Blurty for red eyed break down.

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Wednesday, May 7th, 2003

Time:11:13 pm.
this whole blind date to prom thing really has me thinking, why is it so hard for me to find someonewho would want to spend three hourse with me? iv never really thought of myself as an attractive or interesting person but everyone else does so why does seem so mpossible that anyone would be interested in me as anything other the friend? its just the prom thing that bothers me right now, because im sure if this strange girl saw or met me before hand she would totally back out, same thing happened last time i had a date for a dance, they ditched me and gave me thirty dollars and never talked to me again, or last time osmeone wa smildy interested in me. its all too deppressing, im sorry.
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Tuesday, May 6th, 2003

Time:9:25 pm.
haha now that i have a friend here i guess i should star updateing more often and make a little bit more sense. okay so today after school i went to the mall with my mother and we got shoes for graduation because i guess were not allowed to where sneakers when we walk on the LAWN! and then i was looking at some sweet ass adidas but they were mad ass spensive so i went to hot topic to look at stuff and picked up a clearence stticus shirt and an alkaline trio patch. then i went to waldens and got the new ap with the alkaline trio one the cover (i think theres a theme) and almost got a sweet new journal but dicided not to. then i went to target and picked up the new blur and nofx but the bitch at the regesiter didnt give me my discount so i was madddddd. then we went to comp usa to see if they had power books (because i think if my mom, grandma and dad all go in on it i will be able to get one as a graduation/birthday present wich would be sweet so i can finally have my own computer and i could get all this sweet ass photo/film/synth softwear that iv wanted and not have to worry about my computer crashing) and they have them! apperently comp usa has an apple store inside! i had no clue. but yea they have the one i want (the twelve inch model) and its about eigteen hundred (less then online, starngly enough) so yeah their gonna think about it, and now im home listening to blur and its fucking amazing!
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Monday, April 14th, 2003

Time:10:53 pm.
once again i find myself falling hard for someone who at one point i believed i had gotten over due to a (at the time seemed to be) valid reason, if your elitist that is. but its amazing i seem to see her everywhere i go and now she stops to talk to me no matter hwta it seems, friday at the phoenix she even ran across the street away from her freinds to come talk, it makes me feel really nice. i dont know if it means shes into me to or if its just she thinks of me as a cool person worthy of speaking to, im hopeing on the former. i dont know what is going to happen, hopefulyl something substanial comes from this.
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Thursday, April 3rd, 2003

Time:10:42 pm.
its incredible really, saturday night she seemed so happy and we were takeing walks and talking like we alwasy do and by the end of the night shes an emotional reck, i can understand though she was going through serious stuff with people that up untill then she wasnt all taht fond of and now shes becomening a better person and shes made several posts in her live journal that sugest she found someone else she likes more and im willing to be she over and probably dosent even want to be my freind anymore, oh gawd iv spent this entire week crying and loseing sleep, iv had a lot of crushes is the past but this is the first time it was feasible and mutual and now im back to where i was in december a fucking wreck i probably dont even deserve love.
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Blurty for red eyed break down.

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