| Wow....It's Been A While |
[05 Apr 2005|12:28am] |
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It's been close to a year since I updated this thing....I honestly forgot I even had it. Alot has happend over the past year. Been in and out of relationships....that went no where fast. I've come to the conclusion that I'm never gonna find anyone to spend the rest of muh life with. Everyone I seem to find breaks muh heart one way or another and I'm tired of it. So I've stopped lookin. If loves gonna find me at all imma let it find me Im not goin lookin for it anymore. Other than muh love life sucking majorly...other parts of muh life are prety good. I've got a beautiful 1yr old nephew whom I treasure. His name is Devin. He is adorable...I love him with all muh heart he is muh pride and joy. I took a lil break off of yahoo. Dont ask me why i came back cuz i have no clue why. I didnt miss it at all honestly. I guess bordom dragged me back. Other wise then that not much has changed with me. Im stilla bitch LMAO.
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[01 May 2004|11:12am] |
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Evanessence- My Immortal |
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Well it's been a while since I updated this thing. Months I think. Alot has happend in those months. First Ive moved AGAIN! lol. Back to the shoreline. I HATED!! the city I had to get out of there. Started school again, got a new job and all the stuff. Im STILL single :( it sucks lol. Ive been single for way to god damn long. But I guess its because someone still has my heart..and I cant give my heart to someone else if that someone still has it right? *that made sense I think* Anyways he was my first love when I was 16. That was back in 1998. Im 22 now and its 2004. Im sure hes probably married with kids by now. bleh whatever im off to work now ill write more later
<3 Kota
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[01 May 2004|11:12am] |
Well it's been a while since I updated this thing. Months I think. Alot has happend in those months. First Ive moved AGAIN! lol. Back to the shoreline. I HATED!! the city I had to get out of there. Started school again, got a new job and all the stuff. Im STILL single :( it sucks lol. Ive been single for way to god damn long. But I guess its because someone still has my heart..and I cant give my heart to someone else if that someone still has it right? *that made sense I think* Anyways he was my first love when I was 16. That was back in 1998. Im 22 now and its 2004. Im sure hes probably married with kids by now. bleh whatever im off to work now ill write more later
<3 Kota
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[30 Oct 2003|11:35pm] |
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Well today has been 10 years muh dads been gone. It went ok I guess. Muh mom was upset most of the day. I went out and spent some time with Denise and Chuck. I had fun. She helped me keep muh mind off things. Had coffee and went to a movie. Came home and spent time with muh mom. I guess it gets easier over the years. Well IMa go watch some tv...i get to bring muh nephew trick or treating tomorrow YAY! lol....I guess muh thought for the day is dont sweat the small stuff...people get so worked up over the smallest things and your never promised a tomorrow...nini all
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[29 Oct 2003|05:57pm] |
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Well...tomorrow October 30th..with be 10 years that muh dads been gone:( I hate this month. I miss him so much...blah. So tomorrow Im probably not gonna be in the greatest of moods. Well On a better note I heard from Craig today. I missed him so much:( I thought he left me but he didnt. Ive been worried sick. I hope we can work things out. I got a new job working for a dog groomers right down the road from me. The owner Suzie is so nice, I;m gonna start off by bathing but shes gonna train me to groom the dogs which is gonna be cool. Ill be making 9.00 an hour plus tips so thats cool. Muh sister in law is doing good shes due around Jan 1rst. I cant wait to be an Aunt again :D Muh moms feeling better, Denise and I have been hanging out alot more...which I'm happy about. Elena spent the night over the weekend. I never got a chance to tell ya how much FUN I had when I went to see Monday Night Raw a few weeks ago. Me and Elena had ring side seats at Mohegan sun to go see Monday Night Raw. I got to meet Rob Van Dam, Shawn Michaels, Lita, and Randy Orton. It was really cool. We had loads of fun. We came home with sore throats lol. Well I hope Craig come online tomorrow cause Id really like to work things out with him cause muh feelings havent changed. Well Ima go have some dinner. I'll write more lter.
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[26 Oct 2003|01:10am] |
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Beyonce- Crazy In Love |
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Well....finally found out the truth about Jarred. Kinda backed him into a corner on his drill_sgt_asshole name and busted him to the point where he had to admit it was him heh...I'm hurt. I guess I just didnt want to honestly beleive he was lying to me so I forced myself to beleive in him. He told me hes been back in the states for about 3 weeks, he got shot in the shoulder, and when he came home he found out his ex is having a baby and it might be his heh. Which i find to be totally impossible if he hasnt had sex with her in almost a year?? I've been crying for days. I have no one to talk to. I;m so fucking hurt. Muh heart hurts, worse than it ever has just because I fucking loved that man so much. So much i would have done anything for him. And now to find out our entire relationship was bullshit? It hurts sooooo much. I gave up time with muh friends for him, sent him fuckin MONEY which I NEVER got back. I just cant beleive he lied...espesially about going away to WAR??? I MEAN WTF?? and now hes all confused and doesnt know what to do blah blah blah. HOW CAN MEN DO THIS? HOW CAN THEY HURT SOMEONE SO FUCKING BAD?? I havent stoped crying for days. I cant talk to muh mom about it...because shes muh mom. BLAH fucking life man. And then muh EX from like 2 years ago pms me. That was a shock from hell. SOmething I totally wasnt expecting. Anyways Ima go to bed Im tired. <3 Night
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[18 Oct 2003|03:09am] |
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[15 Oct 2003|12:36am] |
~BiG_EviL~: evil_kota666's Account Locked You have exceeded the maximum number of Sign In tries for the Yahoo! ID evil_kota666. As a result, the account has been temporarily locked for your security. You can wait 12 hours before trying to sign in again. If you have forgotten your password, you can request a new one by confirming your account information. Once you have received a new password you will be able to sign in again after 12 hours. Mack DID THIS DONT TELL LIES ABOUT HIM OR HE BITES
Well this pretty much answers my question about who told her these lies...which is really funny cause about a month ago i told her hes the one who asked me if a certain ROGER was really ray...heh...so now it gets turned around on me?? lol hilarious...now even though locking my account didnt work...if you want my name THAT bad you can have it honestly. Im not going to be immature about this. But I remember the phone call very clearly....and my mom spoke to him to which is even more funny....id really like to know who these people are that i suposedly said something to since I dont talk to anyone in THAT room in PM to begin with.....so id like to see the proof....because i never spoke to anyone in that room in pm...recently. Except for my "sis". Its just so ironic. I dunno. I miss her friendship but if she chooses to speak to me in due time she will. Until then Im done with yahoo...it just isnt worth my time anymore.....maybe she will take the time to explain to me just wth is going on...the way she jumped me hurt...hurt real bad....what hurts worse is I know the 2 people are sitting back laughing....but its all good...laugh away...you wont get the better of me....
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| Friendship..... |
[14 Oct 2003|10:19pm] |
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Well I havent updated this thing in like forever...but anyways alot has happend. Muh "sister" decided to beleive false bullshit and turn her back on me...I'll admit I'm not innocent on all things but I did NOT say anything to ANYONE about ray being fake nor ask questions to anyone about him. I know who said these things..the same 2 people who always cause drama. But yet she believes them. Ill never forget these words from her "hes been trying to get me to stop talking to you all along"...well looks like he finally got what he wanted. No use in me attempting to explain myself shes so brain washed it wouldnt do any good anyway. Maybe shell realise some day that I really didnt do anything. If not oh well. AFter all she is going to come here and "rip my throat out", like that hasnt been said to me before...do I honestly care? youd be doing me a favor. So you all sit and laugh and have me as the center of your lil joke...bottom line is..your all what in your mid 20's...early 30's..late 40's?? and where are you??? in a chat room all day long bickering and gossiping like a bunch of old ladies sitting on the front porch...its been that way for 5 years and will remain that way. I may be 21...i may not have my GED...I may have fucked up alot...I may be whats the word they commonly use.."a fat ass"...but at least I can say this..i know when im 25....35...45..i sure as hell wont be sitting in a chat room all fucking day. My life may be shitty but I make the best of it. Im hardly online anymore as it is. Id rather spend my time with true real friends who care about me and dont use me...or talk about me behind my back....or spend their time with a schitzo...a methhead...and shit talkers. Ill miss her friendship...but the way she approached me and treated me about this....she couldnt care less about me anyways so oh well. Life goes on.........
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[09 Sep 2003|11:21pm] |
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Well I haven't made an entry in a while. SO lemme update ya on whuts been goin on. On Sunday I hung out wit Denise, Stafani an Derek all day cuz it wuz Staf's 14th b-day. First we went to Groton to da Navy Base to look at all day sub marines and stuff. I can't believe it I drove all da way to Groton on da high way a whole hour I'm so proud of myself hehe. Anyways we went to da base and went on tha subs and stuff looked at da museaum. It was pretty cool I had fun. Then we went and ate dinner at Foxwoods Casino. We went to da buffette. It was really good we ate mad food hehe. I was stuffed fer 2 days LOL! Then Denise drove home. It took us lyke an hour and a half to get home we hit mad traffic. I had a blast though. We decided that this weekend maybe we can go to da mystic aquarium.
Anyways an update on muh love life hehe. Craig will be here October 18th:D I'm happy. He's so sweet. He's staying til November 4th. I hope he likes me. I hope dis works. Anyways Ima go fer now.
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[04 Sep 2003|03:59am] |
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Well I'm bored right now and it'z 4am hah! So I'm sitting here smoking muh last ciggerette and collecting muh thoughts...and whut a task that iz LMAO! Anywayz today I didn't do much. Besides the normal shyte. Don't really have alot to write about at da moment so I'm jus gonna go wait fer muh special someone to get back
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[03 Sep 2003|12:57am] |
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Wowz it's really amazing how much things can change in a few dayz. How much feelings can totally do a 360 in a matter of dayz hehe.
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[02 Sep 2003|11:03pm] |
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Well muh day waz pretty fun. Hung out wit Denise all day which waz great. Also I waz made da happiest girl in tha world hehe *smilez* He made muh day. I'm gettin ready to go call muh sis. In a way I hope she comes here and stays cuz dat would be soooo cool, but on tha other hand I hope she doesnt have to cuz she would have to be away from family. Anyways thats all that really happend today. I'm waitin for muh special someone to wake up and come online hehe I'll write more laters
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[30 Aug 2003|03:34am] |
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Well today waz one hellova day lemme tell ya! First spent most of da day wit Denise which waz fun! Then came home and talked to Michelle on da phone. Then I get online and I got a message from Jarred...just when I thought I lost hym. I know people think I'm totally crazy. But I'm sorry I love him with all muh heart. ANd I can't give up on him. And I won't. He has muh heart. Anywayz he;s back in da states for a few days then hes back off to gawd knows where. He's tha man I wanna be wit and I can't change whut muh heart feelz. So If people wanna judge me then go ahead. At least muh sis stands behind me and supportz me and so doez muh Mom. Luv iz all about forgivness and understanding right? Well thatz whut I'm doin. I can't jus forget bout him. And If I have to wait 2 yearz fo him to come home den I will. I can't see myself wit any other man. And I KNOW he luvz me. I dun care whut anyone sayz I know he luvz me. So anyway we talked on da phone for lyke 2 hourz. He told me he thought about me alot. I bet not as much as I thought bout him. He told me he luvz me. Gawd I mizzed hearin those wordz comein outta hiz mouth:( It waz so nyce to hear em again *sigh* Anywayz itz almost 4am IMa take muh azz to bed and try to sleep. Nighterz and Sweet Dreamzzzzzz
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[26 Aug 2003|10:02pm] |
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Well today wuz pretty borring. Well not really. Went and did some laundry and hung out wit Denise fer a while. I sooooo miss not hanging out wit her everyday *sniff sniff* Came home and relaxed. I've jus got to vent about sum thingz. First off I swear to gawd Ranch 1 has turned into nothin but a gawd damn soap opera. Who;s cheatin on who, which slut of the room is jumpin in which taken mans box, who is jumpin in whos box and cyberin, which guy is gunna end up with da slut of da room lolz. Its mad crazy. I jus sit there and laugh cuz they gotz the NEVRVE to call ME a whore? LMMFAO! HELLO people take a look around dat room lmmfgdao. I mean seriously. Now itz lyke they have formed sum mad cool alliance. Only "c00l" people are aloud in dat room. Whut you gunna do BOOT me? HAHA ain't lyke it's never been done before. THe sad thing is most of the people in dat room that are in the center of this drama shit are in their late 20's and 30's sum are in their early 40's! How fucking sad is that shit lol. I've been in dat room fer almost 6 yearz now. And it aint never gunna change. People are mad crazy. Ever since Michelle is gone and I don't go in there as much any more that room has gone to hell. Now I know peepz are gunna read this and go jumpin in other peepz boxes sayin " omg kota was talkin shit in her lil journal thing" YER GOD DAMN RIGHT I'M VENTING AND IF YOU DUN LIKE IT... GUESS WHUT YOU CAN DO?? KIZZ MAH FAT WHITE AMERICAN AZZ!!!!! Cuz yall opinions dun mean jack shit to me. Every single one of you think you are beter then everyone else. Well maybe when you wake up and realise that YOUR ASSES ARE ON THE COMPUTER JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE DAY IN AND DAY OUT 24.7. AND YOU TELL OTHER PEEPZ TO GET A LIFE?? IRONY HERE?? LOL anywayz I'm off to see a movie I'll write more laterz
<3<3<3 Mad Luv From Tha One Tru Beauty<3<3
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[26 Aug 2003|12:09am] |
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Well today was Hawt as fuck. Waz a pretty borring azz day. I talked to sumone on da phone last nyte though*blushes* I think I gotz a crush on hym. But I dunno. I mizz Jarred...I know dat soundz crazy but I do. I talked to his "room mate" last nyte on da pc and he said Jarred got shipped out on Monday. A week ago today. I dunno if I should believe it or not. But oh well whut am I gunna do? I can't do shyte about it so I jus gotta let it go and if I hear from him fine if not jus chalk it up as notha loss. I do love hym tho I know that. Blah anywayz ain't got much else to talk bout. so I;m outtie.
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[21 Aug 2003|01:56pm] |
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Sentenced- |
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well I just got done talking to Michelle on da phone. I think we got everything straight...at least I hope. She is muh sis and I love her very much. I jus hate dat these haterz gotta start shyte between us. All of em can kizz muh azz cuz it aint gonna happen. Anywayz aint much happend yet today so I'll write more tonight.
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[21 Aug 2003|01:08am] |
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[20 Aug 2003|11:59pm] |
blah I can't fukin sleep:| I think I'm starting to mizz Jarred...I don't even know where the fuck he went...it's lyke he fell off the face of tha fucking earth. Oh well I guess dats tha way love goes. I am starting to believe there is no such thing as love.
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[20 Aug 2003|10:06pm] |
Today was a long azz borring day...unpacked sum more shite blah. Ain't gotz much to write about so I think Ima go to bed. Peace
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