| cry me a river..like u used to. |
[17 Apr 2008|01:22am] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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music |
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happens all the time -cold |
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"so dont make a fool of me, just love me.."
okay so i just wrote this really long entry & my computer logged me off! UGHHHHHHHHHHHH :[ what ever. point is i just got off the fone with fredd y& he made me cry cause we got into an argument about not having anything to say to each other anymore & hes liek WTF DO U WANT ME TO SAY? I WAS WITH U ALL DAY?! ..ugh what an asshole i just started crying which freaked him out cause to be honest hes only heard or seen mE cry like a hAdnful of times thruought our whole relationship but its like im so sick of games and putting on FRONTS like iDC anymore! i was just like THEN STOP CALLING ME TRYING TO GET BAC WITH ME PROMISING ME ALL THIS BULLSHIT CAUsE SOME OF US ACTUALLY BELIEVE IT OK! AND ITS NOT FAIR THAT YOU KEEP ME HERE WITH LIES JUST SO I CANT GO MOVE ON TO SOMONE WHO ACTUALLY GIVES A DAMN AND U CAN BE HAPPY KNOWING IM URS AND NOT ANYONE ELSES WHEN U REALLY DONT EVEN KNOW WHY U LOVE ME?! & UR OVER THERE TALKING TO OTHER GIRLS KNOWING IM NOT AND UR HAPPY CAUSE U GET WHAT U WANT. ME WITH U AND NO ONE ELSE AND U DOIGN WHATEVER THE FUK U WANT! QUIT UR SHIT AND JUST LET ME KNO OR LET ME GO! ITS NOT FAIR TO ME!...idk i wanna feel how i used to for him but he makes it so hard. he said he was gonna try harder & not to cry that he loved me but that he wanted to make it work with just me and him BUT not me saying hes cheating on me. cause hes not blah blah i just put shit in my head...blah blah. like ugh. if he is its not fair. it really isnt im not doing that and i havent done that for like years now and im trying so hard to be a good person and i pray to be a better friend, a daughter, a sister, a gf and if im getting screwed over its gonna hurt like really bad. and if thats the case then just let go of me and go be with that other person. no one should do that to someone else. nobody deserves that. if u say you love someone you need to stand by it. your word should mean A HUGE amount to you. like i kno we were broken up for 2 weeks i know how it is, you get bored u call someone else blah blah whatever idc! just ...then let them kno what they are wen we get bak u kno? like some girls like to live in denail and HEY thats fine u wanna be someones last resort call then GO FOR IT! just know what u are u know what i mean? be proud of it. lol if u can i mean i wouldnt but whatever. anyways the point is if thats the case okay fuk it idc if he called anyone else im the one he wants to be with everyone else is someone to talk to when hes not ringing up my fone line 23 out of the 24 hours a day! i just really have no energy anymore to be chasing after his evey movement. liek NO ENERGY. :sigh: im so confused about my feelings towards him..i really dont kno anymore. :[ i have so much going on with myself its hard to like try and sit and figure that part out also u kno? i DONT want to break up, the next time i break up with him its gonna be for good! for real..so idk i guess well see what happens. i just want to be confident in my relationship and i really really dont kno how? :/
[positive adri think positive...:[ } 1. he said he was gonna try harder. 2. HE says that all the time. 3. im such an idiot. i hate him. ....ok that postivieness didnt go well..
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| & its like that ;] |
[17 Apr 2008|03:14pm] |
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mood |
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 bitchy |
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*But you dont want to talk about it When you think you can find Someone to fill my shoes And you ask yourself why That she cant do the things I do And you cant deny That everywhere you go You see my face and my name
And it eats you up inside You know Im one of a kind Therell never be another me Cant get me out of your mind Youre lost in your own fantasy And when you look in my eyes Is it hard for you to realize.. Shell never be me**
so i just changed my number. & ordered a new fone!!! :D :D ...fuck HIM for real like :sigh: ITS MY BRITHDAY IN FREAKING 10 DAYS IM SOOOO EXCITED butttt im suspended for a week from work ,LOL for a STUPID ASS REASON, soooooo basically im broke and i still need to buy the bottles for my party & make rent & $100 lol by april 31st. LMAO idk how ima do it but oh well :] im exited. i want the girls to come see my dresssss....and i need to move my mattress back into my house cause i need my apt. room to be the dancefloor :D plus may 31st is rightaroun the corner & i sleep at home anyway soo i mite as well. hmmm OKAY WTF MY FONES NOT WORKING! LOL..ughhh i hate sprint dude seriously! i put the ordered fone on my dads bill..LOL whatever :] its my bday he needs to buy it for me! ...ugh ima call him right now and let him know...or should i jsut wait? :/ hmmm na ill just tell him whatever.............................UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HE FUCKING CALLED MY HOUSE & I FUKING GOT IN A FIGHT WITH HIM CAUSE HE WAS ON THE O THER LINE LIKE OK DUDE HE TRIES TO PROVE ME WRONG AND EACH TIME HE FAILED LMAO. WHAT A FUKING DUM,BASS FOR REAL I JUST FUKING TOLD HIM OFF LIKE HES NEVER GONNA BE SHIT W/O ME IM GONNA MOVE ON AND HES STIL LGONNA BE AT HOME WATCHING ESPN AND OTHER GUYS LIVING THIER DREAMS AND HIM LIKE A FUKING IDIOT JUST THERE CUZ HES SO DAMN LAZY AND THAT I WAS GONNA FIND OUT WHO HES FUKING TALKIGN TO CAUSE I ALREADY KNO ITS SOME STUPID GHETTO GIRLS OR FUKING LSER ONES THATN EVER GET IT THRU THERE HEAD THERE JUST REBOUNDS OR FUK BUDDIES OR WTRTHEFUK!!! & YA HELL PROBAB L;YGET SOME DUMBASS GIRL TO GIVE HI HEAD OR FUK HIM BUT HES NEVE GONNA FIND SOMEONE LIKE ME WHO LOOKS LIKE ME OR ACTS LIEK ME OR CAN DO THE THINGS I DO!!!!!!!!!! EVER!!! WHY THE FUK DO U THINK I GOT THE HOTTEST GUYS FROM BOTH SCHOOLS?!?!? UHH CAUSE AINT NO ONE WHO CAN DO THE SHIT I DO THATS FOR DAMN SURE!!! IT TAKES SKILL TO LOOK LIKE ME & BE LIKE ME & DO THE SHIT I DO...SOMETHING NOT FOUND IN TOO MANY GIRLS!!,ID LIEK TO SEE THE BTICH HE COMES UP WITH SERIOUSLY, LIKE OMG ID CRACK UP ALL DAMN FUKING WEEK. I MEAN IF THEY LOOK ANYTHING LIEK THE ONES I KNOW BOUT LMAOOOOO. EVEN HIS OWN FRIENDS LAFF AT HIM WITH ME ABOUT IT! LOL!!!! STRAIGHT UP THATS THE TRUTH!!! HE NEVER LIKES OT ADMITT OT IT CAUSE HES EMBARASSED CAUSE HE KNOWS IM JUST GONNA LAFF AT HIM CAUSE THEYRE ALL FUKING NASTY! LIKE FUKING GROSS, LITTLE MANS, LITTLE DEMON FACED GIRLS WITH FLAT FACES,OTHERS WITH LIKE FUKING HUGE BROWN NOSES..LIKE CLAMMMM DWNNNNNNNNNN IM TALKING HER NOSE GETS THERE BEFORE SHE DOES!!!! DUDE IDK HOW THE GUY ENDED UP WITH ME BUT WTF WE WERE IN 7TH GRADE THAT HAS ALOT TO SAY BOUT IT!!!!! THE LTTLE BITCH HES GONNA COME UP WITH LMAO..ID LIEK TO SEE HER TRY TO SHOW ME UP, OMGGGGGGGGG GOOD LUCK WITH THAT!!! SHE PROBABLY NEVER WIL LCAUSE SHELL KNOW IM HOTTER THEN HER AND BETTER THAN HER & WHO WANTSTO BE EMBARSSED LIEK THAT?! BUT FUK HAT IMA FIND OUT JUST SO I CAN RUB IT IN HER FACE AND HIS THATS SHES A FUKING REBOUND & IM PRETTIER AND IM ALWAYS RIGHT AND GET USED IT!! I FUKING MADE HIM WHO HE IS & HE WAS FUKING PUTTING ON A SHOW TO JUST GO OUT WTH ME 6 YEARS AGO & IVE RELIZED IT ALREADY & HES NOT GONNA FUKING GET THE BEST OF ME ANYMORE FUK THAT SHIT. HE CAN HAVE WHOPEVER THE FUK HES TALKING TOO, GOOD LUCK, ALL I CAN SAY IS MAKE HIM STRAP UP SWEETHEART!!! FUKING LOSER! UGHHHHHHHHHH & then he fuking hangs up on me cause he doesnt wanna hear it and im not done so i cal lbak and he makes his loser dumbass sister answer, dude the guys a fuking pussssssssssssssssssy like straight up has no fuking balls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i need a man in my life not some fuking little boy!!!!!!!!!!! IM SO OVER THIS FUKING BULLSHIT I CALLED MY DAD AND MADE HIM CALL TO PUT A BLOCK ON THE HOUSE FONE. im done and over this shit for real. i have my sources i never called up cause i didint wanna hear it ut fuk that ima find out now. well see who gets the last laugh. ;]
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| loneLy night :/ |
[17 Apr 2008|08:42pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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"He used to bring her flowers, he used to hold her tight, they used to talk for hours.."
okay sooo im officially bored at my house. im sleepy even tho i woke up liek at 2..i wanna do something but the girLs are at work :[ ...karla said shes down to hang...i dont feel like getting dressed tho or i would say we could go to the club...hmm idk. my parents are bbqing so my aunts are here. im like sooooooo impatient for my fone to get here :/ grrr i want it already! its the pink palm centro :D she said three to five days sooo with my luck its gona be in five days & get lost in the shipping. LOL.. jk. wow okay i sounded like my mom right there. very negative. lol no seriously tho i have it in my head that its gonna be here in three im just gonna be disappointed if its not :[ boo.. im so sleepy i just dont wanna go to bed liek calm dwn i feel like i havent accomplished anything all week or like im going no where..LOL idk have u ever had that feeling? ...its like the days are going so fast and im just there...:sigh: okay idk ima text the girls to see whats up. till 2mrw.
three positivie things that happened today:
1. i slept good
2. i ordered my new fone :]
3. i really like my bday dress now.
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