taking the surprise L.   
08:28pm 02/02/2007
 
mood: shitty
so uh...she seemed into me. conversations were real organic and such. i thought she was pretty. she told my mom i was cute. i thought i was in there like swimwear. so today was the day i was gonna ask her out.

then i go there today (her job)...and she's wearing a ring on her ring finger.

i asked if she'd gotten engaged in the two weeks since i'd been there. she hadn't.

it was a promise ring.

yes, you read that right. a promise ring.

fucking high school ass shit.

so i took the L when i thought nothing less than a W was in my future.

i'm still kinda blindsided by it all. it fucking sucks tho.

i played it off tho. i mean, i see her all the time (she works at my bank) and i didn't want to a. make her uncomfortable when i go there next time and b. make myself look like a lame.

so after i took care of all of my business, i went back to her to say bye and right before i left, i made sure to tell her "let me know if he breaks his promise."

so i still put my bid in, even though it's kind of moot at this point.

shit.		  
     Read 1 - Post
 
fresh, for the 07....YOU SUCKAS!   
11:08pm 02/01/2007
 
mood: busy
okay, so i moved...

and it's been insanely busy. plus, i don't have my computer anymore. i left it at the parents' house (which is where i'm at now), so i don't really sit online like i used to. as such, there's been an insane lack of updating on my part. so with that in mind, coupled with the fact that i'm sitting here burning shit off of this computer, here's a semi-brief update on what's going on in my life.

thanksgiving week: that was a good ass week. that monday, me and j went to see big daddy kane perform with a live band, which was dope as hell. plus, it was free, which is always nice. that wednesday, we got to kick it with squeeg who was in town for the first time since moving, which was great. then thanksgiving came around and my homies (anais, adrian and olga) called me to smoke a thanksgiving blunt, which i was more than happy to do. after that, i came home and ate dinner, which as usual was great. that friday, me and squeeg (j was out of town) went to see a free lupe fiasco show, which was cool. he's got the attention of our youth. lupe is the hip hop youth's nas. seriously. food and liquor to them is what illmatic was to all of us. it's refreshing to see young hip hop fans actually go nuts about something good with actual lyrical content, as opposed to all the snapping and bullshit you hear on the radio.

goodass show: a few weeks after that, me and j went to the rock the bells show, which was redman, raekwon, ghostface, smif n wessun, supernatural and dj kool.

i really don't think i need to tell you how ridiculously off the hook it was. matter of fact, it was off the hook, off the chain, off the meatrack and whatever else it could have hung off of.

that friday was my school christmas party. it was nice too...it was at a nice greek restaurant. i was hoping more of the hot chicks from work would be there, but it was only a few. it was funny as hell seeing my co-workers get trashed tho. they were dancing and wilding out and shit. that was straight comedy there. i even got a little buzzed and danced a little bit. overall, good times.

and in the best news of the past month, i finally moved to my new apartment. it's been pretty great so far. it's fucking huge, i have rooms i don't even know what to do with. but that's good. i'd rather have a big spot than a fucking one room shack or some shit. i need furniture tho. i've got some stuff, but i could use some more. hopefully, my family will take notice and hook it up extra nicely with the giftcards for my birthday this month. if not, then i'll have to sell my body via craigslist or something to get a fucking loveseat, haha.

oh yeah, the gza also had a show with a live band last month. it's the newest thing from scion, with all their acts performing with a dj and a live band. it's been really cool so far. next is redman, i assume also with a band. we'll see how it works. either way, it's free and it'll be dope.

christmas came and went. it was alright. my fam really liked all the gifts i got them. they got me the usual assortment of giftcards, socks and drawls. i dunno tho. that shit just doesn't do it for me. i mean, i buy my own socks and drawls and don't need anybody else to buy me some. however, you can't ever have enough drawls and socks, so i never take those for granted. and really, the giftcards weren't really all that cool. like, i really don't need $20 at old navy or best buy anymore. i really could have used target, ikea or crate and barrel gift cards better. but whatever, it's not a big deal i guess. the thing that really bothers me about christmas tho is that every year me and my brother get the same exact shit. from every goddamn body. so it's never a surprise when i open my shit, cause i know it's gonna be the same cheap cologne, gift card, socks or whatever else. and it's not so much the gifts themselves, but the lack of thought put into them. i mean, i put extra effort into christmas shopping. i try to get something that they and they alone will specifically like. but when it comes to me, they just get me whatever they can buy two of for a decent price to give one to me and my brother.

...just once i'd for people to actually try and get me something i actually would like and/or want for christmas. y'know...just to show they actually thought about it with me in mind.

oh yeah, happy new years...bitches.

word to the 07.		  
     Post
 
you're probably expecting updates here...   
12:14am 11/12/2006
 
mood: busy
well, i'm busy. real busy.

i have free time, sure. but there's plenty of other things that i enjoy using that time for more than blogging.

but yeah...i'm busy. with work. with life. with everything.

i'll update soon enough. until then tho...wait.		  
     Post
 
goodass (and productive) weekend/general update   
07:39pm 08/11/2006
 
mood: high
- so basically, work's been keeping me busy than a motherfucker. that's one of the reasons i haven't really posted much lately. aside from the fact that my life's been pretty mundane for all intents and purposes. basically, ain't really been all that much to write about lately. until now i guess. as for the job, everything's been pretty good so far. no complaints. it's tiring as fuck sometimes tho.

one of the benefits tho is that since i've started, i seem to have dropped a little weight. i don't know if it's all the movement i'm doing, or if my metabolism has sped up a little, but i've gone from 267 at the time of my physical in august to 251 as of yesterday. and there ain't a motherfucking thing wrong wtih that.

another cool thing is that i'm gonna be getting cpr and defibrillator training fairly soon, which is cool because those are definitely worthwhile things to learn.

- so this past weekend sucked balls, but last weekend was the shit. first and foremost, i finally got paid at my job. i immediately became productive and paid a shitload of bills right away. literally, $450 was gone within two hours. but since i was getting shit accomplished, i wasn't upset about it. it felt great to finally play catchup with my bills and get an outstanding debt taken care of finally.

- that night, i also hung out with my friends from my old job. that shit was fun as a motherfucker. since we all split up, we haven't kicked it as hard as we did last year. and it's sucked, so i initiated a group kick it session and everybody was down. we all had some goodass dro and three bottles of bacardi. we all got fucking tore the fuck down. so much so, that i had to take a fucking weed nap in the middle of the gathering. i was out for like an hour. i ain't get home till 5am too. luckily, no hangover.

- saturday night i went to another roh wrestling show. it was a good show as usual. they dropped some good news on the crowd by letting us know they're going to do two shows here in december (8-9th). so if j or matt or eric or anybody wants to roll to one, let me know. they're loading up the shows to make them memorable.

- sunday, the bears whoo rode all over the 49ers. straight crushed them before the first half was over. it was fucking glorious. unfortunately tho, they lost this past sunday to the bitchass dolphins. they showed weaknesses that they showed in arizona. it sucks to lose a game finally, but it's okay. going undefeated isn't what i'm really concerned with. i want them to take care of their shakey issues that they're having right now and get back to mashing motherfuckers more than anything. other than a super bowl victory anyway.

- and in another major highlight of last week, i finally got to go see my kids from my last job. i went over to the after school program after work on monday. i told ale not to let them know i was coming, i wanted to surprise them. it worked like a motherfucker too. they were all excited and shit. i got hugged like 38 times. which is funny, cause that's like 36 more times than i got hugged by those same kids last year, haha. i also got to see my sweetheart vanessa. i adore that little girl so much (no kells/mj/polanski/etc-o). i didn't see her till the end of my visit, but it was still nice. she gave me a big hug when she saw me. i felt really good seeing all my kids again. they all said i looked different. i tried explaining that the only thing different about me was that i shaved off my beard, but they weren't buying that. they insisted it was something else...although not one of them could name anything. i had a good time tho. i'ma have to go visit again. of course it'll be a surprise again.

anyway...that's all i gotta say, i'ma relax for like 20 minutes before i head over to j's house for south park. later yo.		  
     Read 1 - Post
 
goddamn, the women at work looked good as fuck today.   
07:06pm 08/11/2006
 
mood: high
avni, sarah, cindy, and alex.

holy fuck man.

my job is great.		  
     Post
 
i have a real update coming, but in the meantime...   
03:28am 05/11/2006
  damn...i just had a semi-profound thought about love of all things. and really, i came to the realization that a lot of people mistake love for the feeling of "this person is so fantastic, i don't want to lose them",

and that kinda sucks in more ways than one.

damn, that's emo as fuck of me. i apologize. more silly recaps of my mundane life coming shortly.

or whenever i'm finally not too lazy to get around to it.		  
     Post
 
ladies and gentlemen...   
11:48pm 12/10/2006
 
mood: jubilant
say hello to anthony gabriel garcia.

  
     Post
 
FINALLY...   
06:58pm 11/10/2006
 
mood: sleepy
so i was finally able to start my job on thursday. i've been so happy to finally start working that i won't even go into the bullshit that motherfucker from HR put me through to end the whole thing. i better not see money on the skreets tho. word is bond, whiteboy eric might get buss in his head two times, god.

as for the actual job, the shit is pretty much cake. i just have to make sure i do certain things at certain times and *bam* i'm done for the day. the fact that i'm working with children with autism now instead of regular needs kids is the only thing that's proven to be a little challenging. but moreso because it's a new experience than anything else. they're all pretty good kids tho. i'm enjoying my time there thusfar. i'll tell you, there are a few sucky parts to the job. number one on the list being 6:30am, the time i have to wake up. also sucky: the fact that i'm on my feet most of the day so when the day ends, my body is tired as shit. i also watch the kids in the morning every day. that's not too bad, but i'm sure it'll suck balls once the weather starts sucking.

one of the main benefits to working at a school is that there's always a nice amount of hot women around. hot teachers, hot clerks, hot teachers' aides, hot moms. i've barely been there a week and i've already seen about 10 women i'd give a hardcore jump. hell, even the teacher i assist is a cuban b. and you know i love the cuban b's. i see accidental cleavage like 7 times a day and it's wonderful.

THIS JUST IN: i just found out that my sister had the baby today. i'm officially an uncle for the thrice time. alls i know right now is that it was a C-section, it's a 7? lb. boy (we already knew the sex...) and that they're in the process of giving the baby a name. so while i'm estatic about it, i'll have more to report in the future.

we now bring you back to our regularly scheduled bloggy.

so yesterday, my friend who i used to work with hit me on myspace saying that the kids at my old job were asking "where's will?" all day yesterday. shit made me feel bad that i didn't get a proper goodbye. i only got to say goodbye to the kids that were in the summer program, not the after-school program...and the difference in attendance is about 23 in the summer to about a good 85 during the school year. i've definitely got to go visit them sometime in the near future.

and in the final bit of fantastic ass news, i'm getting an apartment. and for the super the motherfuck cheap too. so moms owns two buildings. the one they and i live in (i'm downstairs, they're upstairs), and another one around the corner. well, she knows that my plan since i got my job was to save up for the eventual move out of this sumbitch. so to help me out, while simultaneously helping herself out, she offered me the available two bedroom apartment at the other building for $500 a month. you know i'm jumping all over that, right? it's gonna solve the three main problems i have with living at this motherfucker right now.

1. no more punk ass dogs pissing in my area or barking when i'm trying to sleep.
2. no more of my punk ass little brother stealing my clothes, shoes, cds, dvds, deoderant and anything else that he can get his hands on and ruin.
and...
3. no more parents all up in my bidnass.

well, that last one isn't completely factual. my father's not really all that nosey, and let's be honest, moms is still gonna be all in my biz. just from afar and not from upstairs. man, i'm all kinds of excited about the prospects of freely fucking broads in my crib.

goddammit, that sounds so nice. my crib.

i think moms wants me to move in november too...so all this is gonna happen pretty damn soon.

i'll keep you all posted.		  
     Read 2 - Post
 
goddamn. you ever feel like you just can't win?   
01:32pm 15/09/2006
 
mood: discontent
i swear, 'just can't win' should be on the back of my xfl jersey.


i made a post earlier this month about how the HR department at my new job fucked me up by not telling me two key things i had to do until two days before i was supposed to start. one of those things was a fingerprint result. my job requires that the illinois state police and the fbi clear my prints in order for me to work (because i work with kids). first they said the results would be back in a week. then they said a week to ten days. then they said a week to ten business days.

well, it's been 14 business days.

yesterday, i went to the office to say in not so many words, "what the fuck?" and i got the dude who's been working on my file to call the fbi about my prints since those were the ones that still hadn't come in. so this morning, this bastard covered bastard with bastard filling calls me up to tell me that the fbi never got my fingerprints (even though he told me the complete opposite just fucking yesterday), and as such, i'd have to come in and get the fingerprints done again for the fbi to scan them.

what the everloving fuck part of the game is that? how the fuck can you not have a system in place to make sure that the fingerprints you take actually make it to the fucking place that they need to go?

the worst part is the absolute lack of accountability in the matter. they've officially fucked my shit up twice and held me up from starting my job for what now will be three and a half weeks (if it doesn't take longer...with them, you never fucking know). and these assholes can't even apologize. if i didn't need this job so fucking bad, i would have choked this fucking guy right in his fucking office.

it's bad enough that i can't go to work when i really want to get in to get acclimated and start working, but now with all the delays, i'm flat fucking broke now. i hate that fucking HR office.

ugh.		  
     Post
 
wow.   
04:26pm 03/09/2006
 
mood: nostalgic
so i went to a friend of mine from college's bbq last night, and as it turned out, most of the people there were also from school (depaul). a couple of the girls there recognized me, but didn't really know me and they were like "did you use to hang out with emily?" which of course is how they remembered me, since i was really good friends with her back then.

not to mention i was completely and hopelessly in love with her.

so my homie jon's wife, says that she saw emily not too long ago since they both work out at depaul's gym (they have a great gym that's either free or really cheap for alumni) and that emily got really toned and looked really good the last time she saw her.

jesus holy fuckery christmas.

now, let me explain something. emily was never fat to begin with. not even close, actually. she was gorgeous with a huge rack and a tremendous figure. so if she got even more in shape, that's sensational.

i really gotta get myself in the gym now. just for the off chance that i run into her in the future, i can't be lookin like larry holmes, all flabby and sick, ha.

but really, goddamn. i almost don't want to run into her again, just because all those feelings from 10 years ago might come flooding back and i'd end up falling in love with her again.

wow.		  
     Post
 
okay, so let's recap a little.   
02:45am 29/08/2006
 
mood: mellow
it's great to be back, here in....*reads cue card*...my blurty.

sorry, it's been a while.

first, let me say that one of the reasons i haven't been updating lately is because of the fact that i was sans the internets for about three weeks. but since then i got comcast and switched from dsl to broadband. i also got cable...which explains why i haven't updated since i got the internets back a week and a half or so ago.

btw, i'm pulling double-duty right now by blogging and downloading porn. sorry if that offends you sensitive asses out there, but look at the bright side...at least i'm not pulling triple-duty right now. get it? pulling...ah forget it.

so i had my last day at my old job. it was pretty cool too, cause it was a field trip to milennium park. we had the same field trip last summer and the kids had fun. this time was no exception. one good thing about the trip was that the teacher with the big ass milf titties came with and her nipples were on high alert the entire time. so there was a good view. aside from ogling broads, it was bittersweet cause it was my last day with the kids. i miss spending time with them. especially considering i've just been sauntering about this motherfucker doing a whole lot of nothing. the shit that really pissed me off tho was that when i came back to the office, like two people actually gave enough of a fuck to say goodbye to me. like four other people had left in the past two months and they got sendoffs and goodbye cards and whatnot. when i left? nobody gave a fuck. whatever yo...fuck them mugfuckers. i'm free!

okay...this shit is taking forever to write. it's like three days after i wrote that shit about downloading porn. writing about shit that happened a month and a half ago sucks.

i've been spending most of my free time running around and taking care of bidness. mostly getting my shit taken care of for my new job. filling out paperwork, getting a physical, etc. i've also been filling out time by painting a mural at my sister's house. it's an aquatic scene in the baby's room. it's going pretty well so far. i've got to go and put the finishing touches on it...it's been a real big undertaking really. a full on wall mural from ceiling to floor. i've gotten a little frustrated at times with it because i've been using wall paint and that shit just doesn't blend the way i need it to for it to look the way i want it to. it's alright tho. looking pretty good thusfar. i'll probably post a picture of it when i finish up.

YO! me and jsun went to the roots/talib/'pharcyde' show a few weeks back. great show, but i almost fucking passed away that night. it was literally a hundred humid ass degrees that day (one of the hottest days of the summer thusfar) and inside the venue was even hotter. we were in the front and it felt like it was 130 degrees in there. i completely sweat through two t-shirts before i had to leave the front of the venue towards the back to buy water. i felt like i was gonna pass out from dehydration. i ended up drinking three bottles of water before i felt better. i had to watch like half of the roots/talib performance from the seats in the back of the venue cause i couldn't take the heat anymore. i've never felt like that before in my life. the show was fucking awesome tho. they had a great dj playing goodass hip hop, a b-boy came out and did his thing for a minute. then the 'pharcyde' (i use quotes cause it's only two of them motherfuckers in the group now...and not the two people want to see) came out and did their thing. even though it was fucking imani and bootie brown, it was still a good ass performance. then the roots performed for like 40 minutes or so, then they took a little break in between their set and talib came out and did his thing. his new shit sounded pretty good too, so maybe there's hope for him. i used to go to a lot of shows at the congress theater (the show's venue) back when i was younger and there'd always be surprise guests at the shows i went to. this show was no different, as lupe fiasco came out during talib's set and did 'kick, push' which was cool. then after talib did like 35-40 minutes, the roots came back out and finished their set. i like that type of setup actually. it gives a little break from the main act with somebody who's also good live, and then when the roots come back out, they're fresh again.

so bitchass jsun told me that he's getting married in philly. this means that now i gotta go to philly. which means i wanna kick jsun in the balls, cause philly is a dump. i really dislike philly. seriously. if you were going to give america an enema, you'd stick the tube in philly.

alright...well, there's more to write about, but i'm fucking tired of looking at this entry. so we'll have to get into all of that next time.		  
     Post
 
yo.   
01:08am 16/08/2006
 
mood: bored
i'm gonna blog.

i promise.

i'm just getting back on the net tho. so gimme a minute.

i'll be back tho.		  
     Post
 
best. field trip. ever.   
01:10am 19/07/2006
 
mood: exhausted
seriously...and i thought it was gonna be terrible.

the trip was to pelican harbor, which is a small water park in bolingbrook. usually field trips are a nightmare full of headcounts, temporarily lost kids, the occasional bloody lip and packed lunches. but this one was way different. the park was fenced in, so the kids couldn't leave the premises, and there were so many parents there as chaperones, we really didn't have all that much to do as far as being responsible went.

so we just kicked it all damn day at the water park. water slides, lazy river, wade pool. all of that shit. we did it in spades. i got a sunburn on my shoulders tho. that sucks. it feels like wearing a backpack with barbed wire straps.

WILL'S HARDCORE! WILL'S HARDCORE!

most of you probably don't get that. oh well.

but like i said, it was a good time. i even got to kick it and flirt a little with the cute girls who work in the other summer programs. like andrea the white rock chick with the tremendous ass (scientific fact: 97% of girls named andrea have sensational asses), renee the sexy black chick and jaire the mexican almost-butterface (almost cause she's not that ugly) with the hella body. i'm tawnbout h e l l a b a w d e e.

and lets face it, anytime you spend your day shirtless, wet and flirting with cute girls is always a good way to spend your tuesday.

anyway, i'm tired as shit and i've gotta drug myself the fuck up to be able to sleep with these redass shoulders rubbing against my pillow/bed. so yeah....later.		  
     Read 1 - Post
 
i miss my homie squeeeeeg y'all...   
03:15pm 17/07/2006
  sorry to get all bone thugs on you there, but it's true. our pal squeeg has officially 'preserved the sexy' (...or something) and moved to the east coast. he's really there for work though. we had a fun little going away party for him a week and a half ago.

and like i've told him, as great as it is for him, it's bittersweet on my end. cause as much as i want him to succeed, i'd much rather him succeed in chicago than in new york. well, technically he's living in new jersey and not new york...which is better than him becoming a full fledged new yorker. it's gonna be weird going to concerts without him there though. and it's gonna suck not being able to hang out with him. me and j are gonna miss out on all those priceless one liners and random non sequiters squeeg is so well known for.

at least he can carpool to work with humanwreck and young zee now.		  
     Post
 
damn yo.   
05:32pm 04/07/2006
 
mood: sad
mpozi died.

that shit is super fucking sad. dude was so talented and such a nice guy.

i only got to meet him in person once, at an early okp gathering at bennegins in like 2000. he took a picture of me and starli, which i thought was some real cool shit considering all the people and things he's shot in his career. i've been trying to find the image and if i'm successful, i'll put it up here in rememberance. in the meantime, here are a few links to help those who didn't know him understand why his passing affected so many people.

click HERE to read the article about his passing. it also has a lot of info about his life and accomplishments.

click HERE for a link to some of his work, courtesy of the indianapolis star where he worked.

click HERE to see some of his early photography with the roots, d'angelo and other okp artists

click HERE for random shots he'd taken over the years from all facets of life.



rest in peace.		  
     Post
 
yeah...so i thought i'd be back letting you know how the interview went...   
06:36pm 29/06/2006
 
mood: enthralled
turns out i can do more than that.

the interview was at 1:45...by 5:40 the principal was calling me to offer me the job.

so yeah...new job for the ol' boy dynamite.

the school is dope like the other school was. lots of programs and art, music, drama programs, etc. the good thing though, is that it's maybe a 7 minute drive from my house. which is fucking excellent.

i'm crazy excited son.

and now i can finally put those resumes away.		  
     Read 1 - Post
 
my second job interview begins in 55 minutes.   
12:51pm 29/06/2006
  i'll let you know how it goes.

i gotta get ready tho.		  
     Post
 
i'm no longer making plans, i'm making moves - heather b   
07:06pm 24/06/2006
 
mood: determined
so like i said in the last entry, i had a job interview on wednesday. it went pretty well too. i wasn't nervous at all either.

the school is dope too. lots of artwork everywhere i looked. plus, they have a ton of programs that i could help with. they've got art programs, computer rooms, gifted programs, sports teams, most of the kids have daily spanish classes, while the older gifted students take french. yeah...it's one of those types of schools. it's a gorgeous looking school too. the outer facade of the building is marble even.

all in all, it could be a great opportunity for me. although, the principal mentioned how i'd probably have to work with kids with disabilities. i don't know how much i'd want to do that. i have no experience with those types of students and honestly, i'm not sure i want to work with those types of kids cause they can be a handfull to deal with.

the principal also made allusions to the fact that he'd want me to take part in after-school activities as well. i wouldn't mind helping coach a baseball team or something similar...as long as i get paid for it. haha.

i'm serious tho. cut a check or suck a dick.

on top of that, i just got a call last night from another school wanting to bring me in for an interview on the 29th.

aw shit yo...it's finna be a bidding war over your boy dynamite.		  
     Post
 
so i just had the most important job interview of my life today.   
06:57pm 21/06/2006
 
mood: sleepy
it wasn't even that big of an interview, it was just very important for me and my future.

it went pretty well too.

the school is fucking amazing.

i'm tired tho, so i'm gonna go take a nap. i'll be back with more details at some point.

if you're the prayin type, send some up for me.

if you're a well wisher, do that too.		  
     Post
 
so i normally don't get too personal on this blog...   
11:08pm 09/06/2006
 
mood: crappy
but i've got a lot of shit on my mind right now. so much so, that i've been trying to write this blog for a good week and a half. this may be a little disjointed, but bear with me cause i need to get all this out of my head.

- so i'm still looking for a new job. a couple of saturdays ago, i went to a cps job fair at navy pier and dropped off a grip of resumes. i haven't recieved any calls yet, but i'm still hoping for the best. i've also got a lot of legwork to still do. i'm on the grind, dunnson. well, maybe not. i'm working on getting my ass up in a better position. there's also rumors that i might be up for a possible fulltime position at my current employer. apparently, the guy who's taking over for my boss (her last day is the 24th) told my coworker that he wants me to apply for the position. i honestly don't know if i want to go for it though. i'm kind of tired of that office and all the bullshit that goes along with it. i dunno. we will see i guess. i've still got a lot of resume slanging to do. once i've done some more of that, i will have to weigh my options at that point.

- speaking of work, the after-school program ended for the year this week. one of my kids (who i suspect has a crush on me cause she's always coming close to me and rubbing her babytits against my arm/back/etc...) came up to me all sad and shit a week earlier cause it was her last day in the program and said "it's my last day Will, i'll miss you." well, actually she didn't quite say it as much as she mumbled it as she looked at the ground with her best :\ face. it was the sweetest shit, so i gave her a hug. i'm telling you, i'ma seriously miss those kids if i don't get hired at the school for next year. i've grown ridiculously attached to them. it'd be like losing 60 or so little brothers and sisters. eh, i'm not gonna keep talking about this because it seriously depresses me.

- i've come to the realization that i'm not great at anything. seriously. everything i've ever made an attempt at in my life has always yielded average results for the most part...with some results bordering on pathetic. i'm serious too. as a kid, there were two things i wanted to be when i grew up. an artist and a wrestler. so in high school, i joined the wrestling team. i was alright. nothing special though. my best year was my senior year where i placed fourth in my conference. yeah...fourth. i'm a fucking stud, huh? as for the art, i made it my major when i got to college. i went from sucking at graphic design to switching to media arts. and i'll be honest, i'm alright at that. i've learned a few different mediums and i've done alright with them. the only problem with that is that in college art classes, you end up taking classes with some extraordinarily talented people. i came to realize that i wasn't as good an artist as i once thought i was. i had to come to terms with the fact that not only am i not nearly as good as a lot of the people i had classes with, but at the same time, i had to learn that artists really don't make a lot of money. i can't tell you how depressing it is to not be good enough at the two things you spend your entire childhood dreaming to become.

honestly at this point, i have no idea what i want to do with my life. i don't really have a direction as far as career goals are concerned. i mean, i have the whole education thing going for me right now, but in my mind, while that is a goal of mine, it's not a career goal. i don't want to be a teacher for my life. i want to use that to afford to go back to school, finish my degree and then try to find some direction. it's just a lot of steps that need to be taken just so i can get to that "try to find some direction" point.

this seriously can't be life.

- so squeeg got himself a new job. apparently, it's a really good and much higher paying job too. i'm very happy for him because he's been looking for something like this for a while and it's great that he finally found it. the fucked up part of the whole thing is that the job is in new york. which means he's moving next month. as one would imagine, i have mixed feelings about this. on the one hand, i'm happy marcus is moving on careerwise and making moves for himself. but i really wish he didn't have to move to new york to do it.

adding to that, jsun is also considering moving to philly with his girl. he thinks philly is a shithole and doesn't really want to move there (and rightfully so), but he's trying to be a good fiancee and whatnot, so he's making it a possibility. and honestly, as much as i would hate it, i figure him moving is an eventuality that i'm gonna have to deal with at some point in the near future.

alls i know is that if both of my closest friends move, i'm gonna be sad as shit.

- on the plus side, as i was driving home two days ago, i saw a leg hanging out of a truck window. and it wasn't just any leg, it was hoochie leg. complete with one of those black patent leather stripper boots with the 18 inch platform heels. then she hung herself halfway out of the truck while she was dancing and shit. so at least that happened. it was something straight out of an 80s rock video. in my head, she was dancing to 'pour some sugar on me'. word to the one-armed drummer.

there's more i need to get off of my mind, but i don't feel like saying any more.		  
     Post
 
 
willslimm
 
 
skip