7:30 am
    A Bright Side?
    If the GOP keeps the House and gains control of the Senate, can anything good come out of it? I think not. Wait. Let me rephrase that just in case I wasn't clear: I THINK NOT!!!!!!!!! There, that's better. I learned that little trick from my Republican friends. The louder you speak, the more right and clear you become. But I didn't come here today to praise Republicans. I came to bury them. But what if that doesn't happen? Could it actually be a good thing if they win?

    I've already shouted my opinion, so now it's time to look at another one: How the 'Seinfeld election' could actually make a difference ( I don't know the lady who wrote that, in fact I'd never even heard of her until I read this article so I don't want to say anything bad about her. What I will say is that she's obviously drunk. Or crazy. Maybe both.

    If you think the GOP is going to do anything useful or constructive for you just because you voted for them, I must say, at the slight risk of repeating myself, you are drunk. Or crazy. Maybe both. That's not to say that I don't see the usefulness of a good delusion, though. Think for a minute about the worst case scenario. And keep in mind, that it isn't even a severely remote possibility. The Republicans could win every race this time.

    What are you going to do then? For a lot a of people, the solution is obvious but for just as many, it's not a solution at all. Because they have already long ago given up drugs and alcohol and they don't want to go back to them. Even during the Apocalypse. And even if you do still have drugs and alcohol, you will still have the universal problem of not being able to get through to the Suicide Hotline.

    Most of their operators are going to kill themselves and the ones who are left are going to have massive crowds to deal with. Calling them is going to be like trying to drive out of town at five o'clock at the start of a holiday weekend during a forced evacuation. And may God help you if you've also quit smoking.

    But not all is lost. For a few months at least, you can cling to the idea that the Republicans will try to save themselves by rebranding. That they'll stop trying to take away your healthcare and outsource your job and do the right thing about immigration. While you're at it, you might as well also believe that they'll come around on things like Abortion, Marriage Equality, Equal Pay and the Minimum Wage.

    That should get you through January. Until the day they actually take office and show you just how false your false hopes were. After that, you're on your own, cause I'm out of ideas. But if you want to come back from the future to the present and try to prevent the worst from happening, I can give you an idea.

    I don't know how effective it will be but here it is: Go out and vote. It's the same thing I'm stuck with and I don't see anything else to do. I guess you could also pray if that's what you're into. I'm not going to turn down anything. I won't even make fun of you for thinking that you have to tell an omniscient being what you want.

    Of course, if you're not just happy with the War On Women, The War On Gays and the War On The Poor (And don't think if you're anything less than a billionaire that you're not the enemy) but want to see them escalated, none of this applies to you. And if you're buying the They Are All The Same So It Doesn't Matter argument now, before you have to because it'll be a coping mechanism, I just want to remind you that to an allergist, a slice of bread and a glass of whiskey are the same thing.

    You don't have to tell me about bad Democrats. I live in Illinois. I know how bad they can be. But I also know the Republicans are worse and until we wipe them out, we have no chance of turning the Democrats into a party we can live with. Or even creating a real and viable progressive alternative from scratch. And the Democrats will at least do some small good things with the aforementioned issues.

    So stop seeing whiskey and bread as being the same thing! No matter how chemically identical they may be. Even if you're an allergist! If you don't believe me, prove it to yourself by doing a side by side taste test of bread and whiskey. I think you'll be able to tell the difference.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
    Wednesday, October 22nd, 2014
    9:13 am
    Time To Try Another Approach?
    Mass incarceration on a scale almost unexampled in human history is a fundamental fact of our country today—perhaps the fundamental fact, as slavery was the fundamental fact of 1850. In truth, there are more black men in the grip of the criminal-justice system—in prison, on probation, or on parole—than were in slavery then. Over all, there are now more people under ‘correctional supervision’ in America—more than six million—than were in the Gulag Archipelago under Stalin at its height.

    —Adam Gopnik, “The Caging of America”

    Do you ever wonder what it's like to be in prison? If you live in the United States, maybe you should. Even if you think there would never be a reason to put you behind bars. We are crazy about the Lock Them All Up And Let God Sort'em Out principle. Check out some of our stats: America's Enormous Prison Population Got Even Bigger (

    Your odds of getting incarcerated for something just keep growing because now you are a potential profit center for guys like Mitt Romney. Well, duh. That's all you've ever been but with for profit prisons (And they aren't even new. The South has always had them but they always had to pretend they weren't for profit and now they're out in the open and mainstreamed) you're in an even worse position than ever before. Right now, I don't want to go more into our insane prison population and the reasons behind it...As if the excerpt above doesn't already pretty much say it all...but I want to tell you why I am thinking more about it than usual this morning.

    Dwight Pink Jr., an inmate at Cheshire Correctional Institute in Connecticut is suing the state in the hopes of keeping a book (Horny Murderer Sues State for Right to View Porn: Now, Dwight isn't the kind of prisoner that I have a lot of sympathy for. Assuming he really is guilty of murder and these days that's a pretty big assumption to make but let's say he is guilty.

    He's in prison, paying for his crime and from what I've learned from Rachel ( sending me to prison every Friday night for the last few years---Because after her Friday show, they shift to their All Prison All Weekend lineup, well, it isn't ALL prison but it mostly is---he's not having a good time. And I don't feel too bad about that.

    But I think he should have his book of naked pictures if he wants it. If for no other reason than from what I've seen about legal pornography and prostitution reducing sexual assaults. I apologize to all you Conservatives who just had a heart attack but it's true. Legalizing the things you hate the most make the world safer for everyone. Forgive me but I think that making prison rape more rare is a good thing. And it's better for guards because happier prisoners are less likely to kill them.

    And this isn't just about convicted murderers. Or rapists. Or pick whatever your favorite real crime is. This is also about all the people who have done nothing wrong other than offending the sensibilities of little old ladies who are afraid of their own shadows and still consider Reefer Madness to be a serious medical documentary. I'm not here to embarrass anyone, so as usual, I won't mention any names...If you want to find them, you can easily enough. Starting right here cause they leave me lots of comments but if you want a good representative example of what they look like, here's Jim (

    And even if it were only about real criminals...Go ahead and stretch your imagination to the breaking point by picturing a world where we only lock up those who should be locked up...would it make a difference? What are we intending to do with prisons? To protect people and to then release prisoners who will no longer be a threat to society. Can we achieve that by letting people like Jim decide the protocols? All the evidence provided by the last 4000 years or so of recorded history says no. It says that just the opposite happens when you treat prisoners like garbage. So why don't we try something different?

    There are a million things to we need to do, starting with taking the profit motive out of incarceration. The other first thing is to make sure we stop arresting people for stupid things that aren't really crimes. In the meantime, we can do little things like letting Dwight Pink Jr. have his book full of dirty pictures. And even if you wanted to set it up as a reward or something, like you have to make so many license plates or whatever to get it, I'd be OK with it. What I'm not OK with is taking people in a bad situation and making it needlessly worse for them on purpose and giving them nothing to lose. Even the ones who are never going to be released.

    OK, that's all I have for this one except for this, one of my favorite Johnny Cash numbers that I hardly ever have an excuse to play. Oh, wait. Just one more thing, sir. Or ma'am. If you're like Jim Fisher and you think I'm being a crackpot, I want to show you something from the Bible you're always talking about but apparently never read: Remember those who are in prison, as though in prison with them, and those who are mistreated, since you also are in the body (Hebrews 13:3). OK, I think the band is ready now, so take it away, JC!:

    Johnny Cash - Folsom Prison Blues - Live at San Quentin (Good sound quality)

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
    Tuesday, October 21st, 2014
    12:12 am
    Maybe This Time Will Be Different
    One need only to look as far as Kansas to see that Republicans can offer nothing but failure (After Huge Tax Cuts For The Rich, Kansas’s Economy Is Foundering: We didn't need Kansas to prove the obvious. History is littered with examples of how handing money to the real Welfare Queens, the "hard working" Conservatives who don't work at all is a bad idea. Well, we wouldn't need it but you know the Republicans. They just keep touching that hot stove. And they keep getting burned worse every time.

    It would be funny if we weren't chained to them in such a way that we get burned, too. But maybe this time will be different. And not just in Kansas. Yesterday, Ed ( had a very good interview with Mary Burke and things seem to be looking up in Wisconsin, too. Maybe, Finally, they will dump their criminal and very inept Governor, Scott Walker and it's not just Wisconsin, either. Groove on this, babies: Gubernatorial Shakeups Loom Amid Elections (

    Georgia, Massachusetts, Alaska, Wisconsin, Michigan, Colorado, Illinois, Connecticut, Kansas, Florida, Maine, Arkansas, and Pennsylvania might all switch parties. Of course, we don't want the Democrats on that list to lose...I am going to hold my nose and vote for Pat Quinn...but I don't think they will. The three that really count are Kansas, Florida and Wisconsin and things are looking pretty good for them.

    The one I'm most concerned with is Wisconsin. Maybe because it's so close. Maybe it's because of never ending stories like this: How Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker shows contempt for the working poor ( And this: Wisconsin Legislature, Failing to Create Jobs, Opts to Punish the Unemployed (

    Anyway, for whatever reason, I find Scott Walker the most repulsive of the repulsive Republicans. He's very lucky and he cheats a lot (With Voter ID On Hold, Here’s What Wisconsin Republicans Have Planned For Election Day: OK, that makes him a typical Republican but like I said, I still find him especially slimy for some he might win but this time maybe they'll finally put him in jail where he belongs (Prosecutors: Wis. Gov. Scott Walker in criminal scheme:

    And if the people of Wisconsin do the right thing for once and he loses, I still hope he goes to jail. Maybe he can share a cell with Sam Brownback and Rick Scott. At the very least, the three of them should be given an opportunity to car pool to the unemployment office. And all that's left to say is this: Republicans, the stove is hot! Don't touch it again!

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Noory, WOC AM 1420
    Monday, October 20th, 2014
    12:03 am
    Jon's Solution
    There is nothing new from me in this one. This is merely a very funny video response to one of the commenters on the post I made earlier today about Global Warming. It's also for everyone who suffers in silence at all the willful blindness surrounding the issue and would like to laugh about it for a minute:

    Jon Stewart Knocks Republicans For Being Willfully Blind On Climate Change

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Knapp , WOC AM 1420
    12:02 am
    Conservatives Wasting Money
    Damages from storms, flooding, and heat waves are already costing local economies
    billions of dollars—we saw that firsthand in New York City with Hurricane Sandy. With
    the oceans rising and the climate changing, the Risky Business report details the costs
    of inaction in ways that are easy to understand in dollars and cents—and impossible
    to ignore.

    — Risky Business Project Co-Chair Michael R. Bloomberg

    You probably don't realize it because I hide it so well but I'm oftentimes hard on Climate Change deniers. I don't mean to be. Because I know that a few of them are sincere. They aren't just repeating everything Rush tells them to repeat. And they aren't the ones who are going to start shouting that Michael R. Bloomberg is just another deluded Liberal---He's not. He's technically an Independent, only because a Republican can't get elected in New York, but he started out as a Republican and he still is and always will be a Republican---They're the ones who are going to start presenting wishful thinking that appears to be supported by evidence.

    How they can't see what even someone as dense as Mike sees is beyond me but that's not my concern. Not today, anyway. Maybe it will be again tomorrow but today my concern is money. Just in case Alex Trebek is listening, I'm going to put it in the form of a question, "How much more of my money are you going to waste?"

    If you're a Conservative, I want to add: Just like you waste my money with the war on drugs, corporate welfare and a million other of your hair brained schemes. You people claim to be so fiscally responsible and good at business but you're neither. Not even a tiny bit. Look at Kansas, for God's sake! Handling money is what you do worst. But can you change? Wouldn't this be a good time to start trying?

    Don't get me wrong. I hope you're right and the climate just magically returns to normal in the near future cause that would save everyone a lot of needless suffering and death, not to mention tons of money but since none of the data and no credible scientist who doesn't work for an oil or coal company says it will, what would it hurt to play it safe?

    Getting off oil and using cleaner, cheaper alternatives will do nothing but good, even if the climate is fine. The only drawback is that people like the Koch brothers won't make as much money. What good is that? And what happens when the evidence gets so clear that no one can deny Global Warming? Are you just going to shrug and say, "Well, I guess I was wrong?" That might work but keep in mind, there are going to be lots of very angry people with nothing left to lose at that point. In other words, good luck cause you're setting yourself up. You're making a bad situation even worse.

    And maybe you're my age and you aren't worried because all these reports say that it won't come to that until after we are dead. That's a pretty brave position to take because we may be the first generation to live into our 100's in huge numbers (It seems likely) and even if that doesn't happen, you're betting that all these predictions will be right instead of happening faster than the experts think they will. Thus far, most of them have happened much faster than anyone thought they would.

    And before you get all excited about Antarctic sea ice, remember it is much thinner than it should be and the greater area doesn't matter. In fact, if you look at the models created years ago, you'll see it follows the predictions almost to the letter. So why not dump oil? And coal? You can even keep denying Climate Change if you want. I won't even make fun of you. Well, I'll try to not make fun of you anymore. When we go out, I might even start picking up the check once in a while since you'll be saving me money for once.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Knapp , WOC AM 1420
    Sunday, October 19th, 2014
    12:03 am
    This Week's Sermon
    So he, trembling and astonished, said, "Lord, what do You want me to do?"

    ---Acts 9:6---

    For the past sixteen hours or so, I've been on my hands and knees, praying for guidance. All alone. Just me, my Bible...That's not quite as crazy as it sounds if you remember that I've given up Atheism until after the election because we need all the help we can get, even if it's imaginary...and my favorite fictional being. Wonder Woman. I know it's a bit more traditional for someone in my position to use Someone like God, Jesus, Zeus or Buddha---Sorry if I left out your favorite deity but there are just too many to list them all and none of us want to be late for the Falcons-Ravens game, do we?---or even a plain ordinary altar boy but I'm not into that so I called The King Of Heavenly Grace Escort Service (They're my favorite religious supply company) and said, "Send me over a statuesque Amazon type in a Wonder Woman costume."

    And just like the Good Book says, ask and ye shall receive. The Good Book doesn't say anything about also having to provide a credit card number but we're not going to quibble about that, are we? No, we're not. We're just going to say Praise Jesus and be thankful. Deeply fulfilling spiritual journeys like this don't grow on trees, you know. The only thing that could make it better is if I hadn't realized that it's Sunday morning again and I have to write this week's sermon.

    I'd ask Wonder...I call her Wonder but she's kind of picky about what strangers call her, so you should probably stick to MS Woman or MS Price if she's not in her Wonder Woman outfit. Right now she's in only half of her costume, so either one is fine but if you happen to run into her in Themyscira she insists on Princess Diana of Themyscira...for help but I can't because she's asleep. She said, "I'm exhausted. Wake me up in an hour. Not a minute sooner or I'll show you what else I can do with the Lasso of Truth and it won't be fun this time," and then she passed out right there on the pool table.

    It's kind of shame because I think she knows more about theology than I do. I'm not completely sure but the way she was moaning, "Oh God, oh God," seems to indicate that she went to a much better seminary than I did. Either that or she thinks I'm God, which is a natural mistake that a lot of girls make.

    Anyway, I am, in effect, all alone here and I have to come up with a way to save your soul without boring you to death in the process. And it's not like it bothers me but I do wonder why I have to do it every week. Doesn't it seem like I should be able to do it once and then take Sundays off for the rest of my life? Just how much sinning are you doing?

    Lucky for you, the customer is always right and I'm not even allowed to ask that question. So maybe I'll just tell you the story about the guy with the boat. It's kind of impressive and inspiring because he built it himself. And then he put 2 of every animal in it, along with his family and enough food to support all of them for forty days and it didn't even sink (Oh! It rained a lot, too. That's kind of an important plot element so I wanna make sure I don't forget it). Or become uninhabitable because of the smell. It even has a happy ending. That's my favorite part. God killed everyone on Earth and all the animals except for the ones on the boat but they were fine and the people repopulated the Earth through holy incest because they were all related. The moral of the story is God loves everyone. And He proves it by drowning most of them.

    OK, it's settled. I'm going with the boat story. And I'm done because the best part of football season is that you're not going to ask for an encore. Now all I have to do is figure out what I'm gonna do until Wonder wakes up. Next week, remind me to order a Batgirl, too, so I won't have all this annoying down time.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Noory, WOC AM 1420
    Saturday, October 18th, 2014
    12:20 am
    Another Suicide?
    We might have another celebrity suicide, Misty Upham. It seems to be a cut and dried case of suicide, at least from what has been published so far, but not everyone agrees: Juliette Lewis claims Misty Upham's death not a suicide ( But having read Juliette's Instagram post, it seems to me that she really thinks it was suicide, too. Why else would she say, "This is another great reminder to call and check on someone when you think to. Not when it's too late."

    Unless she means that you should just automatically assume that everyone is about to die all the time. That's kind of a valid argument because death is hardly limited to the old. But it's not very practical. And after a while, you would be bound to feel like you were overdoing it. Wouldn't you? I suspect so. I also suspect that's why you limit your obsessive checking and calling to people you really think are likely to die soon. The very ill, the very old and the people you think just might kill themselves soon. And when life does throw you a curve ball, you just accept that you couldn't have known because you're not a Fortune Teller.

    There's another funny thing about this case. In another article, ‘August: Osage County’ Actress Misty Upham Confirmed Dead at 32 (, it says, "Upham, also known for roles in “Frozen River” and “Django Unchained,” was reported missing by her family on Oct. 6, a day after they told police she was suicidal."

    Now that may be an error but let's assume for a minute it isn't. Why would the family tell the police she was suicidal on the day BEFORE she disappeared? That tells me to look very closely into the murder theory even though they say there is no evidence of foul play so far. Before an incident such as a disappearance or even an overt suicide attempt, what can the police do? Could they even do something if there was a suicide attempt? So why report it to them? The suicidal report just shouts ADVANCE COVER-UP to me. It also suggests that we should look at the family first, not the enemies that Juliette talks about.

    Don't they have hot lines and counseling centers for talking about what you should do when someone is suicidal? Calling the police just seems very suspicious. And not very bright. Or maybe I'm just to suspicious. Maybe they panicked, didn't know what to do and so just called the police. But then why would they immediately insist that it wasn't suicide the minute after the body was found?

    This is very strange territory for me because I'm almost defending the police, whom the family is also dissing for not doing enough to search for her. It's just too fishy for me to let go. But if this case is just what a lot of the circumstantial evidence indicates, a suicide, could this be the very first time that all of us admit that she wasn't crazy because life really really sucks for most of the 7 billion people who live here? The first time we don't we don't pretend that you would have to be insane to not want to be here?

    Or is that too much to ask? While you're thinking that over, let me offer you a bribe of sorts. This is just a recent, and all things considered, pretty mild example of just how unpleasant the world is. If you're in the Suicide Is Crazy camp, just watch it and then tell me if you still think suicide is insane:

    'Miss Hitler 2014’ Contestants You Did NOT SEE Coming

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Noory, WOC AM 1420
    Friday, October 17th, 2014
    12:55 am
    It's Flashbask Friday, You Bastards
    This is not a personal memory. How could it be when what I am about show you is from 1967 and I wasn't born until 1996? Unless you want to believe the obvious lie that is my Birth Certificate. Do you believe everything the Liberal Drive-By Media in cooperation with the Liberal Drive-By Government tells you? You do? Fine. I won't argue. I'll just jump headfirst into your delusional fantasy land by saying, I was three years old when this happened.

    But before I say that, I want to say that this is more a plea than a memory. And before I say that, I want to say that I don't want you to think this is a put down of my Conservative commenters. I value each and every one of them because all feedback, just like publicity, is good feedback. And even bad discussion is better than no discussion at all. I hope all you Conservatives who are giving me comments keep doing so.

    Please keep that in mind. I can't say this enough, this is not a criticism of my Conservative commenters. It is a plea to recruit better, additional ones. Ones like William F. Buckley, Jr. Bill is the costar of the video I'm about to show you. The other star is Woody Allen and I want you to notice something about them. They could not be more diametrically opposed, politically speaking and yet what happens when they talk? Not once do they raise their voices.

    They insult each other. They even threaten each other. They argue. They debate. They lob more insults. But not once do they shout. They are so secure about themselves that they don't have to. They also respect each other. More so, they respect their audience. And when it's done, I don't walk away mad. I walk away thinking, "Why can't I ever meet a Conservative like that?"

    I wonder. Even though I know the answer. The truth is that the good days that so many people pine for never really existed, as many people claim. But it's not the whole truth. The whole truth is that there were things about the good old days that were quantifiably better than today. And one of them was Bill Buckley (He died 2007 but he didn't do much from around 1993 until his death).

    There are just not any Conservatives like him anymore. The "intellectual" of the GOP today is Charles Krauthammer, who has a room temperature IQ and a personality to match. Its' voice is Rush Limbaugh and all his clones and they are even dumber than Chuck and they compensate by assuming that the person with the biggest mouth wins. And that example trickles all the way down to here, the Blogs, where the Dittoheads imitate their heroes by thinking they can win by being as crass, vulgar and loud as possible.

    Instead of knowing the facts and arguing them as well and reasonably as they are able, they make up their own facts and say things like, "75 cents out of every welfare dollar spent goes to California. I would kick them out and make them an "occupied territoty" like the virgin islands." To be fair, maybe the 75 cents fact is correct, I didn't check it but I know that California only gets 20 cents back for every dollar of Federal tax they pay, which is the far more important point. And I'm not much better, I do try to have my facts correct (I'm not always successful but at least I try) but I am quick to respond with, "You idiot!"

    But if someone like Bill were to respond to me, I would respond in kind. But if you were to act like Woody Allen with everyone, what would it get you? Just an endless parade of more Rush clones. Shouting their made-up facts. So why not just shout back? That is what we're stuck with today. And that's not even the whole truth. There are Conservatives like Bill today. They aren't as smart as Bill was (That's not their fault because very few people are as smart as Bill. He was wrong about just about everything but one thing you can't say about him is that he wasn't smart. It seems like a contradiction but somehow it isn't). I've seen them. Bill (, Rachel (, Ed ( and many others have had them on and they had really good discussions with them but the problem is that all these decent Conservatives also don't have Bill's personality so they are instantly forgotten.

    More germane to our current discussion, they don't comment on blogs. At least they don't comment on my blogs. That's the real reason people are always saying the good old days were better! But maybe the problem is simple to solve. Maybe they don't give me comments because I have never invited them to. So let's pray this does the trick by acting as an invitation. Direct from 1967, here are Wood Allen and Bill Buckley talking about politics and a few other things:

    Woody Allen vs William Buckley - FUNNY

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Noory, WOC AM 1420
    12:54 am
    It's Friday, You Bastards
    A lot of people say I'm nothing but a bleeding heart soft on crime Liberal but that's not really true. True, I want massive reforms in our entire criminal justice system starting with no longer locking up people who have done nothing wrong. In other words I want the stupid, costly war on drugs ended. And I want to change our prisons so they are no longer crime universities, while at the same time changing society itself in a way that makes crime an undesirable career choice for most people. In other words, I think we should go back to making work worthwhile for people (For instance, it should be impossible for someone to work and not be able to support him or herself and their families). There's more but those are my major positions and I don't think they make me soft on crime.

    And then, occasionally, a case like this comes along that makes me look downright Conservative: Kansas man charged in rape of 100-year-old ( because my first reaction to it is, "Lock him up for life." The burglary doesn't bother me that much but the rape send me over the edge. And it wouldn't bother me a bit if that lady had had a gun and killed Kasey Nesbitt and his accomplices before or even after she had been raped. And I know that about half of you are saying right now, "Yeah! That's exactly what we should do!" And about half of you are saying, "No way, that's way too harsh." The rest are saying, "I understand your point but I'm just not sure."

    What should happen now is that all three groups should get together, have a discussion and determine some middle ground that we can all live with but that's the exact opposite of what we do. What we do is leave this to DA's (Who in most places are really politicians because they are elected posts), the police and the victims. The worst part of this scheme is including the victims. Why? That's a fair question and I'm going to answer it by paraphrasing (Because I don't remember his exact words) something Ben ( said in a TYT ( video.

    They were talking about the Death Penalty and how victim's families are included in the process and Ben said something like this, "Revenge? We all want revenge. For everything. I want the kid who fucked up my drive-through order to be killed. That's why victim's should be left out of it." Before I go on, I have remind those of you in MOP (MILF's Opposing Profanity) that Ben is the one who can't watch his mouth, not me. Don't stop sleeping with the messenger!

    Now, I want to disagree with Ben a tiny, almost insignificant bit by saying the victims should get a voice. But that's all, a voice, just like the rest of us. Not the final word. And if we did that with everything, not just crime, would it solve all our problems? No. But if we did it with all our problems, there's a good chance we could reduce the problems to a manageable or at least an acceptable level.

    Anyway, it's something to think about. But not today. Thank God, cause all that thinking would just give us a headache and there are far better ways to get headaches. That's why the aforementioned God gave us Fridays. So let's show just how thankful we are by seeing what Fifi, Sommelier, has created for tonight's Theme Drink:


    Citron My Face


    1 oz Absolut Citron
    1/2 oz Grand Marnier
    1-1/2 oz Sour mix
    1 oz 7-Up

    Mixing instructions:

    Mix over ice and strain


    As a totally neutral bystander, I have to say I really like tonight's theme. And the way tonight's Featured Party Game ties into it: Binders Full Of Girls Performing A Modern Interpretation Of Crime And Punishment. Fyodor Dostoyevsky would be so proud if he could only see it.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Noory, WOC AM 1420
    Thursday, October 16th, 2014
    12:02 am
    It's Columbus Day, You Bastards

    1492. As children we were taught to memorize this year with pride and joy as the year people began living full and imaginative lives on the continent of North America. Actually, people had been living full and imaginative lives on the continent of North America for hundreds of years before that. 1492 was simply the year sea pirates began to rob, cheat, and kill them.


    The chief weapon of sea pirates, however, was their capacity to astonish. Nobody else could believe, until it was too late, how heartless and greedy they were.

    ~~~Kurt Vonnegut, Breakfast of Champions~~~

    All you people who felt sure that my annual salute to Columbus Day was going to be late have just learned a very valuable lesson: Never ever doubt my ability to hit a deadline. Cause look. It's only Thursday the 16th and this one isn't even due until Monday the 13th. According to my math, that makes me a full -3 days ahead of schedule.

    I wish I could say the same thing about the budget. Oh, that reminds me! If you happen to see my accountants, don't tell them you're my biggest fan and you would do anything to meet me (Just send me a private message for that and I'll work out the details with you myself. If you're female, include two current photos, a front and rear view and some basic information. If you're unsure of what information to give, just pick up the latest issue of Playboy and answer all the questions on the Playmate Data Sheet), tell them I really need another $408,422.84 to complete It's Columbus Day, You Bastards. Dress nicely and act like you know what you're doing. Tell them you went over my receipts with a fine tooth comb and could find no funny business at all. Every single one of them is a legitimate business expense.

    Now, where was I? Oh, yeah. My calculations indicate that I am a full -3 days early with this one. You have no reason to doubt my math, either, cause I am a proud graduate of The Limbaugh Institute Of Advanced Conservative Mathematical Studies. I didn't just learn Deadline Calculating, either. I also learned that higher global temperatures + shrinking ice caps + rising sea levels = GLOBAL WARMING IS A HOAX!

    Sorry about the all caps but that's how Rush, the Dean of The Limbaugh Institute Of Advanced Conservative Mathematical Studies taught it. He insisted that it not be said but that it be shouted. And you got extra credit if you banged your fist on the table at the same time. But I didn't just take math courses. You know what else I learned? From David (, Rush's brother and frequent guest lecturer at The Limbaugh Institute Of Advanced Conservative Mathematical Studies, I learned that Black people have a place. Barefoot and chained up in the cotton field, except when we decide to use them for target practice.

    You might have heard Dave explain that himself on Glenn's show ( the other day when he talked about how unfair it is that he can't say that Trayvon Martin deserved to be killed because he was Black without him being labeled a racist. You see, you damn Liberals are taking away his religious freedom by not allowing him to shoot Black kids.

    The same way you're trying to ruin Columbus Day! By trying to rewrite history by accurately portraying Chris as a murderer, rapist and thief who enjoyed nothing more than genocide and human trafficking. I swear to Ronald Reagan that if this wasn't a sacred holiday, I'd...I'd...I'd....Well, I'd do something, that's for sure! And you won't like it! Unless you do like that sort of thing and if that's the case, make sure to include it on your Playmate Data Sheet.

    But right now, etiquette dictates that I treat you as if you were a real person because this holiday is all about peace, love, understanding and togetherness. And shopping for furniture. And, to tolerate all the crowds and the sub-human mongrels like you, booze. So let's see what Fifi, my Sommelier, has invented for today's Theme Drink:


    Columbus Day Cocaine Shooter


    1/2 oz Amaretto
    1/2 oz Bailey's irish cream
    1/2 oz Dark Creme de Cacao
    1/2 oz Tia maria
    1/4 oz Half-and-half
    1 splash Coca-Cola

    Mixing instructions:

    Shake with ice and strain. Serve in chilled shot glass.


    Remember, this is a holiday! So say Grace before you guzzle it. And then say Grace again before you start playing tonight's Featured Party Game: Binders Full Of Girls Who Need To Be Civilized. Have fun and before you know it, this stupid holiday will be over and we can all go back to telling each other what we really think.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Noory, WOC AM 1420
    Wednesday, October 15th, 2014
    12:01 am
    Preaching To The Choir
    If you're a Liberal, this one is going to be a waste of your time. If you're a Conservative, you have been so thoroughly programmed by your keepers to not believe what I'm about to show you that it isn't going to change your mind. So why am I wasting my time like this? Well, if you're cynical, you'd say it's a combination of laziness---cause I don't have to put any effort into something half the people are going to stop reading after the first sentence and the other half after the second sentence---and writer's block coupled with a strong desire to screw my Agent.

    You're kind of right about me wanting to screw Dru (Have you ever met my Agent? Look, she has her own Wiki entry: because having sex with the evil undead violates the sodomy laws in 43 states and that turns me on but I've already done it so it's not like I'm actively seeking it all the time, so you're really not right at all (I will give you some free advice, though. If you ever find yourself dating a Vampire or as they like to be called now, a Soul Challenged American, never ever say, "Bite me!" Not even as a joke. Seriously.). And I do have writer's block but I am a driven workaholic---However, I'm in a 12 step program for it and I'm making a lot of progress. But other than that, you're totally wrong.

    And I don't even fully have writer's block. I had a really good idea for today. I was going to tell you about the first time I ever appeared nude in a movie. But then when I got to the part where I describe the look on that usher's face as she escorted me out of the theater, it became too hard to go on. So, strike 3.

    Cheer up, though. You're only zero for three and that means you're still way overqualified to play for the Cubs and how many people can say that? Aside from everyone? So don't feel bad about yourself. There are already too many people on that bandwagon. Don't over crowd it.

    But that doesn't mean you shouldn't feel bad in general about everything else for a whole lot of very good reasons. Like, for instance, our entire culture is geared to ripping you off in one way or another. Here's a rather minor, yet especially aggravating example:

    John Oliver on Misleading Labeling of Food Products

    A little more troubling than that one is this one:

    john oliver aug 3 2013 mcdonlds min wage fox

    Before we go any further, I need to point out, just in case you work for the IRS, John Oliver and/or HBO are giving me nothing for these completely uncompensated plugs. As far as you know. And the only thing left to do is point out that those two examples along the millions of others that I'm not mentioning have a huge chance of getting a million times worse because a lot of people are going to vote for the party that wants them to get worse. And they might win big. No wonder you want to play for the Cubs. If things go badly in November, I'm not gonna want to have anything to do with winners, either.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Coast To Coast AM---George Noory, WOC AM 1420
    Tuesday, October 14th, 2014
    7:29 am
    Just Another Short Rant About Idiots Who Deny Climate Change
    I am firmly convinced that all you climate change deniers out there are beyond all hope. I mean, how much more evidence could you possibly need? I'm also aware of your severe mental weaknesses. You're afraid of something that clearly does not exist, a God that cares about this planet. Notice that I didn't say that there is no God, even though that is the most likely scenario but since I can't prove it and for all I know there is a God, I'll even stipulate to it just to move things along. But there is ample evidence that this God could not care less about anything that happens here. And yet, He is what frightens you. At the same time, you are buried in evidence for Global warming and you just smugly laugh it off as a hoax.

    Even so, every time there is a new article such as this one, U.S. Military Prepares for Global Unrest Amid Climate Fears (Op-Ed) (, I get this odd totally unjustified feeling that it will be enough to convince you. And every time, you let me down. These things just make you double-down on junk science, wishful thinking, outright lies and delusion.

    My favorite is the assertion that there has been no warming in 14 or 15 years. The polite response to that is, COW COOKIES! For the appropriate non-polite response, please see my friend Penn ( 2014, for example, is on track to be the warmest year ever (Earth 2014: Warmest six months and year on record?: Just like several other recent years.

    And the conclusion I always come to once I've gotten over all the false hope I have for you is that you must be put away. Don't whine and cry about free speech, either. You are going beyond the bounds of freedom. What you're doing is worse and more dangerous than yelling fire in a crowded theater or screaming HIJACK at the airport. You need to be arrested. Locked up. I would prefer it be in a mental institution because you are too dumb to be accountable but it's too late to worry about niceties, so a regular prison would work just fine.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Dwyer & Michaels---97X FM, Davenport, IA
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