| 11:28a |
Hey,
Im sick of bullshit. Just plain over it. I mean fuck what have i ever actually done to anybody yet people are always treating me like shit and walking all over me. I just dont know what to do anymore. I cant be honest with anyone about how i feel so im back here once again.
Oh and as i was randomly abused by a girl who i thought was a friend she was like oh and and is it true you cut your foot? I mean W T F ? ! ? Its bad enough theyre spreading rumours about me but that? Every single group i pick to be my friends ends up fucked up. I think im going to give up trying to be social and just go with the flow, you know be my own person and all that shit.
My friend, well more of an aquantence hung herself a month ago and i dont really know why but i really upset me. I just guess it hit close to home ya know. And its all i can think about, i visit her bebo page everytime im online and listen to the song whe requested every single day. I just keep thinking about it more and more and more. I mean what if she made a mistake and what if there is nothing after this, just nothing. What about her baby girl. What about everything, the sky, trees, snow? I mean what if its just nothing but black? But then what if its not. There must have been a reason to want something else so bad. I mean fuck we all think about it. But i dont want to be forgotten, like what if there is NOTHING after this, and then eveything else you've done is forgotten and the only thing showing that you were ever like anything at all is a plaque in the cemetery and a body in the ground? I just cant let it go ever. My boyfriend said i was obsessed, and maybe i am but i just cant let it go. I mean her friends obviously cant live without her and she thought she had nothing going for her. I dont even have friends and im still here. Maybe someones trying to tell me something. That i should just fuck off and never come back.
Fuck im so confused and wish i just had someone to talk to and answer my questions but no im all alone with no one to save me now. |