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Sunday, September 19th, 2004
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8:44 pm - i know i can't go back
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I haven't been writing as much because no one reads this anyway. But I felt like writing tonight so I am. On Wednesday I saw Jacob and he asked me about my dating situation again. He invited me over that night to drink with him but I said no because I'm not really into that. Then he asked me to come over Thursday (which we had off) to watch a movie and play pool and stuff. Spencer was there too and that whole situation was messed up. Jacob was mean to Spencer and aaa .. I think they talk about me when I'm not there. So Wednesday night I ended up watching a movie with Spencer. Empire Records. My sister watched it with us. It was good and umm ... it's weird being friends with Spencer and hanging out. I don't know why. But I'm glad we can be friends after that whole messed up situation this summer. So yea .. Thursday I did a college tour with my friends Tammy and Mary. Then afterwards I was gonna go to Jacob's, but I didn't get home until too late so I ended up having to tell him I couldn't go. Sad sad. So I went to the mall with my sister and saw Andrew there. Friday I went back to PD2 with Andrew. Good movie. Saturday went to Saks and random places with Kathleen and Andrew. Then Andrew tried to teach me and Kathleen how to drive stick shift. Not a good idea wow that was scary. We came back to my house and played ... Mario Kart. Haha it was fun. Today I went to the mall and to the library and played hockey with my brother. Yea. Wow I want to hang out with Jacob soo badly. I think I like him more than I ever have before and wow, that's not cool. Well I'm gonna go. Later.
current mood: tired
current music: Taking Back Sunday
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| Tuesday, September 14th, 2004
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8:35 pm - if you say you're happy, then i'm not the only one lying
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wow. this week is going by so slow. it could be because my sister's been getting ready fast and therefore we get there fifteen minutes earlier than usual. craziness. but it's all good, because we have thursday off. and tomorrow i'm seeing jacob. woohoo. i forgive and move on easily. so yesterday he and spencer had asd together. wow i'm afraid to know what they talked about. i can see spencer exaggerrating things and telling jacob things happened with us that didn't. i'm going to ask jacob about that tomorrow. so nothing really exciting has happened in these two days at school. same ol same ol. on sunday i went to house party with kathleen and dewey though. that was pretty fun. relient k was awesome, although i must say they didn't play long enough. some of the side stage/ local bands were awesome too. we were there all afternoon. the only thing bad about it was that it was really, really hot. i was all sweaty and gross by the time we left. i saw a bunch of my friends there too, so that was cool. so thursday i think i may go see napoleon dynamite with jenna, john, and spencer. that looks SO funny doesn't it? SO FUNNY. well, i'm gonna go and read some more macbeth. :-P. bye.
current mood: thoughtful
current music: C'mon - Go Betty Go
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| Saturday, September 11th, 2004
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11:51 am - it was you and i, but mostly me
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Wow. Long time without posting. Not like it makes a difference anyway since no one actually reads this and I do it for my own pleasure. Haha. So this week was fun, I guess. Well, as fun as school can be. Weird things happened and Spencer I started talking again randomly. I've been taking him home and we're all flirtaeous but only in a friend way .. and he's calling me, surprisingly ... and we're cool. We went to get ice-cream yesterday and we talked about this summer and feelings and stuff and it felt good to get all that out in the open, to some extent. I have fun with him and I hope to spend more time with him in a friend way. My mom says she thinks he still has feelings for him at least a little, and sometimes I think I might for him too. But I'm cool with just being friends, because I don't want to lose that. I've seen Jacob after school and stuff, and he's telling me again he wants to hang out. He said to keep Saturday free, but we won't be doing anything I doubt. He called me this week, but I was getting my hair cut. So I called him back and got his answering machine. And he never called back. And I miss him soo much. And he thinks I still like Spencer. He was making fun of me for that a lot when we were all three together one day after school. Oh well. I feel for him and one day maybe he'll figure that out. So last night I went to Andrew's show at a club. I don't really like his band too much, to be honest, but it was cool seeing him up on the stage and stuff. And this band, Race the Sun, was awesome. So there's a bunch of drama within my group of friends that I'm trying to get cleared up right now, so I'm gonna go. I've got more stuff to write about later, though. See ya.
current mood: tired
current music: Pretty Girl (The Way) - Sugarcult
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| Saturday, September 4th, 2004
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10:48 am - i'm a failure by design
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yesterday was interesting, i guess. i talked to jacob again and he's quit smoking for good. i'm so proud of him for that. that was my biggest turnoff with him, and now it's no more. i know i shouldn't be so easy on him after him not calling me, but i'm weak like that. he didn't go to the game last night which disappointed me a little, since he said he probably would. oh well. so i went to that tailgating thing before the game .. it was pretty fun, lots of people went so i talked to a bunch of them. then i went to the game. aaa spencer made me mad again and i realized i still have some feelings for him, not a lot, but some, to be honest. i didn't really want to talk to him, but when i went to get a drink, there he was, with my friends he doesn't know, wanting to know where i was. so we talked (more like argued haha) a lot then, and throughout the night. he said the dance was gonna suck for me (probably because he wasn't gonna be there and he thinks he's the only guy in my life or something) and i was gonna get kicked out for dancing too close to some other guy?! we play this game where we're mean to each other, yet we're still friends and flirtaeous. weird. so yea, i saw a lot of my other friends at the game such as tammy, jennifer, andrew, brittany, elise, cute bio boy, kevin, and others. OH! kyle came back from college so i was really excited to see him, we talked for awhile. boy from my bio class was holding hands with me at one point at the game ... yet he was looking kinda chummy with another girl at the dance. i think he uses his cuteness to his advantage. lol. so i went to the dance afterwards, making some girls mad i was going to go eat with (oops!) , and it was pretty fun. i danced a lot and i got real hot and tired and sweaty real quick. i left before it ended i was so tired. im going to see vanity fair today with my mom and sister and hanging out with kathleen tonight. cool. i'm thinking about starting a new blurty because no one reads this one, but we'll see. i'm gonna go now since i'm talking to mary. later.
current mood: tired
current music: takeoffs and landings - the ataris
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| Thursday, September 2nd, 2004
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4:16 pm - do you even remember
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thank goodness tomorrow is friday. this week has been mad boring. so many tests and quizzes ... it's driving me crazy. and my spanish teacher is so incredibly mean. she hates me and always calls me out on stuff, which doesn't make sense, because i'm not a bad student or anything. yea, i saw jacob yesterday. we talked for awhile after school and what did i tell you, he's all "yea, sorry i couldn't come and i forgot to call you." and no, i didn't say "well forget about me then." cause i still feel for him and i miss him and i'll probably still try to hang out with him because i'm weak like that. haha. yea. so tomorrow night im going to the football game with andrew, i think, also to this cookout kinda thing. these two guys built a grill and they're gonna cook for everyone. nice. afterwards i might go to the dance, i'm not sure. (probably won't have anyone to dance with :-( ) haha. we have monday off and i'm supposed to hang out with jenna john and spencer. should be fun. sweet. well i gotta study with mary tonight, so i'm gonna go do some other stuff first. lata.
current mood: blah
current music: the drama summer - the starting line
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| Tuesday, August 31st, 2004
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4:13 pm - soon it's gonna crumble away
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Uhh ... life is semi-sucky right now. I mean, I don't have anything that's really making it that way, it's mainly just how I've been looking at things lately. I'm getting a bunch of bad grades at school which is depressing ... then there's the fact that I have new drama in my life because of my sister making me mad and talking to Spencer. They talk about me and we already knew how we felt about each other this summer and stuff. .. but I didn't want my feelings for him to be confirmed because it's just gonna add to his ego and he's gonna go off and brag to his friends about it and stuff ... and it's gonna get out all around school about whatever we were ... and I don't want that because I've moved on but I think now that he knows I liked him for sure he'll start being flirty-ish again ... and I fall for his stupid charms and stuff. .. and I don't need all that drama in my life again. Who knows, maybe I'm over-analyzing. I seem to be doing that a lot lately. Eeee... so I'm ready for the weekend to be here again and get away from this sucky school stuff. Bleh. I haven't seen Jacob all week and I'm mad at him still and I want to see him and here him say he "forgot" to call me. And I can say, "well, forget about me then." Haha, right. I'd never say that. Because I always seem to forgive him for everything. So I guess that's about it. I'm gonna go and talk to Mary. Lata.
current mood: aggravated
current music: PICO
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| Saturday, August 28th, 2004
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1:57 pm - you kissed me and dissed me
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hooray for weekends. they rock so much. last night i went to see the princess dairies 2, it was so cute. i loved it and it gives me hope that i'll find my prince charming one day. hehe. yesterday and thursday were good. spencer and i have reached the point where we're actually friends and we can have somewhat normal conversations now. it makes me happy, i mean we're always gonna flirt some, but that's us, but just that i think this is the start of a true friendship. yay. so the boy in my science class, we're talking a lot. i don't know what's gonna happen, if anything, but i sorta like it that way. i think there's a definite possibility of something though. so jacob and i talked thursday on the phone but i'm mad at him now. we talked about going to a party together tonight but he had to check with his mom. he said he'd give me a call friday but it's saturday and i still haven't. so i might just call my other friend and go with her instead. it makes me mad because he at least should let me know that he asked, even if he can't go. whatever. he's being a butthead. so ... today i went to an arts and craft festival thing, now im going out shopping, and to a party tonight. woot. well i'm gonna go. lata.
current mood: annoyed
current music: kiss me, diss me - homegrown
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| Wednesday, August 25th, 2004
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4:37 pm - we couldn't win in the end
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bleh. school's boring. i live for the weekends. haha. so saturday night i babysat and talked on the phone with andrew for a longish while. sunday i babysat some more and had a family lunch. that was the day. this week is actually going by quickly. last night i went and see john mayer and maroon 5. we were like an hour late because we lost our tickets, but we only missed the opening act and part of maroon 5 so it was ok. the show was pretty good. john mayer sounds the same in concert. i enjoyed sitting back and listening ... so there's this boy that is in my science class and we've been talking a lot this week. we walk to class together and to my car after school. he's so adorable and sweet and i really want to get to know him better. i've seen spencer around a lot the past two days, and it makes me mad. he still is flirty with me but i sometimes see him with his "friend" that i'm pretty sure he's interested in. bleh. it would be easier if he weren't still a part of my life ... because i'm over him but at times i still think about him ... ANYWAY so i can't wait for friday. i want to go see napoleon dynamite or something. it looks funny. well i'm going to try to go to the soccer game tonight, so i'm going to go and finish up my homework. later.
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| Saturday, August 21st, 2004
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5:04 pm - Make me feel beautiful ...
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So it's been a fun few days. Last night was freaking awesome. Went to see Pico play. Me, Kat, Andrew, and Dewey. GOOD TIMES. We chilled here first, then went to Krispy Kreme, then to the show. It was soo much fun. Met up with some of our friends there, Jennifer, Tyler, John, and Nick. Got home at 1sh, didn't go to sleep til almost 3 because Kat spent the night. Had to wake up at 8 today ... noooot fun. Then I went to my brother's soccer game and went to the mall. Started to watch New York Minute but it was boring so I stopped halfway through ... yea. Oh, so Jacob called me last night ... twice. Second time I was at the concert and he said he wanted to talk ... so I told him I'd call him today. So I did, just a while ago. And he was like, oh forget what I said last night. Now I just really want to know what he was gonna say. And he wants to hang out but I can't this weekend I told him cause I got a lot of stuff to do. So he's like call me and we'll chill next weekend or something ... I hate this, how I always have to call him and he'll never call me. It's frustrating. But yea. At least this could add a little excitement to my insanely boring life, hehe. Oh, also yesterday I went to D'lites with Mary, we talked FINALLY. Her mom is throwing her a surprise party next weekend, I'm excited. It should be awesome, woot woot. Tonight I'm baby-sitting and tomorrow I'm going to a family lunch, then baby-sitting more, then doing homework. Awesome, right? Haha NO. Well I'm gonna go and watch a movie for a little while. Goodbye.
current mood: sleepy
current music: She Will Be Loved- Maroon 5
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| Wednesday, August 18th, 2004
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7:57 pm - you say we're just friends
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Man, school is the worst. I come home and feel like i'm back at school because i have so much freakin homework. i barely have time to do anything i want to do anymore ... get on the phone and talk to my friends, go shopping, you know. the only time for that now is weekends. so i don't know why ... but like i really really feel for jacob. like whenever i see him i think how much i want to be with him. this is crazy because i haven't even hung out with him since ... last school year. wow. i should call him, but i'm being stupid and getting scared again. however, we may be going somewhere friday after school or saturday night, not sure which. i'm going to see pico friday night at lincoln with kat, andrew, and our awesome friend dewey. i'm siked, the thought of that is what is getting me through the week. i got a 55 today on my first ap bio quiz. GO ME! hahah not, i was very disappointed in myself. uhh ... i guess i need to get back to sucky homework. lata.
current mood: stressed
current music: dinner at the money table- the early november
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| Monday, August 16th, 2004
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7:01 pm - Nobody can save me
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Hey. What's up? Saturday night was awesome. Mad fun. Like 15 people came over, some that I haven't ever hung out with before so it was tons of fun. We talked, ate, Andrew played guitar, listened to music, and chilled. Some boys came that I hadn't really invited but they made the party much more interesting. Got some really cool gifts too. My mom had to come down at 1 and kick Andrew and Kim out because they still hadn't left. Tammy, Jennifer, and Kat spent the night and we stayed up til 5 something talking. Then woke up at like 9:30 so I was whipped all day. I went to the mall anyway though and got some new pants and a new book. Today I've had school. Ewww. Nah, it wasn't too bad. There's a boy in my science class that is cool and very cute who I'm actually talking to now. It's cool. I miss Jacob but we talked again today finally after school for awhile and he said he misses me and wants to hang out and he asked if i had any guys I was interested in and then he wants a girlfriend and it got me kinda excited. I'm not getting my hopes up but at least it gave me some kind of hope. I went and bought the Ben Kweller CD after school, go out and get it because it is AWESOME. Ok, that's it. Lata.
current mood: hopeful
current music: Want You Back - Ben Kweller
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| Saturday, August 14th, 2004
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4:10 pm - Is that what you call a getaway
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Tonight is my birthday party, like a month late. Whatever, it's gonna be fun anyway. Jacob isn't coming, so sad. Oh well, he's like impossible to get on the phone so at least he can't be mad at me for not trying to invite him. So I'm thinking there should be 15ish people here, but I'm not sure. Luckily the hurricane is gone so that shouldn't be keeping people away. Well ... today I've basically been out shopping for foooood for the party and chilling watching some Dawson's Creek. Fuuuun. Kat is sleeping over afterwards. I'm excited and I'm gonna bounce now. Lata.
current mood: excited
current music: i love you but my tommy gun don't - brand new
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| Friday, August 13th, 2004
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3:49 pm - school's (not out) for summer
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Oh man school has been in for four days and I'm already tired of it. I can't concentrate and mentally it is still summer to me. It is so horrible, because I know I need to get back into the swing of things but it is just taking forever. And there's this boy in one of my classes that I know a little bit but he gets me distracted because he's really cute and he's always smiling at me ... and we finally talked today and it's making this difficult class even more difficult. Hehe. But anyway ... so I miss Jacob a bunch. And I'm having my birthday party tomorrow and I don't think he's gonna be able to come because he is impossible to get in touch with to tell about these things. We talked Wednesday for thirtyish minutes about nothing important, but he was being kinda weird. May have been stoned, I couldn't exactly tell? So what else? Umm ... Spencer is making me mad but I don't really want to write about that right now. Tonight I think I am going to go and see the Princess Dairies with Kat and to have dinner for my aunt's birthday. I'm excited about tomorrow it's going to be a blast. Well that's about it. See ya later.
current mood: satisfied
current music: make a sound - autopilot off
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| Tuesday, August 10th, 2004
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4:38 pm - So much for my happy ending
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Today was the first day of school. Gross! Actually, it wasn't too bad. I don't have any classes with someone I really hoped to ... but I think we'll still stay friends because he is one of my best friends and I am one of his. But my classes aren't too bad ... except my science and math classes are going to be almost impossible! First day and I was sitting there in math not understanding a word this crazy woman was saying. Yikes. I got some very cute boys in my classes. My friend Stephen sat next to me in one of them and we talked forever. Hmm ... but yea. Yea, my friend I was talking about earlier got in trouble yesterday and he has to sell his car and probably won't be allowed to go out much anymore. Suuuuucks, but he's been doing some things he shouldn't have and probably deserves a little punishment. I hope he is in my lunch. Like, my 7 or so closest friends don't have lunch with me and I never even see Eric or Andrew or Kat at all during the day. So I went out with two of my sorta friends today, we had fun. Last night I went to Jenny's and we decorated our cars. Me, Tammy, Eric, and Kat. It was fun. So was the breakfast today, I talked to sooo many people I haven't seen all summer. Well I have HOMEWORK so I'm going to go and start it. Ewwww.
current mood: restless
current music: The Science of Selling Yourself Short- Less Than Jake
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4:28 pm - So much for my happy ending
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Today was the first day of school. Gross! Actually, it wasn't too bad. I don't have any classes with someone I really hoped to ... but I think we'll still stay friends because he is one of my best friends and I am one of his. But my classes aren't too bad ... except my science and math classes are going to be almost impossible! First day and I was sitting there in math not understanding a word this crazy woman was saying. Yikes. I got some very cute boys in my classes. My friend Stephen sat next to me in one of them and we talked forever. Hmm ... but yea. Yea, my friend I was talking about earlier got in trouble yesterday and he has to sell his car and probably won't be allowed to go out much anymore. Suuuuucks, but he's been doing some things he shouldn't have and probably deserves a little punishment. I hope he is in my lunch. Like, my 7 or so closest friends don't have lunch with me and I never even see Eric or Andrew or Kat at all during the day. So I went out with two of my sorta friends today, we had fun. Last night I went to Jenny's and we decorated our cars. Me, Tammy, Eric, and Kat. It was fun. So was the breakfast today, I talked to sooo many people I haven't seen all summer. Well I have HOMEWORK so I'm going to go and start it. Ewwww.
current mood: restless
current music: The Science of Selling Yourself Short- Less Than Jake
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| Monday, August 9th, 2004
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11:23 am - No matter how far I go, my heart remains with you
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hello. last day of summer. this is sad. so last night i was in my room and i started crying and crying and i couldn't stop. it was crazy. this happens to me sometimes randomly, but there were reasons behind this cry. but you know what, i start school tomorrow and i'm going to put this whole summer behind me and start this year happy. today i think i'm going to go to the pool and to renew my license. wooo fun. but i'm actually happy today, knowing that i'll be seeing someone special tomorrow. :-) no use for names but maybe you know who i'm talking about. that's about it. i'm gonna go now, bye.
current mood: happy
current music: back to california - sugarcult
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| Sunday, August 8th, 2004
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7:57 pm - Blah
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Wow. Today is Spencer's birthday. I love the fact that we're such good friends that apparently he is having a bunch of people over and he didn't invite me. Nice to know he cares. But I'm not gonna worry about it because obviously I'm not a part of his life anymore. Whatever. Makes me sad but there's nothing I can do ... ANYWAY, so Friday I went over to my friend's house ... we went to Blockbuster and got movies. I saw my good friend Stephen there and we talked for a while and wow he's gotten a lot better looking over the summer ... could be interesting this year ... we went to a dance together once and maybe this year we'll get closer again. But yea, then we went back to her house and watched Thirteen, played pool, and talked. Good times. Yesterday Andrew called me because he wanted to bring me his band's demo so he came over and we ended up hanging out all afternoon ... went to get ice-cream, played some more guitar, and watched a movie. I had fun. Last night I went to see Usher with my dad. Wow it was so awesome. He sang the best songs and is an amazing dancer. I had a blast. Today ... I went to lunch for my grandma's birthday with my cousins and stuff. It was fun. Just watched 13 Going on 30. Good movie. Not feeling so happy anymore so I'm going to go do something else. School starts Tuesday :-/. Later.
current mood: annoyed
current music: System Burned
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| Thursday, August 5th, 2004
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4:00 pm - Why don't you care anymore?
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Wow, it's been awhile. Since I lost wrote ... I've done a lot. Went to see the Village on Friday night with a bunch of people. It was good ... awesome ending ... I highly recommend it. Then on Saturday we left for Canada. Don't exactly feel like describing everything we did, so I'll give you a little summary I guess. We went to the Hockey Hall of Fame (good stuff), CN Tower, shopped a lot (woohoo for Urban Outfitters in big cities), and saw Hairspray. It was like the greatest show ever. So funny and so much fun. Go see it next time you go to Toronto or New York. Uhh... last night our plane was delayed and we didn't get home until three in the morning. Yea, that was completely horrible. So today I am so tired. I don't think I'll go out tonight. Today I've been up at school for some stuff, seen some people, it was fun. Saw Spencer, I act like I could care less about him, but the truth is whenever I see him I feel this weird mix of sad/disappointed/lonely/regret kinda thing I don't exactly know how to describe. It hurts, but there's nothing I can do about it so I'm trying my best to ... move on? It's just gonna be hard to see him with other girls I guess ... Umm ... I wanna talk to my friend I haven't seen in forever but he won't pick up his phone ... yea I'm bored and thinking about taking a nap. I feel like I'm just writing for my self entertainment but I don't know ... does anyone read this? Well, I'm going ... later.
Somebody help me get out of this place, too many fools with a smile and a face. *Sugarcult
current mood: tired
current music: memory - sugarcult
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| Wednesday, July 28th, 2004
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12:39 pm - Soooo...
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Yesterday was okay ... I went to the pool for a bit, had dinner and Andrew came over after dinner. We decided to go see a movie ... anchorman ... it was funny. i laughed a lot. then he came back over here, we went to my room and he played some guitar for me. yea ... the early november, dashboard, and stuff he's really good. like the best guy that's ever played guitar for me. i also borrowed some of his cds ... then we watched tv and talked for a long while ... umm newlyweds and whose line is it anyway and stuff. he left around 11:30 or something and then i called kathleen, talked to her about stuff for a little while then went to sleeppppp. yea. i had fun last night it was awesome. today, well i watched some dawson's creek ... i'm about to suck it up and stop being scared and call jacob ... i called him yesterday but my phone went dead and i kinda hung up on his mom... whoops.. well i'm gonna go. adios.
current mood: blah
current music: every night's another story - the early november
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12:33 pm - Soooo...
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Yesterday was okay ... I went to the pool for a bit, had dinner and Andrew came over after dinner. We decided to go see a movie ... anchorman ... it was funny. i laughed a lot. then he came back over here, we went to my room and he played some guitar for me. yea ... the early november, dashboard, and stuff he's really good. like the best guy that's ever played guitar for me. i also borrowed some of his cds ... then we watched tv and talked for a long while ... umm newlyweds and whose line is it anyway and stuff. he left around 11:30 or something and then i called kathleen, talked to her about stuff for a little while then went to sleeppppp. yea. i had fun last night it was awesome. today, well i watched some dawson's creek ... i'm about to suck it up and stop being scared and call jacob ... i called him yesterday but my phone went dead and i kinda hung up on his mom... whoops.. well i'm gonna go. adios.
current mood: okay
current music: every night's another story - the early november
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