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Saturday, July 5th, 2008
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1:20a
Yes, i do infact still have a pulse but i've been drop dead tired these past few days since summer school started and staying with my aunt to make it on time i have to get up at 6:30 a. m. I honestly feel like a zombie because i'm not sleeping much and i feel like i'm dead but i can't stop moving, gotta keep moving.
I feel so sad in her house though and it hits so hard at night really and i don't know what it is but it just comes and goes and i just wanna cry and i get that feeling in your heart that you get when something really awful has happened, like your heart just sunk so far down you don't think you'll be able to find it or as if someone took a hammer to it a few times. I hate it so i'm home for this weekend.
Depression is slowly creeping up and clawing at me, i can feel it's fingers digging deep into my back.
Also, one of her fish died while i was there and i had never really realized the beauty in goldfish before but they're actually quite pretty although the fish that had died was not a goldfish but something else, idk what it's called. I also made $100 dollars today and i have another $100 tucked away but i'm trying to go for $300.
I also managed to drag myself by the Runnymede library and grabbed a few books.
As for the school, it's not that bad but it's just reallyreallyreally big there's actually 5 floors. What i really like about this school is that there's lots of diversity unlike where i am at the moment. Michael Power is basically all blonde, size 0, athletic. The class is okay, it's mostly girls, there's only 5 guys in it. I find it very catty though so i havn't socialized with too many of the other girls, i'm getting better along with most of the guys in this class.
We made choc. chip cookies(we make them everyday), garlic bread, salad and penné today from scratch to sell.
It's so tiring though because your never allowed to sit down other then the 10 mins. in the begining of class without getting majorly bitched at so my feet are killing but the shoes i've been wearing havn't been helping either. You don't even realize the time go by in that class because your always baking, cooking, cleaning, prepping, and scaling off shit which i am really terrible at.
Apparently we have 2 moms in the class which i was a bit surprised about just because they look so young even though one is 17 and the other 18. I think they could honestly pass off for 13/14 year olds. One with short redish hair and glasses started crying today, i forget her name she was upset because this is the longest time she's been without seeing her daughter, Temperance and i think it finally hit her that she won't be seeing her as much because she has 4 more credits to get to finish highschool and social assistance is helping her find a job as soon as she's done with school and stuff. I applaud her for what she's doing though because she has no one to help her and that's tough shit already even more so on your own.
Everything's been feeling like a dream lately.
It's all very surreal and it's freaking the shit out of me because it's continued for days now, i keep thinking it's just a dream and i will wake up and forget half of this shit; it's just an intense dream because that's happened before but i'm not waking up this time...
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