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OH MY LORD IN HEAVEN. [30 May 2007|03:01pm]
It's 2007. I'm looking back at this journal I had in high school.

Good gravy. That's all I have to say.

I have a new girlfriend. Her name is Jessi.
I have a job at a summer camp in Malibu, CA.
I'm 21. I'm pretty much way cooler than I ever was in high school.


Until I get back on Blurty,
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Back. [05 Feb 2006|06:48pm]
I'm glad no one has ever been able to define me.

I am without labels.
And yet... I'm so a part of everything.

Who am I? Really? Since when have I been so goddamn... stupid?

I don't know anything anymore. After 20 years, I'm speechless and without answers to questions. I wish life could be the same.

But at the same time, I want to enjoy change as it comes.

Why am I unhappy?
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And this... [10 May 2004|04:07am]
Or maybe a ninja.

That'd be cool too.

Until I sleep,
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No sleep will do this to a guy... [10 May 2004|04:06am]
[ mood | still can't sleep... ]
[ music | Red Hot Chili Peppers - On Mercury ]

I have decided that when I grow up, I want to be a lumberjack.
That would kick ass.

Until I remember which end of the saw to use,

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Hmm [10 May 2004|12:47am]
[ mood | sleepless ]
[ music | A Perfect Circle - Judith ]

Insomnia's a pretty funny thing.
Funny in that I want to sleep, but I can't.
So, therefore, funny = horrifying.
Damn stupid insomnia. It's like a nightmare.

Can't stand it.

Until I sleep,

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Ah hoo....ah ha! Hoo-ha! [09 May 2004|01:10am]
[ mood | downright good (but needing a little bit o' the snuggles ]
[ music | Jim Croce - Time in a Bottle ]

w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t.
Tonight was a very good night. We had our choir banquet tonight, and I won a big award which I thought I was not going to win. Even Ms. Andes was suprised, I think. Well, whatever. I won the Cantabile Award, and now my name is going to go on a plaque in the choir room, and I have a little trophy to call my own. It's a pretty nifty award, given to the outstanding senior choir student (in this case, me). The rest of the night was good. I went to Steph's party, which was fun...we chilled in the hot tub for an hour and a half, sang, and went to IHOP. w00t w00t w00t. A good night indeed.

On the romantic front, nothing special has happened recently. I'm hoping that will change, but it may not, and I'll just have to live with that. Oh, well. I can if you out there in Readerland can. Although having someone to snuggle with would be awful nice. And let's face it. I can snuggle like no other.
Anyway, looks like it's time for me to run. I should be getting to bed.

Until I fall asleep at the desk,

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w00t! [07 May 2004|12:32am]
w00t w00t w00t w00t w00t!
I'm done! Finished!
Finally, I can start being myself again!
Oh, man...this summer is gonna kick ass. Well, sort of. I have to get a job. That should be pretty sick. Need the money...
Hmm...what else is new?
We had our final choir concert tonight...it kicked ass, except I started singing before everyone else and nearly blew it...I don't think anyone caught it, though, and if they did, I made up for it during
"Blackbird", wherein I belted my little solo, sans mic, I might add. I don' need no steenking mic.
Then Tim, Daniel, Katie and I returned to Daniel's, wherein I whooped some ass at Halo. Daniel hates me. Well, not really, but Halo kicks ass. He and I are going shooting tomorrow...I can't wait.

Until I keep it in the ten-ring,
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Updates... [03 May 2004|10:51pm]
[ mood | who knows anymore? ]
[ music | Motley Crue - Kick-Start My Heart ]


I guess there's someone for everyone. Have I found my someone yet?
Will I ever?
Can it be possible that two people pass on a street and never know what was meant to be?
I hope that God is a little more responsible than that.

Or maybe it was me.
Maybe I let it slip.

Damn it all.

Until I find someone,

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Leave the kids with a baby-sitter... [02 May 2004|11:37pm]

My life is rated R.
What is your life rated?

My life rocks.
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Oh my lord [01 May 2004|01:26am]
[ mood | ...! ]
[ music | Nat King Cole - Almost Like Being in Love ]

Today was quite a day.
And by quite a day, I mean awesome.

The show was awesome, and other things happened as well that also kicked much ass.
Catie Dubruille is hot.

Until I do a dance,

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That's it... [28 Apr 2004|03:21pm]
[ mood | startled ]
[ music | Kansas - Carry On My Wayward Son ]

Fuck it. I give up. I can't win.

Today was the shittiest day ever. I won't bore you with details, but rest assured that I haven't had such a shitty day - nay, week - in a long while. Everyone's pissed off, including myself, and it's really starting to wear on me. I noticed this Sunday at Burger King that my hands have developed a tremor. That can't be good, can it?

I give in. Whoever it was that's trying to beat me, you've won.
I guess in a weird, ironic sort of way, that person is me.
Anger rules my life. I let him in, and now he won't go away.
It all starts when something bad happens to you, and you put it inside. Then something else, and you put that inside too. You can't let anyone know you hurt. No one must know. And it piles up, and piles up, and finally, you're lashing out at the people you love, doing stupid things for no reason than to see others suffer...
my hands are shaking again.

Everyone is an enemy. At least, that's the way I've been treating them. Like they don't understand...like they can't understand.
I hurt too many people.
And it is entirely my fault.
Every day, I think of putting a gun to my head, or razors to my arms...but I know that deep down inside, my purpose has yet to be fulfilled.
I can't kill myself. I won't. Maybe I've gotten myself to rock bottom as far as emotions and ethics go, but no further.
I hate chains.
And suicide is the ultimate slavery.

Now that I'm down, I guess the only way to go is back up.
I'm sorry.

I guess that's a start.

I should stop crying...the tears might fuck up the keyboard.

Until I get a Kleenex,

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Angry?! [27 Apr 2004|11:43pm]
God for-fucking-bid I should be angry. God forbid my life should suck. God forbid I have tons of shit to deal with, and God forbid I should piss anyone off. I think I've fucking earned it over the past few years. Right now, I live for me. I am sick and fucking tired of having to rearrange my schedule to fit everybody, and I AM SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF ALWAYS EXPLAINING MYSELF.

Until I calm down,
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"We are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world." [21 Apr 2004|09:26pm]
Life has been so...weird lately. I can't anything without upsetting something else. It just seems like I'm falling, and there's nothing to hold on to. I'm just falling in slow motion...and there's nothing I can do about it.

"You met me at a very strange time in my life, Marla."

I've been watching Fight Club a lot lately. My life feels kinda Edward Norton's, only without the imaginary friend and the whole fighting thing.

I feel like I'm slipping away.

I am Jack's hopeless future.

Or am I?
Is she the light at the end of this long, black tunnel?

Whatever. Life's ok, I guess. Just weird. School's almost over, and I still need to take my GED test and talk to the fine people at TVI about enrolling. I've pretty much said "Fuck it" to school, and I'm just coasting now, waiting for the tide to take me out. See you guys this summer.

Until I get a damn job,
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Update. The other other other white meat. [13 Apr 2004|04:22pm]
[ mood | aniticipatory ]
[ music | Acoustix - Orange Colored Sky ]

One week is over, and another begins.
Man, I can not wait for prom. It's gonna be so much fun. Spending a night with two beautiful girls and my friends...man, it's too good to be true.


Well, I'm hungry, and the guitar is calling my name, so I'm gonna eat and then play. Take care of yourselves, people, and if you see Catie, tell her she's beautiful.

('Cause she is.)

Until I stay frosty,

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But we had fun, right? [03 Apr 2004|11:41pm]
Man, I am so tired. Don't worry, folks. This isn't going to be one of my usual "deep, profound and meaningful" posts.
Rather, this is going to be one of those "say what's on my mind" type-of posts. That said, man. I am tiiiired. I've been up since 6am driving, running, yelling, pushing, shoving, moving, setting, and cajoling and I have just now returned home.


Remember last year? Man, that was a good Showfest. We made it into the top 6 that time.

This time: 6 out of 8.

I believe I speak for everyone when I say:

But you know, from they way the audience cheered, I knew that my friends were the winners there. They knew it too. After six or so grueling months of choreo, rehearsal, and bonding, they all sang and danced their hearts out, and made their way right into ours. They are, in the minds of countless many who saw them today, champions of the first degree. A-1, top-notch, and better than all the rest.

They're first place in our hearts.

As for me, I was a "Show Choir Coodinator/Liason/Walking Information Kiosk" for the DCC. I got to show off my fancy-schmancy nametag and sternly command things all day. Power trip, indeed. It was a good gig. I had fun. I was glad to help out.

Let's see...anything else? The Summit sang, which was awesome, as always. Kevin Homiak's quartet sang, which was awesome, as always, and then all of us sang together, which was awesome. As always.
Welp, It looks like bed for me...don't forget to set your clocks forward tonight!

Until I forget to set my clock and wake up late tomorrow,
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What's that? Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No! It's...just an update. Woo. [28 Mar 2004|10:25pm]
[ mood | just plain happy ]
[ music | The Pixies - Where Is My Mind ]

We should all take a moment.
Just to stop.

Take a look around.

The world is beautiful.

And I am in love. Again. I love being in love.

There's nothing quite like it in the world.
And frankly, I think that's the most beautiful part.


Until I find something to compare with it,

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More...Fucking...Questions. [18 Mar 2004|10:36pm]

To describe my state of being.

Why, Goddammit, Why?!


I need this break so badly.

I am starting to unravel.

"We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our face and shades our eyes..."

I am nothing.

No, wait.

I am a sham. A fraud. A total and utter failure.
I think I'm just gonna take this next week to myself.

Rethink life.


And hate myself.

Until later,
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Movin' on... [14 Mar 2004|10:36pm]
[ mood | fucking confused ]
[ music | Nickelback - Leader of Men ]

Is it too soon to fall in love again?
Do I know that I really feel like this?

Why is life so goddamned confusing?

Questions. Day in and day out. That's all I get anymore.

I really like Tracy.

Maybe I love her.

Maybe not.

I asked her to prom.
She still hasn't said yes or no.

I've moved on.
We should all learn how to move on.
The world would be a better place.

Until the next installment,

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Who needs subjects? [02 Mar 2004|10:46pm]
One year, twelve days, seven hours and three minutes later,
It's over.

I don't like to think we said our final goodbyes tonight.

I handled it a lot better than I thought I would. She presented her greivances, and I just nodded and said:
"I understand."

Amanda and I have decided to stop seeing each other.

I don't know exactly how to feel right now.

Angry at what? The only person I can be angry at is myself.

Sad for who? I just don't know.

I know that I am what I am.

"Tomorrow is a new day. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?"

Until tomorrow,
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Here's something to think about... [11 Feb 2004|06:22pm]
[ mood | Intuitive ]
[ music | George Thorogood - Gear Jammer ]

Courtesy of ReOderant.com.

Suffering Heroes - 11/11/2003
"Countless articles and broadcasts have focused on Pvt. Jessica Lynch and the ordeal she endured after being captured during the Iraq War.

"As 'The Wall Street Journal' noted in its Veterans Day edition, Lynch is far and away the best known soldier of the war.

"She seems very likable and humble in interviews, and her story is certainly sad.

"Lynch suffered broken bones and gashes after her maintenance convoy was attacked. She was subsequently captured by enemy forces and held at a hospital for a week before her rescue.

"But how exactly does any of this make her a hero?

"During World War II, Audie Murphy single-handedly repelled a Nazi infantry attack and killed more than 200 enemy soldiers. THAT’s heroic. Even though Audie is a pretty silly name.

"Running into a burning building to save a child would also qualify as heroic.

"Pretty much anyone who stops Nazis or saves children from fire is a hero. Saving children from burning Nazis would make you even more hero-iffic, of course.

"Jessica Lynch played a passive role in the events that brought her fame - she was knocked unconscious in the attack on her convoy. She was never able to fight back and couldn’t save her comrades. The Iraqis fighters who captured her may not have been nice people, but at least they took her to a hospital to be treated for her wounds. Iraqis aren’t nearly as scary as Nazis, anyway.

"Does enduring bad things make you a hero?

"I can’t imagine parents imploring their children to live that life. 'Gee Mickey, your father and I would be soooo proud if you had to handle huge amounts of physical pain and mental anguish when you grew up. We know that you can be really good at suffering, if you try.'

"Does being young, cute and blonde make you more heroic? Just wondering."

I was just thinking the same thing...

Until I save a busful of children from 200 burning Nazis,

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