!5 (SaVe us from the PaIn)'s Blurty

So this weekend I saw A for the first time after the balcony thing. He walked into the eatingplace i was sitting with my friends. It was so awkward....The first look we exchanged was one of complete awkwardness....Then he came over to say hi, and then he left again...
Late that night at like 1 or 2 we were at this bar, and I see A's friend walk in. He seemed kinda drunk and disorientated, but alone, so me and my friend went up to him to say hi. On that moment A walked in as well, also looking kinda drunk. Just staring at me. I was trying so hard not to look at him, but I felt his eyes on me.
When i did look at him, he was looking at my high heels, gave me a compliment on my shoes, and then them and my friend went on talkin in turkish.
They left and me and my friends were kinda loudly discussing the incident on the balcony cuz they didnt know abt it. So one of the guys loudly says : u can do better.
On that moment A's friend calls my friend over (they had been standing in the hallway all along :| OH GOD)
and him and A ask her if me and her want to join them at this other bar. Ofcourse she said: we'll see.
we never went...I think that was gud. I mean he was drunk right, so he prob just needed someone to hook up with since ms girlfriend wasnt there....
I wished I could just see him the way he sees me, no emotions, no bullshit, just as a toy. That would be so much better. That way nobody would get hurt...
Ofcourse I always get emotionally involved =D

I really feel like cutting, I'm trying to resist the urge tho. Im on springbreak but still have to go to art the whole week to complete my portfolio for the final interview in april. And if I cut, I wont be able to cover them up in art, cuz if I wear bracelets they'll get covered in shit, and ppl in my artclass will be like why dont u take them off weirdo!?

Ah well! Take care everyone :)

Current Mood: frustrated
Current Music: Zo niet mij - Typhoon