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Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009
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8:34 pm
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| Sunday, May 31st, 2009
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7:28 pm
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I can never love you, I can never reach you
I can never love you, I can never reach you
I can never love you, I can never reach you
I can never love you, I can never reach you
I can never love you, I can never reach you
I can never love you, I can never reach you
I can never love you, I can never reach you
I can never love you, I can never reach you
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, May 8th, 2009
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1:06 am
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Oh,
oh, i will make you fucking learn.
I told you right at the begining, no excuses, no bullshit.
I told you i had a mean streak.
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, May 7th, 2009
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10:55 pm
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sharp words will slit your throat when i make you swallow them
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, April 29th, 2009
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4:43 pm
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" People say that the scars you make on the outside will be there forever,
but they are not only reminders,
they tell us to never let somone push you to that state ever again.
Every single scar on your arms or legs or heart will forever warn you to not be that way,
to not go back to an empty shell,
a waist of space,
but to use them as a lader and climb,
and yes you may slip a few but none of those scars will let you ever fall down completly "
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, April 27th, 2009
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5:50 pm
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Tell me it'll be okay, that you won't be upset with me.
I'm just so tired, can't you see that?
Let me crawl into a warm toasty bed
let me close my eyes and let them roll into the back of my head
let my mind wander off into my private dreamworld
let my body drift into the dark, murky unknown waters.
Without any guilt,
without any weight.
Let me rid of this anchor tonight.
Let it's hands reach out and pull me under
let it hold me down while i struggle underneath
this is what i wanted, wasn't it?
let its dirty hands wander up and down my body
let it silence me and rip me apart
Too tired to care,
it'll all be over soon.
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, April 24th, 2009
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10:54 pm
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They only really love you when you're in that fucking hole in the ground
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, April 7th, 2009
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4:57 pm
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Stef: I don't really know how to talk to you. I've never been shy before, it's frustrating..and i'd like to get to know you :-)
self: Aw, i just saw this i thought i made you feel uncomfortable when i told you how i felt and i was was like ahh but yeah just try talking next time? lol
Stef: I will :P
self: whats so frustrating though exactly if you dont mind me askiing
Stef: The fact that you are capable of making ME feel shy..perhaps it's because i know nothing about you, therefore i'm unsure of how to approach you
Stef: What i'm wondering is; why do you like me?
self: I just think your really pretty and that theres a side to you that maybe you dont show too often to others, that sounds really corny but yeah
Stef: Corny but sweet, and possibly true.
That was yesterday with texts between us and stuff it was kind of funny today though because i saw her during second period and she was with Brandi but she didn't say anything and then i saw her at her locker which happens to be like 2 doors down from mine and i was like "oh, so your not gunna say hi now?" and she smiled and was like "i'm sorry, whats up?!" and yeah we talked for a little and then i ended up going her way when we were heading home because i wanted to go to Queen St. and she goes to St. George which is close by she said i always seem like i'm in a rush too and that's why she felt awkward to talk to me which i think is kind of funny.
Oh! And Amanda also approached me today, well, more like stalked me into the washroom because i had no idea she was there behind me but she was like, Sandra what happened? and i told her and blahblahblah i'm just happy this quad's almost over :)
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, April 3rd, 2009
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4:43 pm
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It's been raining non stop all day today.
I hate rain.
Well, no i don't i just don't like being in it.
If i have to go out in rain i always feel like shit and i'm pretty sure i look like it too.
Hopefully it stops tomorrow though because i'd like to go to Queen St. even though i was really close to there yesterday and i actually go to school by there, maybe i'll just go next Monday instead.
I heard Stef was leaving after this quad is over and there's only a week left and Linnea's been telling me how she likes me but she wants to get to know me but she doesn't know how really because i'm quiet around her so she's been kind of getting information from Linnea about me and how it's ashame that she won't be there anymoren and stuff
Today i saw her during lunch at her locker by herself which is a rare thing because she always seems to be with a lot of people,
she looked up and smiled at me so i walked over to her and asked her what she was up to for the weekend and she said she was going to some party tonight and tomorrow she might go shopping with Linnea so i asked her if she wanted to get together sometime this weekend if she's free and i got her number but i don't think i'm really going to call her until Sunday evening.
I really really like her but i just think it'll be kind of awkward so, i'm just going to call her up instead and talk i guess, i'm really happy though :)
I feel like such a dork.
God.
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, March 29th, 2009
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2:06 pm
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Melissa left for Collingwood on Friday afternoon at approx. 3 p. m. and has not been seen or heard from since.
I sincerly hope that dumb cunts phone just died and nothing happened.
She's supposed to come back tonight around 10, i think.
I'll feel so responsible if anything happens/ed though because she asked me before about how to get there and stuff if it wasn't for me she would have probably never even have left.
For all i know she could be dead in a ditch
actually something like that happened to someone at school apparently.
She took some stuff and passed out at a rave and then woke up somewhere in Kitchner in a ditch with no clothes on and a dime taped onto her forhead.
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(comment on this)
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12:45 pm
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I am so high right now.
I'm just sitting here in my living room...alone!
My hearts racing, my mind is dizzy, my body is numb, music playing in my head,
..wow
i love getting high.
Time goes by in a flash and i am happy.
This is temporraray but i know it'll end and i know how long this high should last so it's not a disappointing ..high?
I'm scared of living on my own because of this
because i am so fucking self destructive.
I am a time bomb..
tick..tick..tick
can you hear the cranks and knobs moving around?
Slowly inching and getting closer and closer to my death...
I think if i was to live on my own i can just see things getting worse but it's getting bad here too
Life is just easier when everythings a blur though.
Everythings going too fast or something in the road that's shiney has caught your eye on a dark rainy day so you never notice anything else going on around you, what time it is, where you have to be and
it forgets...
It lets you forget.
I really should stop though
i've considered it mostly because i know where this is going...
but you know what? i dont really care at the moment.
Let myself fall.
boom.
I've also consierderd the other other side of this...lol, side of this? haha
i won't even describe that on here, those thoughts are locked up in my mind and maybe they always will be...
It's funny because i know if i told someone it would be like letting the bird out of the cage.
It would have freedom.
I know what i have to do or should do really but
those are things that have never left my mouth or my finger tips.
I'm about to let those words loose and give them life
but quickly i grab them right back and swallow.
No, no where are those going? Get back here!
It's because i'm giving a meaning and shape, and life to those words ..is the big defeat
..admitting it's got me by the throat and is threatening to squeeze a little tighter, squeeze a bit harder...
that is a loss.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, March 25th, 2009
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8:11 pm
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Stop calling to me,
i'm toxic when it comes to me and you
and i hate knowing that i'm the cause of this huge mess you've seemed to get stuck in.
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, March 23rd, 2009
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1:26 pm
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I enjoy a good challenge every now and then
but i'm getting tired of these repetitive games we play
you know how i feel about things
but your one puzzle that i'm afraid that i'll never finish
I'll have to put down the pieces and forget about.
It's ashame i never got to see the whole picture,
bet it's quite the sight.
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, March 22nd, 2009
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11:29 pm
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| Thursday, March 19th, 2009
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11:53 pm
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I'VE GIVEN YOU TOO MANY CHANCES, TOO MANY CHOICES AND YOU ALWAYS DISAPPOINT ME
you always let me down and you know how hard that is to do to me because i'm too fucking forgiving with people, you know i always want to give people the benefit of the doubt and i can almost always find something good in a person to concentrate on and i'll admit that this is a BIG fucking fault of mine but you know what?
I'm sick and DONE with always being there for you and having to deal with your ass kissing afterwards when you want something from me or when you want me to find something for you
Find someone else who's willing to deal with your bullshit
I AM DONE.
I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THIS,
I TOLD YOU NOT TO PLAY FUCKING GAMES WITH ME.
YOU CAN KISS THE REST GOODBYE, YOUR NEVER SEEING IT AGAIN
OH, AND YOU CAN SAY GOODBYE TO HIM TOO BECAUSE YOU JUST RUINED YOUR SHOT WITH EVER BEING WITH HIM. BIG TIME, THAT I CAN PROMISE YOU. fucking bitch
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, March 18th, 2009
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12:23 am
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Let the Questions begin!
What's the time there? 12 27 a. m.
If you could pick ANY color for your hair to be it would be: either lighter brown or a redish tone.
Favorite eye color? green or hazel
( Read more... )
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(comment on this)
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12:19 am
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| Tuesday, March 17th, 2009
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8:24 pm
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If you wanna play like that,
that's fine by me because you know what?
You know what you haven't realized?
IM the one with ALL the cards
and when i play
i play to win
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, March 16th, 2009
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1:42 pm
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I know if we go things will change and for the worse, i'm afraid.
Do you see it, can you feel it? Because i can.
I'm nervous for it for once in my life for it to actually arrive because usually i'm craving it
Not just for that but because of what's going on right now as well with me
in my life, and in my head
I just have this feeling..
gut wrenching feeling...
intuition i guess is what you could say...
if we go there, a part of me will never ever come back.
There will be this whole other chapter in the book that will be added where all the monsters come out to play, let loose.
I'm not sure if i'll be able to cage them in afterwards, that is what i'm scared of.
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, March 13th, 2009
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12:10 am
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Melissa is my green,
and today i realized Ravi my math teacher is blue in my eyes.
Sometimes when i get high i think and see in different colours.
I know that probably really doesn't make any sense at all but i can't even properly describe.
There's very few people that i'm around and think/see in a different colour.
It's not like they themselves i'm seeing that colour but everything around them is buzzing and flashing in those colours, vision distorted but just with that one particular person, in one particular shade.
The colours don't really have meaning to me and it's funny that it's only with particular, selective people.
When i'm with Melissa and i'm gone everythings so mellow and with Ravi it's disappointment.
Actually, yeah. It makes sense to me in my own head.
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(comment on this)
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