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techno for some reason..Ilo-"see right through to you" |
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wow its been such a long time since i've updated this thing...well to start things off...i have a boyfriend..ha..i dont think i've ever had anyone treat me as well as he does, or say the sweet things he does to me. He goes to columbine, plays soccer, and is a charmer..he's never had a girlfriend before until i came along to mess up his life, or thats what i'd like to say. I have been around him so much latley, and I never can stop thinking about him, I sit in class and all i think about is him. For a long time i had lost all hope on love, and given up searching for it....until i met him at a party. it was so weird, because i couldn't stop thinking about him that night, and the following weeks....finally i got his number and we started talking, and hanging out. once we kissed i knew that it felt so right to be around him. i don't think i've felt this way since adam came and went in my life....let me explain..(it is due time for an update)...In seventh grade (haha i know you all don't think falling in love is possible in middle school but oh trust me it is) i was new just like everyone else was to castle rock middle school. my third class came around and there he was...adam block. i dont think i could have ever seen anyone as good looking as him. and thats the thing i struggle with today, and through the years of knowing him. EVERY girl thought he was God's gift to women. i found everything perfect in him, felt so comfortable around him, and grew to be his best friend. we talked on the phone so much and grew closer and closer. thats when it all started, and i started to fall..err...like him i suppose you could say. then, he dated my BEST friend. and that tore my heart out...i don't think i could ever forgive this girl because she stole everything from me...i guess thats why they say nice GIRLS finish last :) but anyway..she promised me she'd never do something like that to me, and boom it happend. but i got over that fact, and the summer going into 9th grade, him and i talked for HOURS on the phone, and planned to hang out, but the plans never fell through. his mom was the sweetest women alive. i began talking to his mom on the phone and everything!! and all this time i knew he was going to Cherry Creek High School, and that was okay because I was going to Chatfield, and him and i both wouldn't be going to school with anyone we knew because the castle rock kids are to attend Douglas County High School. Anyway, he plays football and baseball (the two most sexy sports in the world next to soccer) and he made starting JV quarter back for CCHS. and i could never have been prouder (is that a word??) ..anyway..the years passed and i didn't talk to him for a while, and heard the "updates", if you will, about him through my friends from soccer that go to Cherry Creek. Well, since freshman year was so bad for me, and i didn't know anyone at Chatfield, i called adam and asked him to homecoming..he said yes..then he calls me back a week later and tells me he can't go because he has a football banquet. that tore my heart out. But i got over that...then! sweethearts, i asked him, but he had a baseball thing...JUST MY LUCK YOU KNOW! because all through middle school EVERYONE knew i was in love with him, and told me i'd end up with him one day and yadda yadda yadda..ya know? But, after that i just stopped trying. and i didn't talk to him agian until about this spring....and that was a mess...i still miss him with all my heart. i can't even begin to explain the feelings i've had for him the past years, he was my best friend for god's sakes..he knows just about everything about me. and visa verca....well now, i come to find out he's had a girlfriend for about 6 months, and that just fucked with my head, ya know...that jealousy thing. well all that adds up until now...when mike walks into my life. he's so sweet, and cares about me, its just like adam all over again, but i know i won't get hurt this time...i'm still a little scared to take things further, but i should just put my faith in this....all of these years i have always looked at guys and compared them to adam (bad! i know bad!) and saw how they added up, and not ONCE did i find someone that was like him, and trust me you should see this boy, he's beautiful, rich, and sweet...but theres always a price to pay with those...ANYWAY...you get the jist right? i have scars, i need them healed, and i think i may have found the cure (mike). ahhh enough reminiscing it makes me sad, i gotta stop thinking about adam and how much he hurt me...: /
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