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Saturday, March 22nd, 2003
1:27 pm
today is kathryns birthday.

happy bday kathryn times 10.

::malious look::

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Monday, March 17th, 2003
4:50 pm - by my side, wont you be by my side
a brilliant highlighting of my naples trip mary posted. its wonderful. i shall post it on here in the next post :)

new orleans:
had a super time. went to bourbon street. saw matt k twice. yeah a yr ago last fri we ate together at cafe du monde. and i was there last friday eating the same err "french donuts" (i cant spell in binae whatever) and cafe au laut. and my mom said "youll never believe whos over there" well two tables over matt k was getting up about to leave. its amazing how wihtout speaking for a yr with one hug i wanted to cry. i wanted to tell him i understood. i want him to be happy that i forgive him and.. thousand of thoughts and longing to hold him and just comfort someone who needs no comforting anymore.

ive decided all my boy troubles need to be worked out. i need to somehow say fuck it about matt middleton and try not to care so much. *how many times do i say that* i somehow need to do something about that matt h situation. and still maintain some coolness. should i just say "i like you, but im really looking for something more..something more you dont appear to be willing to give me." or what. i talked to him last night. a downward spiral i might say. i keep flashing back to memories. memories of everything. what to do about matt h.... i remember passing him in his black blazer on sunday. i would be leaving he would be headed the opposite way. he always looked cool and calm. he says the perfect things at the perfect time.

I was out the other day
and I saw you in your big black car
and I was waving as you were passing
cause I know who you are
you had this look that of an angel
it was such a bad disguise
did you think for second I would not realize

tripping hard falling down onto the ground
cause I can't stand up
and I can't fall down
cause I'm somewhere in the middle of this

it was late and I was lonely
and you didn't even blink
you had this look that of an angel
it was such a bad disguise
when you drink it makes you angry
when I drink I want you more and more and more

tripping hard falling down onto the ground
cause I can't stand up
and I can't fall down
and I'm somewhere in the middle of this

well I find it hard
I always tried to find the sane life
but I don't like the way things are
and I keep falling to my knees
somewhere in the middle of this

i also talked to that mike/alex boy last night. he is often called boston boy. it was nice. hes such a flirt. (ie. me "hello" mike "heyhey cutie") in the midst of the conversation he was like yeah i kissed that girl from texas. it kinna made me feel uncomfortable for the rest of the converstation but its all in good fun right?

Your dreams can never be bought
I couldn't help you then and I guess I can't help you now
When jousting is for pleasure
Pleasure is way out of hand
The time is right for getting out while we still can

i miss summer. i miss old friends. i miss you

kathryns birthday is saturday. ive started my scheming.

talked to hunter last night. after it all it hurts. it hurts when we are "together" when we arent. not knowing what to do..knowing hes leaving next yr. everything changing and still staying the same for the worst.
Calls him every day,
He took a kind of vacation,
Was heading for something,
Won’t leave her alone,
Twice in every way,
They lead a life you could forget now,
It wouldn’t be the last time,
It better be the first time.

So she won’t sleep better alone,
And he won’t sleep better alone,
No they won’t feel better alone.

*A star up in the sky goes slowly passing by,
The lights below...they spell out your name.
You're comfort on my mind and you're with me all the time.
And lot's of feeling that I can't explain.

I won't spend another night alone.

Out of every guy I meet, no other can compete
I'd ditch em all for a night with you.
I know you don't believe you mean this much to me
But I promise you that you do.

yea long post. prolly another one coming up and ocourse marys. peace.

current mood: contemplative
current music: dishwalla somehwere in the middle

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Wednesday, March 5th, 2003
10:18 pm


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Sunday, February 16th, 2003
12:59 am - i love you like the starts above;i love you til the day i die
everything is so complicated now. life sped up on me and knocked me on my ass. i still long for middleton as always, but i feel i need to move on. i mean, who am i kidding? he doesnt like me and nothing will happen. right? but what if i close door.. and lock it. i feel like im betraying him and shutting him out if i allow myself to get involved or really like someone else. i pick people that i know i have no chance with just to insure that nothing will happen but i can pretend im having a life.

anna likes lewis. anna likes geoffery. annas not over ira. whats the deal? bailey hooks up with ira. anna doesnt care. i TALK to lewis. anna is crushed. i dont understand. she broke up with him. i dont know i dont kno what im saying.
im talking to mm for the first time in forever. it feels so goodnad ahh it perpetuates things. i must stop

current mood: sleepy
current music: dire straits- romeo and juliet

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