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Tuesday, July 8th, 2008
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11:26 pm
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swallow my words
taste my thoughts
and if it's too nasty, spit it back at me.
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, July 5th, 2008
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1:20 am
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Yes, i do infact still have a pulse but i've been drop dead tired these past few days since summer school started and staying with my aunt to make it on time i have to get up at 6:30 a. m. I honestly feel like a zombie because i'm not sleeping much and i feel like i'm dead but i can't stop moving, gotta keep moving.
I feel so sad in her house though and it hits so hard at night really and i don't know what it is but it just comes and goes and i just wanna cry and i get that feeling in your heart that you get when something really awful has happened, like your heart just sunk so far down you don't think you'll be able to find it or as if someone took a hammer to it a few times. I hate it so i'm home for this weekend.
Depression is slowly creeping up and clawing at me, i can feel it's fingers digging deep into my back.
Also, one of her fish died while i was there and i had never really realized the beauty in goldfish before but they're actually quite pretty although the fish that had died was not a goldfish but something else, idk what it's called. I also made $100 dollars today and i have another $100 tucked away but i'm trying to go for $300.
I also managed to drag myself by the Runnymede library and grabbed a few books.
As for the school, it's not that bad but it's just reallyreallyreally big there's actually 5 floors. What i really like about this school is that there's lots of diversity unlike where i am at the moment. Michael Power is basically all blonde, size 0, athletic. The class is okay, it's mostly girls, there's only 5 guys in it. I find it very catty though so i havn't socialized with too many of the other girls, i'm getting better along with most of the guys in this class.
We made choc. chip cookies(we make them everyday), garlic bread, salad and penné today from scratch to sell.
It's so tiring though because your never allowed to sit down other then the 10 mins. in the begining of class without getting majorly bitched at so my feet are killing but the shoes i've been wearing havn't been helping either. You don't even realize the time go by in that class because your always baking, cooking, cleaning, prepping, and scaling off shit which i am really terrible at.
Apparently we have 2 moms in the class which i was a bit surprised about just because they look so young even though one is 17 and the other 18. I think they could honestly pass off for 13/14 year olds. One with short redish hair and glasses started crying today, i forget her name she was upset because this is the longest time she's been without seeing her daughter, Temperance and i think it finally hit her that she won't be seeing her as much because she has 4 more credits to get to finish highschool and social assistance is helping her find a job as soon as she's done with school and stuff. I applaud her for what she's doing though because she has no one to help her and that's tough shit already even more so on your own.
Everything's been feeling like a dream lately.
It's all very surreal and it's freaking the shit out of me because it's continued for days now, i keep thinking it's just a dream and i will wake up and forget half of this shit; it's just an intense dream because that's happened before but i'm not waking up this time...
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, July 2nd, 2008
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10:24 pm
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17
Seventeen.
That's all it is but i still don't think i'll make it but i don't have a choice, i have to even if i can't breathe.
There is no choice.
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, June 18th, 2008
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11:56 pm
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10:18 pm
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View of downtown.
I wanna move back there so badly :(
I'm tired of everything looking and everyone being the exact same here.
I miss the noise and lights and colours and different types of people.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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12:19 am
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I have a date tomorrow for go karting with Daniel.
Friday i'm meeting up with my ex but i have a feeling something's going to happen. Actually, that's a lie i know something will.
On either Saturday or sunday i have another one - dinner & movie.
Then in about a week i'm out with Aaron downtown.
I feel somewhat popular these days.
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, June 17th, 2008
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11:53 pm
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She paints her eyes as black as night
Pulls those shades down tight
Yeah, she gives a smile when the pain comes, the pains gonna make everything alright
Says she talks to angels, they call her out by her name
She talks to angels, says they call her out by her name
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(comment on this)
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2:06 pm
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Wrote my English exam yesterday it wasn't that hard but i don't think i did too good either. I was a few minutes late because i was waiting for Melissa since we're in the same class and such.
Exams ended around 1:30/40, stayed after clean out my locker since that's the only exam i'm actually showing up for, went by the park with Daniel and Melissa and smoked a spliff well what was left of the last one we rolled from the othertime. Stayed there until...4ish
Got asked to go by Emily's place afterwards around 6:45ish, i havn't hung out with her in so long. It was only emily, me, jonathan, peter, and matt. They went swimming, i just stayed by the poolside with her pet rat, Stewie. She got him for her birthday which was a while ago.
Emily and Matt are so cute together but all i could think is "this is going to kill her when they break up."
Me and Jonathan talked a bit, he want's to go out on a date sometime and i hear Daniel's gunna ask me sometime soon too.
Too bad i'm not really interested in either, i'm picky when it comes to relationships but sure i'll give it a go.
oh! and apparently Steve is now claiming he has no place!
He's staying with my aunt except no one believes him and that he's just bullshitting because of things he's done in the past but i don't know.
He's manipulative but i just don't see him doing something like this to get at her..
He'll probably leave though once i move in or something because he likes to act all saintly around me and you cannot keep charades up forever.
If i was her i wouldn't even have second thoughts about saying get lost&goodbye.
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(comment on this)
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12:19 am
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How's that taste of your own medicine?
Karma's a bigger bitch then i'll ever be.
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, June 16th, 2008
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9:53 am
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| Sunday, June 15th, 2008
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11:19 pm
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| Saturday, June 14th, 2008
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12:37 pm
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11:00 am
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Sooo,
i got my haircut thursday. Down to my shoulders.
She took quite a bit off but it feels so nice and airy now because it dosn't feel as fryed anymore and it's really layered.
I'm gunna try not to colour it anymore at least for this whole summer, which won't be too hard i think.
I signed up for a Hospitality(cooking) class for the month of July at St. Patrick's school, it's around greenwood area which is pretty far but maybe a change of scenery will be good? It counts as a credit and i'm going to be with my aunt, seriously this time. I get too weeks off before i have to go to school again though.
I'm supposed to go over too today for a bbq if it dosn't rain and i don't think it will, it's as sunny as can be.
My nose piercing's been acting up a bit these past days but thankfully it's all good now.
I think i'm gunna get Aaron and Nicole to come with me to get my tragus done maybe this weekend coming up after exams! I want a barbell for it but i'm going to talk to Angie and see if she can hook me up at Adrenaline instead of NewYorkNewYork because i don't really feel like going all the way up by Sheridan for that piercing, i am however going up by Yorkdale later on in say August or something with Melissa to get something else done, i don't know if she's still interested in it but i am. If i finish this whole course in summer i can get up to $150 because no one thinks i can do it, it's really easy to get kicked out.
Friday i'm seeing my ex whom i havn't seen in about 2 years. He goes to B. A.
Anyways, yesterday i only went in for my last class since they were giving out yearbooks. We watched the game it was Italy and Portugal, i think? I wasn't really paying attention. Blazed during lunch with Melissa and Nicole.
Nicole dosn't know what she's doing much though and i could tell she wasn't feeling it. She wasn't inhaling properly. I got bodybuz like mad though.
I finished reading Runaway yesterday too.
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(comment on this)
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12:23 am
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You have high extroversion.
You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.
You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.
Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!"
You have low conscientiousness.
Impulsive and off the wall, you don't take life too seriously.
Unfortunately, you sometimes end up regretting your snap decisions.
Overall, you tend to lack focus, and it's difficult for you to get important things done.
You have medium agreeableness.
You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.
Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.
You tend to enjoy teasing and flaunting much more than actual sex.
You're a notorious flirt, and you can pick up anyone you desire.
No matter what a friend says or does, you try your best to understand it.
And your friends feel like they can tell you anything. You don't judge.
You know that friendship is a journey - with a lot of ups and downs.
If you and a friend grow apart, you get over it quickly... and leave the potential for future friendship open.
You tend to have many friends from many walks of life. Anyone you meet is could become a friend.
In fact, you are especially interested in people who are a little different than you. Seeing life from another perspective is something you cherish.
When someone gets to know you, they still may feel a bit intimidated by you.
You are alluring and sexy, but you have a dark, dangerous side that you don't hide.
And just like your color suggests, you are sophisticated and wise - especially when it comes to men.
Your heart is hard to win over. You don't fall in love easily... or often.
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, June 12th, 2008
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3:06 pm
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Fly high young angel your wings wont get you anywhere
Their coming undone tonight
I've thrown the moon into the sun
I'm coughing blood but still I run
You own the prints that made me bleed
This is the way i'll tell the world all about you
I hold the noose, you tied the knot
I found a message in the static
A secret thats worth keeping
The vapors fill your lungs as I'm stuck grounded by metaphor
This quiver reins the literal ones
Let's see how well you breathe six feet under
We were never good at making amends
We just made mistakes
We made mistakes so well and i got a feeling like a scythe lodged in my head
The words that still haunt me brought me back from the dead
Hold your breath and be scared for the first time
I've fought so hard
I'm not looking back
Just to severe the line
i'm never turning back and as you fly I realize
I don't want you back
I've shown the world i can reach the sun and you're still bounded by the ground
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, June 11th, 2008
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4:56 pm
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=X says:
omgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
=X says:
me and daniel got DIRTY!
' * ▪▪▪ sαηdяα_ nobody wins says:
whatd you guys dooooooo
=X says:
he felt me and i felt him
then he kissed me
omg
' * ▪▪▪ sαηdяα_ nobody wins says:
daniel whooo
' * ▪▪▪ sαηdяα_ nobody wins says:
d?
=X says:
yaaaaa
' * ▪▪▪ sαηdяα_ nobody wins says:
really !
=X says:
yaaaaa
=X says:
but he likes u still
=X says:
HAHAH
WELL, THAT WAS UNEXPECTED.
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, June 9th, 2008
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11:39 pm
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' * ▪▪▪ sαηdяα_ sorry to be heavy but heavy is the cost says:
no your a sweetheart.
[c=1]aa.jb'Carvalho[/c] says:
your a cupcake
' * ▪▪▪ sαηdяα_ sorry to be heavy but heavy is the cost says:
lol
' * ▪▪▪ sαηdяα_ sorry to be heavy but heavy is the cost says:
its 1130 already
' * ▪▪▪ sαηdяα_ sorry to be heavy but heavy is the cost says:
i ahve to stop staying up so late withyou
' * ▪▪▪ sαηdяα_ sorry to be heavy but heavy is the cost says:
i should be doing my essay >:c
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(comment on this)
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3:49 pm
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And your all a bunch of liars,
baby tell me what are you gunna do?
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(comment on this)
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3:33 pm
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Ohmygod.
I think i'm going to fry to death, the AC is out, and my cat dosn't seem to know what to do with herself.
I didn't go to school today, my mom said it was okay since it's so freaking hot and they don't turn on the AC until summer school, ahh.
Dr. Phil is on.
I wish the pool was open.
:'(
There's only 2 weeks left of school, this is the last for work/review then the next is just exams but i'm only going to one sooo, yeah. I have to get either Ashling or Daniel to return the history textbook.
Then there's a show going on on the 27th at DC, which i am pretty stoked about.
It's the Northern Blaze's last show, i need to buy tickets off of Zack soon.
I think melissa's coming but i don't know for sure if she dosn't i'll get Aaron to come with me.
I love him, he's such a sweetheart.
He's been talking to Daniel about me though and saying that he really likes me and blahblahblah but he dosn't know me.
We're also going together sometime in July to get our tragus done before he goes off on vacationnn
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, June 8th, 2008
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1:28 pm
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