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whoa ok i need to maybe write in this thing again? :] things are gooooooood. wayyyyyyyyyyyy better than almost a month ago! wow its crazyyy like i was thinking last night in the shower [thats where ido most of my praying & thinking] & its wierd cause i pray like expecting it to happen like OVERNIGHT u know & it didnt but it did! like little by little everything just feel into place. like its crazy how much ahppier i am, ihow much less stressed i am how much more i laugh & im just succccch a better person, not to jock myslef cause theres always room for improvement but like wow u kno. its crazy cause time flies obviously so its like it did happen overnite but technically it didnt u kno. im just soooooooooooo thankful i culd cry, for how far ive come with Gods help, like its amazing. you kno i go to sleep whenever i want to go to sleep now, which is always around 2 or3 LOl out of habit i guess, i like have decided to start a prayer journal & just record & see like how he answers and its like AMAZING cause he does! like i knew he would but i just never put it into practice & now that i have im like WOW Hes sooooooooooooooooooooo faithful. im soo much more mature, calm, relaxed, happy, carefree, stronger, full of sleep, rested, patient, slow to anger, trusting like just EVERYTHIGN ive asked for, i am & ive gotten. Hes gotten me through a really rough time & it feels like just ystrdy i was dealing with my anxiety & post traumatic stress, butttt its been what 3 months?! wowwww. & everyday i just feel more and more relieved & like i dont ever think bout my past or anything that came with it, this july 2 will be 6 months im clean & i dont evvvvver think bout that anymore at all, like rarelyyyy! and im sooo happy for it, its weird cause i for a long time couldnt forgive myself for my past, and im tlaking my WHOLE past & i just finally one day realized i mean i KNOWHE forgave me already cause i aksed, so now its my turn to let it go & forgive myself & i have and im sooo much better now. ya liek sometimes situations will happen thruought the days in the wks & im like UGH GOD WHY! but then i just think like OK JUST LET IT GO & LET GOD & its gotten soooooooooo incredibly easy for me to let it go, like i let go of mine & freddys realtionship which is somethign i like NEVER EVER EVER did, i wanted to control it as much as possible to make sure things went my way but honestly now i pray all the time ITS ALL URS, and it doesnt even bother me oneee bit! not att allllllll! its crazy cus before the few few times i ever prayed that i literally would take it back within a sec cus it would physically hurt me! LOL...and ive given him my life which is really hard to do, cause i mean face it we all wanna be in control of our own destin and i do think we are by the choices we make & we have free will but sometimes Gods trying really hard to point us in the right diretcion & we just dont wanna look or we dont go for selfish reason & ive just given al lthat up already, dont ge me wrong itll be hard if he wants me to give up certain things but ill do it, no matter what now, cause i know he'll never let me fall. hes broughten me this far and hes been there evvvery step of the way, not once have i felt like hes abdonded me or do i feel alone, ya physically i have sometimes but for some reason even if its in the smallest amount i always have a ceratin peace within in me like i know Hes there...its amazing honestly im so thankful for the person ive become and everything God has given to me. im no longer, or at least i try 100% of time not to be also, selfish immature, impatient, rude, bossy, insecure, stubborn, prideful, you know just all the things that really hurt realtionships and break them or tear them a part, not only with a bf but with family or friends. and im really happy at this point in my life. i fell SO free from my anxiety & the symptoms that came with it & ive aksed everyday for healing since it started & u know what it came, slowly& fast all at the same time but it came. so anways im excited to see what else i can do with Gods help. i was really scared & nervous about going bak to school, i put it in my head, as well as the devil, cause he likes to do stuff like that, that u kno im not smart anymore i cant focus, and i was really nervous going back to school but na im like actually doing EXCELLENT. if i dont have a flat 90 i have a really high B & i havent missed one day! i thought MAN AM I GONNA SLEEP AM I GONNA WAKEU P OMGOSH!! ETC...no worries im asleep and awake everyday i need to be & im on time & i do my work & im so grateful for all that, i left it all in Gods hands & it came out perfect, cause He dont make mistakes. sooo now that im done venting. today i went to sonic with the family, all my aunts everyone, LMAO sooo fun!!! we had a blast played vball! i ate wayyy too much all damn day, not too pleased but i burned off most of it! LOL :] it was fun, and now im here at home with toby! LOL...im gonna take a long hot shower & then lie down hit the sack! :] goodnight.
3 postive things that happened today:
1. i spent time with my family
2. i laughed my butt off all day with the funny movie & then at sonic
3. i got an 87 on my exam!! :D
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