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Monday, April 18th, 2005

Time:1:30 am.
There were those nights
I cried and cursed your name.
I took that sharpie for my bag
and let it dance across you face
as I pulled each picture out of the case.
The thought of your last words
stoked the fire in my heart
and ignited my screams of anger.

I hated you,
I couldn't stand to think of you.

I wanted you to disappear
not for the fact
that you told me it was over,
but because you took away
the dreams i had collected,
placed on my bedside
as i slept soundly.

That was then.

The fire died down slowly
over the time it took to move away.
Taking the hammer and nails
and the lumber of my mind and begin
to rebuild those structures and bridges
that burned to a smoldering ash,
those horrible nights.

I regret the words I said
and the action i took.

We've built something from that ruin
slowly from that time through the months
that rolled on by.

It wasn't grand and it wasn't impressive,
but it was something to start the new beginning.
The warmth you had spread throughout
and the fire of my heart heating the food
to feed our emotional needs.

So we are brought to tonight,
as you become at ease
by watching my jagged movement
through a camera's lens.

Tonight you fell asleep on my shoulder,
as you did back then.
Bringing those dead coals
to a light glow as a foresight
to the flames of love
that will glow and dance again
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Time:1:30 am.
It has snapped and i'm finally free
to return to the mythical wolf
I once claimed to be.

The thoughts and emotions
flow as the dark dam breaks
under the shear weight
of all my dreams and desires.

My heart is still sadden
as i see the books and words
scattered about sufficate
in the dust that has collected.
I see these the same
as a soldier looks apon a fallen comrad.

My captain, the neruda,
his books lie in dust too as the pages
cry to be touch once again
and the inked words
they wise to be spoken aloud
for the world or no one
to hear.

I used to quote them.
I used to praised them nightly.

All that once lost meaning to me
is returning to me once again.
My pens, my journels, my tools
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, April 12th, 2005

Subject:Rantings of a Mad Ham
Time:1:32 am.
It's been a long time since i felt compled to put my thoughts into type, because when only I can see it hidden away in a nice little notebook file it seems like a magizine when that great artical you put on the book shelf only to become lost. So much has come to my mind in these past few weeks but when I try to scribe it down on some paper or type it up, the thoughts just cease to be a coherent gathering of words and form a small block of it's former self. Most of these have to do about the thoughts of my life as I see them. Reading on is not required, only the proof it's existance is enough for me.

The longest problem in my life stems from the fact that I have never felt at home completely. It's been a while since i've stayed with a job for longer then two months. I have tried many areas from being behind a desk to behind a mop, but none really statisfied the desire i had inside me. It has only left the inside and outside of me scarred and bitter at my futures expense. I'm not even going to college anymore because I was a shit student. I had no life goals or plans. I was there just because i was told to be there after high school. I still don't know if college is for me or not but for the time being I'm trying my hand at retail again at an old enemy. First Wal-mart and now Target. I enjoy my job but I have the fear in the back of my mind I am just extra season help, just like walmart. Deep wounds heal slow at best.

I've tried the love thing and it has left me emptier inside. Never been with a girl that wanted me and came after me. I was just a door mat because i'm my insane desire to always please. I don't want a relationship, hell i don't even want sex these days. I maybe broken inside, I dunno. But i've found my masocristic disablity in the process of not wanting anything.

Their is little in my life to help prove that I still exist, that I am a living being. I don't go out, I don't create, I don't love, I don't have crazy adventures. I am just being. I got to work and bust my ass for no reason and smile when i come home late at night struggling to stand as i feel the great pain coming from my weak ankles. I feel happy when i'm bursied and bleeding. Sure i don't activitly slice and dice my flesh with a razor but damnit is it right that I feel joy when i'm suffering.

Thats all for now.

With Love and Hatred,
Celso.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, February 7th, 2005

Time:11:25 pm.


You Know You're From Fresno When...


You have to explain to friends from out of town what animal
a "Tri-tip" comes from.

You think salsa goes on everything

Drivers think a red light is just a suggestion.

Your out-of-town friends start to visit after October, but clear
out before the end of April.

The best restaurants in town start with "El" or "Los."

You think $400 a month rent is way too high.

You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.

People break out coats when the temperature drops below 70.

The pool can be warmer than you are.


You realize that Valley Fever isn't a disco dance.

You still don't know your way around downtown.

Anywhere "and 99" is too far away.

You think you're better than people from Clovis.

Someone mentions the Fair and your thoughts immediately turn to
Cinnamon Rolls.

You drive just as fast on a sunny day in June as a foggy day in
December.

You have to explain to someone about "G Street."

The whole town shuts down at 11:00.

You complain about how boring Fresno is, but still make fun of
people from Sanger, Selma, Reedley, etc.

You hadn't been to Manchester Center in 10 years until the movie
theater opened.

You never knew how you managed before River Park.

Someone from out-of-town talks about how foggy it is and tell
them, "Just wait."

You know not to take Shaw at 8, 12, or 5.

You swear there was an orchard there last week, where now there are houses.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Fresno.







Some of these are not spot on but a few on GOD DAMN SPOT ON.

Tri-tip comes from a moo moo. it's good with a sourdough roll and BBQ sauce.

I can't say this enough in dec-feb.
"Someone from out-of-town talks about how foggy it is and tell them, "Just wait." "

This is a sad truth, i miss the peach, almond, orange orchards:

"You swear there was an orchard there last week, where now there are houses."
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Saturday, February 5th, 2005

Subject:feeling nostalgic
Time:1:02 am.
The past is coming back to me. I find myself thinking of how my life used to be. The simplicity of it all where i was just a kid that had to go to school everyday. Times where i didn't have to worry about paying bills and finding work. But it's more then that. I hear the music i listen to back then again lately. I grow up in a home of classic R&B and oldies because that was real music. I never liked most mainstreme pop music, didn't have a taste for it. But put on classic michael jackson, mary jane girls, marvin gaye al greene and it's on. i find myself thinking a lot about my writings. On napkins and loose notebook paper i've tired to skech out another story and all over the place are my poems.

I think i can feel the mythical wolfie creeping around my dreams still with a tale to tell.

I once was a love poet until i feel out of love. maybe i could come back to that life and find love all over again.

I'm in a battle these day about myself. Do i want to go back to the dream i used to be or try to move forward and become the dream i used to see.

nuff for not. laters
Comments: Add Your Own.

Time:1:00 am.
Recent post of mine on the subject of censorism of erotic poetry:

This is much bigger then just poetry. Since it is a thread making it way all across the artistic mediums. The only difference between some picture hanging in a gallery and one in playboy is the pose. I know some of you probably don't even look but if you do there are some beautiful things to seen in the respectible adult magazines. It's all a matter of being judgemental too quickly. OMG a breast, i don't want my 12 year son seeing that - kind of mentality. Eroticism is another emotion to be expressed and as a society we should be open enough to accept that. but i fear that this thread will widden and expand. How long before they start to go after sadness, anger, fear because they evoke negitive emotions in the reader.

They is a solution to the problem. Keep writing and fuck them and there rules. Free expersion will live on if they're people out there willing to light the fire, even if it burns them as a result.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, February 1st, 2005

Time:1:58 am.
My memories are haunting me tonight. I can see them with my eyes open or closed, I can feel them banging away at me. I'm lead down a road that most travel thinking about if i made the right choices when i left high school. Their is a fear in me about maybe i did the wrong thing by trying to go to college while my life was screwed up. I should have face the issues instead of trying to run from them and now after two years... they are creeping up on me again. What i need/ed in my life was stablity. I wonder how my life would have been like if I had a realible 9-5 and a girlfriend and maybe a place of my own. It could be great but predictible everyday life. But thats something i never experienced having to always watch the wind change and be at it's mercy having to adapt to the new directions.

Alas though, the way i live my life is never regret the past since it can't and will never be undone.

Doing the job hunt thing and being out of school again has me thinking about that. Having gone to college for two years just to end up in a job that could have gone straigh out of high school or a job that they require education at all. But I have hopes that I'll find something to validate my life. I wish i could get a job at borders, at the moment that is my dream job.

I say this often but it's always with me. I miss being loved and I miss having the feeling that someone is there for me. I fell in love then broke every bone when i hit the hard cold ground.

Tomorrow is de-stress day, I'm going to sleep in, go later in the afternoon to have a beer, be around people and hopefully enjoy myself.

Peace
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Time:1:57 am.
Memories Haunt the present
Like old battle scars.
Running over them
still felling the pain
from old healed wounds.

Screaming at us
to never forget
the past we try
to hide away
in the darken corners
and unlit cells
of our minds.

Blind to the visions
but not deft to their voices.
"Hear me, Hear me, Hear me"
as they stalk about.
"Feel me, feel me, fell"
as they pound the floors
bang on the walls.

Unable to escape the scars
in dreams and life
unable to run form the memories.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, January 24th, 2005

Subject:Listen to the beating heart of life.
Time:1:13 am.
Music has always been my greatest muse.

Italian, spanish, french, japanese... all speak the same emotions.

I once went to an italian opera, i was having trouble understanding what was going on and just listened to the movements beat along with my heart. It became so clear as i felt every sad note and every melody as i was pulled along with it. I have been forgotten my lesson. Pop rock, alternative, country all to seem to rely heavily on the spoken words. Pull the vocals and they are seem the same. Most lack emotion and are just beats tossed into a bowl.

A single song brought me back and i realize the error of my ways. The source is kind of funny since it is a very unlikely place, but each note touched my soul and brought me back. I started to dust off the old archives and clear the smugged cds to listen once again. Opera still brings me home because of a amazing feat it is to accomplish. We live in the age of technology and it has become a part of everything. It is part of music as well. There lies the 200-band equalizer at every concert, the artist could have the worse day of his career and still sound excellent because of this. In a live opera it is wonderful, having the music play and surround you with speakers or headsets as it floods the area. The ones on the stage on stars for they use there voice as a musical weapon without any electronical assisstance. Close your eyes and you are taken away.

Today i listen to The Sorrow.

I have offically dropped my classes because i need to stablize my life since it's become so eractic. This may require a major location change but I don't want to think of that yet. I will get a job and i will earn my keep for it is time to put away my childish pride and play the hand that i am given. I may not like the job i find but I will do it for my sake and my future's sake because that is what i need now, stablity. It's time to move on for me.

Still it's all words when i am here.

But I see what needs to be down. I need to let go of lost love because it only keeps the wound of my heart fresh and i need to let go of some of the sorrow. but, I wish to keep some of the Sorrow close to my heart to remind me of the pain of life, to keep me alive.

I don't know if this is the answer, I don't know much. But i do know it's better then standing still.

I am glad I have a friends I could talk to even if i forget they are there.

Tonight: Just Live.

Peace.
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.

Subject:restless thoughts.
Time:12:45 am.
I need to write this since i have no one to turn to. I have to write this because there is a no one to listen to my heart.

It happens everytime i fell like things will be alright, when i think i'm happy... then it begins to build in my heart and into my soul. Then my tears begin to fall.

I'm alone... it hurts even just seeing it, saying it in my head. but it's the truth. I am alone. All the ranting and the strong words, i fell like i betry them. I am so weak.

The childhood is just a memories fadding into dream and further into obivion. All those people i bearly remember are gone.

And now, the first real love is fadding away. The memories today all seem like a happy dreams to me now and soon i know they'll be gone. Some are already hard to see now. I was happy when i was with her.

Now i'll never talk with her again, it hurts too much. I don't think i'll ever stop loving her.

I want to love again, i want to have someone here with me.

but like i said, there is no one.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:Port from LJ -
Time:12:44 am.
Escribió con la sangre de mi corazón herido.

But it is healing.

I love that line, it came to me when i was driving home. It was a bit strange because it came to me in spanish. It shall be a poem once the inspiration comes to me.


Feels good to be back in school no matter how tough it is for me a to be able to go this semester. I slipped up last year. I regret my choices and the quickly i made them. This year will be better if i could only find a job.

4 classes this go around.

1. Sociology - no comment, total mind fuck.

2. Biology - the instructor has a good sense of humor and is light hearted. being a science geek I should do pretty well in the class even without a book. The lab assoiciated with this class will be problematic sense it's a Here is a work book, fill in the blanks and make sure to turn in a pre and post test. Did i mention a workbook we'll be ripping pages out of and turning them in will cost 50 dollars. That is a insane amount for a workbook and they won't accept photocopied versions.

3. English - This is by far going to be the funniest class. the instruction is a riot. The course topic is a good one for me. Popular Culture. MWHAHAHA. let the major ranting begin. I like that our books are: Planet of the apes, fight club, and Batman: return of the dark knight. The last one is a semi-novel comic book.

4. Calculus - the instructor is Cute for a math geek. What can i say out of all the classes i've taken, i like math classes the most. So functions and differentials make me feel warm inside.... or it might just be the coffee.

My spirit is lifted again and the weight on my heart is lightening.

Hell maybe i'll even love again... maybe :D

first day and i got a ton of homework for the weekend. yay!

Peace.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, January 16th, 2005

Subject:Time to get a little moving
Time:12:54 am.
Here i sit at 12 30 am thinking of a few things i need to start doing. Then i realize i don't care.

My life was never about having the right plan for the future or even deciding whats next. I kind of fell into my daily gride of life. I may shed a tear or two and scream out why does it suck so much, but this is whats happening for me and there is no way to change that. Do i want to believe I am slave to my fate? fuck no. Fate to me is just a crutch put up by those that are so doubtful in themselves and there ablities they need to wish for outside assistance. Are you confused? good. reaching my random state of mind will be helpful.

What I do I do on my accord. I fuck up, alright then. I succed, alright then. No way around that because even happy mad or sad i it doesn't change the fact of what happened.

So tomorrow i will take a drink, step outside, fall on my ass and keep on going. 'cause thats my choice on living. No one can change me but myself. And that makes me happy.

Peace out.
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.

Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004

Time:1:37 am.
I'm going to try this again now that I am in a better frame of mind. I was a mess last night.

First i'm really mad at myself. I am bad at telephoning people and get so nervious and awkward before dailing i tend to say "I call them later" and then it seem to be weeks later. I'm sorry for this, but i should call the people i miss i'm sorry.

Last night was one of those phone album nights where you look back in the pictures in your head thinking, "I wonder where he's at" "why didn't i keep in touch" " didn't he join the army." So of those people just had a wonderful presence to them and i miss them.

I say the word love but i am just a fool i think. I never been romanticly, poeticly in love i think. but my heart still seems to get broken.

I miss my writing. It was liberating for my dull life where i could created my own legend and mythos. When i could string pictures using broken lines of poetry. I used to be so creative months ago but now i can't even make two correct sentences together much less creative writing.

SO enough of the old and in with the new.

It's towards the end of the semester and it seems i didn't learn my lesson and i'm failing another internet class. The only thing that would save me is to get a B or A on the final to bring me up enough for a D. The rest of my classes i'm doing good and they are coming to an end soon. 2 more weeks of classes and 1 week of finals left.

TV has become my enemy. All these shows are making me mad but i won't name them. And then there are shows that i'm drawn too much into forgetting everything else.

All the lastest back i've bought are graphic novel, i read books with lots of pictures. And Coconut, i could use a book recogmendation but i'll call you to get that. I want to get lost in real books and not comics.

I quit my job at the liberay for two reasons: 1. I lost heart in the job after a while because it became too easy. Yes, too easy. I all for easy money but i like to be a in work place my mind and skills can be activily used and not spending 2-3 hours of the day standing at the counter and zoning out. I haven't decided yet what type of job i'll be going after but with a year of customer service and office skills and number skills i should be able to find something.

I hate the holidays. i'm so jealous of those families that can gather and have big things. My family we don't do that. we stay away from each other because all the BS comes up for every little thing. Fights break out and police get called and it's all a big mess. So we stay away from each other. Thanksgiving is going to be me and my mom at Hometown buffet. so much for warm holiday memories.

I"m tired and it's nearly 2 am. Goodnight.
Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.

Monday, November 22nd, 2004

Time:1:48 am.
I wish there was someone there on the other end to listen to my crying. but there is no one around. All my friends are sleeping and i don't want to wake them up just because i'm feeling like a loser. They have lives and they have things to do. I just do the same thing every day. Tomorrow i'll do something, next week i'll do something, but damnit i can never do anything. I can't believe i call myself a friend. Broken promises and broken hearts.

I said i'll call but that call never comes. I said i'll be there but i never am. I make excuses.

So i'll just cry into the empty spaces out there. I don't know what to do or where to go. so i'll talk to myself.

I'm messing old friends people I said i'll never forgot when they're gone. I remember them. Some say i never really knew them but i knew there heart and that is a enough. The memories we had well be forever in our hearts and there is no changing that, because these were good people. I've lost so many loves in my life i wonder why i should love anything. I chose to love one person but i can't get over how much i am a insignificat worm compared to her. she has a life and friends and clubs and shit and i have nothing. She deserves someone like her. I deserve no one.

I tired to love good friends but they are now gone. I don't think they were ever there to begin with. Some i think i may say goodbye to because i can't deal with some of the bullshit i have to go through to be with them.

I miss writing

I miss writing

I miss writing

I miss writing about dragons and knights, wizards and gods. poems of heartbreak and heartfelt sonnets. It was all I had to keep me free but it's gone. The pictures i drew with words are gone. I can't see them anymore. I want that fire back. I want my soul back. i want the words to flow like water in the pond. I want them back damnit. I want my heart and joy back. I'm so lonely and cold. I just want to end it all. I don't know why i live for another day. I have nothing..
Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.

Thursday, October 21st, 2004

Subject:The long sigh
Time:12:07 am.
I'm tired of life. I get up everyday, go to work, get lunch, go to class come home and play games for hours to fill the blank time in my life. I'm pathetic, when i was with someone I had a need to talk with them and to plan things to do. I don't have that drive for myself. I've tired joining clubs but it was always the same, I had no belonging. And thats the story of my life.

I've never felt like i belong.
Never part of the world, just a extra tid bit snapped on at the end. My interest and random knowledge or so strange that i can't seem to find anyone like me. I thought i did once but it was too good to be true and now she'll bearly talk to me. 2nd chapter of the story, my past is littered with the corpses of fallen friends and memories. My trust for people was violently (emotionally) ripped from my heart. I've done so much to people from my past, i can't face them. I'm a bad person, a very bad person. Too bad the world is too blind to see it past my forced smiles.

I know one person...only one. That cares and maybe has some love for me but I don't want her to hate me like everyone before. Sad thought it's someone 3 states away and only knows me by e-mail and paper.

I wish i could disappear for a while, change who I am and return a hero. But i'm not ment to be hero, i'm not ment to be great. Just another corpse under the heals of life.

I wish i had someone to talk to, someone i could trust and be comfortible with..but comfort is hard to find at 12:30 am.

but i would call, i don't want to be someones burden..thats all i am it seems. i'm just a burden. I wish i was more.

Peace out.
Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.

Thursday, September 30th, 2004

Subject:9:00 pm lost in the dark.
Time:2:48 pm.
First updates then my story.

College is going well and i'm doing well in my classes except in nutrition...i should know better then to trust myself with a online class. I'm always forgetting to take test and post on forums. I'm getting As and Bs tho so all is well.

Working at the library is kind different this year because i'm the old guy now since out of 8 students, only 2 stayed from last semester. 6 fresh faces. They are nice except for one that seems to be very quiet and kinda distant. It could be that she is older this us and closer to the staffs age group. They come to me when they need help and come to me as if I was a staff member. *laugh* and I trained one of them for the most part.

My boss , really cool and friendly guy, hassled me about flurting, heh. Yes boys and girls I now flurt subconsciencely. I have the power to make girls giggle and blush but thats all i get.


Last night was weird. I went around 7 30 pm last night to our new starbucks in town, I didn't think much of it at first then while i was there it hit me. God is a beautiful view. It along the side of the highway but the way the highway runs, it on a hill since they dug out the middle of where the highway used to run and made it into a valley between two sides to damper the sound and make it easier to cross side on the overpass. A lot of people died on crossing that highway when it was ground level.

Anys being up there gives an amazing view of the night sky, made ever more beautiful having a full harvest moon. I wrote a few poems (don't expect to see them tho :P ), I don't think i'm going to post most of the poems I write anymore.

It was special, then a weird thing happened. I ran into 4 people from high school, but not at the same time. I saw one and sat and talk and then another came and another came it was weird. we talked for a few hours then people started to leave. left me to think, WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO. I missed these people, i fucked up by not asking for number but eh. I screwed up breaking ties after high school. I am a idiot.

I have one more thing, but i need to think about it more. Not ready to post it yet.
Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.

Saturday, July 24th, 2004

Subject:Cutters
Time:9:24 pm.
This is a reply to this post: http://www.penmenwritings.org/boards/index.php?board=15;action=display;threadid=895





I believe it is a cry for personal independence that drives most “posers.” It is the modern style to be unique and be able to stand for something. What a better way to accomplish this then to emulate a strong independent leader. Because of this we live in a society that as long as one person feels strongly about a subject, there are always ones welling to follow and end up with groups for every position on every slightly controversial issues. The media also has it’s place in this mess since many people never pick up a newspaper or a news magazines but get the world in a hour on nightly TV, but is a hour really enough? Or it could be worst and be only Mtv news in a moment. People are lazy these days and gladly pick a direction when so easily given.

In Certain social circles it is expected to have an opinion depending on the social circle. I. E. The NRA groupies probably do not want a member that believes in scaling down gun manufacturing.

Even in non-profit exist fashion activists. They know the cause and they can recite the group mantra but do not go to meetings or protest. You know the people, the ones with PETA bumper sticker right over the daddy’s princess on the back bumper of a Red 2004 Mustang.

It has become just another fashion group, like the Goths, the punks, the sk8ers, etc.

Now onto the cutters, Of course it has become popular due to the fact it was brought into mainstream of the public just like throwing up after eating. A good amount of the population didn’t know about cutting and was unheard off a few years ago. Once public, (in a teen magazine no less) it gave a new outlet to those seeking the next step in there rebellion against uniform society.

The only true cutters are the ones suffering from being emotionally handicapped, being unable to project there anger outward, or simple extreme depression. Everyone else is just an attention-seeking poser.
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.

Saturday, July 3rd, 2004

Time:2:05 am.
I try, i honestly try my hardest to find friends in the people I know. I can't seem to find any though. I want to fit it but I am force to talk about things i don't know about. Give me science and technology and I got something to say, give me politics and religion and i'm a ignorent child. I need people in my life but I can grab something that doesn't exist. I am the alien in there world, they have know each and have history while i have nothing.

My head, i hate my fucking head. Why can't i be like her? she seems to so easily brushed it off and moved on wihle i'm suffering day in and day out. I cry most nights because i want to hold her. I dream about her. I call her name sometimes. I love her. I try to like other girls but i feel nothing. I have no feeling but for her.....and I think that i might never change. Porn, everthough i joke about it, doesn't do anything for me. All the girls seem so unreal that it has lost what it had. I wish i could hold her, i wish i could call her up to tell her how much i miss her but at 2 am i'm just a nut.

diana i don't think i could ever be on your level, you know so much and understand so much. I can't see what you can but thats because maybe i'm not ment to. you are a true smarty, while i'm just a community college failer.

I cry so much, i know i shouldn't but I do. I feel so alone because there is no one left to comfort me in the night. I fear my pillows will become blocks of salt from all the tears i cried on them.

I want to go home.
Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.

Monday, June 14th, 2004

Subject:Final Thought
Time:6:55 pm.
Singing to the winds,
as afternoon wears down,
a song about the binds i'm in.

Singing about how i gave
every bit of my heart,
while seeing yours stray.

It began to take me apart
a shattered heart within
reduced to broken art.

When i thought i died,
I finally took a look
and saw as you cired.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, June 11th, 2004

Time:8:11 pm.
I no longer have a fucking heart
Because i gave it up to save myself
since nobody gave a damn
to lend me a piece of there's.

Fuck you.

I wanted to love
I wanted to be whole but
you wanted more
you wanted something else
i gave you all and you gave me none

so FUCK YOU.

I had enough of this world
of stupidity and moronics.
fucking idtios that think they are king
and the real heros lost in there greed.

FUCK YOU.

Love is bullshit
A religion lost in it's own hipe
oh how i believe so much in love
I was a fool
Love is nothing but a illusion
a rumor among the whispers.

FUCK IT.

I don't need anything
I don't need my life
Everything i loved has been taken from me
God takes his servents first
oh how they pray for salvation
only to be the first lambs to the slaughter.
Good, they get what they ask.
Fuck them, and fuck their God.
Let him serve me a fucking drink
then i might take it back.

FUCK YOU.

My anger and my rage
i held it back to protect those people
i held it back to protect the world around me.
but no longer so the world told me to fuck myself.
take it all. fuck you. i no longer give a damn what you think
friends
family
loves
they all forsaken me just because
I refused to become a droid
to welcome their suggestion
and become what they wanted.

NEVER give my chance to be my own person
never given a moment to say what i think
never given a moment to pick out my own cloths.
Give me a black t-shir
and i'll write my own message
give me a pair of blue jeans
and fuck the rest
i don't need the prepy shirts
and overpriced gear
fuck it all. I never wanted to be that person.

so FUck off. and give me nothing.
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Blurty for Dishonest.Faith.

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